Sunday, 25 September 2016

King of anything. . .

Keep drinkin' coffee 
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I'd say if I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

Having disagreements and arguments are common, particularly when you don't see eye to eye with someone.  Poor communication or stubbornness can lead to this taking place and resolutions can evade you when you are more hell bent on being right, rather than solving any problems or issues.  When you are in a potential conflict with someone - do you proceed to go 'all in' and give them a piece of your mind until you've let it all out of your system, or do you go 'all quiet' and prefer to avoid talking about anything?  Sometimes it might be easier to say nothing and wait for things to settle down a bit before people say things they might regret.  Have a think about other parties normally respond in a situation with you - because this might give you some greater insight into why they do the things they do, why they say the things they say, why they don't do the things they don't do, why they don't say the things they don't say.

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked
So let me thank you for your time
And try not to waste anymore of mine
Get out of here fast

I think as we grow older we should be learning more about how to respond with kindness to things that people say; we can weigh things up in two ways - whether they are true or not, and depending on whether they are true or not, so what?  Will we do anything to address any issues?  We can choose to be upset about any feedback we're given (unsolicited or not) and make decisions about how we can use that feedback to improve our personality, inform our character traits and how we interact with others.  It's always harder to take the high road right?  But it's a road less travelled and one worth traveling once you get past the obstacles and the special shoes you need to wear to endure the journey.

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

People may rely on you to save them, or probably don't realise that they've been asking you to save them through their actions, because they haven't realised they haven't verbalised their desires either.  How do we break news to people who refuse to listen?  How do we tell people that there is nobody to save, and even if there is, aren't we responsible for our own salvation?  Breaking news to people is always hard and when you do, be prepared to be attacked or blamed for the message, when all you're being is the messenger.  You might be the only person who allows yourself to be that emotional punching bag when they aren't equipped to look at themselves in the mirror to deal with their own issues.  But that's ok.  Well, it's not ok.  But when they are ready to see that they are the ones drowning, be ready to use your lifeguard skills again.  It's what you're good at after all.

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything?

I would expect that someone who would be the king of anything, would be someone who has the ability to make decisions on behalf of others with benevolent rule, be able to preside over a kingdom, commanding loyalty from his subjects.  If we were kings, do we inspire confidence from others in our ability to rule in our respective kingdoms?  I think there is much to learn in truly being able to 'agree to disagree'.  There are still people who insist on there being a consensus to be reached in order for harmony to be felt across the land, but we must be aware that being able to disagree with someone can be done in a perfectly amicable and amenable manner.  It does take a while to get to that point though, because it requires really effective listening skills, the ability to question people without them feeling interrogated, but more to do with power relations that allow power to flow between people.

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best
But you expect me to
Jump on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

When people focus on living their blind reality because they can't see the signposts, blatantly disregard the speed limits on their journey, it is little wonder that they don't reach their desired destinations.  You might have embarked on a quest that seemed worthwhile and it still probably is, but you realise that you were ill prepared and you start blaming people for believing in you in the first place.  I don't think I have ever blamed others for putting me in positions where I felt out of my depth - and even if they did so out of malice or out of genuine belief in me - I fought hard to rise to the occasion, I still do.  Even when I finally listen and it is hard to hear.  After all, they're just telling me what they think of me.  It's the actions you take after the listening that help you - if you let it.  So how can we let others know to avoid those delusional sunsets?  How do we find strength to disassociate ourselves from being on that pathway too?

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you'll never see
You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down
Just not the listening

When you are accused of not listening, either it's true or the accuser has some issues with listening themselves, heck, there's always room for improvement in this area and it really is super hard to really listen to each other.  When we stop listening to each other, it is easy to blame others for things that have happened to you (legitimately so, I'm not referring to playing victim when you actually put yourself in those situations knowing full well what the consequences would be) or to rely on assumptions and not ask questions to solve problems, rather than run away or avoid each other.  But this too shall pass and people are allowed to form opinions about what they think they need to do to preserve their own sanity.  It's when talking supersedes listening that we start to wonder, why do we surround ourselves with this on a daily basis?

All my life I've tried
To make everybody happy while I 
Just hurt and hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn

I hope that even when we get hurt by our nearest and dearest, that we develop the resilience to rise above it all, because there are more important things to do than lick our wounds all the time - especially if they are the same wounds that keep getting cracked and infected, as we allow ourselves to be hurt each time.  Why would you put yourself in harm's way?  Is this some sort of sick self inflicted punishment that you think you deserve, because you think you don't deserve real happiness or genuine affection from others?  Don't stand for it.  Life is too short for you to suffer other people's crap. On the flip side, you're probably overthinking this, but hey at least you know you're alive right?  What can you say to these people that feel that they have the right to say things about you even when all you've done is put them first and help them out?  Let me hold your crown, babe. . . 

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Don't wait. . .

