Tuesday, 10 January 2017

You needed me. . .

When you needed someone or someone needed you. . . 

I cried a tear you wiped it dry
I was confused you cleared my mind
I sold my soul you bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me

I remember this song growing up as a child in suburban West Auckland.  I credit my parents with introducing me to really great lyrical singers.  That has stayed with me and influenced the type of singers that I still admire today as an adult.  Have you been able to count and rely on someone when you needed them the most?  If you have the luck to come across some really good people, they will go to the ends of the earth for you and do everything possible to be there for you, especially when you are able to tell them that you need them.  I think we often are reluctant to tell people how much we need them because we don't want to appear weak or we think that they might not reciprocate in our hour of need.

You gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost touch eternity
You needed me, you needed me

An acquaintance called me today and apologised for not being able to meet up as we had planned.  To be honest I had forgotten that we had made plans when I fell sick with the flu last week and all I was concentrating on was getting myself back to 100 percent.  She began to regale stories of updates from our last conversation and she thanked me for everything I had helped her with last year and that even though she was returning to Australia where she lived and worked, she was keen to still stay in touch as when she needed me the most, I was there for you.  It struck me that sometimes, even when we are surrounded by the people that fill our daily living spaces we tend to rely on other people overseas or in other places to support us through our biggest moments in our lives.

And I can't believe it's you
I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I never leave?
I'd be a fool 'cause I finally found someone who really cares

What happens when you go to rely on someone and they don't reciprocate?  You might have a long history and you thought that you were able to count on them to support them through something really important?  I think to minimise disappointment in this way, we must be careful about who we allocate with those important roles of being there for us when we need them the most.  I can say that I have had many disappointments.  They started when I was quite young and I thought that if I was a really good friend to others that it would be reciprocated - but sometimes it never worked out that way.  Those valuable lessons still continue today in adulthood and rather than dwell on the negative aspects of it, I am always grateful for the times when people are able to help, and still grateful for the times when they say they cannot.  I just hope you won't push people away who you find really care for you.  Can you tell the difference?

You held my hand when it was cold
When I was lost you took me home
You gave me hope when I was at the end
And turned my lies back into truth again
You even called me "friend"

Good friends instinctively know what it is that you need, before you even need it.
This comes from being able to see the worst of you and still accept you anyway.  Have you learned to master this skill?  To see the best in others when everyone is hell bent on only seeing the bad?  There will be times when people will vilify you and a test of your character will be when you are able to speak and defend your friend despite what the rest of the crowd is doing.  How can we turn lies back into truth again?  Good friends know when to step in and tell it like it is, when you don't want to hear it and when you are willing to throw away everything you've worked for.  I am grateful for always having hope and never letting go of hope, even when people want to squash it and wish only ill will.

You gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost touch eternity
You needed me, you needed me

I hope that you can take the things that people have done for you when you needed them and use them to keep you buoyant.  In fact, more than buoyant, but to really drive you to achieve everything that you are planning to live your best life.  When you are put on a pedestal, the only way off it is down, so when it is time for us to come off our pedestals, how graceful will we alight from them?  Will people help us back onto those pedestals if we are to be used as examples for others to follow?  The pressure can be super intense sometimes, but it's nothing that you can't handle, otherwise you wouldn't be going through it right now.

For the most part, people have told me that they have felt inspired by what I have shared and written in this blog, or they read so much into what I've written as if I've singled them out in some vague way, but to be completely honest with you, most of what I write has to do with me talking to myself, having internal conversations that I think if I say them out loud, could serve as something useful for someone else, somewhere else in the world.  That's quite some public diary entries there!

In the past month I have had an increased readership in people from Russia.  In fact, you've beaten the usual high number of readers from the U.S and my own home country of New Zealand - so thank you.  I guess as we start this new year, I wanted to thank you for the past few years, yes you, reading this right now.  It has been extremely rewarding for me to write and share my thoughts and feelings with the world in my own forum.  It has helped me with my grieving process, being a widow these past three years.  But most of all, especially if what I have written has come in handy for the times that you needed me, you needed me. . .