Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Prelude to a kiss. . .

I was meant to write this on my birthday and publish it, but I didn't get around to it.  Being another year older automatically makes you think about where you are in your life in the present moment.  You start to think about whether you are heading in the right direction or doing things that are meant to done at this moment in time.  I have learned through the lovely teachings of Anthony Hopkins to accept everything and expect nothing.  That's not to say that you go through life with no expectations, but that you need to accept everything that comes your way - good things to appreciate the blessings and bad things to appreciate how much you need to grow.

Sometimes I feel . . . like I don't belong anywhere
And it's gonna take. . . so long for me to get somewhere 

I think as a young woman (not that I'm an old woman now, just older than I was I guess), I was in such a hurry to grow up and do things that I thought was cool about being older.  But now that I'm in that space, I'm telling students to just ease up, enjoy your youth because like the blink of an eye - it disappears as quickly as it arrived.  I feel like saying, why are you in such a rush to die?  I understand that going out and doing stuff with a sense of urgency is so that you make the most of living - but sometimes, all living really is, just involves quiet time spent alone, meditating and being lost in your own thoughts.

Sometimes I feel so heavy hearted . . . but I can't explain cuz I'm so guarded 
But that's a lonely road to travel, and a heavy load to . . . bear

I had a great conversations with my father today.  I told him about my aspirations for him and my mother.  I told them that even though things may seem like I have a heavy load to bear in my life,  but I told them that I don't think about it in that way. Granted, yes, life could be easier, but I'm a huge fan of the fact that nothing ever happens to me that wasn't meant to - especially the stuff that stresses me out, overwhelms me or makes me second-guess myself and my abilities.  I don't know how to describe it, but I'm filled with such an immense sense of gratitude, that I can't measure it.  In spite of it all - I am happy.  Mostly the fact that I'm happy with myself, with the me that I am today.  I understand that in some instances that I need to be guarded - but who doesn't?  I don't like to rely on other people for protection, but I know when to ask for shelter from a storm when I need it.

And it's a long, long way to heaven but I gotta get there
Can you send me an angel?
Can you send me an angel. . . to guide me. . . 

I am extremely grateful for the angels that have come and gone in my life.
I know the ones who have left early so that they can be of use in heaven, because they fulfilled their duties in this earth bound realm.  Which makes me think - how many more angels will come my way?  I know that heaven for everyone looks different - there are different things that we think is heaven to us.  All I know is that, when you see fit to do so, if you feel like you can spare a couple more from time to time, can you send me an angel. . . 

Monday, 29 August 2016

Chances are. . .

Chances are, 'cause I wear that silly grin
the moment you come into view
chances are you think that I'm in love with you

I really like this song.  There's something about how the piano is played in this piece, combined with the background vocals, the shuffle of the drums, the strings but most of all that silky smooth vocal.  How do you fancy your chances?  Has this happened to you?  I can conjure up images of moments and some great times that fit this song.  How about you?  It's an amazing feeling isn't it, knowing that someone loves you, or it could feel really exciting because you both kind of know, but nobody says anything.  There's almost a sense of heightened fear because you both enjoy doing this little dance of uncertainty, stepping carefully around each other, careful not to let anything reveal without any real intent.

Just my composure sort of slips
the moment that your lips meet mine
chances are you think my heart's your Valentine

I guess the beginning stages of courtship or dating leans itself to this sort of thing, especially when you consider how you forget what effect you have on people, or vice versa.  What happens to you when your composure slips?  Do you let the chinks in your armour show?  You might be wanting so desperately to hide how you feel and people would never know that you deserve some kind of leading actor or leading actress trophy for your award winning performance.  Why would you torture yourself n this way?  There's nothing like a kiss to let you know how much someone is into you.

In the magic of moonlight
when I sigh "hold me close dear"
chances are you believe
that stars that fill the skies are in my eyes

I can think back to many moments where moonlight has played an important part in the backdrop of an occasion.  The moon has always had many distinct historical associations in various cultures and societies.  It governs the tides and the different phases of a calendar, and the woman's connection to the moon in all of its fullness has also had affiliation to its lunar landings, as with the historical black figures who calculated the NASA astronauts landing on the moon in its glorious heyday.  How magical is the moonlight for you?