This blog post is dedicated to Sieni Voorwinden - keep doing you, because we wait for nothing!

Old friend indeed, come build me up
Come shed your life, it makes me shine
You get the messages, don't you ever forget it
Let's laugh and cry until we die!

I've been spending time with old friends and new friends (made a few this year, one as recent as yesterday too!) and thinking a lot about what it is that I can offer as a friend to people.  I am a huge fan of believing in people and having them live to their potential. to realise their greatest aspirations for themselves, so that they can see what I see when I look at them.  More often than not, I'm met with incredulous expressions and questions of "really?  you really think that about me?" which is the usual catch cry from my friends who lack the self confidence to believe in themselves.  I guess this is why they appear in my life, because I can help move them along to help never forget how truly awesome they are.  I can't imagine anything more satisfying than to be able to laugh and cry with people who share my vision for life, and we just do life together.

If it wasn't for you, I'd be alone
If it wasn't for you, I'd be on my own
Don't wait til I do wrong
Don't wait til I put up a fight
You won my heart without a question
Don't wait for life!

There have always been people that have been there for me in really difficult situations.  When you thought that there was nobody that could understand what you're going through, the universe sends someone to help you at that most opportune moment to help push you, motivate you to snap out of some funky situations that you find yourself trapped in.  We allow certain people through the chinks in our armour, for whatever reasons we see fit, and it can be based on them proving their loyalty to us, proving how much they matter to us, so a level of reciprocity is introduced.  Have you let down your friends?  Real friends will forgive you for stupid things and will still forgive you when you have  extreme errors in judgement, but it will take for things to get back to an easy going flow, but when the dust settles, everything will be as it is meant to be.

Hey I care for you, I talk to you in my deepest dreams, unfortunate
We've got a friendship, no one can contest it, 
And not to mention, I respect you with my all!

You can always rely on your real friends to be well, real with you.  The more you get to know your friends, with the depth of your friendship, you should be able to talk about anything and be honest to the point of catching those hurt feelings, but that's a good thing.  If you can openly discuss things rather than avoid them, that's a sure sign that the friendship is solid and can withstand anything that comes its way and threatens to break the bond.  How have you dealt with difficult situations?  Have you struggled to figure out the right things to say because you didn't want to ruin the friendship?  Sometimes we need to break things so that we can put things back together.  Sometimes we try to be  careful that we spend far too much time trying to avoid breaking, but I guess without it - we can't get to a common ground of respect.

Not a thing in the world could get between what we share
No matter where you at, no worry I'll be there
No one's got your back like I do
Even when the business not going well, we still do
When I shine, you shine no ways on your side
All my life you have what's mine
Mark my word, we gon' be alright
My brother, my sister we gon' be just fine

Do you have different connections with different people? Do you find that your other groups of friends find it strange that you hang out with other groups of friends who they believe you can't connect with, but more importantly they can't connect with?  I really enjoy having connections with different people, because my personality has different layers to it, depending on how the other person is, I am constantly responsive, and exploring facets of the human spirit with them.  How else are we meant to connect in this realm but through conversation, meeting of the minds and sharing of the love for humanity that seems to be sorely lacking these days.

Hey, if it wasn't for you, I'd be alone
Hey, if it wasn't for you, I'd be on my own
Don't wait til I do wrong
Don't wait til I put up a fight
You won my heart without a question
Don't wait for life. . . 

So to my friend Sieni, there are more chapters to your story.
There is something that I find comforting in the unknown because the possibilities are endless.  Just because we can't see what's coming, doesn't mean that nothing is on its way - because it totally is.

I hope that all my friends are happy in their walks of life.  And even if they aren't happy, search for the happiness within yourselves by reconnecting with happy times from your past, capture the euphoria of what that looked like, heck, even bottle it up so that you can carry it around with you, then drink it from time to time.  We must keep moving ahead, don't wait.  But I guess if we do have to wait, the time will pass if I'm waiting with you. . .

Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Someone to love you. . .

Mary J. Blige did a cover version of this song, but I prefer this original by Matt Morris.  Something about the way he uses the falsetto of his voice that adds a more ethereal haunting quality to the song.  I think the softness of this texture paints a more delicate interpretation of the song, which to me is reminiscent of the fragile nature of love.  Is this why we are afraid to fall in love and to let ourselves be loved by others?  It's too much of a risk we think, or it's too much hassle, but we choose to limit ourselves emotionally, limit our potential with opportunities to explore feelings and really understand yourself when you lead your life through emotions.  I'm not saying that we need to be overly emotional people (not that there's anything wrong with that either), but if you're wondering where your gut instinct comes from - that comes from feelings doesn't it?

