Tuesday, 5 December 2017

Live like we're dying. . .

Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'. . . 

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
'Til it's too late, it's not too late

How many times have you been knocked over and fallen down?
Sometimes you don't want to get back up because you've been knocked over too many times.
A colleague said to me in a phone conversation today that it's hard to know who is a friend and who is a colleague at work, because you never know who has your back.  I had the perfect opportunity to say right then and there - well I've had many people's back for a while, but it was never enough.  The distinction between a friend and a colleague is that you would expect a level of honesty that you could disclose but now you can't.  Because too many things have happened, too many mistakes have been made and too many secrets have been buried.  Is it any wonder that skin becomes tough over time?

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast of from these crumbs
And we're staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done

I am losing a few colleagues who have become friends for different reasons and different seasons.
They are leaving to pursue other employmenet opportunities that are better suited for them.  Opportunities that enable them to make decisions that benefit so many people, decisions that they now have the confidence and autonomy to make - something they would have never considered before.  It has been really rewarding for me to see their personal growth, to see how their healthy ambition has developed.  They gave themselves room to dream, and followed through with room to back themselves.

Yeah gotta start
Looking at the hands of time we've been given here
This is all we got then we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dyin' oh

My mother has been a huge inspiration in learning how to master effective use of time.
She constantly plans, always thinks about what needs to be done for future events.  I think my older brother inherits her meticulous planning skills.  I'm pretty good with planning, but only if I'm in the zone for it as I tend to be quite 'outcomes-oriented' as my friend Viv calls it.  I wonder sometimes if we are looking at the hands of time in the right way, whether we actually know how to read time properly.  Do you make the most of the present as much as you should be?  In recent weeks I have become increasingly focused on what I need to do for myself, particularly when it comes to my doctoral research.  I have really relished the thinking space I have created which allows me to sharpen my sword as well as my mind.  Things have never been so clear and once where I housed only resentment and pain, now only love and gratitude lives.  I've made sure that I gotta start thinkin' right - thinking that all of it - the anxiety and heartache is part of the learning to being the best me.

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
Gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dyin' oh

It's really hard to take the high ground sometimes, but it's definitely what you should be aiming for.
It's too easy to just complain about others and just think that this is what your life has become.
But no, it doesn't have to be that way.
Venting is ok, but should only be as common practice as your ability to let go of those gripes.
I am learning to turn things around rather than throw them all away.
I am learning to pick up my feelings, consider each one in turn, explore it to its fullest extent and then just learn to put myself back together so that I can continue to function and soldier on.
If you're not really to tell people that you love them, then don't.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to.  That's always been the beauty of making decisions.
You can always change your mind in the nick of time.

Well if your plane fell out of the skies 

Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we left out of our lives
So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line

It is easy to know who I would call for my last goodbye.
My parents are number one on that list, followed by my siblings, then my friends.
I would be joining Loma, so wouldn't need to say goodbye to him, but hello instead.
What is it in the skies that has made my plane fall?  Why would I be falling from the skies?
It will take you a while to figure out whether people are worth keeping in your life or not.
If people continue to hurt you, or you allow yourself to be hurt by them, then it's time to reassess your priorities.  You should never be wasting any of those 86,400 seconds a day doubting anything that happens to you.  Good or bad, they are all part of what you have attracted for yourself so that you can learn to celebrate it or rise above it, in spite of it.

You never know a good thing until it's gone
You never see a crash until it's head on
Why we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing 'til it's gone

I hope that we go through life appreciated who we have and what we have in our lives.
We spend far too much complaining and griping about things - and never fully enjoying it when we do.  What kind of life do you want to lead?  What kinds of experiences do you want to have while you're earthbound.  We must learn to slow things down enough to see when imminent crashes are coming.  At least then we will be able to prepare ourselves for the impact before we see it coming head on. We need to learn to move through ourselves, and get over ourselves when we keep constantly choosing to signal when we are right all the time.  There will be time enough to know who's right, if you were, when you leave this world.  In the meantime, we just need to live like we're dying. . .