Saturday, 30 September 2017

Life's about to get good. . .

But I'm alive, and I hold on. . . 

Where do you think you are in your life right now?
When you are about to start something signification, going through something significant or trying to complete something significant - you need be able to take a step back and check your position.  I think the best thing you can do for yourself is actively live a life that is good for you, to do good for others and do good with them.  It seems simple doesn't it? 

I wasn't just broken,  I was shattered
I trusted you so much, you're all that mattered
You no longer love me and I sang like a sad bird
I couldn't move on and I think you were flattered

When you think that someone loves you and is there to support you, it can come as a shock to you when things fall about around you.  When they withdraw their love from you, it may seem as if your world seems to withdraw from you too.  If anything should teach you about life, it is heartbreak and betrayal.  If you are lucky enough never to have experienced these things - well, maybe you might not be so lucky.  You won't have developed the resilience to be as strong as you need to be, to build a life that you would be confident to live.

Oh! Life's about joy, life's about pain
It's all about forgiving and the will to walk away
I'm ready to be loved, and love the way I should
Life's about, life's about to get good

If you possibly can, keep a stack of memories and visions in your mind.
Imagine that your mind is like a huge ViewMaster and when people who have done you wrong start to pop up in your head, release them again, send them away with forgiveness, even if you think they don't deserve it - you need to, for your own peace of mind.  It's extremely important that you are loved the way that you should.  There are too many people out there to love you for what you can do for them, to love you for what you can give them and never really see you for the wonderful person that you are.  So even for me, even though being in a relationship is not a priority for me, I will know what a meaningful relationships will look like, if it is meant to be taken on board.

Oh, life's about to get good
Oh, life's about to get good
Oh, life's about to get good

You might think that this level of optimism is a myth and impossible to achieve.
I believe that it isn't.
Hope is the biggest factor in one's life.  It gives you a sense of anticipation and faith that there are better things around the corner, that there are good things that will come your way, because you deserve happiness.  Focus on the positive things that you have growing in your life, the things that if you spend time and energy on, will continue to grow and prove to yourself that you can achieve more than you thought possible.  So what are you going to have a life that's going to get good?

The longer my tears fell, the wider the river (I love you baby)
It killed me that you'd give your life to be with her (I love you baby)
I had to believe that things would get better
It was time to forget you, forever

I hope that you know that if people leave you to be with someone else, that is their prerogative.
How many times have you been left only for people to come back and want you back?
As flattering as it might be, it may grate on your nerves.
When people leave you because they think they have found a better option, there is no reason to accept them back into your life.  Most of the time, the reason why they would want to come back to you is because you suddenly become more attractive to them again.  They start to notice that you are happy and will come knocking on your door again.  It's up to you whether you want to open it again. 

It took me so long to be strong
But I'm alive, and I hold on
To what I can feel, it hurts to heal 
Oh when love lies
(About to get good)
(About to get good)
(About to get aah)

Acknowledge your past pain, but don't let it take over your life.
Do you have to behave like a martyr and believe that you need to endure pain and suffering on a daily basis?  People sometimes choose to hold onto guilt and other negative feelings, as ways to self sabotage, to use these as excuses to never fail - because we will always be scared to be who we truly are.  What are you prepared to do to be strong again?  Being strong doesn't mean that you have to be tough all the time.  Far from it.  You can be strong by having that cathartic release, to be completely shattered and then give yourself the time to pick up your own pieces.  We can learn how to pick ourselves in time again.  I just think that the more times we do fall apart, our need to wallow in our self pity lessens over time - we learn how to be resilient quicker and live life harder and faster - and do it all over again. I mean, gee, it's the only way that we can teach ourselves about how just when we are about to pack it all in and give up, keep pushing that little bit more, because life's about to get good. . . 

Thursday, 28 September 2017

With my own two hands. . .

Use your own. . . 

I can change the world with my own two hands
Make a better place, with my own two hands
Make a kinder place, oh with my, with my own two hands
With my own, with my own two hands
With my own, with my own two hands

As I write this blog post, I just checked my drafts folder - and there are over 150 drafts that I have started and haven't completed.  I have been asked on a few occasions about how quickly I publish my blog posts, but now that you know how many drafts I have sitting in my folder, it tells you how much writing (or at least the thinking behind the writing) that I have in mind.  I guess what helps the writing process is that I have a private drafts folder on Spotify that I play on shuffle on a daily basis.  The lyrics that speak to me the most during that shuffle period - usually ends up being the song I blog about that day.