Guess you feel you'll always be
the one and only one for me 
and if you think you could
well, chances are your chances are awfully good

The realisation that the heart wants what the heart wants can seem like a fatalistic warning.  This is particularly true when things aren't as smooth sailing as they should in this situation and nothing can really be done about it.  But that's the thing about chances right?  You're not sure when you want to indulge in taking them and taking that risk to see how things pan out (or not).  But how are you meant to know if you don't take the chance right?  If you're reading all of the signals and the gut instinct is kicking in, then it's either put up or shut up - no in-between.  I hope you make a decision that works for you and just know that the chances are your chances are awfully good. . . 

Spotlight. . .

Are you a man who loves and cherishes and cares for me?
Is that you? Is that you? Is that you yeah?
Are you a guard in a prison maximum security?
Is that you? Is that you? Is that you yeah eh
Do we stay home all the time cause you want me to yourself?
Is that you? Is that you? Is that you yeah?
Or am I locked away out of fear that I'd find someone else
Is that you? Is that you? Yea hey

There's nothing that puts women off more than really possessive or obsessive men.  Have you come across men like this in your life?  It's not fun is it?  Maybe you're a possessive or obsessive man reading this blog post right now. How would you even know?  Do you think it's normal behaviour for a man to try and control a woman's comings and going, to make all the decisions for her and pretty much lock her away from society?  I know some men who would like to have women all to themselves and they love having power over women.  It's disturbing to say the least, and I don't think we talk about it enough.  The most extreme cases of course end up in relationships filled with domestic violence and worse - might even end up with their lives taken out of their own hands.

Well I don't like living under your spotlight
Just because you think I might find somebody worthy
Oh I don't like living under your spotlight
Maybe if you treat me right you won't have to worry

This speaks to me of paranoia. When a man willingly and knowingly stops you from living your normal everyday life, alarm bells should be ringing.  You shouldn't be thinking that it's ok to be demeaned or treated in this way because deep down inside, he really does love you.  In fact, no.  He doesn't love you, he loves himself and wants you to love him unconditionally.  That spotlight that he continually shines on you is so that he can see you wherever you might go, as you have every right to wander freely to all the places that you go, or might like to go.  Just make sure you travel to places where his spotlight cannot reach.

Is this a relationship fulfilling your needs as well as mine
Is that you? Is that you? Is that you yeah?
Or is this just my sentence, am I doing time?
Is that you? Is that you? Is that you yeah?
If this is love, real, real love, then I'm staying no doubt
Is that you? Is that you? Is that you yeah?
But if I'm just love's prisoner then I'm busting out
Is that you? Is that you? Is that you yeah

When you subject yourself to a self imposed sentence because you are scared to leave him or think that you are being punished because this is what karma does, it punishes people who make bad choices and they must live and suffer the consequences - no, that isn't true.  Real love isn't meant to feel like this.  It isn't meant to be so difficult and painful that it feels unnatural.  It is time to stop doing time, stop subjecting yourself to existing, rather than living the life you were meant to live.  If it helps, tell yourself that in the mirror, particularly when you find that there is nobody else around you to give you the pep talk that you so desperately need.

Oh you ought to be ashamed of yourself
What the hell do you think you're doing loving me
Loving me so wrong?
Baby all I do is try to show you that you're mine
One and only guy, no matter who may come along
Open your eyes because I don't like. . . 

When someone loves you so wrong, how do you know when they love you right?
If you've been loved so long, so wrong, do you remember what being loved right looks like?
The loyalty that you are meant to display because we have been taught to persevere and ride things out and hold on for dear life, because this might be the only love you will know - is that worth it?  I'm not sure you can convince him that he's the only guy for you.  Not if he's hellbent on believing otherwise.  That's the thing about people right?  We can say as much and do as much as we can, but ultimately it is up to them to decide whatever it is that they want to do with you.

Well I don't like living under your spotlight
Just because you think I might find somebody worthy
Oh I don't like living under your spotlight
Maybe if you treat me right you won't have to worry

I hope that you find the strength to leave him.  I hope that he finds the strength to believe you.
I hope that people will see that their sense of worth should be measured by how you feel about yourself, rather than what is seen by others.  I hope that people can see mutual love in each other, because I think there isn't enough of that going on around the world these days.  Is it as simple as how you want to be treated? Maybe if you treat me right you won't have to worry. . . 