From where you stand
There's no way to change it
No way to make it make sense
It is lonely there
There in the spotlight
Well, honey don't I understand

When you are truly exposed underneath something as harsh and unforgiving as a spotlight, there is nowhere to hide, as much as you would want to will yourself to fade into the shadows.  Are we comfortable in the loneliness of that moment?  We tend to gravitate towards people who have experienced a similar type of loneliness, if not exactly the same, because empathy helps us to understand what it means to be around people who need to absorb some of our strength, as much as we need to draw on our own inner strength for ourselves.

You, you need someone to love you
You need someone to hold you, tonight
Someone to love you
Someone to love you
Someone to love you

When you know that you need someone, but it doesn't seem as if you can count on anybody to be there - what are you supposed to do?  How do you tell someone you need them when you don't have the words, can't find the language, can barely draw breath to form shapes that show us your mouth has every intention of moving, but the body is unwilling to commit with action.  Who is this someone?  Is it somebody you already know?  Someone that you have seen around the place and feel drawn to but haven't quite got it together to see them yet?

When you look at me
Try hard to hide it
Try hard to keep it all in
Well I found you out
Discovered your secrets
Well honey it ain't a sin

The thing about keeping secrets, especially from people that are really interested in what you think about and want to know what you get up to on a daily basis, you wonder how they will be able to take what it is you're actually thinking.  They might be able to tell what you're thinking because they have learned to read your face, hand gestures, mannerisms, subtle things that you do that nobody who doesn't really know you, barely even notices.  Is it such a bad thing if people knew our sins?  Those deep dark buried ones that we never want to see the light of day?  I guess this is what happens when we let someone love us.  We are willing to bare all of our secrets and they would still love us, in spite of the secrets that reveal our sins.  In fact, they love us all the more for trusting them with our secrets.

That you need someone to love you
Need someone to hold you tonight
Someone to love you
Oh someone to love you
Someone to love you, oh oh yeah

I often think that when we repeat the same things to others, it may be because they didn't hear us right the first time around.  They may persist in asking for the same advice for the same problem, but they do this because they're hoping that if they ask often enough, you might be able to say what they want to hear, rather than what they need to hear.  If they keep saying that you need someone, is this because they've already figured out who you need?  I don't know about you, but playing games with people's emotions is not a fun thing to do, in fact, it is quite cruel.

It doesn't have to be me, ooh
But you, you need someone to love you
You need someone to tell you that everything is alright
Someone to love you
Someone to love 
Someone to love you

There will be people that come and go - they come to offer themselves to you, in the hope that you will not let them go, they will go once things get too hard or they can't decipher how they actually feel about you.  When someone is not able to figure out how they feel about themselves, that's a sure fire sign that they pretty much won't know how to feel about you and who you are, and what you mean to them.  I just hope that everybody everywhere has somebody somewhere to love and be loved in return.  I have the right people in my life to tell me that everything will be alright, even when it isn't - but that's ok, because at least they are with you, going through things together, rather than being alone.  I hope you have someone to love you. . . 

Monday, 19 September 2016

Don't get me wrong. . .

Don't get me wrong
If I'm looking kind of dazzled
I see the neon lights
Whenever you walk by

I hadn't heard this song in such a long time but I heard it again on Saturday night performed live by a band.  I thought to myself, this is a really catchy song and it was actually the first single released from The Pretenders from their debut album.  It has all of the hallmarks of a classic or timeless song - a driving rhythm from the drums, a funky bassline, consistent rhythmic guitar with countermelodies played by the slide guitar and harmonic accompaniment by the synthesiser.

Don't get me wrong
If you say hello and I take a ride
Upon a sea where the mystic moon
Is playing havoc with the tide
Don't get me wrong

The instrumental interludes that exist between the verses allow the listener time to really lose themselves in the music.  I love songs that do this.  It kind of reminds me about how conversations in meetings should be conducted in the same way - that when questions are posed, that sufficient time should be given for people to respond.  I think that effective meetings are ones where people can be given discussion questions as far in advance in possible so that they can have time to prepare some answers and do some thinking in their own time, at their own pace, before true collaboration can begin.

Don't get me wrong
If I'm acting distracted
I'm thinking about the fireworks
That go off when you smile

Have you ever been distracted by people's smiles?  There aren't many people I know that have that effect on me (and besides, I'm not telling who those people are anyway, but not for reasons that you assume, don't get me wrong haha).  I think it's perfectly natural to appreciate beauty around you and if you find that in people that are around you, it's totally ok to compliment them on that as well.  Not in a sexual harassment kind of way - not cool.  I'm talking about the ability to appreciate the physical beauty or aesthetically pleasing appearance of people without making it awkward.  I've come across people that will compliment me and about half the people get it right - and it comes across natural because they must be well versed in giving compliments, but the other half make it sound awkward because they've had no practice but can't not say anything because you really just do look good that day.  So accept the compliments and praise openly - don't make a situation any more awkward than it has to be.

