Saturday, 3 September 2016

White light. . .

This blog post is dedicated to the memory of Ronati Lemalu - always remembered, never forgotten

Vague reflection to stare back like a ghost
Dropping out to wake with a bolt
It's all a moment everything will pass
Your heart grows from your mistakes

I have learned several things from making mistakes.  I realised that they weren't really mistakes.  I put them down to opportunities for learning about myself and about understanding why I made those choices which lead to decisions.  I feel that my heart grows from these because my capacity to forgive others who I might have thought lead me to make those decisions, were in fact due to my seeking other's approval to be validated in their lives because I valued their opinion rather than my own.  I recognise this for myself when others place their trust or belief in things that I say about what they could be doing to realise their potential.  Waking up to yourself can be an uncomfortable thing, but I find that once you become comfortable in being uncomfortable, you forget about that aspect of it, but focus on the next challenge that you lay for yourself.

What's in a number? 27 years
Not long enough to learn from your tears
Not long enough to live with the fear
That you just mightn't be done before your time

Have you experienced intense fear in your life?  Have you learned from the tears you've shed?  I spent some time recently with another person who is a fellow widow and she kept apologising for crying in front of me, but I didn't mind it.  There is something cathartic for her and I guess if I can encourage catharsis in others, particularly when they need it, then I accept that.  I am learning that just when you think you have arrived at a destination or you've reached a goal that you've had in mind, in actual fact, there is more beyond what you expected.  When people refuse to speak to you about issues or feelings that they are facing, the best thing that you can do is give them space to figure out what they want to prioritise in their life, and has nothing to do with your feelings, but more about their own.  This should tell you that they're not done living before their time too.  Embrace that time with yourself and appreciate what life has to offer, and what you can offer to it yourself.  What deems a life long enough to be lived anyway?

And all of the beauty, all of the pain
Everything borrowed won't happen again
And all that's left is love

When we live on borrowed time, it's just like when we borrow things from other people.  We try to forget that we might have borrowed those items at all and instead choose to think that we own it, nine tenths possession and all that.  We might be diligent, honest and trustworthy, heck even dependable and reliable and return what we have borrowed because we expect to be treated like how we want to be treated, as a result of treating others with respect.  All of the beauty and all of the pain that loved ones feel when they lose a loved one can never be minimised and shouldn't be.  All that Ronati will leave behind is the love he had for family and friends, for the sports that he supported and the potential that he saw in others.

White light, shine on a prodigy
Not yet, unfinished symphony
I can't breathe, I see what you could've been
You gotta live long enough to learn how to live

Family members will see how much you have achieved in your brief lifetime Ronati.
Your sons will grow up knowing what a great father you were to them, always looking for opportunities to grow them in their development as sports mad boys, but also see the role model that you provided for them, so that they too, could aspire to become as young men in their own right.  We might see your sudden departure from this world as an unfinished symphony, because there are so harmonies that you become to other people's melodies; but we cannot deny the impact you have made on others in your brief life.

Curtain fade into memory
Too young wasted a tragedy
Turn back, be who you'll only be
When you live long enough to learn how to live

I hope that people will not focus too much on the tragic circumstances that surrounded your passing, but instead, focus on the good times with them, the wonderful memories and laughter, care and love that emanated from you.  I hope that they remember your examples, your conversations, your mannerisms and your faith in others when they felt that they couldn't believe in themselves or chase their dreams.  Although my memories of you will always be of a little boy dressed in a suit reciting his bible verses in White Sundays growing up, I have always appreciated the fine man you became and seeing you with your lovely wife and sons always brought a smile to my face.

Gotta live long enough to learn how to live
Gotta live long enough to learn how to live
Gotta live long enough to learn how to live
You gotta live long enough to learn how to live

I hope that you enjoy your place in heaven Ronati.
You will be reunited with people who have been waiting anxiously for you and who will be really happy to see you, just as sad as we are that you have left us.  I pray that your parets, siblings, wife, sons and our entire extended family will rally around each other and celebrate your life.  I pray that your friends will never forget how much you cared for them and keep your sayings with them to sustain them through the difficult times ahead without you.  Even if we think that you haven't lived enough to learn how to live, I think you lived long enough to teach us how to live.

Thank you for being a loyal and faithful servant Ronati.
I am confident that you will be always be a white light. . .