Thursday, 25 August 2016

Purple. . .

Purpose, conceived, Genesis decided to make me
Handmade in heaven
Long before the world could define me
He laid out a parchment 
Sketched me with the colours of the rainbow
But one remains

In times of crisis you will often question what your purpose is on earth.  You feel like life can't cut you a break and you're constantly on the back foot.  Even when you try to do something good, it feels like you're never recognised for what you do, and the quiet way that you go about how you present yourself.  It might take someone to come along to speak about your feats and say lovely things about you, because people lack the vision to see what you do, or the hearing to listen to how you have accomplished so much.  I am a strong believer in the fact that people will recognise your achievements if they are meant to see it, even with the assistance of people who can advocate on your behalf.  How do we find our voices to speak up and out about who we are?  How can we begin to understand and see our purpose for what it is when we are unable to recognise who we are, yet continually to wait for validation from others?  We will come to understand our purpose when it is time to put that purpose to action.

Royal encounter marked with the blood found on His feet
Chosen with honour
To love the world just like you first loved me
Perched upon the easel
Filled with the colours of the rainbow

What do you think you have been chosen to do?  What colours of the rainbow are inside you?  When you speak do those colours spill out?  When you go to do things for others, do your colours spill out and help to bring the wealth of those splendid colours to paint with in their own lives?  Growing up as a Christian, it is hard to think about and completely fathom the sacrifice that Jesus made for me.  If someone were to do that today, how would we react?  You could probably argue that innocent people die all the time, those who do no wrong to others and sacrifice their lives - but would that have been voluntary?  You might say yes there are people who die in the name of their God and say it cleanses the sins of others.  To be honest I don't know how I feel about that.  I guess we won't really know until we die and see what happens in the afterlife.  It's a conversation I had in the car yesterday with my friend's husband. He asked me if there was one thing that I could ask God if I went to heaven what would it be?  I thought about the question and answered - I would ask God - I don't know want to know who was right, I just want to know, were we even close to living within your intentions?  I wonder if we get it right as a human race.  I wonder if we show the love and compassion that Jesus walked the earth preaching, teaching and living.

You clothe me with a purple heart, purple mind, purple soul, purple smile, purple love 
Running through my vein and blood
You clothe me with a purple heart, purple mind, purple soul, purple smile, purple love
Running through my vein and blood
Purple heart, purple mind, purple soul, purple smile, purple love 
Running through my vein and blood

If God has a purpose for me (and He has) then I will be living a life that must focus on that purpose coming to fruition.  When I think and reflect on all my bad choices and bad decisions throughout my life, they were there for me to make so that I could learn about how my own selfish desires serve no purpose.  Out of the pain and suffering of those bad choices and bad decisions, I can be more at peace with myself now, because I understand why God has coloured my heart, mind, soul, smile and love purple.  It's a striking colour that serves as a reminder of the visibility that I need to be working towards, to bring forth His mission that must not be ignored.  Whoever you choose to believe in, that faith that you hold in a higher power, you will trust that it guides you through any situation, both good and bad, because those are the experiences you are meant to have.

Oo purple vein, purple vein, purple vein inside my heart 
and it leaked into my hair. my mind, my soul

Oo purple vein, purple vein, purple vein inside my heart 

and it leaked into my hair. my mind, my soul

I hope that you know how beautiful the colours are that flow from you.  Sometimes we don't know what we look like until other people can tell us what colours bleed from us.  Sometimes in the sunlight our colours may shine that much brighter.  Sometimes in the moonlight our colours may sparkle where it falls.  Whatever your colours look like, I hope that you let them leak into your hair, mind and soul. . .

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Hope. . .

I hope that the world stops raining
Stop turning its back on the young
See nobody here is blameless
I hope that we can fix all that we've done
I really hope Martin can't see this
I hope that we still have a dream
I'm hoping that change isn't hopeless
I'm hoping to start it with me
I just hope I'm not the only one
Yeah I just hope I'm not the only one

There is collective responsibility in our actions, where we decide as one that we will move mountains to do what is right for everybody, to do what is best for the human race, because it is our very humanity that we are trying to not only preserve, but just serve.  Before we can even begin to consider fixing something, we need to think about what it is that we're looking at - do we understand what we're actually doing, have we been accountable for what we have done in the past and have we taken suitable time, sufficient opportunity to explore what else we can do?  It might take you a lifetime to locate people who can help you in your cause.

