Monday, 21 August 2017

Should I be good or should I be evil. . .

Stand yourself in my shoes. . . 

I sit here in total darkness
Deep into the night
Should we stay together
And make it through alright

Relationships are difficult things to manage.  Partnerships, friendships, marriages, whatever form of commitment that they come in.  I've been listening to this song over and over in the past few days.  There's something about the original version of this song with just Hammond Gamble singing in it, that is so poignant.  The sentiments of the song reveal an inner struggle that we might face when we have to make decisions that will change the nature of that commitment that we promised to honour, that we promised to follow through indefinitely, most definitely.

Standing here in total silence
Far from where you breathe
Should we stay together
Or is it better if I leave

I started writing this blog post a few weeks ago, but didn't really have a chance to pump it out, as I've been under the pump in other areas of my life.  I wonder how many of us are far away from those who we are conscious of their breathing?  I think about how much love and care you have for someone, that you would be conscious of being in silence from such a far distance - that you would be quiet just so you can hear the thought of them breathing.  Who does that?  You might find yourself conscious of leaving or staying, trying to juggle which is the best option for you.

Should I be good or should I be evil?
I've gotta see the vision so the truth can be revealed
Should I be good or should I be evil?
Stand yourself in my shoes, tell me how you'd feel

Things are so black and white when they are good or evil.
We can try to explain our way out of situations, out of decisions made that cause pain and hurt to people around us.  We can try to justify why we did what we did, both consciously or unconsciously - whether they would even be subconsciously - who even knows the difference these days?  Deliberate intent and casual cause and effect.  We may never really know what our intentions are until we are faced with a situation that requires action or inaction.  Sometimes it's hard for people to know what you're going through because they can't stand themselves in your shoes.  They are so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see beyond to see what you're doing.  Or not doing.

Oh I have done right, but we all do wrong
You must see through all we can see
I guess my fate's been set, it's with deep regret
That I look back at how I used to be

Nobody is perfect.
If we were, we wouldn't have any problems that needed fixing, we wouldn't have any disasters that we needed to recover from.  Musically this section of the song is quite pretty.  The unusual combination of chords almost seem as if they are an attempt to try something different for the sake of deviation.  What does deep regret sound like to you?  It sounds poignant in this song.  It sounds like it's trying to tug itself at your heart strings to let you know that despite seeming to be strong - there is no real way of truly speaking without being offensive to another.  Have we made any progress about where we currently stand?  Have we learned enough to move on and truly change?  How did you used to be?  If you are different now, is it better or worse?  Did you change deliberately, randomly, or you had no choice in the matter?

Lying here in total darkness
I think my heart will break
As the teardrops fall
I wonder how much I can take

There is only so much a person is willing to take.
Even if people around you are totally aware of how much you have on in your life - they will still be in touch and want their pound of flesh as well.  That's ok.  Well, not really, but you understand that they have no other choice but to reach out to you.  There is too much that has happened, there is too much that has passed and no matter how much you try to move on and do things a little better, a little more profoundly, because the actions and decisions we made leading to those actions have a ripple effect that we never truly see.

Should I be good or should I be evil?
I've gotta see the vision so the truth can be revealed
Should I be good or should I be evil?
Stand yourself in my shoes, tell me how you'd feel

I hope that I find some happy medium soon - being equal parts fair and equal parts critical.
Sometimes we might not like the vision that we see, but if we want to live true authentic lives, they might not be the storybook endings that we have been lead to believe exist.  Should I be good for who?  Should I be evil for who?  Not everybody will win or benefit from whether you are good or evil.  I wonder what you would find if you stand yourself in my shoes.  I'm not sure if you would be able to tell me how you'd feel. . .