Don't get me wrong
If I split like light refracted
I'm only off to wander
Across a moonlit mile

Are there people in your life that cause you to bend like refracted light?  They might be people that you would do anything for, because for some reason you would do anything to do what makes them happy, makes them smile because doing things for them makes you happy in return; they are signs of showing how you care.  What things do you encounter on that moonlit mile?  With everything based in moonlit, it almost seems as if the fact that your journey is a mile is of no concern, because seeing everything in moonlight is better, seems more beautiful.  Do you have people in your life that make miles moonlit for you?  If you do, keep those people close.  You can't afford to be without those beacons of light.

Once in a while 
Two people meet 
Seemingly for no reason
They just pass on the street
Suddenly thunder, showers everywhere
Who can explain the thunder and the rain
But there's something in the air

There should be no mad rush to try and figure out why things are they way that they are.  When you have a good vibe with people, then trust that vibe.  We spend far too much trying to know things for certain, concerned with products, rather than processes, looking for the tangible when the lessons are actually learned in the intangible.  I don't mind hearing thunder and feeling showers because to hear and feel those things from nature, lets you know that you're alive, even if they might seem disconcerting, make you jump out of your skin but never lose sight of the sudden magic that envelops you - embrace that and all you need to know that there is something out there that wants you to sit up and take notice.  What will you be taking notice of in your daily routine today?

Don't get me wrong
If I come and go like fashion
I might be great tomorrow
But hopeless yesterday

People's perceptions are based on how they see reflections of themselves in you.
So if I choose to see the good in people rather than the bad, this should be symptomatic about how I should be choosing to be revealed to others.  It can be a difficult process to try and have people understand where you really are coming from, because they don't really listen to you.  Once you come across people who don't listen to you, the instinctive thing to do is for you to start ignoring them and stop rating their opinion as having any significance in your world.  This isn't a bad thing,  Don't get me wrong haha.  You are entitled to your own opinion, but I think we need to start relying on making informed opinions based on assessing the available information that then contributes to  decisions that benefits everyone.  I think we shouldn't worry about if we are great tomorrow, just own that greatness today and stop thinking that you're never right, because you just need to back yourself.

Don't get me wrong
If I fall in the 'mode of passion'
It might be unbelievable
But let's no say so long
It might just be fantastic
Don't get me wrong. . . 

I hope that I never stop learning.
I am grateful for opportunities to continue to refine my character, to keep reflecting and thinking about how I can make a difference to the world and the people in my immediate vicinity who make a difference to mine.  The thing I love the most about thinking is more than just being able to arrive at a decision and be totally confident in 'knowing' something - it's more to do with even when you think you know something, you can still change your mind.  You're probably thinking what?  After all that time talking about knowledge and being a life long learner she's gonna say we can still change our minds?  That's not what I'm saying at all, don't get me wrong. . . 

Friday, 16 September 2016

For all we know. . .

When I write my blog posts, the speed at which they are published depends wholly on how I'm feeling at any given time.  If I'm feeling especially connected to an issue or experienced something that won't let go, or I've been put in a situation about someone else's issue, I will channel it into writing about it so that I can let it go, so that I can release it in a healthy and meaningful way.  Once I've released it, I am able to go on with my ordinary daily activities that otherwise would be conducted on autopilot with very little attention being paid to people and things, and that's not a cool thing.  People and things needs us to be in the present with them as much as possible.  We need to remember that sometimes.

Love, look at the two of us
Strangers in many ways
We've got a lifetime to share
So much to say and as we go from day to day
I'll feel you close to me
But time alone will tell
Let's take a lifetime to say
I knew you well
For only time will tell us so
And love may grow for all we know

When we think about love we often don't really think about, but instead think about people who have loved us, or people we have loved.  In relationships we can often forget that there are people involved, and tend to focus on what we want from them as some sort of validation of existence, when in actual fact, we couldn't be further that what's right in front of us.  Have you ever been accused of being in love with love, rather than being in love with someone?  Who gets to decide where love grows these days?  Would you want to spend your lifetime trying to figure out whether love intends to take your whole lifetime to grow?  It's almost like it's on an asynchronous schedule.

Love look at the two of us
Strangers in many ways
Let's take a lifetime to say
I knew you well
For only time will tell us so
And love may grow for all we know. . . 

I hope so much for people sometimes.  For my friends and family and what it is that they want for themselves.  I hope so much for people I've just met and strangers who exchange fleeting smiles with me on my travels and probably don't have someone to talk to as well.  What will time tell us?  How will we know when love may grow?  I think if I had a conversation with Love, I would probably say that he's got a great sense of humour and is scared to hang out sometimes.  But that's ok.  There were times when I did feel like like I knew him well and I look forward to the day he decides to hang out with me for the right reasons and at the right time again.  Who knows - love may grow for all we know. . .  including you and me. . .

Saturday, 10 September 2016

Learn to live with what you are. . .