I hope we start seeing forever
Instead of what we can gain in a day
I hope we start seeing each other
Cause we don't all bleed the same?
I really hope someone can hear me
That a child doesn't bear the weight of a gun
Hope I find the voice within me to scream at the top of my lungs
I just hope I'm not the only one
I just hope I'm not the only one

I sometimes that maybe the density that we try to live through each day is such that it can keep us stuck in our ways.  We're becoming less resilient to push through and see a way through to the other side of our pain, because it just seems to be compounded by a series of events or situations beyond our control, or we inherit things that others can't seem to deal with.  Do you think you are the only one who is suffering in silence?  You don't need to be.  It takes a lot to be able to admit that you need time to yourself, to shut yourself away from the world, or to finally speak and tell someone what's going on.  There should be nothing worth hiding, especially if you think that nobody will be able to help you.  There will always be someone who is willing to listen, willing to see what you're seeing and willing to hear what you hear, but they just might need more time to get there, where you are.

Louder I cannot hear you
How can things be better left unsaid
Call me, call me a dreamer
But it seems that dreams are all that we've got left 

Sometimes when things are left unsaid, it's probably because we can't find the words to adequately explain the crap that we're being subjected to, because we have lost hope.  We might think that dreams are perfectly ok to hold onto because our reality isn't all that it's cracked up to be, but in all honesty, we can't afford to lose hope.  We need to remember that we do need to be louder, we do need to raise our voices and speak up against things that give rise to injustice and inequity - and if it's a personal case of discrimination against you, don't tolerate it.  You're entitled to stand your ground and tell those that persecute you that no, it's not ok, no you're not going to accept it and no, stop doing it.

I hope that we still have a heartbeat
I hope we don't turn to stone
At night when you turn the lights off
I hope you don't cry alone 
I hope we stop taking for granted 
All of the land and all of the sea
I'm taking a chance on loving
I hope that you take it with me

One of the major reasons that we would stop having heartbeats is if we let other people still the lifeblood that courses through our veins.  We need to look after what we have in this earth, our resources that we are meant to share with each other.  We need to look after each other.  Even when people push us away and want to be alone, it's important to give them space, but also to let people know that you're there as well.  Everybody knows their own readiness right?

You might think that you are alone, but you aren't.  I think you're mistaking that for being lonely.  Just know that you will only be lonely because you choose it.  Talk to someone and let them know what's going on for you and trust the right people in your life.  Come to think of it though, the right people will slip in and out of your life as quickly as snow melts on a sunny day.  There will be others like you, that will need to seek out others to give you hope to be where you need to be. I just hope I'm not the only one. . . 

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

We could happen. . .

I'll hold the door, please come in
And just sit here for a while
This is my way of telling you
I need you in my life

When people do nice things for you that you don't expect, it can be a sure sign that they like having you around in their life.  They may not necessarily have the words to say how much you mean to them so they say it with actions or gestures both seemingly tiny or grand.  It's a matter of perspective and scale isn't it?  Sometimes we forget to appreciate those who make a difference and an impact in your life.  Would you go so far as to set reminders for yourself somewhere so that you can schedule in time or moments to telling someone you need them?  Sounds clinical, but probably necessary, especially if we spend too much time thinking about it, then convincing ourselves not to take action.

It's so cold without your touch
I've been dreaming way too much
Can we just
Turn this into reality

There's nothing wrong with dreaming.  I think it's quite natural to dream and lose yourself in some other world of your own fanciful creation that is both safe and far away from others.  It's safe in the sense that nobody can cause it any harm or laugh at you while you're lose yourself in this world.  There might come a time when you will want to turn your dreams into reality but you won't know what to do to go about it, so it's something that you need to either consider seriously or brush aside.

