Friday, 24 November 2017

It was you. . .

Through the lies and the truth. . . 

Right now to the way we were
So in love but life
Soon brings change
Through ones eyes
He cried tears for me
But by his side
I can no longer be

When you are sure that changes are afoot, you know you have to follow through.
If he cried tears for me, they may have been for a short while, and I don't think they were ever meaningful, or genuine.  Maybe they were once, but men can be like that you know.  Fickle.  
A woman knows when she no longer serves a purpose or a function in a relationship.  She knows when she has compromised herself so many times.  Is this subservience something that is learned, ingrained in us so passionately from women in previous generations to teach us how to be tough?  That we will only be able to develop the necessary resilience because as the fairer sex, it will almost be that sex that is meant to punish us for all other interactions to come?

We used to talk all night
Of different things, but you
You didn't hear me cry
Our love is ending
Somewhere between the lies
This sadness I could no longer hide

How many men have you talked to for hours on end at night?
Women believe they are meant to save men, to give them salvation from themselves as they lack the courage and strength to save themselves, from themselves.  That's the irony really.  Men actually are weaker than most women I know.  It reminds me of so many conversations I've had with men.  So many conversations I've had with women.  Men will have no problems talking themselves up and apply for jobs that they are unqualified for, whereas women who have the relevant experience and credentials, never put themselves out there for these top positions.  Instead they engage in self doubt.  Strong women never cry in public.  They will cry privately behind closed doors.  Strong women might even cry together.  But if you're not careful, jealousy amongst the sisterhood can rear its ugly head. Then it's time to reassess your priorities, take a step back and see what your reality is.

Cos it was you who brought the sunlight
Back in my life it was you
Who promised me forever 
That things would be right
It was you who made me cry
Now to you I say goodbye
Through the lies and the truth
It was you

Summer is finally here in Aotearoa. We will have more sunlight as the days stretch out before us.
What sunlight did he bring to your life? Men may come and go in your life and bring you seasons of sunlight.  When they try to promise you forever, it is up to you whether you believe them or not. What actions would he need to do to prove his word to you?  What promises did he make?  They may fall short of providing that proof.  They might keep apologising profusely for breaking that trust.  As much sunlight that he has brought to your life, we need to remember that when sunlight falls on objects or people, they create shadows in the process.  We might never get to see those shadows being cast until we learn to look past the sunlight.  Learn to tell the difference between the two.  They are literally light and dark.

And so my love goodbye
I'll miss you though you've gone
But leaves do change
As time goes on
And though we parted in the end
For all the time spent in love
I thank you

Why should you thank him for the time spent in love?  How do you know if any of it was real?
He might say things to you that seem real at the time, but then go off and do other things that completely negate everything he has said to you.  If leaves change, it's only because they have fallen off the branches, started to dry out in that supposed special sunlight and then appeared trodden underfoot by oblivious people who walk over them on the way to something better - another person or another offer - whichever comes first.  You may not be sure about what you would miss.  You start to question if anything is worth remembering because respect has been lost, the trust quashed.  

Cos it was you who brought the sunlight
Back in my life it was you
Who promised me forever 
That things would be right
It was you who made me cry
Now to you I say goodbye
Through the lies and the truth
It was you

How do you make sense of it all? Answer: You don't need to.
What do you want back in your life?  Certainly nothing or nobody who makes you feel less than you actually are.  You will no longer be measured or valued by what you can do for others.  They will need to sort out what they need to be able to do for themselves.  You will need to stop enabling people to suck you dry, and leave you little else for yourself.  The time for crying because other people caused it - has ended.  You don't need to keep investing yourself in their issues.  There is definitely no reciprocity.  And besides, you need to remember, you didn't create it - so why do you think you need to keep fixing it?  It may take you a while to figure this out, but once you do, the freedom will be too delicious to give up.

You who never spoke your feelings
So many times I tried to tell you 
That you were losing me
But you never tried to make things better
But you didn't choose to see my pain
Now I've got one thing left to say

If he loses you, it will be because you gave too much and he took you for granted.
If he loses you, it will be because he kept making the same mistakes despite you offering all the solutions in the world.  If he loses you, it will be because he didn't know what to do to keep you in his life.  If he loses you, it will be because you were never his to have in the first place.  If he loses you, it will be because you let him have you, but only until he could start to be real with himself and speak his feelings.  If he loses you, it will be because you didn't think you would have to spell. things. out. so. damn. much.  If he loses you, all he needs to know is now to you I say goodbye, through the lies and the truth, it was you. . .