Thursday, 30 March 2017

Send my love (to your new lover). . .

When you accept the new lover on the scene. . . 

Just the guitar

This was all you none of it me

You put your hands all over my body and told me, umm
You told me you were ready
For the big one, for the big jump
I'd be your last love everlasting you and me
That was what you told me

The promises that a lover makes can often be made in the heat of the moment (literally) and those are the moments when things are super heightened, when you think that dreams are possible, impossible plans seem easy and life fluffy candy floss, sticky and sweet.  When someone is prepared to make a huge commitment to you, it is natural to feel like this is when your life together will begin and you believe that things are going to go how you want them to.  You rely on the words shared in moments of love because the words surely must express the actions that it accompanies.  In some situations there might be some "take-backs" in love.  People might have made some grand gestures or made some promises that reality gently reminds them, are not possible to follow through.  How many rude awakenings does one have to be subjected to before you realise things for what they are?  What is everlasting these days?  Sometimes words aren't enough to hold on to anymore.  They come and go as easily as the sun sets and the moon rises; things we can't control and are inevitable, they just happen.

I'm giving you up
I've forgiven it all
You set me free, oh

You can give someone up or forgive them when you understand that they are not meant for you.
Sometimes these opportunities never present themselves because the other party isn't willing to acknowledge that they may have given you false hope or lead you astray.  You might then start to wonder - why do people do that?  Why do people treat others that way?  Make them believe something that isn't true or make them believe things that never were?  I think people are sometimes afraid to be genuine, real and authentic in their intentions.  Maybe they think they need to be deliberately deceptive because they believe that they need you in order to bring other things in their lives to fruition and they just can't do it without you.  Granted there are easier ways to achieve this, but they just didn't know how to articulate that before.  It's all just a bit silly really isn't it.  I guess there's nothing to forgive because that's just how people are.  The easiest way to overcome betrayal and disappointment is just to accept that people are the way they are and no amount of explaining your position or trying to be reasonable or provide some kind of rationale is pointless. They're just not equipped to understand what and who you really are.  That's the thing about belief aye.  Presented with all of the available evidence - people will still believe what they want to.

Send my love to your new lover
Treat her better
We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts
We both know we ain't kids no more
Send my love to your new lover
Treat her better
We've gotta let go of all our ghosts
We both know we ain't kids no more

What ghosts are haunting you?  When you come across an ex lover in the street are you able to take them at face value and ignore all of the could-shoulda-woulda's that seem to float around them?  If you aren't kids no more, you are prepared to accept the harsh reality of why people do the things they do.  I have always been hopeful that people I have been associated in the past have been able to move on and become better for others who choose to engage in relationships with them.  If there are ghosts that linger we might be mistaken for thinking that ghosts linger because there is unfinished business that needs addressing, but no.  That's not why ghosts hang around.  Yes, they might want you to complete some unfinished business for them (blame Ghost Whisperer for that) but it's also more to do with things that you need to be conscious of that needs addressing.  You just might need some external assistance pointing that out to you.  Will you pay attention to the signs along the way?

I was too strong you were trembling
You couldn't handle the hot heat rising (rising) umm
Baby I'm so rising
I was running, you were walking
You couldn't keep up, you were falling down (down), umm
There's only one way down

I guess the thing about falling down is the idea that you're coming down or crashing down to reality.
When you are in a different space or at a different pace to the other person who wants to engage you in a relationship, there might be some serious talks that need to be had about how things will work.  I'm not saying that relationships are work, but I am saying that you do need to work on communication and ensuring that clarity and transparency are the order of the day.  I've been finding that I've had to be much clearer and more transparent in everything that I do lately.  In the past I might have been angry or annoyed about having to justify myself but now I realise that some people require multiple explanations and approaches of things that you say because they don't have the same life experiences as you.  When you are tasked with explaining things to people and you are being relied upon to do that - it makes perfect sense that you try to hone your craft and become open to criticism because if it makes you the best version of yourself possible, isn't negative criticism the best thing?  When people can't handle you or what you are about - help them understand what you mean and give them opportunities to understand.  But I guess if you don't want them to know you or where you stand, continue to be enigmatic haha.

I hope that people who have left you to be with other people, new lovers or whoever they happen to be labelled as, that you are ready to move through it and remember who you are in the process.  Sometimes in breakups or in relationship breakdowns we struggle to understand what we demand of ourselves, because we've been too busy giving ourselves to others, we give so much, if not, all, to our detriment, that we forget what we want for ourselves too.  We forget that it's ok to want things that don't include other people.  We forget what being free really feels like because we feel that we need to feel connected or belong to people, maybe even to as many different people as possible.  But I disagree.  I feel that you should just think about what you want for now, and just think about how you want to be, just be, but only if you're ready, if you're ready. . . 

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Water under the bridge. . .

When you're not sure if it's all water under the bridge. . . 

If you're not the one for me
Then I'll come back and bring you to your knees
If you're not the one for me
Why do I hate the idea of being free?
And if I'm not the one for you
You've gotta stop holding me the way you do
Oh when you found that the one for you
Why have we been through what we have been through

How do you figure out how to be when things don't go as planned?  It's more than just being worried about worrying about what other people think of you, people's perceptions shouldn't matter unless subconsciously you're the type of person that wants to be well liked and wants to be popular in that regard.  I guess if you didn't have many friends at school or many friends growing up, you try to seek these friendships and compensate when you are older.  It's human nature right?  Just how things pan out.  I think people secretly hate the idea of being free because they like the idea of being controlled.  I mean they don't say it openly, but they will use any excuse to say that their life is not what it is because they it is easier to blame someone else, or other people who have done you wrong.  It's a bit of a catch 22 I suspect, because even if you weren't able to control your circumstances, it's important to remember that you don't need to be a victim of your circumstances either.

It's so cold out here in your wilderness
I want you to be my keeper
But not if you are so reckless

I think we try to belong to people because it gives us some security, knowing that we are being kept by others who want us to either belong with them or be kept by them.  What do you do when they become reckless then?  If you are in the wilderness it's because you've allowed yourself to be out there and either deep down you enjoy being rescued or you're actually oblivious to the fact that you're out there in the wilderness.  Would you want to be wild out there in the wilderness?  If you are in need of some space and freedom, it might just exactly be what you need.