'Cause I've been thinking about you lately
Maybe you could save me
From this crazy world we live in
And I know we could happen
'Cause you know that I've been feeling you

That moment when it dawns on you that there are major feelings happening can be exciting and exhilarating.  That honeymoon period in what is actually courtship but you can't really tell because nobody wants to address the elephant in the room or call it for what it is - can be a confusing time because nothing rises to the surface.  Are all of the sentiments just ideas that float around in your head, meant to entertain you rather than to be acted upon?  How do you let someone know that you're feeling them and that you suspect they're feeling you too?  Nothing is as straight as it seems, but then again, that could just be you overthinking things again.

Storms they will come
But I know that the sun will shine again
He's my friend and he says
That we belong together
And I'll sing a song to break the ice
Just a smile from you would suffice
It's not me being nice
Girl this is real tonight

Smiles are easy to share and seem so simple, but I don't think we do it enough.  I've been practising smiling at strangers in my work travels and especially when meeting new people.  There's something to be said for being able to read and appreciate genuine smiles these days.  I'm finding that people are scared to smile because it almost seems like it's giving away too much, like you're showing too much of your humanity or feeling good about yourself through an audacious display of your pearly whites.  Singing is another thing that people are too scared to do these days too.  Granted there are people who are naturally gifted and talented in singing, but I have come to appreciate people who sing with gusto and belt out songs with such enthusiasm, even when they are melodically challenged.  That's not me being nice, just being real.

There's no other 
There's no other love 
That I'd rather have you know
There ain't noone
There ain't noone else
I want you for myself

Do you know someone like this in your life?  They may want you to have some kind of single-minded loyalty that only features them in a starring role, with no possibility of any supporting actors, I mean, no ensemble casts welcome here.  The bridge of a song usually explores more heartfelt emotions because the melody is different, it helps to heighten the tension in the song that is eventually resolved in the final choruses to follow.  Maybe they would only rather have you because you make everything make sense to them.  I guess it's natural then that they wouldn't want to share you then.

'Cause I've been thinking about you lately
Maybe you could save me
From this crazy world we live in
And I know we could happen
'Cause you know that I've been feeling you
I know you want me too. . . 

I hope that you are able to save someone, or be saved by someone.
As crazy as this world can get right now (where do we start with all of the tragedies that feature on the nightly news, both in your own nation locally and globally), we must never lose sight of simple things that can bring us joy.  Surround yourself with people who make you smile, with people who make you sing, make you heart sing.  Just think about how much better the world would be if we were able to love the possibility, the anticipation of things happening that we want.  I will be happy enjoying and celebrating what could be; knowing that there are many more opportunities to know that we could happen. . . 

Sunday, 21 August 2016

She was mine. . .

Happy 40th birthday Loma xxx

So I hopped on a train
Three in the afternoon
I don't know when I'm coming back
But I hope that it's soon
See I never thought, never thought, that I'd ever leave your side, your side

The first time I heard this song was last Thursday, just before your birthday.  As soon as I heard this song I knew that you would be really into it.  You were always busy showing me songs that you liked and that you wanted me to hear.  It's funny how this is one of the key memories that I have of you now - how much you wanted to me to pay attention to sound, to really appreciate and listen to music and feel the same way that you felt about it.  Our love for music was something that we shared and one that I will always cherish as one of your gifts to me.

It's only physically 
But I know that you will be on my mind
Twenty four hours at a time
'Cause in my eyes you were mine, you were mine

I know that I am on your mind.
I always feel it most when I need to feel it the most.  It's one of the easiest ways to feel comforted.  Grief is hard to bear because everyone deals with it in their own time, at their own pace.  I have discovered since you've gone that when I do grieve for you, it is during times when I want to share news with you that I know you would love to hear.  When there is news that I know I would need your support for, all I need to do is think about what you would say to me and it sustains me.

See she wrote me a letter 
Said the weather wasn't better
But she said she was doing fine
I wanna see you face to face
That's what she wrote to me that day
And I knew that it was all a sign

I guess nowhere with you is any better, but I know that I can't go through life being sad without you, because that's not what you wanted for me.  Now all I need to do is appreciate all of the things you shared with me, all the little jokes and sayings that you had which make me laugh and smile especially if I'm in places where I would rather leave or not be in.  Letters to you were in the form of cards, emails, text messages and songs.  I am doing fine, but each day varies.  I think the key is not sweating the small stuff and just remembering to be grateful for every single moment.  You taught me that face to face moments were important and I know now how much you tried to connect so much, tried to show me the signs even when I didn't see it.

