Tuesday, 15 November 2016

I want to tell you. . .

Conversation peace - for peace of mind. . . 

I want to tell you
My head is filled with things to say
When you're here
All those words, they seem to slip away

When your head is filled with too many things, could it possibly be because there are too many lies in there and you have to keep track of what you said to certain people at certain times?  I've often told my students in the classroom - if you lie, and you're not good at it, don't do it.  The thing about being a fantastic liar is that you become so good at the lies that you tell, that you might eventually get caught out, especially if you can't remember all of the lies, the web of deceit.  Soon you start to entangle yourself in all of those lies and think, what have I done?  How do I get myself out of this?  How can I even begin to unravel what's in front of me?

When I get near you
The games begin to drag me down
It's alright
I'll make you maybe next time around

The thing with games, you have to know if the rules of the game are understood by all the players.  When I play card games or board games, the thing I hate the most is when the person introducing the games, reveals the rules as the game progresses, rather than give out all the rules at once.  Why do people do that?  Why do people move goalposts or pull out the rug from underneath you?  Is this so that they can still stay in play if they're lagging behind or to stop you from running?  Or are they playing strategically so that they can protect the other players in the game?  So that as long as you don't beat their other player, then that's all that matters.  When people play mind games or other such games that involves feelings, particularly trust, then that's an even more dangerous game to play.  Because when someone loses trust in you, it's so hard to build that back up, if you can even find the building blocks to begin with.

But if I seem to act unkind
It's only me, it's not my mind
That is confusing things

Once again we come back to the lies.  The side effects of lying is that, we think that by telling similar versions to the truth, that we're ok.  We will never be found out.  We will be totally safe.  But if you keep telling those stories, you end up with subtle variations of that original lie and you pad things out thinking that adding detail is the best thing to do - but no - everyone knows that if you're going to lie that you do it simply.  Keep it simple.  Give a truly plausible excuse.  Don't give other impertinent and irrelevant pieces of information.  If you know that you don't have a strong mind, then the only solution is not to confuse it or things by being stupid.

I want to tell you
I feel hung up but I don't know why
I don't mind
I could wait forever, I've got time

Consider the reasons for why you might be hung up.
You might already know the reasons but in order for those reasons to become solutions, it might be far far away from your sphere of influence.  So what do you do?  You might have to wait for other things to happen, by other people to consider moving, in order for you to get what you want.  Sometimes we might think forever is such a long time and we're impatient - when in actual fact it's only been a day.  The desperation that we might have in wanting things to go, will only seek to not make it so.  I think people that are often anxious and worry about things - need to just breathe, calm down and focus on other things that bring joy and happiness, keep things light so that they can have some semblance of being able to function in reality.  What do you do to give you joy?  What do you do when people try to steal or diminish that joy?

Sometimes I wish I knew you well
Then I could speak my mind and tell you
Maybe you'd understand

Sometimes people might think that they need to tell you everything, when actually, they should only be telling you the parts that are relevant to you. It's like when you think you're catching the express bus but the driver is taking the scenic route.  What thoughts go through your mind while you're silently screaming on the inside?  "Why am I seeing these things?  Why are you telling me this?  I don't want to know this!".  When you know something, you can't un-know it.  Something unknown is having no knowledge of it whatsoever.  Sometimes I wish I was in that state - didn't know anything at all.  It would make life so much easier.  And then I think about why I know things - I'm meant to know because there are obviously things that I can do to improve the situation. I guess it comes down to a question of - do I want to help?  That's a whole other situation.  If people knew me well, they would know.

I want to tell you
I feel hung up but I don't know why
I don't mind
I could wait forever, I've got time, I've got time, I've got time. . . 

I hope that if you are prepared to wait, that you do other things in the meantime to improve yourself, to make you happy in the meantime, because who knows how long forever actually is.  Worst case scenario could mean never, who knows.  So while you've got the time, use that time wisely, use that time efficiently to make things happen the way you want them to.  As for me, I'll be focusing on what I need to do for myself in the next couple of years, because who knows when my forever will start. That's all  I want to tell you. . .