If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently
Don't pretend that you don't want me
Our love ain't water under the bridge
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently
Don't pretend that you don't want me
Our love ain't water under the bridge
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge

Have you been let down gently?  I've been privy to conversations where people should've been let down gently but they haven't because people refuse to put other people out of their misery.  Would you want to be let down gently?  It's never being let down, but I guess it's easier and more humane, despite the pain, to be let down at all, rather than not.  At least you would know where you stood and wouldn't waste time thinking that there was water under that bridge when there clearly wasn't.  Why do people need to pretend anyway?  Who stands to gain from all of the pretence and not being completely honest about what it is that they want?

What are you waiting for?
You never seem to make it through the door
And who are you hiding from?
It ain't no life to live like you're on the run
Have I ever asked for much?
The only thing that I want is your love

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk and the way they talk.
If they can't seem to make it through the door then what's stopping them from coming through it?
Why do we even wait at all?  I've seen too many people wait (myself included) for signs and conversations that never happened.  Why do we hide ourselves from others?  Why do we run away from facing the battles and wars that we are meant to fight?  Where should we place our trust at the end of the day?  If all we ever want in this world is love, how hard should it actually be before we get to experience the love in our dreams?  I guess if you are brave enough to bite the bullet and do something about what you need to do, you would be a lot braver than me, I can tell you that.  It's not that I don't think I don't deserve love, I just think that lately it's not a priority for me, because I see so many issues with it with those around me, both fact and fiction.  Both real and surreal.  What would you do in order to know for sure?  Has the love gone altogether, disappeared and never to be seen near that bridge again?  Say it ain't so, say that our love ain't water under the bridge. . . 

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Take it all. . .

Think twice before you let him take it all. . . 

Adele finished her 15 month world tour in Auckland, Aotearoa New Zealand and it was the best concert I have ever been to.  There were so many things to take in, the weird and wonderful opportunity of finding some local male singers to sing as the male chorus for "Skyfall" and just being there to soak it all in with my high school chum.  Another high school friend was gutted that she didn't get tickets, but in the end I got a complimentary ticket for my work sourcing the choir, so she was able to attend as well - even if she was seated in the opposite side of the stadium.

Didn't I give it all?
Tried my best
Gave you everything I had, everything and no less
Didn't I do it right?
Did I let you down?
Maybe you got too used to having me 'round
Still how can you walk away
From all my tears
It's gonna be an empty road without me right here
But go on and take it, take it all with you
Don't look back at this crumbling fool
Just take it all with my love, take it with all my love

Have you been in a relationship where you just give everything all the time?
I often wonder how people can survive in relationships like that.  Giving everything and not keeping at least a little something for themselves.  The intimate nature of the piano and the voice gives the listener more access to hear the agony heard in the voice, the sparseness of the accompaniment also reminds me of the fact that yes, he has taken everything and all you're left with is your voice and the chordal accompaniment of the piano.  If you always find yourself in these situations - why do you continue to play that role?  Why do you let him take everything?  Is it because you're so used to him taking it all, you're so used to giving it all, that you don't know any other way to be?  Don't you have friends or sisters that can step in and take you away, because you're not "about that life", because there isn't really any kind of life that allows you to put yourself last, every single time.  Why do we punish ourselves in this way?  We all know that anything worth having isn't easy to come by.  Why should we cry when he leaves anyway?  Even if he takes his love with him, just remember to keep a little love for yourself so you can help that to grow when you need to.

Maybe I should leave, to help you see
Nothing is better than this and this is everything we need
So is it over?
Is this really it, you're giving up so easily
I thought you loved me more than this

It is always hard to let go.
Is it really bad if love leaves your life, leaves him and leaves you too?
Maybe it was love once, but things change with time, you changed, he changed, life changed.
It takes some strong people to admit when things don't work anymore.  It takes strong people to know when to let go, to relinquish their hold over things or people that no longer want to be held.  So what do you do?  Let yourself be held by those who want to hold you.  Allow yourself to be loved in ways that you never dreamed possible, in ways that you deserve.  Who knows where that will come from, or when, just know that you should no longer wonder why someone stops loving you, or when you stopped loving them - just know that they can take it all.  Change the fact that you thought he loved you more than this, just love yourself more for once.

But go on, go on take it all with you
Don't look back at this crumbling fool 
Just take it with all my love, take it with all my love

Sometimes all people need is a nudge in the right direction to know how much they can take from you right?  When you give an inch do they take a mile?  Are you happy to be taken from all the time?  When we reach the end of our rope, we might just let people take it all from us.  Because they think if they take it all, that we will be left with nothing.  There are selfish people like that in the world aren't there?  They would still look at you even if you thought yourself to be a crumbling fool because they are just drawn to you, so envious of what they perceive to be a perfect life, that you are such a success and they don't know how else to treat you, but mistreat you.

I will change if I must
Slow it down and bring it home, I will adjust
Oh if only, if only you knew
Everything I do, is for you

The bridge explores other harmonic progressions that are absent in the verse and the chorus, before the piano takes over at the end with a short interlude before playing the final chorus.  When you want to hold onto love, you think that you have to change in order to keep it.  But what if you don't need to?  What if love isn't about trying so hard at all?  I guess it depends on the situation you're in.  Whether you make a choice to hold on or let go, it also depends on the history of the love that you've had or not.  Wouldn't it be nice for a change if someone else did everything for you, for once?

But go on, go on and take it, take it all with you
Don't look back at this crumbling fool
Just take it, take it all with you
Don't look back at this crumbling fool
Just take it all, with my love
Take it all with my love
You take it all with my love

I hope that you'll realise that when people fall in love, they are only fools for a short time.
Well, it just depends on who thinks what fools look like really doesn't it?
I hope that you can appreciate what it means to be gracious, because you have always been for so long.  Nobody is perfect though, and we all have our crosses to bear or rivers to cross, and relief and respite does come along. . . should come along when you most need the rest, but not before then.  Take it all with you.  There might be things from me that you think you need, but I no longer need.  So take it all with my love, you take it all with my love. . . 