So I wrote back with this song
Promise it won't be too long
Wanna make up for all our lost time
'Cause in my eyes you were mine, you were mine

I've been doing some thinking (well a lot actually).
I don't worry too much about time anymore.  For me there's no such thing.  I don't know where life will take me.  People have asked me if I would get remarried or if I'm interested in seeing someone.  To be honest, it's the furthest thing from my mind right now.  You did say that you wanted me to be happy and that if I found someone, that I should get married again.  I think as time goes by, there is the danger that I will be placing you on a pedestal with your untouchable and unreachable love, that no other man could ever aspire to reach, competing with your ghost.  I don't think any man could come close to you my funny valentine.

So I'm going through these boxes 
My life's gone off track
'Cause it's been three years
She hasn't written back
But in my eyes
She's still mine

I've been working in my office and going through old photo albums that I forgot were there.
My life is on track (barely) but that's because I had always relied on you with your honesty to tell me what I needed to hear, rather than what I wanted to hear.  I have celebrated three of your birthdays without you.  I wonder what you think about where I am at right now and if there is anything new that you would say or do with me that you haven't already said or done.  The journey at the moment is focused on finishing my studies and thinking about how much you wanted me to pursue my dreams, wherever they took me.  Soon this Brainy Smurf will have her own book of quotes and quotations in the form of a thesis.

No matter where you go, I won't be very far
'Cause in my head I'll be right there where you are
'Cause love has no distance baby
Love, love has no distance baby
No, not when it comes to you and me

I hope that you had a fantastic 40th birthday in heaven.
I spent your birthday with Fina, reminiscing about you and talking about how life is different without you in it.  We also talked about how far we've come since we had last met, as it seemed so long ago now.  I don't think there isn't anything that has happened since your passing that you don't already know about.  Even though I visit your grave and look at your picture, I feel you everywhere I am and that's how I know that love has no distance baby, no, not when it comes to you and me. . . 

Saturday, 20 August 2016

Try everything. . .

I messed up tonight, I lost another fight
I still mess up but I'll just start again
I keep falling down, I keep on hitting the ground
I always get up now to see what's next

The thing about resilience is that every time you lose or get knocked down, you need to keep getting back up and live to fight another day.  Everyone learns how to be resilient at their own pace and some might not even learn how to do it because other people keep stepping in to save them each time.  I don't think I would appreciate what success means to me if I had not failed so many times in my life.  All of the times that I had thought I would never be successful because I wasn't strong enough to believe in myself, or I believed what other negative people said and let them rule my headspace - that was part of the learning journey that I had to go through to be who I am today.  Do you always get up to see what's next?  I don't think you would get to where you want to be or need to be any faster than by getting up to see what new challenges come your way.  It definitely gives me something to smile about each day.

Birds don't just fly, they fall down and get up
Nobody learns without getting it wrong

I laugh at myself when I think about how many plans I had growing up and how easily or quickly things would come to me.  Some things did more than others.  But the thing about planning is that not all things go to plan.  Life happens.  And when life happens to you, all you can do is live through those experiences and figure out how they can contribute to your plan.  I think sometimes people become too fixated on being perfect, and being perfect role models but it's important to share the things that didn't go right in your life because they are important milestones in your journey.  Each achievement you will ever have means so much more when you acknowledge how the struggle was real.

I won't give up, no I won't give in
Until I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about what it means to reach a goal and whether we become content with it and never have new goals.  I told him that I thought it was important to keep hustling for new goals because we need to keep pushing further, we need to keep doing more things that can help others, by using our gifts and talents, by using our lives for this greater purpose.  It was a really cool conversation and it's something I think about often.  When society conditions us to believe what the "normal" things are to aspire towards - marriage, 2.4 children, home ownership, career etc., do we do more or go beyond these things to do more good for the world?  There are people who would be perfectly content with this - and others who will want to keep driving and being their best selves.  I'm not saying that there is no right way to live.  I guess I just wanna try everything. . . 