I can make peace on earth, with my own two hands
And I can clean up the earth, oh with my own two hands
And I can reach out to you, with my own two hands
With my own, with my own two hands
Oh, with my own, oh with my own two hands

I've spent the last couple of days at a nohomarae in Wairewa Marae.  For those of you reading from overseas, a nohomarae (translated loosely as 'staying at a meeting house') is an activity where you stay on a Māori marae and stay overnight with a visiting group of people that you are with, to work intensively on projects or programmes that you are leading together.  You could stay for as many nights as you like.  I have been on nohomarae where the usual length of stay has been overnight or two nights.  I am very fortunate that I work for a non profit organisation that allows its workers to meet and work together in this way.  If you read my blogs regularly you'll know that I'm Samoan, but born in New Zealand.  There are not many opportunities for Samoans to go on nohomarae unless you are constantly connected to te ao Māori (the Māori world) and are learning to live and work in their contexts.  Being connected to another indigenous culture helps me appreciate my own much better :-)

I'm gonna make it a brighter place (with my own)
I'm gonna make it a safer place (with my own)
I'm gonna help the human race (with my own)
(With my own two hands)

I think if you're going to make the world a brighter place - whether you're referring to your own world or the world in general - how do you know what needs brightening?  I think if you aren't in a familiar pattern of being able to make places brighter - especially your own spaces that you occupy - how are you supposed to be able to do that in every other you're in?  I never really appreciated the importance of being able to make things around me brighter - that could mean family, work environment, friends even strangers.  How do you make places safer for people around you?  If you abuse people or are in the habit of belittling others - why do you persist with that type of behaviour?  Do you really hate people that much that you will actively expend your energy to make their lives  miserable? I would like to think that there are people who don't wake up and whose job it is, is to prey on people's weaknesses and extort them for money (it happens, I've seen it) and then not apologise for it, let alone don't see anything wrong with that either.  How can we live amongst such people if you aren't the one causing all of this?  If you are a victim - can you afford to stand by and let them abuse other people too?  When will the vicious cycle end?

Use your own two hands
And with our own two hands
With our, with our, with our own two hands
With my own, with my own two hands

What are you going to use your own two hands for?
I think as you grow older you don't really think about legacy building or what you would like to be remembered for, but I think these are important considerations to have if you intend to make something with your life, if you intend to be of meaning and purpose to others, with your life. Think very carefully about what you do with your own two hands, before you connect with someone else, with others and collectively do things with "our" hands.  I guess this is why people feel so strongly about politics and why countries live and die by their political beliefs.  I am lucky that I live in country where we haven't come to that (ever!), apart from cultural differences that remind us of our historical past and ancient assumptions.

I'm gonna make it a brighter place (with my own)
I'm gonna make it a safer place (with my own)
I'm gonna help the human race (with my own)
Oh make it a brighter place (with my own)
I can hold you (with my own)
And I can comfort you (with my own)

I'm experiencing some obstacles at the moment but I'm working through it.  I think that life isn't really life without such things and it is our responses to situations that says a lot about our character.  Most of the time there are two main emotions that come into play for me when I am confronted with dilemmas - is it something worth crying over or something worth getting mad about?  Both emotions  propel you into some kind of release, but have different actions associated with them for me.  Crying is a cathartic release that allows you to release the frustration and empty your vessel.  Being mad spurs me into action (not physically hurting someone of course!) but it definitely allows me to reach within the depths of myself, to dig deep and push past the ego and the fury to unleash your best.  In spite of all, always produce your best. 

But you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got to use
Oh, use your own
Oh, use your own, Lord

I hope that you continue to evolve and do right by others.  I will continue to do the same and help as many people as possible.  Sometimes I get annoyed when people don't offer any meaningful support but instead reveal their true character - the superficial, artificial fickle self that I always knew was beneath the surface but never really want to admit is actually there.  Sometimes we can't rely on others to be sympathetic to your cause - because as much as they will say they will help you with yours, they are busy taking with the other hand.  I don't know, I must be starting to develop zero tolerance for that, having no patience for inauthentic personas that drain my energy.  I guess all you can do is stay positive and persist in working hard to do what needs to be done.  I know that's what I will have to do with my own two hands. . . 

Monday, 25 September 2017

Political poachers. . .

One more player to deal. . . 
A blog post I started on election night. . and then couldn't finish until now. . . 

Someone told me you got to be free
Someone told me to stand in the rear
Keep on searchin for kings in the street
Keep on cryin' for something that's clear

It is election day in Aotearoa New Zealand.
People have been warned all week that only registered voters are able to vote today.
This is probably the first time in history where so many advance votes and special votes were cast.  This year also marked the 124th anniversary of women's suffrage.  It's pretty significant.  New Zealand was the first country to grant women the power to vote in elections.  We take that for granted sometimes; that we live in a country that gives its citizens the freedom to have a voice in who they want to govern and speak for its people.  Granted there are winners and losers in elections. but you would like to think that people that are elected serve the interests of those who elected them there and not their own.

