Monday, 19 June 2017

The distance. . .

Who's calling your name in the distance?

The sky has lost its color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away

When you are missing what you have with someone, what you had, time is irrelevant.
You might worry about things changing because distance plays tricks on you if you don't pay attention.  Do you take notice of things not being as you wished them to be?  Do you take notice of the change of temperature, sights and sounds around you when you sense the slightest change?  We forget that we must keep our wits about us sometimes.  What are we paying attention to these days that we took for granted in the past?

I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you're coming back

I don't know if I can go back to how things used to be.
You can rely on history playing tricks on you (again) and wonder if you keep finding yourself in this space because you keep making the same mistakes, or you have believed in something for so long and now you've come to a rude awakening about the reality you were trying to avoid.  Time apart or time alone seems like a good thing, until you're face to face again with the person you were missing so much, and it isn't quite the same anymore.  When did we realise that we weren't coming back to us anymore?  I think I knew it when I wasn't coming back to a place where you thought you had lead me there in secret, so cleverly, or so you thought, until I understood what you were trying to achieve.

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed 
That with every breath I take 
I'm calling your name
But I can't take the distance

Is it my fault if you can't take the distance, the miles or the time?
I guess it's not about the blame game, but more to do with trying to figure ourselves and what we want as individuals.  I think it's absolutely vital that this happens before seeking to be in relationships that make no sense, can never be, or never were.  How totally unsuitable would it all be?  More than an inconvenience?  Has anyone ever called your name when you've walked away?  I've heard my name called a couple of times when I have chosen to walk away.  It was really hard to stay true to who I was and not turn around.  Have you been tempted to go back?  Even if you were to go back, would it still be the same?  People change, circumstances change, people move up, move out, move on, move in, move off, move down.  We may not agree with anything anybody says sometimes, but we do know that people either move or are moved.

I still believe my feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me 
Getting close enough
Not nearly close enough

When you start to feel too much (or not enough) it is always an easy thing to tell.  You can notice things like eyes shifting, people fidgeting, countless sighs that never seem to end.  I've been chatting to friends about things like passive aggressive behaviour, feelings and directions.  It is always refreshing to talk to people who genuinely wonder about things that they keep bottled up inside, because they feel that by not sharing their feelings, that they don't exist.  Why do we have to keep playing make believe?  Have we stopped believing?

I breathe fire and I break free
To be by your side I'd do anything
I can't take the distance

I don't know if I could take or accept all the things that you do for me.
I wouldn't expect you to go out of your way or do things that make me a priority over anything else that you should be putting first.  What would you expect people to do though who want nothing more than to be by your side?  I don't know whether I can take the distance of being away from them or being further away from myself.  What is the reality for you?

I will go the distance
I will go the miles
That's how much you mean to me

I hope that people understand where their life's journey leads them.
We might take a lifetime to really come to grips before we can really begin to know what and who we are prepared to go the distance for.  I sometimes think you can't be fully prepared to go the distance and go the miles for someone else, if you can't do that for yourself.  Before you let anyone else know how much they mean to you, spend time getting to know who you are, far from the world's prying eyes and have the strength of conviction to know how much you mean to you, because that's how much you mean to me. . .