Friday, 24 March 2017

Magic what she do. . .

When you need to remember, it's magic what she do. . . 
Blog post dedication to +Fetaui Iosefo 

She gave him a melody to sing
Gave him a special flavour
She speaks in the languages of loving
He's an illiterate reader
She don't mince words
Gotta let love in sometime
We could make a great team

People may start taking you for granted and not really know or appreciate the magic that you do.
What melodies do you offer to the world, to show them what melodies you sing?  Often we think that our melodies are not worth sharing but then we remember that if we are prepared to really think about and uncover the source of our happiness, what lies deep within, then we wouldn't spend our entire day trying to convince ourselves that we have no magic, that what do does not have magic attached.  Have you had people say to you that they can't help but notice, that you are able to read their minds or know the exact thing to say when they need to hear it, even if they don't want to hear it?  People like us don't mince words.  No matter you hear people say, gees, it's magic what she do. . . 

And with the scream of the limelight
Learn to forget your failure
The heart of a practical dreamer
Darling he'll never fail ya
Promises of giving his soul intention
Promises a-plenty

The limelight affords you the opportunity to shine just as much as the opportunity to be exposed, so be prepared to have your life placed under intense scrutiny and to have people try to push themselves into places where they don't belong.  Why do people do this to you?  Is it because they don't know how to create their own limelight?  Why is the limelight screaming in the first place?  Is it because it notices that even when you try to escape it, the limelight screams out for your return?  Do you know many practical dreamers in your life?  I think I seem to attract these types of people.  I guess it's nice to have people around you who have dreams and ambitions, goals and desires that make sense to you.  What promises do you hope will win out in the end?  I guess there's only one way of knowing; it's all a matter of choice.

'Cos it's magic what she do
(Magic what she do)
Celebrate (yeah)
'Cos it's magic what she do
(Magic what she do)
Love - don't think twice
(Magic what she do)

You only know it's magic because you can't explain it.  So who needs to know how she does something, how I do something, how you do something?  I think we just need to celebrate the magic that is all around us.  For however little time we might not even know we have it, for however long we think that we will have it.  Who knows what magic we are capable of doing, if we continue to hide it deep down inside us, trying to suppress it from escaping.  For some of us, we can never hope to hide it if we tried.  Our magic is just meant to be out there doing its thing and being free.

And with a melody to sing
How could I feel a failure?
Hope is a heavenly spring
Bouncing you back a favour

It's important for all of us to have a melody to sing.
A melody could be anything that you need to hold onto, like something that shines only from you and is unique to you.  It could be something that people envy and wish that they had, but only because the way that you bend that melody, make it rise and fall at will, give it tone and colour with how you pain that melody, makes you a master of it; it's a melody that only you know and only you can play in the perfection that you can produce with a melody that is all your own.  I think as much as we go through really difficult situations and wish that we were able to bypass all of the horrible things in life, we must remember that there cannot be light without dark, there cannot be heavy without light,  there cannot be joy without sorrow and we must remember that what we do, despite our good intentions, might not be perceived that way by others.

She don't mince words
You gotta let love in sometimes
We could make a real team
And on-sing a together song
Find each other's rhythm
And we'll dance 'till we can't walk

People who mince words spend far too much time trying to hide what they're really trying to say.
I think the more honest you can be with yourself, you can be more honest with others.
There is a difference to being rude and seeming abrupt, but I think if you allow yourself to shine with others, they will be able to distinctly tell the difference and discern what it means to be hurt by you or accidentally knocked down when you are oblivious to your surroundings.  Are you an expert in finding the rhythm of others?  Why don't you listen carefully so that you can fit your melody to their rhythm?  I guess that's one way we can collaborate authentically with others. so that we can start to begin a song that we can only play with each other.  I guess that's when you know you're ready to let love in sometimes too.

Like that pendulum that swings
It's amazing what love brings
Little boy - little girl
Play to the rhythm of the world
(Magic what she do)
Promises a plenty
Litte boy - little girl
(Magic what she do)
And magic, magic
Magic what she do. . . 

I hope that we find the significance of magic in everything we do.  I have a friend who I call the Polynesian Polly Anna because she never sees the bad in anybody - she rarely ever does, and that's a rare thing indeed.  I agree with her wholeheartedly when there are justifiable instances where it is important to stand up for yourself and for others who are unwilling to or feel ill-equipped to stand on their own, so you must stand for them.  She definitely doesn't mince words!  I hope that people come to know about the magic that you do.  Because you already know about the magic in what I do.  I'm just looking forward to seeing the magic that we do . . .

Sunday, 19 March 2017

Many the miles. . .

Many the miles I have to get to you . . . 

There's too many things that I haven't done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I would've learned something

Worrying about how much you have to get through in life, you begin to start feeling anxious about what you are meant to be doing that comes from deep within yourself.  Do you spend enough time getting to know yourself in a way that means that you can control time in your own way?  Prioritise what is important to you, prioritise who is important to you and then make decisions based on those things, on those people and create the necessary conditions so that you don't have to waste away the day wishing it would slow down.  Just keep your head down, keep working on what you need to and everything will fall into place.  Maybe we never really learn the things that we think we already know, because we never really learn them.  We are just meant to experience them and absorb them into our skins the same way we rub sunscreen to protect us from harmful UV rays.

I made up my mind when I was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again I lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in the low light
And then love comes in

It is completely natural to lost sight of the good life that we are trying to create ourselves.
Some of those distractions could be because there are people who are trying to stop you from living your best self, because all they see is you progressing and moving on with your life - either without them or in spite of them.  What childhood things did you see with your mind that you decided - right - when I'm grown up, I won't be like that, I won't make those poor decisions, I will be better than where my circumstances have brought me.  The only reason we might get stuck in the low light is that secretly, underneath it all, we have become accustomed to its deceptively soft light and mistaken for some kind of setting that we deserve, so that we stay in the shadows and try to be as inconspicuous as possible, melting into the background much like ice on a hot pavement in summer.

