Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Soy yo . . .

This blog post is dedicated to every brown girl who needs to believe in themselves (including me!)

Yo cai me pare camine me subi
Me fui contra la corriente y tambien me perdi
Fracase, me encontre lo vivi y aprendi
Cuando mas te pegas fuerte mas profundo es el beat

I've been having writer's block lately with my research.  I think it has more to do with being overwhelmed by so many things as of late, things being in a mad rush winding down to the business end of the year and quite frankly, it just feels like I'm never switched off.  This year has definitely been a year of self discovery as well as reflecting on who I have been interacting with (or chosen not to) and thinking about how I can constantly improve myself, be the best version of myself.  I recently discovered that if I apply myself to raise my fitness levels. I actually enjoy exercise.  It clears my mind, it helps me focus on myself for a change and the task at hand and completely zone out of the noise that life can often bring with it.  I guess this is why the writer's block has even crept into my blogging as well.  But don't worry folks, I'm getting back up.  I failed, I found myself, I've lived and I've learned :-)

Sigo bailando y escribiendo mis letras
Sigo cantando con las puertas abiertas
Atravesando todas estas tierras y no hay
Que viajar tanto pa encontrar la respuesta

Sometimes we may blame our problems in our immediate surroundings and our current situation, but we forget that the answers also lie not far from home.  We must never forget to write our own lyrics and songs.  What words do you have?  What music do you have to sing?  Sometimes we can't find the words, it's easier enough to dance.  When I dance, I lose myself in the music and let go.  I've been to a few social occasions where people either don't dance or dance but watch others for new dance moves then become self conscious and sit down.  There are only a few people who dance like nobody's watching.  That's me.  That's the me I never want to lose.

Y no te preocupes si no te aprueben cuando te critiquen tu solo di
Soy yo soy yo 
Soy yo Soy yo soy soy soy soy soy soy soy
Soy yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo

Everybody is entitled to an opinion.  We can all agree to disagree if we have different opinions.  I still maintain that we can live and think however we like, as long as we don't hurt others in the process.  How do you know you're not hurting others?  Come up with your own checklist I guess.  Admit that you are if you find that's the case, but ultimately, the easiest thing to do is not to set out to harm others.  When you are criticised or met with disapproval from others, how do you take it?  I don't think you need to make excuses for being yourself.  Be proud of your difference, eccentricities and all of the things that make you uniquely you.


Sigo caminando y sigo riendo
Hago lo que quiero y muero en el intento
A nadie le importa lo que estoy haciendo lo unico que
importa es lo que esta por dentro 
A mi me gusta estar en la arena, banarme en el mar sin 
razon sin problema 
Estar sentada sin hacer nada mirando de lejos y estar relajada

I've been practising being more relaxed lately.  And you know what, it's a really hard thing to do if you're not open to it.  I'm talking about active relaxation.  Like seriously.  Eliminating all of the negative thought patterns and unnecessary noise from the outside world that threaten your peace of mind and sanity.  I think it's important to keep laughing as well.  We get so serious sometimes, that we forget to have fun and to enjoy life.  I mean look at the word 'enjoy'.  It means you find joy in something or in others - so you enjoy being around them or in a specific place.  Doing things you enjoy for no other reason than, it's time to relax and just do you.  I'm talking more than work / life balance here too.  But a way of life that separates you from people that pay bills and exist.  There's more to life than that!

Y no te preocupes si no te aprueben cuando te critiquen tu solo di
Soy yo soy yo 
Soy yo Soy yo soy soy soy soy soy soy soy
Soy yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo

So what are the things that you can do to actively relax?  Everyone's idea of relaxation may be different.  For me, it's definitely writing this blog.  Doing my research is another way of me relaxing too (I know - sounds stupid, but sincerely it is).  I find the thinking that sits behind the research really relaxing, even though the intensity of the thinking is quite heavy, I still find it relaxing.  I met a woman at a work meeting yesterday and she said that I talked like a doctoral student and it made me laugh.  What did she mean?  She said, you use doctoral level language.  I smiled at her and said, well. I hope I can translate that into writing - that's what I've been having trouble doing lately.  It's all swimming around my head waiting to spew onto the page for my supervisors to read.  But hey, I guess that's me.

Soy asi soy asi soy asi
Relaja
Y tu ni me conoces a mi
Bien relaja
Soy asi soy asi soy asi
Relaja
Y tu ni me conoces a mi
You know what I mean
You know what I mean
Relaja
Bien relaja
Relaja
Bien relaja

I have a deadline in a few hours but I'm feeling relaxed.  There's lots of things that I want to be able to express and articulate clearly but definitely the big picture concepts and ideas take precedence over the other minor details.  It's an exciting process and one that I don't think I would have been able to undertake had I not been able to get to this space in time to develop my critical thinking skills.  You know what I mean, you know what I mean. . . 

I hope that you are able to spend time doing things that make you relax.  Do the things that people expect you to fail in.  Do the things that people never expect you to be able to.  Defy the stereotypes that people box you into and give it straight back to them.  Enjoy the challenges that come your way and relish the opportunities that are just around the corner.  There will be lots of people who think they know you and what you can do, what you stand for, but until they have a meaningful conversation and made an attempt to get to know you, don't worry about them.  Forget them.  My friends who are going through challenging times being the only people in their respective fields - keep your head up girls!  Focus on what you need to do and where you want to go.  When they criticise you just say it's me. . .