Monday, 10 April 2017

Sway. . .

my way. . . yeah I need to know all about you. . . 

Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you 

This song was featured on three American movies - American Pie, American Reunion and Cruel Intentions.  It also had two music videos that I've featured in this blog post.  The matters of the heart are often confused with logical thought patterns that threaten to derail possible romances and budding relationships.  Are you too smart for this?  Are you able to tell the difference between what letting yourself go or willingly plunging yourself in there?  Expect to be swept away, and for someone to press your buttons.  Maybe it is time that those buttons are pressed.  I mean, who else is going to press them?  It's like those companies where everybody colours inside the lines, does things by the book and never thinks to experiment or think outside the square - because you'd rather accept that change is hard, even though people who are unwilling to change are harder.

And here I go losing all control
I'm practising your name 
So I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right to look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time
Tell you why, I say it's infinitely true

How many times in your life have you tried to learn someone's name?  Really tried hard to practise it so that you could say it confidently (and most importantly - accurately!) and at least by doing so, unwittingly reveal some small token that you value who they are as a person; that you respect where they come from, even if you don't really ask because you don't want to seem too eager.  How much is too much for you to tell someone how much they mean to you?  It's a good idea to always let someone know, in case something happens to you or something happens to them or the universe just isn't playing ball with you right now - that you let someone know how you feel.  We probably never say it often enough because we all think that we have time.  But time intervenes.  Life happens and then life ends.  How can we move on when death has loomed large and bright within our shadows?

Say you'll stay 
Don't come and go like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know all about you

When you have asked someone to stay - have they stayed?
I don't think you can ask someone to stay if you don't have anything to offer so that they can stay.
It's different from asking someone to leave - to move on and completely forget about you.
The fear that comes with not wanting the rejection after baring your soul and making yourself emotionally available and receptive to love, while at the same time exposing yourself in your most vulnerable state to possible humiliation - should be enough of a deterrent right?  I think once you arrive at a point in your life where you can no longer keep things in check; can no longer pretend that you want to just tell him that yeah, I do want you to stay, but then I don't know if I really want to either.  The fear of making decisions is enough to stop you in your tracks from pursuing your real life goals that bring you joy.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemies plaguing ourselves with unfounded insecurities that are completely fabricated.

And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt, it makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired 
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

I don't know about you, but I wasn't really a fan of being in relationships.
I think once I kind of got accustomed to society's rules about what it meant to date, be courted or wooed, be engaged and then finally married - all of this what seemed to be a  process that never ended, was cut short, abruptly by an unexpected state of widowhood.  I'm not saying you can plan for that.  Widowhood.  I don't know of many people who planned them unless their significant other was sick or things became beyond your control.  When your logic tears apart, it is because every single avenue has been explored,

Say you'll stay
Don't come and go like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know all about you

I hope that you don't worry too much about when people come and go like they do with you.
I have learned to (and continue to learn) to adjust to not being hurt by disappointment and betrayal, because I think that those negative experiences are deliberately sent to us to help us learn how to respond to strife and turmoil.  You would only know if someone is coming and going like they do, because you take notice of their actions and keep track of what they have actually done (or not).

Just relish all of the craziness that seems to be swirling around you at the moment.  Life isn't meant to be tied up in tiny little boxes with neatly pressed bright pink ribbons and smelling like the most fragrant red and white roses.  We need to prepare ourselves for the unexpected.  We need to be sure that the choices that we make today, improve what is to come.  Knowing my luck, just saying that you're responsible for all of this, would only make you turn around and look at me solemnly whispering. . . It's all because of you, it's all because of you. . .