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles, many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I'll be happy to 
Follow you Love

Do you know how far you have to go?
I can't help but think about how many miles I've been, before even contemplating on the many miles I have ahead of me.  I don't think that we need to worry too much about how far we need to get to someone.  We just need to figure out how far we can get to seeing the best in ourselves, because it is only by being able to visualise ourselves going all those miles, will we be able to get there in reality.  There is a lot to be said for being able to visualise conquering many miles.  It is easy to say and it easy to have a false sense of bravado, but you forget, if you intend to get through as many miles as possible, be prepared to get in the training, build up your stamina and train hard for those many miles.

I do what I can wherever I end up 
To keep giving my good love
And spreading it around
'Cause I've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes
I've learned how to cry
And I'm better for that

Have you had your fair share of rejections and disappointments in love?  For some people they only need to meet that one person and it's a forever happily ever after sort of ending.  For others, they might need to kiss quite a few frogs before they find their prince, or finally have that knight in shining armour come to collect them from their distress.  I often smile when I think about people saying take care when they leave you, because I wonder - do they really mean that?  Is it just another things that people say in the absence of what they really mean or what they are too afraid to say?  I cynically sometimes think when someone says 'take care', it's actually short for 'take care of yourself because I can't.'  But in saying that, I think it's important to experience heartache and disappointment, to know what it means not to be loved anymore because when you finally come face to face with Love, you'll know what it was meant to really feel like, without anymore negative thoughts of a doomed or failed past, a wall of shame of the ones who got away, or the ones who couldn't leave fast enough.

Sing how far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get you
Many the miles
Send me the miles and I'll be happy to 
Follow you Love

Seeing how many miles lay in front of you can be enough to put off the most seasoned of endurance runners.  There might some obstacles on that road that you can't see with the naked eye.  There might be some hazards that you can't make out right now, things that you can't see lurking ahead, lying in wait for you to stumble across.  Sometimes we can become over confident and easily fall into the complacency trap and think just because we have run so many miles before, that we underestimate the current course.  We might think that because we have this experience, this expertise, that we are able to read the signs accurately, that we are able to give advice to others about those miles.  But we forget too that everyone's journey is different, that they have their own personal set of miles to conquer and to run, far away from your critical eyes, far from your judgements that are not needed; but more support instead.

Red letter day and I'm in a blue mood
Wishing that blue would just carry me away
I've been talking about
Don't know if it's helping or not
But surely something has got to got to give
'Cause I can't keep waiting to live. . . 

It is always helpful to feel sad from time to time; to know that when you are not feeling your best, when things don't go as you planned, that you are able to talk about things when you are blue.  I find that when you are able to open up to someone and talk through what troubles you, what ails you, then you are able to vent, offload and let go of issues that can fester and drive you silently insane on the inside, far away from prying eyes.  If you are like me, then you often become a shoulder to lean on or cry on, a buddy to help pick up someone off the floor, an ally to help others laugh through all the pain; all the while laughing at your own life milestones.  Maybe we don't need to have perfect lives, but rather, just enjoy life crashing into everything like a bull in a china shop and not worrying about having to pick up the pieces.  I think if we all keep hold of hope and know that there are always good things to come, even when we can't see or feel them right now.  Don't waste another minute holding yourself back, thinking about what it is you can't do because others say you can't or want to stop you.  Put your game face on and know that surely something has got to give, 'cause I can't keep waiting to live. . . 

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Don't miss you at all. . .

No, I really don't miss you at all. . . 

As I sit and watch the snow
Fallin' down
I don't miss you at all
I hear children playin', laughin' so loud
I don't think of your smile

What do you do with memories that play back over and over in your mind?  Do they play because something in your current life triggers the memory and it plays?  A sudden whiff of a scent, a taste of something that you eat or a sound that instantly transports you to somewhere else in your distant past, does all of that help you to remember a smile that you are trying to forget?  Someone that you don't miss at all?  Maybe you really don't miss them, because they hurt you in some way or they've gone far away and you can't get to them anymore.

So if you never come to me
You'll stay a distant memory
Out my window I see lights going dark
Your dark eyes don't haunt me

There might be moments where you don't see them again, but because you think of them, they could suddenly appear when you least expect them to.  Has this happened to you?  Those chance meetings, unplanned moments that make it seem too good to be true, why would they happen at all?  What distant memories do you have in your mind?  Are they stored and archived in specific periods of time, like you associate your personality with defining moments that came about through interactions with people you once cared about, people you were willing to give up or forgo because they didn't fit in with your master plan.  Is this why their dark eyes try to haunt you now, because you pushed those dark eyes away?

And then I wonder who I am
Without the warm touch of your hand

If we can go through life without having someone define us, that we don't need to be associated with someone, even if we were married or closely linked to another individual who the world seems to think we are bound with, does this make you wonder who you are without them?  When connections are severed we often think about who we are - what we are meant to see in the mirror staring back at us when relationships ends, when misunderstandings happen and fly so freely between people in awkward silences and in stilted conversations that you would rather not engage in, where once there were warm touches of hands, only cold absences of emptiness exists.  Society would have you believe that being on your own is a bad thing, that you need someone to complete you and help you to make sense of the world.  It's completely up to you how you choose things to be and more importantly, the you, that you would like to become.

And then I wonder who I am
Without the warm touch of your hand
As I sit and watch the snow
Fallin' down

Contemplation, reflection, meditation and edification are all important when you are considering how to watch the snow fallin' down.  You might not have experienced that conversation, might not know any other way than having warm touches of hands to comfort you. How will we learn resilience if we solely rely on the comfort of others to keep us warm?  Can we be brave and strong enough to create new spaces and niches to become who we want to be without adhering to conformity?  Is this why they say that something that doesn't conform is called deformed?  Conformed I imagine to mean something with shape.  Why should deformed mean something that is devoid of shape?  It's just in a shape that is not acceptable to society, to social norms that make rules that block people from being who they naturally are.  I guess it's during those times that I don't miss you at all, I don't miss you at all, I don't miss you at all. . . 