Look how far you've come, you filled your heart with love
Baby you've done enough, take a deep breath
Don't beat yourself up, don't need to run so fast
Sometimes we come last, but we did our best

When I think about all of the times that I have come last, it makes me smile.  I don't think that I would be where I am today without all the times I have failed or been sidetracked in life.  I needed to experience those low points, so that when I bounced back I would amaze even myself with the heights I would attain - and the thing is - I'm excited about knowing the best is still yet to come.  That's the thing about resilience isn't it?  When it's coupled with hope - you can't help but be grateful about the blessings you have in your life, even the challenges - because they are put in your path to make you appreciate how hard life is, but love how hard it is anyway.  I know I feel alive and thrive on being alive because living means that I feel life for what it brings - expect nothing and accept everything.

I won't give up, no I won't give in
'Until I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail

The level of tenacity that you need in order to persevere and achieve your personal goals is important.  I'm not perfect.  I can quite readily admit that.  I am actually grateful for all of my perfect imperfections.  It means that I accept myself for who I am and I take each day as it comes and live in each moment so that I face the world doing what I love, helping to share this with others and digging my heels in to put the hard work in, to put the hard yards in - and the funny thing is; I haven't actually fully applied myself to what needs to be done.  If this is all I can achieve in what feels like 20% of me, I should be able to blow everything out of the water with 100%.  I don't think about failure - it's not an option for me, but this doesn't mean that I won't fail.  It just means that if success was a table that I'm sitting at, failure isn't even placed on the table for me.  It's not something I set myself up for; but rather, there is always a solution or better outcome that can get me to where I need to be.  I won't give up, no I won't give in. . . 

I'll keep on making those new mistakes 
I'll keep on making them every day
Those new mistakes. . .

I hope that you continue making new mistakes.  I make mistakes all the time.  This is because I'm constantly trying to hone myself, to be a better thinker, better writer, better person for everyone else who comes to rely on me in their life and just for myself.  I mean ask yourself - don't you deserve to be the best person for yourself?  Don't you want to be able to look in the mirror, smile at yourself and think yes - I won't give up, no I won't give in?  

I hope that you approach life in the sense that you will leave it a better place than when you entered it.  This is what I intend to do until I reach the end and then I'll start again. . . no I won't leave, I wanna try everything. . . 

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Love to love you. . .

I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
There's a pillar in my way you see 
I'd love to love you like you do me

I have often wondered what the pillar was doing in the way in this song.  Did someone put it there?  Did she put it there to separate you from her?  Do you think about pillars that you might have put in your own way, to stop you from loving someone the way that they love you?  When I think about pillars I immediately think about the types of Greek columns that we studied in Classical Studies in Greek art and architecture, those Doric, Ionian and Corinthian columns, with the designs becoming more elaborate as time progressed and tastes evolved and changed.

I met you on a sunny Autumn day
You instantly attracted me 
When asking for the way
God if I had known the pain I'd make you feel
I would have stopped this thought of us
And turned upon my heel

You never can tell how things will eventuate.  You can't tell if you will hurt someone in the long run, because of that damn pillar again I'm guessing, but maybe you're not thinking straight anyway.  Instead you're just busy being with them and not worrying too much about any adverse effects that will transpire, becoming involved with someone like you.  It isn't in our nature to think about consequences because we often don't see that when we're in the moment.  But others foresee the future more keenly than others so will not even entertain any other ideas.  They're quite happy with the pillar being in the way.  There's a sense of safety that comes with something solid, reliable and sturdy like a pillar.

(Go you should leave me)
Time make it be alright
(Go you must leave me)
Believe me when I tell you

People will often be reluctant to leave you because they can't imagine life without you or they can't see themselves being able to do things without your guidance or just being there for them.  The hardest thing is to convince someone who loves you more than them to let you go, to walk away from something that they don't want to.  Sometimes those choices are taken out of our hands, particularly if someone dies and it just ends.  You will wonder whether time does make things better, whether you will be able to heal and things will be better again, if it can't go back to some semblance of normal; what does normal mean these days anyway?  What everybody else is doing?  The status quo?  Life surely isn't as neat and tidy as that.  We delude ourselves if we think it is.  But I guess we believe what we want right?  Even if we have to tell ourselves things over and over again so that it sinks in.  We convince ourselves of certain things so that we can help ourselves and others move on and do what needs to be done for everyone's sanity.  I guess you could call it your own form of community or public service.