You are one more posse to pass in the night
One more con to conceal 
One more tiger to paint on a stripe
One more player to deal

There are so many posses around during election season.
Political parties spend their time on the campaign trail, making speeches and promises in the hopes of being elected. When I finally go to sleep tonight, there will be new leaders elected (fingers crossed).  If our country has learned anything from America regarding elections - none of us are taking this for granted.  People have been out in full force holding signs in the streets and encouraging others to vote for the faces featured on their signs.  There have been the usual debates and comments thrown back and forth in attempts to discredit opposition parties.  It's going to be a really tough race to see who will be the major party in power, but thankfully to the electoral system we have here called MMP (mixed member proportional), it means that we can also split our votes.  We have a choice of a party vote and a candidate vote.  This means you don't need to necessarily vote for the same party as the one who is represented by your candidate vote.  This means you can give your party vote to a smaller party and vote for a candidate of a larger party if you wanted to (or vice versa). 

Political poachers push plump packages
Past pacified places
Concerned citizens cry cruel conduct
'Cause Captain Command

The alliteration really struck me in this song and I wasn't sure whether it had something to do with the fact that the slogans that we hear political parties spout, include such devices, to ensure that people remember punch slogans.  Of course too much alliteration can make words sound like nonsense after a while and I'm not sure whether this is deliberate on the part of the band to include lyrics like this.  When I started this blog post - the election results had not been finalised.  46% of the country who voted - wanted to keep the current government in place.  We have increasing homelessness, low home ownership, polluted rivers, a declining welfare system and the least amount of national assets we have ever had in any generation in this country.

Don't do dreams do dream drivel dive
Doctor daddy divine
Prize shipment tonight, tomorrow tame tempers
To touch tender time

I don't know what the prize shipment tonight will bring.

Now that was the last sentence I wrote on election night.
As the events unfolded, I couldn't bring myself to finish what I had started.
Granted we have until the 12th October before a major player in a certain minority party is able to make a decision whether to form a right wing or left wing government - the rest of the country waits with bated breath.  If he chooses the right - we will be plunged into a darkness from which we might never emerge.  If he chooses the left - there might be some semblance of humanity that still lives within the man to try and bring back compassion, integrity and hope to our small nation.

You are one more posse to pass in the night
One more con to conceal
One more tiger to paint on a stripe
One more player to deal

In the meantime what constructive and productive things can we do while we wait for a definitive decision?
We might have to continue working and ensure that whatever happens in parliament that we cannot (seemingly) control, we can at least focus on what we can control to some degree - our own damn selves.  I cannot imagine the difficult conversations and backroom deals that our major party leaders will have to make with this kingpin.  It might seem absurd that one man has the power to decide the direction in which a country may head in for 3 years (until the next election) but it is a necessary decision to make.  Whichever way it goes - whoever it benefits, we cannot lose sight of our most vulnerable.  If they can't look after themselves and we have the means and the power to do so - yet refuse our collective responsibility - what is the point of elections?  There must surely some baseline non-negotiables in place - the common decency of ensuring that everyone who is without - will at least have access to the support they need - and not feel persecuted for having to ask.

It takes one more moment of time in your life
One more light to reveal
One more place in the sun to turn ripe
One more kingdom to feel

I hope that we can all, in our own way, take at least one more moment of time in our own lives to do something selfless for others.  Are you doing something incredible for someone else?  It doesn't need to be a huge gesture - but special enough for someone to know that you thought about them, before you.  What light will you reveal?  I think it's important to let your inner light shine for others so that they are able to see what true hope looks like. that they understand what it means to know love that has been sent to us to deliver for others.  How can we help other take their place in the sun so that they can turn ripe too?  Something to think about when we go to put our faith in these political poachers. . . 

Friday, 22 September 2017

Hiding inside myself. . .

I almost died. . . 

I've been so alone all my life
I couldn't give my heart to anyone
Hiding inside myself was the one
Who needed to be held like everyone

I love r'n'b music. Blame it on growing up in the 80s/90s and being exposed to this style.  I think what I love most about this genre is the way it paints a picture and tells a story that expresses a whole range of human emotions.  Have you ever been in this position?  There is always self doubt that creeps in when you take a long hard look at yourself, especially if you are alone, you were in a long term relationship that has now ended, either due to circumstances beyond your control. maybe it was your fault, or you find yourself losing the love of your life when you had planned a lifetime together.  Why do we hide inside ourselves?  It's easy to hide inside because nobody can really see us and try to hurt us when we hide our true feelings from others.  People might think you're really strong, tough and courageous when really all you want and need is love like everyone else. 

