Saturday, 7 October 2017

This town. . .

Everything comes back to you. . . 

Waking up to kiss you and nobody's there
The smell of your perfume still stuck in the air
It's hard
Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running around
It's funny how things never change in this old town
So far from the stars

Are your eyes, ears and nose playing tricks on you?
Your senses are tied to your emotions so much so, that you don't notice how connected they are until something significant happens.  When people disappear from your life - it may be because of something you've done or life is meant to be that way.  Sometimes we are not who we are meant to be with and who knows what the reasons are for that.  You could spend countless hours trying to figure out why things have happened or not, why things were said or not - all of the should, could, wouldas in the world are endless.  So do we torture ourselves with those types of negative thoughts that make us think we haven't lived a life that has been worth living?  We're too hard on ourselves at the best of times.

And I want to tell you everything 
The words I never got to say the first time around
And I remember everything
From when we were children in this playground
Wish I was there with you now

You'll always have that someone who wants to tell you everything. 
It could be the smallest, minutest of details and in that moment you never really understand why he's in such a hurry to tell you everything, but you never know it's because things will change.  That you might not be together in that way you have always been, and never really realise until it's too late.  When people choose to hide things, and then tell you after the fact - I think I've improved in my reaction to such delayed news.  I don't think anything shocks me anymore.  I don't waste time trying to understand the machinations or games that people try to draw me into.  If I want to play a game, I do so for fun, not for some emotional Blade Runner adventure that makes you question if you are who you're meant to be.  Why people persist in constructing playgrounds that aren't real anymore is beyond me. 

If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth 
Everything comes back to you

I've been watching the ITV series Victoria about the life of the young Queen Victoria and was fascinated with her brother in law, Prince Ernest.  I know it's a dramatisation of what may or may not have happened in her life.  I was struck by Ernest's love for one of her ladies in waiting.  She was married to someone else, but they cross paths again at a ball organised by the Queen to encourage the upper class to purchase silk from a local supplier from which to make their garments for the ball.  They happen to have one dance together, and it is plainly obvious to everyone in the room that the attraction is sill there, the love is still there - but it must be concealed because nobody can be free to do as they please.  She is already married - and he is destined to marry another.  If the whole world was watching - who would you still dance with?

I saw that you moved on with someone new 
In the pub that we met he's got his arms around you
It's so hard
So hard

The world is such a small place.
It is only a matter of time when you run into someone again at a place where you would like to think was your own special place that nobody knew about - but then they go and take someone new there.  There are no more sacred spaces anymore, except for the ones that you keep locked away in your head.  Those are the only true spaces that are safe from the piercing eyes of the world who are ready to judge, criticise and have an unwarranted opinion on your actions.  What's so hard?  Letting go and moving on?  Or holding on and letting your integrity go? 

You still make me nervous when you walk in the room
The butterflies they come alive when I'm next to you
Over and over the only truth 
Everything comes back to you

Who knows when nerves ever really go away? 
When do butterflies stop coming alive in your stomach?
What other things happen to you physically when you see that person again?
A gasp, a sudden holding of your breath, a quick glance away to check that nobody else has caught the look of those nerves on your face?  As if those butterflies suddenly flew out of your stomach and landed on your head while you were trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. 

And I know it's wrong 
That I can't move on
But there's something about you

I hope that you can move on.
There's nothing worse than not being able to gain momentum and knowing where you stand.
What particular memories do you hold of a specific town?  You might be thinking about your first love and how things seemed so innocent back then, with reality having little do with your present.  What do we know is wrong these days?  A series of actions taken can either stem from carefully planned decisions or impulses on steroids that had no reality or common sense factored into them.  Do we take responsibility for what we do anymore? I don't know how life would've turned out if I life hadn't made the decisions for me in some regard.  I can keep pushing forward and working towards new goals, new directions that are yet to be understood, and the only thing you would know for certain and can always lay claim to, that it wouldn't matter what town I'm in, everything comes back to you. . .