Me. . .

This track is a song request by +Pikihuia L 

I just want to be free
Swinging my titties from tree to tree
Sipping ginger tea and Hennessy

Looking good without a weave
Let me be as the sea
Can I flow
Can I go
To the corner store
In a pink robe
Lip gloss, tight cornrows
Fresh flip flops, pedicure toes

You can be forgiven for not being able to vibe out to this song because of its lyrical content, but it's because of its lyrical content that I feel drawn to the song in the first place.  I had never heard of this particular track before and had never heard of the artist before either.  I had asked +Pikihuia L for a song request last week and she instantly named this song.  The first time I listened to the track, I must admit it took my ears by surprise, but in an exciting way that I hadn't heard new music in a long time.  It reminded me of the flashes of images that go through my mind when I hear new music; I don't know what to expect, I don't know where I will be taken and I let go of anything that I think it's supposed to be and just allow the sound to soak itself in me.  As soon as I played the opening bars of the song, it became very clear to me that I would be able to recognise how all of the elements worked together to produce a soundscape that I could feel myself seep into.

I just want to be clean
Keeping the flesh in between
Ripe like I'm 13

I've been feeling like a queen
I bought a globe, now the world is mine
Telescope and now I see the signs
The stars align, in front of my very own eyes
I'm the kind to open up my mind before I open my thighs
Can't f*** with that format, say your goodbyes (keep it movin, right along this way)

I imagine this song would be something that if you were a woman, you would play while you were relaxing in a hot bath after a long day, playing in your car as you took yourself off on a long drive somewhere out on the open road, or played in the background to provide some ambience at an intimate gathering with close friends.  Are you the kind of person to open your mind before you open your thighs?  I think we often engage in the physical too quickly, too often without engaging with people's hearts and minds, getting to know what sets people on fire and being able to see what ideas ignite their souls.  What do you see with your telescope?  What signs do you now see that you thought only you could see, maybe because you've trained yourself to see so vividly?

I just want to be me
Lotion my titties and lotion my feet
This great feat
I fight to blur the lines between dark and light

All skin is intimidating 
Reflecting power equally shared within
Quit the hating 
Such treasure could never be measured
Every day walking my head up 
Pointing my chin conscious of situations I'm placed in
All comments overcame
My mind vacant

I think women have all too often been made to feel ashamed of their bodies.  I'm not saying that you need to overtly be sexual about anything, but if you are comfortable in your skin and you are ok with showing it off in public, then go you.  Are you able to blur the lines between dark and light?  I think about whose dark and light are we talking about here?  Depending on what we are all going through in our individual lives, definitive and indefinable moments, it is all reflective of what we hope to be able to achieve on any given day.  Do we spend time being intimidated by situations that we find ourselves in, when we put ourselves out there and become strong enough and strong willed enough to expose our tough skins to help quit the hating that can threaten to overwhelm us, if we let it.  Being able to wear what you like, being able to wear what makes you feel good inside, is a daily exercise that can also be tempered by what you are expected to wear to conform, or expected to wear to help other people feel comfortable about themselves and where you fit within their landscape.  Why do we keep doing that to ourselves?

The vision came to me through a zephyr
Everything is light and whatever is whatever
Where is my lighter?

I've been rolling in trees
A little ashy
Nappy, happy
Limbs intact, doing dandy
Life is sweet
Fruits are the earth's candy
What would I do without Brandy, Fox, Kim and Missy
Patra and Erykah
Proof there can be more than one without replica
Truth in the booth you can read through my retina

More often than not, you will spend your entire life trying to help people see things from your perspective.  You will spend time trying to get them to understand whatever commonalities or similarities exist between you so that they can feel some sort of connection, some sort of bond that makes you less alien, less challenging and just less than whatever threat you might even accidentally pose.  Are you able to stand alongside other pioneers or other women who have never been afraid to be who they are?  They appear to be so staunch and uncompromising in who they are, what they stand for and able to spout their beliefs and values without pretending to be someone else.  It might pay to surround yourself with people who are without replica, that they are one of kind originals who help you to rise above the worst of who you are, help to bring out the best in you and help you to see your authentic self in a world that wants you to be as fake as possible, wants you to lower your standards so that you don't surpass or exceed expectations that never were.  I'm just saying that I won't be apologising anymore for what I see coming through my retina.

What's a world to do when the world's against you
Throw it in they face, let them know what you meant to
F***ing the mental while you stroking the soul
That's what you call f***king self control

I want to own my sanity
Minimize my vanity
My hair defying gravity
Melanin so high, opacity

It might take a long time for you to come to terms with your own sense of self and acknowledge that even when the world is against you, as long you are strong enough to stand for you, to stand up for yourself, be your biggest fan, isn't that enough for you to be able to sustain whatever injuries come your way and push through?  Are you able to own your own sanity?  What does that even mean for you?  Sometimes I think it means being able to be crazy in your own head without showing a single sliver of it to the world, like it never sees the light of day, because you are in control of what you choose to expose or repose.  What self control do you have?  I think as much as we think we know people, we probably only know about 30% of a person, because they only show us versions of themselves the rest of the time, or never show us who they really are inside, for fear of being rejected.

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine

Best believe it'll leave you blind, hopefully remind
Mankind, open up your mind
Show 'em the drive
Running deep in it from behind
'Till it touch the spine
Can't sleep and you can't recline
'Till you have arrived
Paradise where the soul resides makes a soldier cry

There should never be a time when you become complacent.  There is too much going on for you not to be a part of it and make your contribution felt.  What drive are you hoping to show others who will benefit from it most?  I think if we make the most of what gifts and talents we are given so that we are able to advance our current generation to build the next one coming through, this is the only way to build legacy leaders who we can safely and quietly affirm, relinquishing our control over things we cannot, because this is just the way the world has panned out right now, and nothing is ever as it seems.  Nothing is a sure thing anymore and I guess we just need to know what matters to us as people, know what is worth having a spine and backbone for, because it helps to define what we are about and how we want to operate in this realm.