The days moved into years
I look for warmth between the tears
It never ever found me
Never ever found me
Yes, I did seem to grasp at straws
They surely broke all the time

The longer you go without any meaningful connections with people - whether they are romantic or platonic - you might start to question if there is something wrong with you.  It's ok to break down sometimes and take yourself away somewhere.  When I think about social media and the way that people portray their online personas, I often question whether people are truly happy.  I suspect people probably think the same about me too, and that's totally fine.  People will assume things about you based on what you put out on display.  It's only the rare few who will try to be there for you and ask all the right questions that shows how much they care about your health or wellbeing.  The rest of the time, people want to know things about you because they ware nosey haha.  We often look for warmth in all the wrong places.  Our trust may erode over time, particularly when people consistently break you.  Is it no wonder that you end up in tears and hide inside yourself?  You gravitate towards any semblance of warmth, only to find that it isn't genuine and what may have appeared to be solace and comfort, was indeed a trap and someone else's agenda.  I think the more honest you become with yourself, you will learn to be more discerning and guard your heart.

So I hid inside
Till I almost died
Yes I hid inside and I cried
A loving heart in a sensitive one
Hiding inside myself

Sounds dramatic right?
But sadly there will be times when you become mortified or experience some significant emotional trauma.  I'm talking about that heaving devastating agonising cry like somebody ripped your heart out of your chest and suddenly your world is turned completely upside down and you think you've gone blind and can't see anything.  I'm trying to rack my brains to think when I might have felt like that before.  There haven't been many times when I have felt like that in my life (thank goodness).  It's not the best feeling in the world.  The moment that strikes me first is definitely when I buried my husband.  That moment when the final words were being spoken by the minister who conducted his service, as flowers were being thrown into his grave and people started singing, I couldn't look on as his coffin was being lowered into the ground.  A wave of disbelief washed over me in an instant and the reality hit me that he was well and truly gone.  When the pallbearers finally stopped lowering his coffin, and stepped away, only then could I find release and let the floodgates open.  I remember embracing my high school girlfriends so tightly in that moment.  I can still remember the wailing that emanated from inside.  It took me a while to click it was me that was making all that noise. 

Then you came out of nowhere
I could not believe my heart
I didn't know how to tell you
Didn't know where to start
I know you understand

There have been distractions of people who have popped up since his death.
I call them distractions because that's what they have been.  They have been obstacles that took away my focus from what has truly been important in this journey - figuring out who I am and what I need to be doing.  Friends and family are concerned, I know, I get it.  There seems to be this thing where if you were married once, then maybe you should always be married.  It just feels like being married was a lifetime ago even though it has only been four years.  When I think about a four year old child and how parents dote on their every whim and laugh at how adorable they are, that's how I view this four year absence.  What have I learned about myself in this time?  I'm not sure whether I think love isn't on the cards for me.  People say - never say never.  I just say, well guys, it's not a priority right now.  But I know.  When I'm not paying attention, someone always comes along and tries to distract.

When I hid inside
I almost died
Yes I hid inside and I cried
A loving heart in a sensitive one
I know you'll understand

I hope that if you're in a position like mine - where you find yourself in a space where you don't know what life will bring you, and you're not really bothered by it - then just enjoy your present circumstance.  There are things that I am focused on that need to be done only because I know I'm the only one that can do it, like it's what I'm meant to be doing right now to set me up for doors that I don't know what they belong to - and that's ok too.  I no longer have to have things completely concrete.  I think my faith has been restored and renewed.  I don't stress out about things so much.  People that irritated me in the past, or people who I knew who tried to harm me - they are no longer part of my world, because I don't give them that power.  I have thought about this song for so long. Often when I choose songs, I know exactly how I'm feeling about them as I write.  I think the more I trust my voice and know what I want to say - the words just flow so much easier on the page.  If you are a regular reader of my blog posts, I want to say thanks for reading.  I don't know who reads these stories, ideas, opinions unless people tell me, and for that I am humbled.  I just try to use this platform to share what I think, feel and see.  So the next time you are going through some difficult emotional times for yourself. just know that it's ok to go there.  How long you stay there is completely up to you.  All I know is that I almost died. . . . but only when I was hiding inside myself. . . 

Thursday, 21 September 2017

Hungry heart. . .

Don't make no difference what nobody says. . . 

Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack
I went out for a ride and I never went back
Like a river that I don't know where it's flowing
I took a wrong turn and I just kept going

When you make mistakes, at some point you have to own them.
Learning to admit that you make mistakes is something that takes a while to master - not the making mistakes part, but being able to confess and take responsibility for something that you've done.  There is little point concealing yourself when this happens, particularly in a situation where in time, it will be obvious that it was you.  So people choose either to front up and admit what they've done wrong or go into self preservation mode and not admit a damn thing and just wait for the proverbial. . . to hit the fan.  At this stage people will judge you, but much more harshly, because you didn't have the strength of character to own up to your mistakes and put everyone else out of their misery, by delaying the inevitable.  This makes it hard for people to trust you again and know whether you have good intentions or not.  Once of course you've admitted your mistake (to yourself, if you're loathe to do so to anyone else), it might be too late to say anything, so you just carry on.

