Wednesday, 29 November 2017

Friends. . .

They'll never know what we've been through. . . 

We're not, no we're not friends, nor have we ever been
We just try to keep those secrets in a lie
And if they find out, will it all go wrong?
And Heaven knows, no one wants it to

Start watching the song from 0:45.
Excuse the NYPD Blue shaking of the camera during this live performance.
I've had opportunities in the past week to connect with new people I've just met or reconnect with people I have only met recently as well as reconnect with friends that I haven't made time for in the past year.  It's been great to be present and just see what's happening in their lives.  I have been thinking about that a lot lately, being present in the moment and just listening, really listening to what they're saying.  Most of the time it's what they're not saying that tells me so much more than what they are willing to say.  Have you questioned your friends lately? You might ask yourself questions in your mind as you talk to them.  You might be assessing whether being friends with these people is harmful to you or something worthwhile.  What secrets do you continue to hide in the lies that you hold?  We might be hiding so many lies that we forget what the truth looks like anymore.

So I could take the back road
But your eyes will lead me straight back home
And if you know me like I know you
You should love me, you should know

Do we know our friends well?  Do we know people who want to be our friends really well?
What constitutes a friend these days?  Someone who doesn't hurt you because they don't set out to hurt you or someone who will stop any of that happening and sacrifice their self worth to make you feel better about yourself?  Anybody who is a good friend will try to protect their friends at all costs.  Sometimes we do that too many times, we do that too willingly - being the martyr, being the scapegoat, being the friend who takes it all so that the victim remains innocent in all of it.  What eyes lead you straight home?  The eyes of those who people think are innocent?  Where is home anyway?  Why should we love people?  Why should we know how we should feel around others anyway?  Why do we keep asking ourselves questions that we already know the answer to?

Friends just sleep in another bed
And friends don't treat me like you do
Well I know there's a limit to everything
But my friends won't love me like you 
No my friends won't love me like you

You would think that friends sleep in other beds - like their own.
But sometimes friends try to sneak into your bed (both literally and figuratively) where they want to take up your personal space there too, that special sanctuary where you are meant to fall asleep and replenish your mind and body and be able to prepare for the new day.  We shouldn't have to deal with friends who take so much from you that you allow it to happen because you feel sorry for them.  Being an enabler this way, just makes them weaker than they already are.  The best way to be a friend is to be a tough one.  To let them go and let them understand that the best thing for them is for you to keep your distance, to keep your sanity by not worrying about theirs, to keep everything about you - to yourself and not have to disclose everything.  You will soon learn to understand that your own privacy and personal moments are things that you should savour to yourself.  Why don't your friends love you this much?  Why won't they love you as much as the friend who constantly wants you to be their only one? 

We're not friends, we could be anything
If we try to keep those secrets safe
No one will ever find out if it all went wrong
They'll never know what we've been through

I hope that you won't have to keep secrets for long.
It is always challenging to try and keep things to yourself, especially if you know that people are already curious about you, already want to know what makes you tick, already want to know what you are unwilling to tell, because quite frankly, it's not really any of their business.  This might take some time for you to establish boundaries, renegotiate rules that you thought you had in place but never really enforced.  Nobody will ever find out anything, because you kept it all hidden for so long.  All of the secrets that you know, people would just die to know, but they will never ask.  You might ask why?  Well they're not really my friends and they'll never know what we've been through. . .