Sunday, 2 April 2017

A million years ago. . .

Remembering life a million years ago. . . 

I only wanted to have fun
Learning to fly, learning to run
I let my heart decide the way
When I was young
Deep down I must have always known
That this would be inevitable
To earn my stripes I'd have to pay
And bear my soul

How refreshing life was back then when you didn't have obligations, duties to fulfil, when the weight of the world wasn't on your shoulders.  When you didn't have people relying on you to do so many things and become forced to consider things through a list of priorities because that's what your life is like now; an endless list of things that need to be done, people that you need to negotiate with and problems that need your special touch of solving.  The stripes that you now wear on your invisible sleeves are the signs of a life that you are no longer allowed to live.  But at least they should be able to show people who know where you have been, what you have done, believe that you are now the hope they have been waiting for.  You can't shirk your responsibilities now, so don't even think of running away.  Everyone else around you has already done that, and you've only just realised that.  The only reason why it's lonely at the top is because people who were supposed to be standing next to you, have deserted you.  But don't feel bad.  You're strong enough to deal with all of that.  You can withstand it all and even take a little more than normal humans can.  Why can you do that anyway?  Something about your soul.  You have always been able to bear it well by, well. . .  baring it.

I know I'm not the only one
Who regrets the things they've done
Sometimes I just feel it's only me
Who can't stand the reflection that they see
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky, not just the floor
I feel like my life is flashing by
And all I can do is watch and cry
I miss the air, I miss my friends
I miss my mother, I miss it when
Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago

Regrets.  They're tough to deal with, especially when the decision you made has lead you to a situation that you loathe to find yourself in and you start to torture yourself by seeing what life is like if you had made alternative decisions.  When you look up to the sky are you searching the heavens for a divine sign, some kind of answer that would help to alleviate some of the pain that you're going through?  If we all wished that we could live a little more - what quality of life can we expect?  What does living a little more mean?  It could mean taking risks and exploring passions and ideas that you never really considered an option because your mindset or practical reality doesn't allow you to dream.  We probably won't find the answers on the floor will we?  When we look down, we start looking down on ourselves too, look down on the dreams and aspirations that we have and start to wallow in self pity.



When I walk around all of the streets
Where I grew up and found my feet
They can't look me in the eye
It's like they're scared of me
I try to think of things to say
Like a joke or a memory
But they don't recognise me now
In the light of day

I have talked about this often with friends.
I have found observing human behaviour to be quite fascinating.  For example, people that I might have been close with, intensely close with at some point in my life, now, we seem quite distant.  While on the other hand, people that I wasn't really close with when I first met them, are now quickly becoming part of the fabric of my life and I've made room for them.  When we see people in the street, they might very well avoid us and pretend that they don't know us.  I've learned to, over time, with maturity and hindsight being very good motivators, decided to acknowledge people who I know from my past.  Whether it's a smile or a quick word, I think it's important to let people know that yes, you did know them once and that at one point they were important to you, but you might have drifted apart and things are different now.  It's life, it's human nature, it's the way of the world.  If people openly ignore you in the street, approach and kill them with kindness.  It's totally the best approach.

I know I'm not the only one
Who regrets the things they've done
Sometimes I just feel it's only me
Who never became who they thought they'd be
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky, not just the floor
I feel like my life is flashing by
All I can do is watch and cry
I miss the air, I miss my friends
I miss my mother, I miss it when
Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago
A million years ago


What or who do you miss in your life?
It is important for us to savour moments with people who are nearest and dearest to us, but also to seriously consider, if you could see your life as a film reel or as a picture book, what images or scenes would we expect to see?  I hope that when you are comfortable you are able to throw yourself a party once in a while.  Don't wait for someone else to come along and do things for you and celebrate who you are.  Sometimes you just need to remember that you should be your biggest fan, that you should be aware of the awesome things that you can do in life and that even if people from your past do ignore you, take the initiative and believe in yourself, show them how much you've grown.  We don't need to revert back to our former selves, unsure and self conscious.  Those days are gone.  Believe in the confident and strong person that you are, rather than who people try to avoid.  That's not who you are anymore; that was a million years ago. . .