I met her in a Kingstown bar
We fell in love I knew it had to end
We took what we had and we ripped it apart
Now here I am down in Kingstown again

When we meet people, we might choose to explore options or not.
By options it could be whether we want to be have them as friends, acquaintances, something a little more, or never see them again.  There will be people you come across that you think, they're not meant to be keepers - just a here right now, but not a here forever.  It's natural to be around people like that, and if they will have you - that's even better.  When things come to a natural end, sometimes they need a helping hand, in whatever shape or form. so it's up to you to figure out whether it's something worth holding onto or letting go.  When things need to end, be sure it's for all the right reasons, the ones you know in your heart that you might not even say aloud to people.

Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Don't make no difference what nobody says
Ain't nobody like to be alone

If home is where the heart is, why is it hungry?
It's election time in New Zealand at the moment.  I think the plight of the most vulnerable people in our society has increased to an unfathomable degree under our present government.  Dame Anne Salmond has come forward saying that neoliberalism has failed.  Another 3 years under the present government is absolutely untenable.  When those who can afford to live beyond their means, who can actually live a life that addresses all of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, they are the lucky ones; yet they're also the greedy ones.  Homelessness is more prevalent in our cities.  There are more children who go to school hungry than at any other time.  When initiatives have been brought parliament that are in the best interests of those who cannot speak, they have been voted down.  Our present government is in denial that we have the highest youth suicide rate in the civilised world.  They deny that it is important to have a mental health inquiry that can support what we are already seeing.  Where can our citizens have a place to rest?  A place to call home?  To even have a home in the first instance?

Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybody's got a hungry heart

I hope that wherever you find yourself, that you know what to do with your hungry heart. 
I don't begrudge rich people for having lots of money.  I guess it's when they get rich because those who earn less than them are being taxed more.  How does that work?  How can people continue to support a government that makes the rich richer and the poor poorer - or worse - dead?  I hope that people vote for more than just themselves this weekend.  We've already seen what can happen in the world when businessmen lead countries.  You cannot run a country like a business.  There are greater losses at stake.  Don't even get us started on climate change.  I fear if we continue to go down the road we are headed - there will be nothing to pass on to future generations.  Nothing left in our environment to show them, to enjoy and to treasure.  What can we do but vote for a better future?  I guess you could lay down your money and you play your part. . . 

Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Tapestry. . .

He's come to take me back. . . 

If you've read my blog (on more than one occasion), you'll know that I am a huge fan of singer songwriters because I admire people who are able to not only create music but can also perform their own music with their own intentions.  As much as I admire people who can interpret the music of others, there is something quite intangible to my mind, about hearing someone perform the music from a point of conception to fruition and can truly understand and know what the intent of that song has meant.  Carole King is one of those superstars who belongs to that unique group of entertainers whose music has touched so many lives on so many levels, throughout much of our modern music era.

My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view
A wondrous, woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold

I must confess that this song is not one that springs to mind when I think of Carole King.  In fact, I've only just heard this song today as I continue to work from home and plod along through the daily demands of other bits and pieces of my own tapestry.  Do you ever think about your own tapestry?  What colours would you weave into yours?  What influences you to weave certain motifs in there?  Who taught you how to weave?  What can people expect to see in your tapestry?  I can't imagine how many times I've stopped and started again, because I thought I was striving for perfection in my tapestry, when in actual fact, I should have just started weaving and seen what came up for me.  Sometimes we try to have elaborate plans - which is fine, don't get me wrong - but if we keep waiting for perfection, and it never comes - what kind of tapestry do we have?  None, that's what.  Because we never start weaving.

Once amid the soft silver sadness in the sky 
There came a man of fortune, a drifter passing by
He wore a torn and tattered cloth around his leathered hide
A coat of many colours, green and gold either side

I don' t know about you but I'm becoming more discerning and more deliberate about how I spend my time.  If we have limited time with our tapestry, then it means that we should be learning about what it should look like and how it can impact on other people's tapestries.  I'm not saying that we need to be role models or lead by example, but if people want to look at my tapestry and find beauty in it - then that's not necessarily a bad thing.  What would be a bad thing is if people take one look at your tapestry, start to get jealous, and then want to ruin it.  What man of fortune has drifted by you?  Have you shown him your tapestry?  What will he have taught you to add to your tapestry?  There is nothing wrong with people adding value to your tapestry.  

He moved with such uncertainty as if he didn't know
Just what he was there for, or where he ought to go
Once he reached for something golden hanging from a tree
And his hand came down empty

What do you do when things you pine for, long for, don't come?
We need to learn how to handle disappointment and setbacks.  It is too easy to blame other people for our predicaments and situations.  We get dealt what we get dealt.  It's our job to rise above it and hustle for whatever else we think we want, in terms of our goals and other directions that we want to explore.  When I have experienced disappointments and setbacks, I have acknowledged and accepted why they have appeared.  You shouldn't spend too much time agonising over the source and use that answer to blame everything on.  Instead use that information to rebuild, to restore and renew faith in yourself to do what needs to get done.  Sometimes when we reach for golden things, they are only illusions.  The most obvious is not actually there.  So be real about what is actually real and what is not.