I know that you're in there
I can see you
You're saying you're ok
I don't believe you

There will be times in your life when you choose to retreat from the outside world and instead focus on self healing or spending time on yourself; reacquainting yourself with things that you had overlooked or left behind or neglected. There will also be times when people choose to pry and in the efforts of trying to help you out, will inadvertently push you away. How do you cope with situations such as these? Whether we care about what other people think about us or joy will dictate or shape how we react to these situations.

And now that the gig is off
The spell is broken
The fat lady sung
The president has spoken

In those rare moments of clarity, we may have reached those milestones because we come to realise what it is that we really want in life, we understand upon deep and meaningful reflection what our priorities are and how we choose to move forward. I think period of change or readjustment can be difficult and challenging, but if handled well, can help you know yourself much better and add to your character building, rather than facade or persona building. The thing about when a spell is broken is that the magic wears off and you start to see your surroundings and choices for what they really are. I guess that helps you to learn to live with what you are. . .

These days that you were waiting for
Will come and go
Like any day
Just another day

When you live life in anticipation of something happening, you will most likely spend your time looking forward to that event. You might not know what the event is, because you're relying on the fact that you'll know what it is once it happens.  When those times come and go, will you save that event in your memory? Will you remember it fondly with your treasure archive of memories that you will replay in the comfort of your own mind, or will they be bittersweet memories that cause both pain and pleasure? If your life is a collection of days that turn into years, they will become a blur unless memories are brought out of that archive and celebrated throughly reminiscing moments with those people you shared them with.

There's never gonna be a moment of truth for you
While the world is watching
All you need is the thing you've forgotten
And that's to learn to live with what you are

Why are moments of truth so elusive? I think it's due mostly to the fact that we are scared to be honest with ourselves and face reality, so we won't let those moments see the light of day in the world. We do this because we know that the world is watching. We would be ignorant and in denial if we thought that we could hide things from the world. What is your truth anyway? Why is living in the truth so important? I guess because it's easy to be fake or artificial. It is extremely easy to pretend to be someone you're not and try to reinvent yourself and try to be accepted if not by others, then definitely for yourself. I think about what things I have forgotten and I already know what they are. I just need to remember what a wise person once told me to bear in mind; to learn to live with what you are. . .

So freak out if you wanna
And I'll still be here
Don't call me for years and when you do
Yeah, I'll still be here

What have you done when people have tried to push you away? I guess that sense of loyalty is different these days. You think about that code of honour where you treated people the way you wanted to be treated and if you could help others, you would. There will be people I haven't spoken to in years, where we have fallen out for reasons that hurt but they will start to resurface because they will need something from you again and it's to do with something that only you can help with. I have learned to stop being resentful of this and instead help where I can. This offer of assistance says more about my character than theirs but that's not why I do it. If I am blessed with gifts and talents, I have an obligation to share them, otherwise they will be taken away. Use it or lose it I suppose.

I'm not saying the effort is a waste of time - but I 
Just love you for the things you couldn't change
Though you've tried
These hours of confusion they will soon expire
Like everything does

To those of you who have sought help for anything and chosen not to take the advice; there is no ill will for choosing not to take it on board. I mean, we should all be custodians of our own lives and seek advice where required, but ultimately, we will make decisions that either make us or break us.
In the past I might have blamed people or situations for anything bad that happened to me, but I understand now that those times were fueled by my immaturity and arrogance - traits that I seek daily to put at a safe distance as I continue to navigate through my own life with people I am tasked with doing life with in this realm.

Sometimes everything you've ever wanted 
Floats above
He's sticking his tongue out and laughing
While everything anyone can ever need
Is down below
Waiting for you to know this

Whatever God has in store for me, I don't question or rage against.
Everything has a time and a place, everyone has a dime and a face, at the end of it all what will be left without a trace? In the worst of life, we will blame others for our poor decision making, but I challenge you - as I challenge myself daily - if I want the best out of my life, I need to hustle and make things happen if I want it bad enough. Because at the end of the day, you've got to learn to live with what you are. . .

Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Leave a tender moment alone. . .

Even though I'm in love
Sometimes I get so afraid
I'll say something so wrong
Just to have something to say

I haven't written about a Billy Joel song in a while and I had completely forgot about this song.  One of the many things that I admire about his songwriting is his ability to tell a story through his music.  I can easily imagine in my own mind what the music video would look like based on characters that I know (real and fictitious) that suit the characters.  Things that had seemed so simple in the past,  suddenly seem really difficult to talk about, because now you put too much emphasis on getting things wrong.

I know the moment isn't right
To tell the girl a comical line
To keep the conversation light
I guess I'm just frightened out of my mind

Fear is a very real thing and it can cripple us if we let it.  Think about situations that cause this level of paralysis in you.  I don't know how many conversations I've had that have seemed quite awkward because you could sense that there was more to what was being said; there was actually more weight in the silences between the words being said.  Those pregnant pauses that hang quite heavily in the air seemed to linger above our heads and bring a certain heaviness to the situation.  You could be forgiven then for trying to lighten the mood with comical lines that can fall flat.  It's not your fault. It's the fear popping up again.