Rest in peace, Bernie Mac
Rest in peace, Maya Angelou
Rest in peace, Kanye's mother

I hope that you get to a state of peace soon enough.
Why should we wait until we die before the life escapes our bodies and leaves us to rest in eternal peace with those lifeless bodies.  Trying not to be morbid here, just sharing some observations.  I hope that despite what life has to offer, what the world does to us sometimes, especially during the bad, sad and mad times rather than the glad times, that we are able to find peace somewhere.  Whether we are able to find peace in creating objects or experiences that bring us extreme joy, or become immersed in places and spaces that help to celebrate who we really are on the inside.  I know that this is what I will spend most of the time doing for you, because I will do whatever is in my power to do so to help you in this way, it's what we sign up for when we made promises to love, ourselves and the wider world.  This is something that I can do for you, as well as something I can do easily for me. . . 

Monday, 13 March 2017

You don't own me. . .

When you need to let someone know, they don't own you. . . 

This track featured in one of my favourite films in the 90s The First Wives Club.  I've never been through a major breakup or divorce like the characters in the film; as being a widow is a completely different type of loss that you never really choose for yourself, it just happens.  It got me thinking, I wonder if there is such a thing as a widow's club and there are some that exist, but it's more to do with people searching for others who have had similar experiences, rather than for anything else.  Where would you go searching to find conversation, companionship and do whatever you wanted with other like-minded people?  This song also made me think about who we let tell us how to do things or say things.  Do you let others control you in this way?  Why do we learn this and then never let go?

You don't own me
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me
Don't say I can't go with other boys

It can sometimes be hard to know when you are someone else's trophy or have become a toy in their lives.  Pretty soon you pick up on this vibe when they don't really respect you or your feelings.  They don't really pay attention to what your needs are in a relationship or just avoid talking about anything that could lead to a relationship because they are living in fear of their own emotions and feelings so have no room to deal with yours.  The thing that has always fascinated me is when they don't want to be in a relationship with you, but then don't want you to see other people either.  They can't have their cake and eat it too right?  That whole double standard of them being able to pick and choose whatever they want to do, but you feel obligated to be honest and truthful with them, even when they don't deserve it.  Why do women do that?  Why do we feel compelled to bring everything out into the open?  I'm generally speaking here, as not all women bring everything out into the open.  In fact, there are some women who choose not to say anything or disclose any information.

And don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
And please when I go out with you
Don't put me on display

You will know very quickly if you are in a relationship where someone keeps telling you what to do and what to say.  Granted, if you are allowing them to do that, because you have asked for their opinion about what you should do or say, that's something different.  But if you are in a space where you just fully accept someone dictating or taking control of everything that you do and everything that you say - you have to ask yourself, what has lead to this situation?  When did you stop losing control over your own actions and your own words?  When did you think it was ok to allow someone else to direct everything from you?  That you would put someone else in the driver's seat of your life because you couldn't trust yourself to give your own opinions and facts about life?  Being someone else's trophy is degrading and if you have been in that situation, you will also quickly know what that feels like.  When you are paraded in front of people so that they can ogle you and you help to raise the status and add prestige to the unfortunate soul that is trying to suck your very life from you; I"m hoping that you have very good friends who can tell you what's actually happening, that is, if you've managed to retain your friends and he hasn't got rid of them in the first place.

You don't own me
Don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me
Don't tie me down 'cause I'll never stay

When people try to tie you down, they will try so many different avenues to ensure that you are never going to leave them and to make you stay.  When people are hell bent in making you change to suit their purposes, rather than assisting you with change that you have indicated that you want for yourself, are very different things.  You could be mentoring someone and helping them meet their own individual goals for self improvement - this is a good thing and as long as the other person has control over what decisions they are making and how they are planning to live their best lives.  If on the other hand, they are changing because they are being forced to, because you're driving this to suit your own needs; I hope you still have a conscience still inside you that knows what you are doing and sparks some self reflection about your intentions.

I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you

The key to all of this, is of course, reciprocity.
What can you say to reason and be logical with someone who might just be at their tipping point?  Are you able to convince someone else that you don't do any of the things that they are trying to force onto you - so why should they even start?  Do they know what it means to let you be yourself?  Have you shown your true self around this person?  Do they know how you like to be yourself at all times, without all the pretence that you have cleverly wrapped yourself in, for fear of being discovered that you are not as you seem, or fear of not being understood?  The most important thing in the world right now, might be your ability to be able to be yourself without having to cover anything up.  Are you ready for this?

I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way that I want
To say and do whatever I please

I hope that when you are young, you do all the things that young people do.  I hope that when you are free, you do all of the things that free people do.  What can you do to live life the way that you want?  For some of us, there might be some significant changes that need to take place in order for us to be truly happy in this earthly realm.  For others, there might just be some slight changes or minor reshuffling that is required to make our homes and lives just become that much better.  I think as long as you say and do whatever you please, without hurting others in the process, there really is nothing wrong with that.  Just always bear in mind, when you come across those people who try to keep you down, who try to twist what you're doing and keep you away from your targets, goals and actions in life; be prepared to face them head on and be brave.  Just look them dead in the eye and tell them you don't own me. . . 

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Fall at your feet. . .

When you can't help but fall at someone's feet. . . or you continue to fall at theirs. . . 

I'm really close tonight
And I feel like I'm moving inside her
Lying in the dark
An' I think that I'm beginning to know her
Let it go
I'll be there when you call

Have you ever felt close enough to someone that you felt that you could see inside their thoughts?
You might find yourself so far removed physically from their vicinity, but because you connect with them so well on planes that you're only just starting to explore, it is no wonder that it feels like you're moving inside them.  How do we know when we are beginning to really know someone?  Sometimes I think that when we are just starting to get to know people, we try to find commonalities that will broke some kind of connection.  We strive to find a semblance of sameness to make all the difference.