Soon within my tapestry along the rutted road
He sat down on a river rock and turned into a toad
It seemed that he had fallen into someone's wicked spell
And I wept to see him suffer, though I didn't know him well

There will be strangers that cross your path and expect sympathy or some kind of support.
We may only be told their story and not get a full picture of their tapestry.  The more we get to know people, the more involved in their tapestry they may become.  They might try to hand over the weaving of their tapestry to you - because you seem to have the skills and knowledge to know how to weave your own tapestry.  But that's the thing isn't it.  You won't know how to weave your own tapestry if you don't gain the practical experience, learn how to engage the muscle memory to become adept at weaving it for yourself.  Be careful and wary of wicked spells that people throw at you.  The thing is, you don't know that it's a wicked spell until it's too late - some vicious cycle that you keep repeating or some stupid behaviour that you can't escape because you can't see the bigger picture.  You become seduced by promises and pledges that don't exist.  So focus on your immediate goals and what you need to do.

As I watched in sorrow, there suddenly appeared
A figure gray and ghostly beneath a flowing beard
In times of deepest darkness, I've seen him dressed in black
Now my tapestry's unraveling - he's come to take me back
He's come to take me back. . . 

I hope that when your tapestry starts to unravel, that you try to understand where those lines of weave may fall.  If you are able to keep track of where your strands lay, you can easily gather up the pieces again and start to repair your tapestry.  I think there is no such thing as a perfect tapestry.  Anyone who would tell you different - is a liar.  We need to rejoice in our pain and sorrow within our weaving, because it is only then that we learn.  We should not be projecting our tapestries onto others, when they have their own to weave.  If someone wanted to join me in weaving my tapestry, I would ask them to take a look at their own tapestry first, before trying to weave ours together.  Maybe this is why someone is trying to unravel it then?  To try to take me back. . . 

Monday, 18 September 2017

To where you are. . .

I wish upon tonight to see you smile. . . 

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

So many triggers in your day can quickly take you from being really positive to being extremely negative, and vice versa.  I've been hearing about resilience a lot in various conversations, or indeed the lack of it.  I think sometimes I worry about forgetting memories that I should treasure forever because the rubbish you find being hurled your way can make you feel less than you actually are.  Have you had moments where you know that a loved one who has passed away, feels like they are still around?  You can still feel their lingering presence?  I like those moments.  They can seem like they are few and far between these days when other things try to force themselves to the forefront of your focus.

Deep in the stillness 
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching me from up above

There is a genuine comfort that comes with knowing that you have a guardian angel or some such figure.  A kind of spirit or invisible beings who look out for you, ensure that you are on the right path and help you along the way, especially when you start to feel like you've lost your way, more than once.  What inspires you?  What things have lost loved ones said that have motivated you?  Can you recall them as quickly as you'd hoped?  I would like to think that I have a lot of people who have inspired me from my past.  Even those who had treated me badly when they walked on this earth - it is just part of our learning to think about what they did to help us grow, or help us to question if we were fit enough to do what our dreams wished we could.

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

It would be much easier wouldn't it?
To fly up somewhere far away from the troubles that seem to follow you in this earth.  Maybe we have more to smile about than we realise - but we just focus too much on the negative things that threaten to derail our happiness.  I can understand now why it's such a challenge to really believe in yourself.  I can understand now why we wouldn't think so highly of ourselves.  I can understand now why we would let self doubt creep in and occupy our headspaces so effortlessly, so calmly, so unexpectedly.  What would you wish upon tonight?

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream 
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

This is why dreams are so important aren't they?
When we sleep we unlock our subconscious mind and it lets us imagine what our rational minds think is impossible, doesn't allow us to dare to dream.  What is inside your dream?  We forget to believe.  Have you seen that in your life?  We doubt so easily these days and I think how when we were young, we never questioned what we were told, we were innocent yes, but there was never any reason to lie.  I don't know

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching over me from up above

Who is your forever love?
It could be someone who had big dreams for you and wished you to carry on with things that you had dreamed about together.  When things get hard in this life, we shouldn't despair and shouldn't give up and let's face it - this new "normal" that we're living in, makes fiction less fantasy!  I would like to think that the people who have passed on will always know that their loved ones will try with all their might to live the legacy they were left behind, to carry that torch and pass it on to others when the time is right.  That very thought, although poignant, leaves me with so much faith unseen and I believe that angels breathe, And that love will live on and never leave . . . 

To all of you who continue to watch over us when we think we are our most alone - thanks for never really being that far away.  We will know that I know you're there, a breath away's not far to where you are. . . 

Monday, 11 September 2017

It don't matter to me. . .

Time is on my side. . . 

