Monday, 17 April 2017

Been so long. . .

When I saw you . . I finally realise that yeah. . . it's been so long. . .

Oh yeah crazy right out of the blue
I bumped into you today
And I forgot the reasons why
Why I went away?

Wow.  I can't remember the last time I saw you.  It's been that long.
You said something that made me so mad I couldn't talk to you again.  I realised a few things in the time apart and I guess it made me re-examine what I thought about the reasons why we drifted apart.  It was actually because I pushed you away.  But you always knew what buttons to press to push me in whichever way to react to something you said, even more so than anything you really did.  I guess I wasn't up to a life like that anymore, the only dramas I would willingly seek would be the ones that I would actively see in a movie that I wanted to see on the big screen, and not played out in my little life.

Funny how fate opens the door
And destiny walks in
The only thing that I know for sure
Exactly how long it's been

I wonder what fate had in mind when the door opened and you stood there.  Are you my destiny?
I can't recall having feelings like this in a such a long time and I'm not at all sure whether it is because of the history that we have or because it's something new that has been ignited that wasn't really there before.  It has been a long time and that may be a bad thing, not necessarily a good thing.  But on the flip side it could be a good thing too, because what good is having a heart and knowing if you're in love if you don't take your heart out for a test drive?

'Cause baby it's been so long
Since I had you here with me
Baby it's been so long
Baby come to me

Well I guess it's been so long because there's been a lot of growing up that needed to happen.
I know I have definitely had to grow up a lot faster than I anticipated, and you weren't far off yourself, having to grow up because you had no choice.  It was either grow up and find your own destiny or fate would deal you a door that lead to some crippling reality that would be worse than death.  It sounds melodramatic, but I saw the life that you lead; servitude couldn't quite cut it.  I'm not sure whether I should come to you or not.  I'm never really sure about how to feel around you.  There are so many things in life that I can be sure of, but truly being here with you has been something I didn't really think possible.

Do you ever think of us?
And the way it used to be
Late at night, I long for your touch
All the things that you do to me

What was it like the way it used to be? Do I ever think of us?  I guess I never really entertained the thought because it all seemed pretty straight forward and unsuitable to plan a life together.  You always had plans in place and I could see in your naivety that you actually thought it could be without friction or fallout or anything traumatic than I was prepared to go through.  I guess that's what makes us different; you with your enthusiasm and throw caution to the wind, devil may care attitude while I always curbed my enthusiasm, never messed around with the winds and had the attitude of being angel fearing to tread where fools tread.  I understand all of the things that you long for from me, and what I can do to you.  It's as clear to me in every song that you played or wrote and intended for my ears to hear.

They say, it's just like riding a bike
Some things you never forget
You know all the things that I like
Let's see how much harder it gets

I have never forgotten what it has been like to be with you.  It is a bit like riding a bike and if you haven't ridden a bike in so long, it just takes a few turns around the block before you get your groove back, jump back off the bike and smack the cool back into your walk.  Once you start to get a feel for riding that bike, it suddenly becomes your favourite mode of transport and you just want to keep riding it.  Is it because of the thrill you get when riding again?  That there are now feelings of elation and freedom that come from riding the bike?  I do know all the things that you like.  I'm just not sure how much I'm prepared to hold onto this bike once it gets much harder.

They're playing our song
Oh baby now, it might be wrong
Oh baby now, I hope that this night don't end
Oh baby now, it might be right 
Oh baby now, right here tonight
Oh baby now, what do you say?
Can you stay?

I hope that we continue to keep listening to our songs when they are played.
I have often heard songs that we shared and played during specific times we were together and they either bring tears of sorrow or smiles of joy.  While there is no such thing as perfection when it comes to love, everyone can agree that love in itself is perfection.  If you asked me to stay, I wouldn't know what to say.  Things may feel right, for right now, and who knows what tomorrow brings.  Regardless of what choices we make, we can just see it for what it is, that it's just been so long. . .