Monday, 13 March 2017

You don't own me. . .

When you need to let someone know, they don't own you. . . 

This track featured in one of my favourite films in the 90s The First Wives Club.  I've never been through a major breakup or divorce like the characters in the film; as being a widow is a completely different type of loss that you never really choose for yourself, it just happens.  It got me thinking, I wonder if there is such a thing as a widow's club and there are some that exist, but it's more to do with people searching for others who have had similar experiences, rather than for anything else.  Where would you go searching to find conversation, companionship and do whatever you wanted with other like-minded people?  This song also made me think about who we let tell us how to do things or say things.  Do you let others control you in this way?  Why do we learn this and then never let go?

You don't own me
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me
Don't say I can't go with other boys

It can sometimes be hard to know when you are someone else's trophy or have become a toy in their lives.  Pretty soon you pick up on this vibe when they don't really respect you or your feelings.  They don't really pay attention to what your needs are in a relationship or just avoid talking about anything that could lead to a relationship because they are living in fear of their own emotions and feelings so have no room to deal with yours.  The thing that has always fascinated me is when they don't want to be in a relationship with you, but then don't want you to see other people either.  They can't have their cake and eat it too right?  That whole double standard of them being able to pick and choose whatever they want to do, but you feel obligated to be honest and truthful with them, even when they don't deserve it.  Why do women do that?  Why do we feel compelled to bring everything out into the open?  I'm generally speaking here, as not all women bring everything out into the open.  In fact, there are some women who choose not to say anything or disclose any information.

And don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
And please when I go out with you
Don't put me on display

You will know very quickly if you are in a relationship where someone keeps telling you what to do and what to say.  Granted, if you are allowing them to do that, because you have asked for their opinion about what you should do or say, that's something different.  But if you are in a space where you just fully accept someone dictating or taking control of everything that you do and everything that you say - you have to ask yourself, what has lead to this situation?  When did you stop losing control over your own actions and your own words?  When did you think it was ok to allow someone else to direct everything from you?  That you would put someone else in the driver's seat of your life because you couldn't trust yourself to give your own opinions and facts about life?  Being someone else's trophy is degrading and if you have been in that situation, you will also quickly know what that feels like.  When you are paraded in front of people so that they can ogle you and you help to raise the status and add prestige to the unfortunate soul that is trying to suck your very life from you; I"m hoping that you have very good friends who can tell you what's actually happening, that is, if you've managed to retain your friends and he hasn't got rid of them in the first place.

You don't own me
Don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me
Don't tie me down 'cause I'll never stay

When people try to tie you down, they will try so many different avenues to ensure that you are never going to leave them and to make you stay.  When people are hell bent in making you change to suit their purposes, rather than assisting you with change that you have indicated that you want for yourself, are very different things.  You could be mentoring someone and helping them meet their own individual goals for self improvement - this is a good thing and as long as the other person has control over what decisions they are making and how they are planning to live their best lives.  If on the other hand, they are changing because they are being forced to, because you're driving this to suit your own needs; I hope you still have a conscience still inside you that knows what you are doing and sparks some self reflection about your intentions.

I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you

The key to all of this, is of course, reciprocity.
What can you say to reason and be logical with someone who might just be at their tipping point?  Are you able to convince someone else that you don't do any of the things that they are trying to force onto you - so why should they even start?  Do they know what it means to let you be yourself?  Have you shown your true self around this person?  Do they know how you like to be yourself at all times, without all the pretence that you have cleverly wrapped yourself in, for fear of being discovered that you are not as you seem, or fear of not being understood?  The most important thing in the world right now, might be your ability to be able to be yourself without having to cover anything up.  Are you ready for this?

I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way that I want
To say and do whatever I please

I hope that when you are young, you do all the things that young people do.  I hope that when you are free, you do all of the things that free people do.  What can you do to live life the way that you want?  For some of us, there might be some significant changes that need to take place in order for us to be truly happy in this earthly realm.  For others, there might just be some slight changes or minor reshuffling that is required to make our homes and lives just become that much better.  I think as long as you say and do whatever you please, without hurting others in the process, there really is nothing wrong with that.  Just always bear in mind, when you come across those people who try to keep you down, who try to twist what you're doing and keep you away from your targets, goals and actions in life; be prepared to face them head on and be brave.  Just look them dead in the eye and tell them you don't own me. . .