It don't matter to me
If you really feel that you need some time to be free
Time to go out searching for yourself
Hoping to find, time to go to find

Have you figured out what matters to you?
I'm not sure if the universe is trying to tell me something, but there have been definite signs about what I need to be focusing my time and energy on.  There will be so many dilemmas, obstacles and dramas that make their way onto your, cross your path and you will start to question - why me?  I think the better question is - why not?  If you haven't figured what your real, true, genuine and meaningful priorities are - then make it happen.  Start crossing off people (or things) off your list that shouldn't matter right now.  It can be extremely difficult to do if you haven't tried to do something like that before - hands up emotional hoarders out there?  Yes you, the person reading this blog post.  You know you're an emotional hoarder - so it's time to let people or things go in your life that are cluttering up your emotional health, that are testing your emotional intelligence.  Let them go figure themselves out for pete's sake.  Their journey isn't your journey.

And it don't matter to me
If you take up with someone who's better than me
'Cause your happiness is all I want
For you to find peace, your peace of mind

When you start thinking that someone else is better than you, take a step back and figure out - what does that have to do with your journey?  What does being better actually mean?  Does that person make more money than you?  More friends than you?  Has all the trappings that we associate with a being successful in life, being better than you?  We sometimes can't even wish happiness for someone else when they're not even seeking happiness themselves, or not actively doing things that lead them to a path of happiness.  You are not responsible for other people's happiness.  But of course, if they say that having you in their life, or the things that you do for them make them happy - that's how they've chosen to define happiness in their world right?  You don't have to feel pressured to be the source of happiness for someone.  You already have a job - making yourself happy too.

Lotta people have an ego hang-up
'Cause they want to be the only one
How many came before it doesn't really matter
Just as long as you're the last
Everybody's moving on and try to find out
What's been missing in the past

I know this is how psychiatrists and therapists make their money right?  They try to find out something that has happened in your past to blame for all of the actions of your present.  While there might be some truth in this, we have to really consider what our actions as humans mean too.  It's far too easy to blame other people for situations that we are in.  Some cases it might be true - poverty, class systems, inequity - things that have been caused by people who have profited solely from those people who must remain at the bottom of a social strata in order for some type of order where certain individuals have to be better than someone else.

It don't matter to me
If your searching brings you back together with me
'Cause there'll always be an empty room waiting for you
An open heart waiting for you, time is on my side
'Cause it don't matter to me

I hope that whatever empty room you have left for someone, that open heart you have waiting for you - that you continue doing what you have to do, in order for you to keep living.  Have a look back at your own memory lane, at those opportunities with people that you thought you missed.  Would things have been different if you had made decisions earlier - if you had taken pathways that you had never explored before?  If you had said what you were truly feeling at the time?  No.  You wouldn't have been ready.  You wouldn't have known for certain, because you can only see that now, not then.  So if you weren't able to see something then, and you can only see it now - what helped you to grow and learn what to do?  We all just need to listen to each other and be respectful of other people and their journeys.  People can say how and what they feel and you can react to it however you like.  People can say whatever to try and upset me, to make me react to situations, but as long as you are able to speak your truth, speak from the heart and not harm others in the process, it don't matter to me. . . 

Sunday, 10 September 2017

Take it easy. . .

You and me together, we'll be fine. . . 

Stronger days, bitter nights
Cold hands, warm heart
Walking round
But you're staring at the ground
Take hold, fall apart

It can get very tiring trying to keep yourself together, hold it all in and maintain a happy facade.  It is totally acceptable to fall apart so that you can rebuild.  There will be people who are put in your path to challenge, people from your past who will resurface and remind you why they belong in your past.  There will be people in your recent history who will resurface and make you think that there are some things you need to address that didn't get a chance to resolve itself when you needed to.  How often do you spend walking around trying to figure out the best solution?  Sometimes the best solution isn't necessarily the easiest or the one with less pain.  The ugly, public humiliation or falling out is necessary for the biggest wake up call of all - not to show that you were wrong, or should seem repentant - whatever your sins may be - but to acknowledge that a mistake was made.  Who did your mistake hurt?  Take hold, fall apart. . . 

Little by little
Someone blows the whistle
It don't matter in the end
So just slow it all down, slow it all down

How many whistle blowers do you know?
The thing about blowing whistles is that you see that as the absolute right call to make - blow the whistle to raise awareness about a problem that has occurred, to inform people about travesties and crimes that have been committed. When things happen, it's always good to get the full picture and understand what's happening before you blow the whistle.  Collect enough evidence to know what is going on, gain the full picture before seeing what is actually going on and who caused it.  Otherwise we would no better than the times we were in school and had blind allegiances to our friends who were wronged by others, but didn't have anything really to do with us - give people a chance before you hang them out to dry.