And whenever I fall at your feet 
You let your tears rain down on me
Whenever I touch your slow turning pain

The simplicity of the bass, drums and guitar during the verses make me think of the intimacy of what sits behind the lyrics.  The chorus however, brings other elements into the mix, such as the harmonies and background vocals, the rhythm guitar and piano that you almost miss if you don't strain your ears to hear the chords.  Most of the time when I write these blog posts, I focus solely on the lyrics and the meanings that sit behind them for me.  But for this particular blog post, the instrumentation is quite hypnotic for me, just as the lyrics are.  Have you experienced something similar in your world?  Have you felt tears falling from someone's face and land on you, when you are at their feet?  I imagine different scenarios that would bring someone to weep in such a way that ignores someone falling at their feet.  Have you been depleted like that?  That maybe you are gripped with some kind of inconsolable pain you just need to be able to push yourself through; no matter how well-intentioned people are to try and help you process what you are currently feeling.

You're hiding from me now
There's something in the way that you're talking
Words don't sound right
But I hear them all moving inside you
Go, I'll be waiting when I call

Do people know when you aren't saying what you really mean?  Do people know when you are hiding your true feelings, that you are choosing to only show them a smaller view of the actual entire composition of chaos that is actually your life.  Do you sometimes think if people really understood the level of crazy that is your life, they might never really talk to you again?  I am sure if you are an astute enough individual, you are able to listen carefully to people and really hear what words aren't coming from their mouths?  I think if you are able to really focus on how their mouth moves, what their eyes say when they are talking and what their voice sounds like when they are speaking - you should be able to hear the sincerity and genuineness in their voice.  If not, then they are better actors than you would like to think.

And whenever I fall at your feet
You let your tears rain down on me
Whenever I touch your slow turning pain

I can understand why you would let your tears rain down, especially if someone keeps touching your slow turning pain.  Why do people do that?  Have you come across people who like to touch wounds that you are trying to heal?  Why do they enjoy making you suffer?  Does it make them feel better?  Sometimes you feel like your life is like a soap opera where it's drama after drama, sometimes because you've created it or people like to lay their dramas at your feet.  Is this why they fall at your feet?  Because you're probably the only person that is able to show sympathy when you should be showing tough love and be brave enough to have those tough conversations that might possibly end everything, completing change your world as you know it.

The finger of blame has turned upon itself
And I'm more than willing to offer myself
Do you want my presence or need my help
Who knows where that might lead

How can blame implode and indicate responsibility for itself in this way?  Does blame fall at its own feet in this way like seppuku, falling on its own sword?  Maybe you're just getting mixed message.  I mean, people can want you to be around and want your help, but not only can they not trust themselves around you in case they create even more dangerous situations or scenarios that threaten your safety, but you might not even be able to trust that you would want to be in that position, and struggle to know how to escape that.  I often think about what we would be able to do if we had knowledge in advance about certain situations - whether we would be able to advance or impede what happens.  It instantly transforms the event into an "almost happened" or a "never happened".  Very rarely are we afforded opportunities to explore options and construct the best outcomes for scenarios that show different pathways of things we never thought possible and things that are so convicted will happen.  There's just something about the utter confidence of knowing that doesn't allow anyone to dissuade you from destiny.

I fall
Whenever I fall at your feet
You let your tears rain down on me
Whenever I fall
Whenever I fall

I hope that whether you are someone falling at someone else's feet, or you're at the receiving end of people who always fall at your feet, just press pause.  It helps to decide whether what is happening is something that belongs to you - or belongs to someone else.  I think it helps to be mindful and present in the situations that you find yourself in.  Granted it might be a bit difficult to understand how to behave in situations that we have no control over.  Life isn't meant to be manipulated in that way, and most importantly, people are not meant to be either.  I guess you just need to know what leads you to fall, know what you look like when you are falling but most importantly, recognise what triggers that path.  Because even with all the planning, good intentions and treading with care - expect the unexpected, especially whenever I fall. . . 

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Butterfly. . .

Spread your wings and fly. . . butterfly. . . 

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open up my hands
And watch you rise

When you love someone, you might do some crazy things to either let them know that you love them, or they might not know that you love them and come off doing crazy things like trying to restrain yourself from outing your feelings in front of strangers because you're in the same room.  When we question or second guess ourselves and let our fears pervade rational thought, this is an opportunity to reflect carefully about what you are feeling and ask yourself why you are feeling this way.  When we don't want things to change because we would rather keep things under glass long enough to enjoy them, to see them for our own personal pleasure, we run the risk of it not being in a natural habitat that it belongs to, and that it needs to thrive quite openly.

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Oh fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly

When we are afraid of letting go and abandoning all of the restrictions that keep us back, hold us back from where we need to be.  What does it mean to be a butterfly?  No matter how hard we might think it is to change in this way, we recognise that change is a necessary part of maturing, of taking things to new heights and transitioning from a state of ignorance to the next phase of our life cycle.  Do you think you are prepared to fly into the sun?  Are you afraid that if you let them fly that they will not return to you?  This is the chance that you must be prepared to take - only because we can't control people and their feelings towards; in fact, we can only hope and pray that they feel as strongly about us as we do about them.

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And truly feel that your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land

When we want to keep things and people close to us, we run the danger of killing what or who we love the most.  There must be space or freedom that is granted to allow for nature to take its course, for all the learning that we must embark on in our own specific journeys.  When we watch other things or people being free in their worlds, we envy them don't we?  We might wonder - how did they get to be that way?  Can I hope to be as free as them one day?  If beauty is to flourish in the light, how much longer can I live in darkness?

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't overflowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

It is ok to feel low and to let tears feature during your days sometimes.  It's what you do after the tears that teaches you about how much you have learned so that you don't have to cry as often or you only save your tears for the absolute times where crying will suffice.  What hurt is so unbearable that you worry about the hurt overtaking you and your feelings right now?  I think its important to know that you can never really be anyone's or they can never be truly yours until they know what it means to fly on their own, without you, no matter how much you want to fly alongside them.  It's not your journey to take.