But if that's how I feel
Then it's the best feeling I've ever known
It's undeniably real
Leave a tender moment alone

Here lies the dilemma.  You recognise it for being the best feeling and acknowledge the reality and gravity of it, but you won't touch it because it's so tender, it's so delicate.  Love does that to you.  It makes you fall for someone but yet you don't want to go near them.  Sometimes the very thing that you fear is also the same thing that you can't live without.  I think Bob Marley said it best when he said that "the biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her."

Yes I know I'm in love
But just when I ought to relax
I put my foot in my mouth
Cause I'm just avoiding the facts

I have found it quite fascinating that people will rarely ever tell you the truth or state the facts, unless they are absolutely certain that the truth or facts will be accepted or received in the spirit of its intention.  In other words, people never really take a punt at being honest unless they know they will not be punished for it or suffer any repercussions.  Where's the growth in that right?  You'll just go through life trying to protect yourself and never really develop the resilience you need to pick yourself up or challenge or extend yourself when you need to do so.  To each their own I guess.

If the girl gets too close
If I need some room to escape
When the moment arose
I'd tell her it's all a mistake

Sometimes they won't tell you there's no mistake.  They just might stop talking to you altogether.  Let him escape to where he needs to go.  If you try to confront him, he might deny it and say you've misread the situation - that's a classic man trap that women fall into quite regularly.  Guys are built like this - they're never willing to really tell you how they feel because they are afraid of rejection so they kick into self preservation mode, or they don't know how they feel, in which case, they had no business making you fall in love with them in the first place (thanks Mr. Marley).

But that's not how I feel
No that's not the woman I've known
She's undeniably real 
So leave a tender moment alone

So what do you do to avoid having a tender moment?  You make small talk about inane subjects or topics that you both know are a complete waste of time.  It can bring a wry smile to your face at the best of times, or make you roll your eyes internally away from prying eyes.  Should you apologise for being undeniably real?  No.  Not at all.  The world is full of so many fake things or people, that you must be your authentic self as much as you can.  It might take you a while to be comfortable in your skin in this way, so don't worry about things so much.

But it's not only me 
Breaking down when the tension gets high
Just when I'm in a serious mood
She is suddenly quiet and shy

This part of the song acts as a bridge just before the harmonica solo appears.  The mismatch between the two parties is shown in the level of emotions displayed, the dynamics between when one is highly engaged in their expressions of feelings, whilst the other is quite subdued - there never is a time when both are in sync.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  What do we hope to gain from this deadly dance?  Who knows what is meant to happen here.  I don't know.  Do you?

I know the moment isn't right 
To hold my emotions inside
To change the attitude tonight
I've run out of places to hide

I hope that you find the courage to say what you want to say.  There can never be a right time to say or do things that may hurt others, so I guess you just need to figure out how to minimise the collateral damage as much as possible.  What will you change your attitude to?  When our attitudes get the better of us, it can tip the balance that you need to foster with others.  Some of us are hell bent on playing melodies all the time and expect others to adapt and play harmonies to these melodies all the time.  When will the moment be right anyway?  There's no such thing.  What transpires after a revelation - that's the right moment.  Because it is only then that things start to happen, that motion can move forward.  Otherwise our lives will be just a series of actions where instead of confronting our feelings, we decide that it is too much to bear and we constantly choose to leave a tender moment alone, leave it alone. . .

Saturday, 3 September 2016

He heals me . . .

I told him my biggest secret and he told me four
He smiled at me and said that's what makes me love you more
And then he made me laugh and I knew it was a sign
That he was a man I wanted in my life
And with every passing day
I feel more and more of that way

Sharing secrets with others aren't easy.  Doing such a thing is fraught with so many questions.  What if he can't keep a secret?  What if the secrets he shared with me are all lies?  What if he tells someone?  Trust is an important aspect of any connection and cultivating it takes time, patience and an emphasis on understanding.  What can take considerable time to develop, can just take seconds to be dismissed.  I am grateful for the opportunities that I have had to be close to people where we have fostered mutual respect and invested time and energy in such connections.  Do you know for sure what people you want in your life?  Do they know how much you mean to them?  Sometimes it might be hard to articulate your feelings, so in the absence of knowing what exactly to do, you rely on silence until something happens to trigger some kind of action.  You just don't know what action is required yet. . .

 I can play him songs all through the night
And he will listen to every line
Even when I'm wrong he is still kind
He chooses his words wisely when he tells me I'm not right
And yes he's a beautiful man
But he's also a beautiful friend

Music has always been the biggest way for me to communicate with people, always will be.  It's the best for me to reconnect with myself as well and I consider it really special when you share music with people.  The most intimate moments can come from sharing sound together just as you would share physical space.  There are some places where sound can travel and penetrate much deeper than skin can go, because it goes beneath those layers of skin and can flow through our souls and it can heighten the energies around us, as well as the energy we can exchange with that flow.

