Saturday, 13 May 2017

Idle worship. . .

Don't let me let you down. . . but I'm gonna be the one to let you down. . . 

Standing here like I'm supposed to say something
Don't hold your breath, I never said I'd save you honey
And I don't want your money
If I was you I'd run from me or rip me open
You'll see you're not the only one who's hopeless
Be sure to put your faith in something more
I'm just a girl and you're not as alone as you feel
We all got problems don't we?
We all got problems don't we?
But rest assured there's not a single person here who's worthy

Don't let me let you down

I am still surprised when people reach out and thank me for things I've said and done for them.
Most of the time I am unaware of the impact of what I've said and done, and will only be aware of what it has meant for them, if they come back and tell me how much what I did got them through some difficult times, helped give them courage or swept away some unease about a situation that they were preparing for.  I am totally aware though of the power of words and even when they exit my mouth they may have the power to cause life or death depending on the emotions that are carried with those words, the sentiments that I am trying convey based on how I am feeling in that moment in time.  When someone discloses information about themselves and the more they tell you things, you think about whether they are telling you because they are either asking for help, asking for an opinion or just asking for you to be someone who just listens while they say things out loud for a change; to release the words swimming in their head that if they don't release, will come out in other times that are less appropriate and possibly even unsafe.  So the buck stops with you.  All at once, you are the single person that they have entrusted with it all.  No, there's no pressure at all.  Just another high stakes conversation in the life of yours truly.  Who's worthy anyway?  Don't let me let you down. . . . 

Hey baby I'm not your superhuman 
And if that's what you want, I hate to let you down
I got your hopes up, now I got you hoping
But I'm gonna be the one that let you down

When your energy becomes depleted because people are wanting so much of it all the time, you must learn to protect yourself and learn to say no.  Yes we all have problems and we all have heroes.  But you should also know when it it is time to step back a bit and live in your own life for a bit, while other people sort out how they want their life to be.  You've been a great friend.  You should be commended or receive some kind of award or recognition for the work you've done to make their lives the best that they could never have dreamed would be their current reality.  They thank you all the time.  Accept the compliments.  Now take some time to really focus on what you want to do, what you need to do to replenish yourself and keep you in control of what is best for you.  Sometimes we never really know what's good for us because we're too busy worrying about other people.  Take the opportunity to enjoy life in your own skin.  Be present in your own moments.

Oh, it's such a long and awful lonely fall
Down from this pedestal that you keep putting me on
What if I fall on my face?  What if I make a mistake?
If it's ok a little grace would be appreciated 
Remember how we used to like ourselves?
What little light that's left, we need to keep it sacred
I know that you're afraid to let all the dark escape ya
But we could let the light illuminate these hopeless places

Just let me let you down

For the most part, people will continue to turn to you for help and support.  Sorry to say, there's no real escape from the awesomeness that you are.  Couldn't even hide it under a bushel, your light is just that blinding.  So instead of trying to run away, just clear about your expectations for yourself and what works for you.  If your friends and colleagues really care about your wellbeing, they would be instrumental in what it means to contribute to you being well - not become the root cause of it all.  Keep hold of your sacred light.  Lots of people are after it and want to keep it for themselves.  That's not how it works.  Everyone has their own light that they must cultivate and care for.  Too often they continue to want and crave your light because they keep putting their own out.  What hopeless places do you continue to frequent?

Oh no, I ain't your hero
You're wasting all your faith on me
Oh no, I know where this goes
Think it's safe to say your savior doesn't look a thing like me

Don't let me let you down

It will be extremely difficult to find faith in yourself if you continually rely on others to believe in you, like you are some vending machine that can only produce self belief when someone puts their faith in yours, only to realise that they will take away your faith in yourself and consume your contents like they had a right to buy it.  This is why we can't sell ourselves short, we should sell ourselves in this way at all.   What happens when people want to continually put their faith in you?  You might not have asked for it, but they only trust you to give it to for now, because they don't trust themselves to believe in - so they try it pin it all on you, because you are the hero that they wish they could be for themselves.  You know you've only been strong because you've had to be and you've got life choices that are not your own making, but rather you have been asked to take control because everyone else around you has lost theirs.  I don't know what saviours are meant to look like, other than the figures I was raised to believe carried the sins of the world and wiped them clean with His blood, so yes, it is true, this saviour doesn't look a thing like me.  Don't let me let you down. . . 

Hey baby I'm not your superhuman 
And if that's what you want, I hate to let you down
I got your hopes up, now I got you hoping
But I'm gonna be the one that let you down

I hope that if you are the superhuman in other people's lives, that you leave your superpowers to the side for a second.  Have a rest.  Go on holiday.  Take some time out from your superhero activities and do something that you want to do for a change.  Read books you've been meaning to read but never prioritised.  Spend time with people that really need you, because you are the sole person who can make the biggest imaginable impact in their life right now - that without you right now, there will not be a future or any semblance of hope without your immediate input.  Trust that people you've been helping will eventually see that you have taught them so much already to know how to deal with things and believe in themselves.  The only thing you should be hoping for is not reverting to your old ways that you've worked so hard to overcome, but keep focused on where you want to be, imagine yourself already there, imagine feeling good about it and you are with and what you will be doing.  I got your hopes up, now I got you hoping. . .