You gotta take it easy, easy
Live your life
Take on any kind of weather you and me together
We'll be fine
You gotta take it easy, easy
Take your time
It's just you and me together any kind of weather
We'll be fine

It is election year in New Zealand and at the end of this month the entire country will vote for their preferred electoral candidate and preferred party in parliament.  There is the hope that voter turnout will increase exponentially since the last election.  There will be a lot of first time voters and there will be a lot of people who have been able to vote for a long time, but will vote again for the first time in a while.  We can only be as strong as a nation if the most vulnerable in our society are looked after.  There is increasing homelessness in New Zealand - more so in this generation than there ever has been in the past.  When a class system is only going to be successful the more that it takes away from its most deprived section of society - we will continue to make things harder for ourselves in the long run, and continue to have our international reputation eroded by our own greed and penchant for making profits.

Open road, broken down
Bright lights, dark town
Stand up then you fall again
You will find a way in the end

I hope that whoever you choose to align yourself with, that you think very carefully about how you choose to exercise your vote.  We are living in a world where we think less and less of others and more about ourselves.  Our single minded focus on what we can do to make our lives better should not come at the expense of others.  Getting ahead in life shouldn't come about because you stopped others from having their chance to be successful either.  We must continue to develop our resilience.  Because when we allow ourselves to pushed around, pushed over the edge, pushed under water, we must continue to push through.  That's the only way I will be able to truly live my life and start to demand the same for others who deserve it more than me.  Only then will I be able to take it easy. . . 

Saturday, 2 September 2017

We don't need another hero. . .

And I wonder when are we ever gonna change?

When you want things to change in your life, it's always easy to blame the circumstances that allow you to be stuck doing things you don't want to do, being around people you don't to be around, being in a place that you don't want to be in.  The quickest solution to solving this problem is to think about yourself - your thoughts and how these translate into actions.  How will you know to create opportunities out of the choices that are offered to you?

Out of the ruins, out from the wreckage
Can't make the same mistakes this time
We are the children, the last generation
We are the ones they left behind
And I wonder when are we ever gonna change?
Living under the fear, till nothing else remains

What same mistakes do you keep making?  I think we make the same mistakes because we don't pay attention to what's really important.  We may also make the same mistakes because we are too stubborn and don't pay attention to making adjustments based on results that we might have at hand.  How can we be sure that our generation will be able to rise out of the wreckage, take some responsibility and ensure that we do what we need to, not to be right, but to benefit everyone.

We don't need another hero
We don't need to know the way home
All we want is life beyond the Thunderdome

If you go through so many difficulties, do you rely on a hero to save you?
Will we find ourselves on the way home soon enough?  Will we recognise our homes if we have been away from them for so long?  I guess once we've started to live our true purpose in life, only then will we know what life is beyond what we can see.  Only then would we find the way home, we would be drawn to it without question, without resistance.

Looking for something we can rely on
There's got to be something better out there
Mmmm, love and compassion, their day is coming
All else are castles built in the air
And I wonder when are we ever gonna change?
Living under the fear, till nothing else remains

I've been having some great conversations with people in recent weeks and what's funny is that the songs I choose to blog about seem to find themselves fitting those conversations.  I started this blog post a few weeks back but as you know, life happens and you prioritise what needs to get done and then pause the blog post until you've addressed those issues that need your attention, address those things that only you can fix.  I feel that when people are wanting to know absolutes in a world that is never really static anymore, we can get ourselves worked up into unnecessary states of panic.  I know that we will all change at some point in our lives, is it worth knowing when?  You will change when you realise it is time to change - not any sooner, and not any later - at the right time that is right for you to do so.  The best thing about that is, you won't even need to do anything too strenuous.  It will be an effortless transition, a process that in hindsight you will think wow, that was easier than I thought it would be.  There will be no fear left, nothing else will be there. Except you.

All the children say
We don't need another hero
We don't need to know the way home
All we want is life beyond the Thunderdome

Who is the hero in your life?
We look too far beyond ourselves when really, our own salvation lies within.
I think we know all the answers that we seek, because we've been learning and growing in those lessons since we were born, but the power of free will, means that often we shall mistakes that either take us away from our path, widens the gaps between us and where we are meant to be and we forget what we were born to do.  So what do you need to do?  Trust yourself to make decisions that will benefit your life - and then take that life and do better for others.  Isn't this the kind of life we seek beyond our own personal Thunderdomes?

All the children say
We don't need another hero
We don't need to know the way home
All we want is life beyond the Thunderdome

I hope that you find your inner hero.
If you know where home is for you, even if you are standing at a crossroads like me, moving to a new place like my other friends, or stuck in a rut over a decision that is beyond your control - just remember that you can the be hero of your own life.  You can take action and figure out your own issues, solve your own problems and be self sufficient.  You know where home is should you need to call in from time to time, but know that you are meant to go on our journeys and voyages that are to test what you have learned, to see whether you can retain the skills absorbed from diamond-pressure situations that you never saw yourself.  But all of that comes down to you.  It comes down to me.  And I wonder when we are ever gonna change?. . .