Wednesday, 3 January 2018

Loved by you. . .

Cause I've heard that heaven ain't easy to get to. . . 

Bless my soul
I've been alone too long
Somebody without someone
Is no one at all

Have you known true loneliness? How long have you been alone?
There are different states of being alone - you have to decide whether it's been self imposed or it's a consequence of actions that you've taken that have lead you there, or you accidentally find yourself because everyone has just well, left.  That last one is just a kind of reluctant loneliness that you couldn't foresee coming.  If you choose loneliness, you probably only chose to be alone, because you needed some peace and quiet from the drama of the noise that you've been trying to avoid.  You can be somebody without someone, it just depends on how comfortable you are with that.  I mean take me for example, I was married.  But now I'm not. The change was taken out of my hands when my husband died.  I think since his death I am becoming myself again, without him.  It's not the easiest thing in the world, but it's borne out of necessity because you have to keep living.  It's what we do.

Baby all these nights
I've struggled and fought my pride
Scared that someone your type
Couldn't see past my flaws

Ah, the type.
Do you have a specific type that you are susceptible to?  People like to say that they don't have a type, but it's easy enough to see what type of women or men they are attracted to if you sit down and have a conversation with them long enough.  The sickness that sits in your belly when you doubt yourself and your feelings where someone is concerned, is all part of the game, part of the chase.  You don't really know what's going on and you start to question whether you are seeing things or not.  So you have to employ the aid of loyal friends, to check if they are seeing what you're seeing and feeling, because there's nothing worse than barking up the wrong tree and misconstruing what is actually happening.  This is where pride kicks in right?  If you're not careful with how to pick yourself up after your pride has taken a knock, how will you know what love is when it comes knocking again?

Cause I've heard that heaven ain't easy to get to
Closest I'll get might be right next to you

What's in heaven when you get there?
Nobody knows really, because nobody has returned to really tell us about the experience.  Except maybe Jesus.  He's different though.  He's got like an all access pass that we have to earn if we want to even get a glimpse of those pearly gates.  At this point in the song, the melody becomes more adventurous and helps us to think about the singer explores her range in expressing the sentiment of the song.  I think the bridge is the place that shows us her vocal ability.  The melody in the verses remind me rhythmically of the opening bars of I have nothing by Whitney Houston before the end of the verses lean into the bridge and take a different turn sonically.  We need to be careful when we start comparing people to being the closest thing to heaven.  We don't know what kind of bliss we might experience in heaven that is so far removed from an earthly experience of love.  I'm just saying.

So I gotta know, I gotta feel
How it feels to be loved by you
I've gotta touch something real
Can I feel and be loved by you

When you yearn for love, you have to be prepared to feel it once it comes.
What if what you were wishing for came true?  Would you be able to deal with it all?
Sometimes what you dream of doesn't translate quite as well into reality.
Sometimes your reality doesn't match up to what you dreamed in your head.
Whatever the case may be, it's important to remember that before we can feel loved by someone else, that we can love who we are first.  If we don't know how to love what we've got, how can someone else possible love us?  It sounds pretty straight forward, but it's hard to put into practice.  I've seen too many people make the same mistakes - trying to change themselves to be more attractive or appealing to someone else, when all they really needed to be is who they were all along.

Jealousy is getting the best of me
Thinking about you asleep with me in tow
And I have no peace, til you gave me clarity
Yeah I need to hear and see if I matter at all

Jealousy is always a difficult beast to tame.  The green eyed monster is never really game enough to admit to itself what it is, but when it does, it makes excuses for being that way, rather than trying to keep it contained. We can usually be privy to bouts of jealousy when other people make us that way.  Well hang on, part of that isn't entirely the other person's fault.  But from what I've seen, if you're silly enough to expose this flaw in your arsenal, then they have all they need to practically dismantle the good sense that you used to have.  I say used to - because once jealousy turns up, it's like a drunk uncle at a party that doesn't want to leave. You just have to ride it out and make the best of the situation until something gives - either your jealousy disappears, you get over it, or something more drastic happens to bring things to a head.  Whatever the case may be, just be prepared to find your own strategies for peace and clarity - because until people are willing to stop playing games not just with you - but themselves - then you won't know for certain if you are being heard or if you matter.

I gotta feel it (how it feels to be loved)
Gotta feel it (how it feels to be loved)
I might not get another chance
Might slip outta my hands
How does it feel to be loved by you

I hope that whatever compels you to act in the way you do, leads you to where you want to be.
When people are desperate to be loved, you can never be sure about where things will end up, because you let your guard down, you're not as sharp or aware as you should be and you throw all caution to the wind.  We all need to crash and burn sometimes to learn how to be in the world.  Granted you'd be your own bloody fool (a phrase my mother likes to use) if you continue making the same mistakes and never learn what you need to in order to receive the solace and love that you've been craving.  There are different types of love too remember.  Just when you think that you're all keen as beans for a romantic love to enter stage left, what you should be starting with is just learning to talk to people and learn to understand the differences between someone caring about you and someone actually being in love with you.  If you're a bit out of the loop or you've guarded your heart for a while because it's been bruised too badly in the past - then just rest, cause I heard that heaven ain't easy to get to. . .