I hope that no matter what happens, that we will not be afraid to take flight and rely on our own wings to help us fly, to leave the ground and the safety and comfort of solid ground and propel us ahead.  Even if we have to find these different place without who we want to spend time with the most.  I hope that you start to trust and believe in yourself, because as much as people say that they believe in you and your abilities, the greatest advocate of you, is you!  So flutter through the sky , butterfly, spread your wings and fly, butterfly. . . 

Monday, 6 March 2017

Everyone's waiting. . . Anna Ternheim. . .

What are people waiting for?

They were few
Those who moved me
Somehow it confused me
Threw me off my feet to the ground

It is very rare to come across people who move you in life.
They may mean to do it on purpose, by accident, or may not even be aware that they're moving you, or moved you - unless you tell them of course.  When you get thrown for a loop because someone has moved you, why has that happened?  Was it like a huge jolt to the system that something has finally clicked into place?  Were you able to make the connections for yourself and make sense of what they have shared in order to gain some other deeper insight for yourself?  These are the types of people that you need to attract into your life because they are the people that are meant to help precipitate some action, agitate and inspire some change in you that only you can act upon, should you choose to do so.  For some part, I think we don't pay attention to people enough and recognise what it is that they do for, what they mean to you and what impact they can have on your life.  If everyone matters, why is everyone waiting?

Once it's done
Then you lay on your back
Stripped of illusions
Read a few names in the stars

What is it that we are waiting to be done?
You might feel that things are being done to you, that you have no control over, because nobody is actually even really listening to what you have to say.  Is this why you lay on your back?  You've had enough of fighting and are now just prepared to just lie back and wait for it to pass.  Wait for the illusions to finally fall from your eyes and seek clarity in the stars, because you find no substance, nothing tangible in this realm.

Maybe I waited for you
Maybe you waited for me
Everyone's waiting for someone to save them

With all of this waiting around, it's a wonder that anything gets done.
The more pragmatic and practical of those amongst us will find no solace in those people who either drag us down, distract us from what we are meant to be doing.  Is it all part of some elaborate test that we don't know we needed to study for, like some pop quiz that your most hated teacher always springs on you, not because they want to see how much you've learned in their class, but more to do with enjoying what it means to torture you and see you in your anguish.

They were few
Those who fooled me
Somehow it amused me
We derailed, got out of hand

Are you the type of person that gets fooled quite easily?  Maybe when we let down our guard we allow people to see what's really inside us; but there's always this sense of not knowing whether if you choose to reveal too much, it becomes exactly that; just too much and once it's done, you can't take things back.  You can't take back things that you say.  What amuses you now?  We might get pushed to the edge far enough and forget ourselves long enough to be derailed and let things get out of hand.  If you let that happen to yourself, who will be there to save you?  Did you get pushed to edge by the same person you let fool you?

Maybe I waited for you

Maybe you waited for me
Everyone's waiting for someone to break them

You might be waiting for someone to push you to breaking point.
Why do you allow this to happen?  Do you think this is what you deserve in your current life?  Is this the reality that you have created for yourself?  Is this what life is like now?  When we have decided that we are done waiting for others, when we have decided that they are done waiting for us, this might be when our breaking point is reached.  

Maybe I waited for you
Maybe you waited for me
Everyone's taking, no use escaping
Everyone's waiting for someone to save them

I hope that we understand what it means to wait.
Depending on the situation, we don't know whether waiting can be a good thing, or a good thing.
If people take so much from you, it might be an opportunity to step back and think about not making yourself as available, not allowing others to take so much from you that you are no longer as abundant with your generous gifts, time or energy.  If everyone is waiting for someone to save them, who will save you?  Time for you to save yourself, because it's about time you realised that you shouldn't have been waiting for anybody else; you've been waiting on yourself to put yourself first for a change.  It's time to stop everyone waiting for someone to save them. . . 

Sunday, 5 March 2017

Why worry. . .

Sometimes you need to pause for a moment and remember, why worry?

Baby I see this world has made you sad
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say
But baby, I'll wipe away those bitter tears
I'll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into gray

There will only be a few people in your life that know you well enough to see when you are worried or fearful of something going in your life.  If you are worried or fearful about something and your nearest and dearest don't know, then you must be really good at hiding things or a really good actor/actress.  I've often wondered why people do the things they do and say the things they say, especially when people can be bad sometimes, and if you can get past the initial "oh it's because they're jealous" narrative, you should be able to dig deep enough to get to the root of the cause.  You might think of yourself as a victim and have bitter tears, but don't stay in the negative place for long.  Figure out what the issue is, call them out for their behaviour if it's safe enough for you to do so and you can handle whatever else they have to throw at you, then walk away.

Why worry?
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now?
Why worry now?

We can all too often forget that when we face tough times, that we don't need to be in those spaces for too long.  How can we learn to laugh after pain again?  How do we learn to feel the sunshine after the rain again?  It might take someone who has learned how to do these things to show you how to do so, or you can recall someone from your past who has showed you, but they are no longer here.  What do we do when the things that should be here, are not here?

Baby when I get down I turn to you
And you make sense of what I do
And no it isn't hard to say
But baby just when this world
Seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way

When you are able to connect with someone who makes all of the unnecessary worry melt away, hold onto them.  I'm not saying that you need to rely on somebody to erase all your fears and doubts, but that if you have a cheerleader in your corner, or you can be a cheerleader for somebody else - why fight it?   Lately it might seem as if you're doing more comforting rather than being comforted, but know that this time will soon pass.  There will be someone that will soon come along when you least expect it, that will be truly interested in what you want to do with your life, want to share your concerns, joys and sorrows, just genuinely care.

Why worry?
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now?
Why worry now?

I hope that even though things may seem the stay the same, that I will always be the one that grows with change, constantly evolving with change and stretching myself in all sorts of directions.  I don't stretch in order to be stretched thin, but just to be able to test my own limits and know what it feels like to be under pressure and know how to have it removed.  When we have never really worried about things in the past, why must we feel compelled to worry about them now?  I hope that when people try to load so many of their issues and concerns onto you, that you learn different strategies for how to cope with that.  It serves all the more reason for you to be able to laugh after the pain inflicted by others and be able to feel the sunshine after rain.  So why worry now?. . .