Wednesday, 4 October 2017

Falling slow. . .

Remembering the last time I was falling slow. . .

I'm not a queen, I'm not a saint
I'm not an angel
Sometimes I'm wrong, I can be bad
Act like a stranger

Have you been in a relationship where someone just thought the world of you?
They just believed so much in all of the good that you brought to the table, they put you on a pedestal and never believed that you would do anything to hurt them?  When we are in loving relationships, we never mean to hurt people or do things that are considered wrong or bad.  We learn about good and bad from an early age - things are very black and white in that sense, that duality or dichotomy that helps us make sense of things.  If you are queen, do you have the power to reign over people and make decisions that impact on the welfare of all that you survey?  If you are a saint, will you ensure that people around you follow the straight arrow examples that you lead?  If you are an angel, will your halo be so obvious that it glows wherever you walk?  We could forget who we are when wearing all of these labels.  How do you carry yourself when you are meant to carry so many labels? 

But here I am, just a lot of broken pieces
I don't plan to leave and break your heart

If you're like me, you've lost count of all the broken pieces.
You start to question if those pieces were broken before you got there.  You don't think that you've broken them yourself because you were never really there long enough to cause any damage.  The longer I look at the broken pieces all over me, all around me, the more I appreciate that yes, there's a few broken pieces here but if I can feel them, then that means I've lived life.  Sometimes when you plan things they don't turn out.  The things that are unplanned end up being the things that move forward.  Admire those broken pieces.  They are signs of things that you have learned, people that you need to leave behind maybe and lessons that should be signposts to help keep you on your destined path.

What if I messed up on us?  Would you give up on us?
Would you tear the page out like it never ever happened?
What if I told you, you're doing fine, stay cool
Swear I'll make it worthwhile, baby
You should know I'm always falling in love
Slow in love
Falling slow in love

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and anyone who says they're in one - is a liar.
In social situations I am often with people who are married, have partners and just starting out in relationships.  What their respective other halves don't know is that often I am privy to information that they have no knowledge of because people have confided either their deepest darkest secrets in me or they have been venting to me about issues that they can't seem to push through.  I think a lot about the pain that these people are going through, my friends and acquaintances and their other halves and I can often see both sides of the fence, all the while, taking stock of how much of what they go through isn't mine to take on board, isn't mine to fix, isn't mine to give energy to.  I wonder if they are still falling slow, maybe they want to get back there to falling slow, because they've gone right through the floor and landed awkwardly.

Yeah I tried to be the girl you need
Your one and only
From time to time I lose my mind
But don't you worry

What have I learned from falling slow?
Be careful how you land. 
As lovely as you think falling slow is, we completely forget about what happens after the falling has ended.  We can often mistake other things for falling, when we should be more mindful about the pressing priorities that we should be attending to first.  I can't imagine an unexamined life not having those moments of falling.  I know so many successful people who have chosen to avoid falling at any cost and as much as they are experience what they perceive to be their best lives, it is a lonely journey for them.  We just need to stop trying to be who we think people need us to be, and just be.  I guess that's the first thing people need to remember.  That before we can start falling for someone else, we just need to focus on what we need to do for ourselves and just learn what it really means to be really falling slow. . .