The moment that we met, he made me smile
He has so much compassion in his eyes
I have no idea, how long he'll be here
A season or a lifetime, forever or a year
But for the first time in my life I'm not worried about the future
Because we have such a wonderful time when we're together
However things turn out, it's all right
Cause he's already changed my life

I have learned that it doesn't matter how long people come and go in your life, it's what you enjoy with each other, with whatever time you have with them.  I think I carry pieces of people with me wherever I go and that's a comfort to me, particularly when I no longer have contact with those people - either because we no longer need to connect, because we have outgrown each other, because what we had together has served its purpose.  For whatever reason, I will choose to remember what was good, and not dwell on differences or disputes that were necessary to reach their natural endpoints.  In fact, I will always remember quite fondly, what was shared, what needed to pass and where I am right now.   All of those experiences with people help to direct you to new directions and new pathways that will present even more people to help you on your way.

He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He knows me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me
He heals me. . . 

I hope that I will continue to spend more time with people who heal me, know the real me, accept me and never hurt me.  I don't think people who can know the real you and accept you, ever intend to deliberately hurt you.  But what do you do if they do hurt you?  Can you tell them how they have hurt you and what it means for when that happens?  Do you check whether they were being honest or being deliberately cruel?  There is no right way of going about these things, but to just trust in the power of healing, whether that comes from within first, or whether you can rely on him wanting to know that maybe after all he heals me. . . 

White light. . .

This blog post is dedicated to the memory of Ronati Lemalu - always remembered, never forgotten

Vague reflection to stare back like a ghost
Dropping out to wake with a bolt
It's all a moment everything will pass
Your heart grows from your mistakes

I have learned several things from making mistakes.  I realised that they weren't really mistakes.  I put them down to opportunities for learning about myself and about understanding why I made those choices which lead to decisions.  I feel that my heart grows from these because my capacity to forgive others who I might have thought lead me to make those decisions, were in fact due to my seeking other's approval to be validated in their lives because I valued their opinion rather than my own.  I recognise this for myself when others place their trust or belief in things that I say about what they could be doing to realise their potential.  Waking up to yourself can be an uncomfortable thing, but I find that once you become comfortable in being uncomfortable, you forget about that aspect of it, but focus on the next challenge that you lay for yourself.

What's in a number? 27 years
Not long enough to learn from your tears
Not long enough to live with the fear
That you just mightn't be done before your time

Have you experienced intense fear in your life?  Have you learned from the tears you've shed?  I spent some time recently with another person who is a fellow widow and she kept apologising for crying in front of me, but I didn't mind it.  There is something cathartic for her and I guess if I can encourage catharsis in others, particularly when they need it, then I accept that.  I am learning that just when you think you have arrived at a destination or you've reached a goal that you've had in mind, in actual fact, there is more beyond what you expected.  When people refuse to speak to you about issues or feelings that they are facing, the best thing that you can do is give them space to figure out what they want to prioritise in their life, and has nothing to do with your feelings, but more about their own.  This should tell you that they're not done living before their time too.  Embrace that time with yourself and appreciate what life has to offer, and what you can offer to it yourself.  What deems a life long enough to be lived anyway?

And all of the beauty, all of the pain
Everything borrowed won't happen again
And all that's left is love

When we live on borrowed time, it's just like when we borrow things from other people.  We try to forget that we might have borrowed those items at all and instead choose to think that we own it, nine tenths possession and all that.  We might be diligent, honest and trustworthy, heck even dependable and reliable and return what we have borrowed because we expect to be treated like how we want to be treated, as a result of treating others with respect.  All of the beauty and all of the pain that loved ones feel when they lose a loved one can never be minimised and shouldn't be.  All that Ronati will leave behind is the love he had for family and friends, for the sports that he supported and the potential that he saw in others.

White light, shine on a prodigy
Not yet, unfinished symphony
I can't breathe, I see what you could've been
You gotta live long enough to learn how to live

Family members will see how much you have achieved in your brief lifetime Ronati.
Your sons will grow up knowing what a great father you were to them, always looking for opportunities to grow them in their development as sports mad boys, but also see the role model that you provided for them, so that they too, could aspire to become as young men in their own right.  We might see your sudden departure from this world as an unfinished symphony, because there are so harmonies that you become to other people's melodies; but we cannot deny the impact you have made on others in your brief life.

