Wednesday, 27 December 2017

All in love is fair. . .

I had to go away. . . 

All is fair in love
Love's a crazy game
Two people vow to stay
In love as one they say

I've written a lot of songs over the years. Some people have heard some of them, others I haven't really let people listen to because they are like private windows that show situations and scenes that don't need an audience.  I guess it's easy to write love songs because everyone has their own experiences of love (or lack of it).  I have had lots of friends go through some traumatic experiences when it comes to love and these have served as inspiration for the songs I have written (so no, I'm not a Taylor Swift by a longshot!).  What fascinates me about love is how when it is shared between two people, there are the promises made that pass each other's lips.  You make these promises with no view of anything else around you, because when you're in love, all you see is the person right in front of you - nothing else seems to be present, all else just fades into the background, and soft music plays that makes everything seem to slow down.  That and you think that their voice is like music to your ears. Lots of people treat love as a crazy game.  They hurt each other and they do things to continually try to test people and their professed love.  What makes you vow to stay in love as one?

But all is changed in time
The future no one can see
The road you leave behind
Ahead lies mystery

It stands to reason that time does change everything.
The less time or the longer it takes you to do things is totally up to you.  I think we fret so much about the future that we forget that if we pay attention to the now, and deal with that first, then the future will be protected, or at least in some way, can take care of itself.  Nobody is meant to see the future I guess. We can dream about it and start to make plans about what we would like to be able to do.  We can see the potential in people and in pathways that you can choose to take.  Have you thought a lot about the roads you have left behind?  I sometimes think about and even reminisce about the roads I have left behind.  I wonder about if I had stayed on those roads, where I would have ended up right now.  I don't think about those roads with regret.  I know that the choices I made on those roads were the best decisions that were either made for me, or made by me.  You can always think, what if I had made a different decision?  Well, you didn't.  You didn't have the strength or the courage to make the decision that would've altered the very reality you're living.  You didn't think about giving yourself that present - how to prepare for the mystery ahead.  Just enjoy what you have and who you have.

But all is fair in love
I had to go away
A writer takes his pen
To write the words again
That all in love is fair

What is fair in love?
Is it when things just can no longer be, that you just need to accept things for what they are and just learn how to grow through it and push past it?  How does one make something fair in love?  What is fairness these days?  Doing what's best for someone else in the long run and not compromising their life, or ruining theirs - does this come at the expense of your own?  It's a question of who being fair isn't it?  There is a certain amount of compromise or some concession at least that people need to be willing to accommodate in order for equity in love to exist.  But is that what you want in love?  Is that what's fair?  Where did you have to go? When we have to go away, we might be running away from or running towards something or someone.  That's another thing to decide for yourself as well.  You might be running away from problems that you can't see a resolution in sight, so you need to disappear a bit (or at least disappear from the situation a bit) in order to gain some clarity.  When we are running towards a goal that will, we hope, give us some peace of mind - then make plans to do so, as much as possible.

All of fate's a chance
It's either good or bad
I tossed my coin to say
In love with me you'd stay

We cannot decide whether someone stays in love with us or not.
We think we are invincible when things first start out.  They display some sort of obsession or possession (you can't really tell sometimes the difference between the two) so you go with that.  You go with that feeling that what you are being subjected to is completely natural, it's what everyone else goes through when they are in love.  You start to make excuses or justifications for why you are being mistreated or abused (from low level "is-this-a-thing" to full blown "it's-time-to-call-the-cops").  You ask your friends to check for comparison what you're experiencing because you think that sharing the situation, if they have already gone through what you're going through, you can get some answers at least.  But it's the darnedest thing in the world when feelings change.  Yes. Feelings.  These things change all the time, like how you change underwear when you start to feel all types of funk.  Some people like the funk more than others and won't wash for days (but I digress, that's a whole other blog post).  The choices we make, combined with the chances that present themselves (if we take them) take us to places that involve coin tosses or coin losses.  Up to you how you play with those coins.  
But all in war is so cold
You either win or lose
When all is put away
The losing side I'll play

What happens when love turns to war?
This is when you start to see feeling change.  The rose coloured glasses have come off.  The gloves do too.  You start arguing about things that you used to laugh about and recognise as quirky loveable things about the other person.  Now you're all up in the realness of not really liking who you've chosen to love and you question what you ever really saw in them in the first place.  This is when you start to realise that you've made this huge level of commitment to someone who isn't really committed to you.  When did you get here?  Why didn't you see the signs along the way? Do you normally win or lose?  You start thinking about the fact that things have been changing steadily over time, for a while now, but you were distracted by other things that you thought were pressing, that took your attention away from the priorities that you needed to focus on.  It's ok to play on the losing side I guess.  But if you're in the habit of playing on the losing side, this probably means that you enjoy losing yourself in this dimension.  You don't know any other way to be when you're in love.

But all is fair in love
I should have never left your side
A writer takes his pen
To write the words again
That all in love is fair
A writer takes his pen 
To write the words again
That all in love is fair

I hope that when you take your pen, you think about what the story is that you want to write.
Too often we either second guess ourselves or make rash decisions that can set us on a course not only for self destruction, but no closer to what we thought we had set out to gain - love.
What stories have you written so far with your pen?  Have they been stories of heartache, or lost loves?  Have they been forbidden stories that nobody is allowed to read but you continue to write?  Sometimes you might be told those stories, or you create them yourself, starring in your own salacious episodes that nobody pictured or even dreamed you were capable of acting in.  I guess once we're all done with deciding what is fair in love, then we might be able to engage in it more meaningfully and without any reservations about ourselves.  What is stopping us from being where we want to be?  What pressures do we face that prevent us from loving how we want with who we want?  I don't know the answers to these question for you, the reader.  I don't know your stories.  I can only answers those questions for myself and what works for me.  One thing I do know for sure, though - as a writer I will take my pen and write more words again.  As often as I need to.  Because after all that I've been through, I know that even though love isn't the easiest thing to understand, I know that in order to understand it in its fullest extent, I must be willing to acknowledge that all in love is fair. . .