Curtain fade into memory
Too young wasted a tragedy
Turn back, be who you'll only be
When you live long enough to learn how to live

I hope that people will not focus too much on the tragic circumstances that surrounded your passing, but instead, focus on the good times with them, the wonderful memories and laughter, care and love that emanated from you.  I hope that they remember your examples, your conversations, your mannerisms and your faith in others when they felt that they couldn't believe in themselves or chase their dreams.  Although my memories of you will always be of a little boy dressed in a suit reciting his bible verses in White Sundays growing up, I have always appreciated the fine man you became and seeing you with your lovely wife and sons always brought a smile to my face.

Gotta live long enough to learn how to live
Gotta live long enough to learn how to live
Gotta live long enough to learn how to live
You gotta live long enough to learn how to live

I hope that you enjoy your place in heaven Ronati.
You will be reunited with people who have been waiting anxiously for you and who will be really happy to see you, just as sad as we are that you have left us.  I pray that your parets, siblings, wife, sons and our entire extended family will rally around each other and celebrate your life.  I pray that your friends will never forget how much you cared for them and keep your sayings with them to sustain them through the difficult times ahead without you.  Even if we think that you haven't lived enough to learn how to live, I think you lived long enough to teach us how to live.

Thank you for being a loyal and faithful servant Ronati.
I am confident that you will be always be a white light. . . 

Thursday, 1 September 2016

Beautiful flower. . .

This is a song for every girl who's 
Ever been through something
She thought she couldn't make it through
I sing these words because I was that girl too
Wanting something better than this 
But who do I turn to?

In a world that can sometimes make it hard to celebrate women and what they bring to it, how women and their feminine strength is measured or compared to that of men, rather than for what it is - it's no wonder that we go through things all the time.  If you are a woman, have you wanted something better for yourself?  Sometimes because we are women, there are more obstacles in our lives because the people who make decisions about what is best for us, are made by men who don't have the best interests of women at heart - and these same men forget about the mothers, aunts and sisters who might have nurtured them.  I'm not saying I'm anti-men.  Not at all.  What I am saying is that we must be able to turn to our men for whatever we need, when we need.

Now we're moving from the darkness into the light
This is the defining moment of our lives

That moment when you emerge from darkness into light is a very special moment.  Think quite deeply about it.  When you have spent a long time in darkness, your eyes may a while to adjust to the brightness of the light, of your new surroundings, because you would've adapted to the darkness. You might have accepted that the darkness would always be there and trained your eyes to strain against the environment, before becoming familiar with your surroundings.  Can you think of the defining moment of your life?  I can't pin it down to only one as there have been so many defining moments that bleed into the next phase of a journey, but I guess, the moment that I overcame an obstacle that I never thought I could survive - that was it.

'Cause you're beautiful like a flower
More valuable than a diamond
You are powerful like a fire
You can heal the world with your mind

We can often forget the power that we have within ourselves because we spend far too much time believing negative things that we hear from people who don't value us, or don't even know us.  I think growing up into the woman that I am today, it has come with some challenges (and I welcome the further challenges that are yet to cross my path) that have helped to shape me and mould me - either directly or indirectly.  We can sometimes forget our worth and how much healing we need to do within ourselves and for others.  If we can ignite fires within others, can you imagine what we can achieve together?  I have discovered that I cannot hope to heal the world for others if I don't heal myself.  If I can use my mind to heal others, to use whatever ideas or concepts that I create - then it's my responsibility to share it and make it known.  Destiny talk and all that ;-)

There isn't nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you, you are beautiful
Yeah you, you are brilliant
Yeah you, you are powerful
Yeah you, you are resilient

It's a matter of perception or a matter of scale. There's nothing too great that you can't handle if you are willing to tackle things, engage with people that you might normally see as being quite challenging to work alongside, there is absolutely no obstacles to what you can achieve.  I think it's important to surround yourself with people who see you as beautiful, brilliant, powerful and resilient.  But I think it's equally important to learn from people who don't see you as those things, because they will indirectly be able to teach you how to become those things.  Isn't that a defining moment in your life?  That even if you are surrounded by weeds that threaten to overwhelm you, there will come a day when you will be able to push them aside and grow tall and bask in the sunlight.

This is a song for every girl who
Feels that she is not special
'Cause she don't look like a supermodel Coke bottle
The next time the radio says to shake your moneymaker 
Shake your head and tell them, tell them you're a leader

I've never really worried about what I looked like.  If anything as a child, I wanted to be a big person so that I could dissuade any unwanted attention from the opposite sex, I just wasn't into it.  Even if people thought that you didn't live up to their ideal of what beauty was - this was a strong lesson for me about the type of person that they were, rather than who I was.  If you are a confident person, comfortable in your own skin, in your own femininity, owning who you are in your space, regardless of what people think they know about you and how you live your life - just do you.

Whatever you are going through girl (what I tell myself in the mirror haha), just know that there is always something better in store for you, there is always something good coming around the corner, just hold onto the hope that you will just enjoy your life.  And even if you think there doesn't seem to be anything going on in your life, just know that, yeah you, this song is for you. . .