You recognised my barrier to love
I know there's nothing worse 
Than unrequited love (unrequited love)
So I prayed to God that I could give the love you gave to me
But something's lying in my way, preventing it to be

What is your barrier to love?  Unrequited love is the absolute worst type of love.  I've been on both ends, the who has pined for someone and one who has been pined after.  To be honest, I'm not sure that either position is a comfortable one.  When you have pined for someone, you might not want to disclose that you have feelings at all.  So what do you do?  Stay quiet, say nothing and hope that the feelings pass with time.  We would also be lead to believe that being pined after is a good thing, but if we are level headed, gentle and generous people, the last thing that we want to do is hurt people who would love us, but we just can't love them like they do us.  If the other party was too proud in the end and became mean spirited, then they never really loved you as they claimed.  What do you see for yourself?  I guess I'm still on a quest to break those pillars down. . . 

Monday, 15 August 2016

How we love. . .

I knew a man who was afraid to love
To lay his heart on the bathroom rug
He drank his coffee in the same old mug
And sat in silence 'til the world fell numb

Being afraid to love is quite a natural thing for people to experience.  To love someone means that you are willing to allow yourself to be hurt and have your heart smashed into a million different pieces or obliterated into oblivion, into unseen-to-the-human-eye particles that we know are still there but too afraid to look at because it would just confirm exactly why we shouldn't have ventured into anything in the first place.

Until the day when a girl came by
She had eyes like the rising tide
He felt a sharpness deep inside
The kind of ache that can't be satisfied 

Have you experienced that before?  When you look at someone and it does some funny stuff to your heart and you don't quite know how to deal with that? Mostly because we know our faces aren't poker faces at all and there must be some invisible string that links your facial expressions to your heart (I'm sure of it, there's no other explanation for it).  Some of us are just better at hiding our true feelings than others.  What would it take to satisfy that kind of ache?  Do we know what to do to ease that pain?  Or do we just stay wounded because to do anything would lead to admitting that there are feelings there, but we can't do anything about it, because we just can't.

We hate the rain when it fills up our shoes
But how we love when it washes our cars
We love to love when it fills up the room
But when it leaves oh we're cursing the stars

It's a matter of perception isn't it.  How we choose to treat love - whether we welcome it with open arms or we try to avoid it at all costs.  We seem to be okay with love when it serves a functional purpose and it makes life easier somehow, because we would allow that other person who loves us to do absolutely everything - because they want to, because they think you're incapable of doing anything or have done absolutely nothing until they came into your life.  Do we hate that kind of love-dependency or do we get love drunk like Beyonce would have us believe?

So he turned to the radio
And he went to a picture show
Tried to find someone else who knows
All the hurt a heart can hold

How many times have we tried to distract ourselves from owning up to our feelings and how it makes us do crazy things (or not, because we won't let it).  So we try to seek out people who can help us understand how to heal, to understand how we can move on and over time maybe the hurts that our hearts hold will ease away, shrink those love tumours if they were cancerous and caught early enough.  Good luck finding someone who will be able to hold your hand through it all, even when you heart can't be held.

She smelled like cinnamon and winter clove
And sparked like firewood inside a stove
Wanted to ask her just to sit and stay
Instead he watched as she walked away

People will only stay if there is something worth staying for.  What would make you stay?  What would make you ask her?  What would you do instead of watching her walk away?  We are rarely ever honest about anything these days.  Why is that?  Is it because we are never really real in the first place?  Have we forgotten what it means to savour moments and memories full of smells, sights, sounds and touch?  The thing about touch is that you only remember it and recognise it from the last time you made contact in that way.  Instead, you are left with movie scenes of your own playing in your mind; adult ticket for one, sole seat in the house, projector playing your favourite yet torturous scenes.

We hate the rain when it fills up our shoes
But how we love when it washes our cars
We love to love when it fills up the room
But when it leaves oh we're cursing the stars

I hope that you learn to appreciate what rain does for you in your life.  It helps to wipe away things that may have hardened in time (much like your heart I suppose).  I hope that you learn how it feels to have love fill up a room; it will be a kind of warmth that even no fire could hope to beat, because there is something to be said about human love and what it can do to our insides and how that is expressed outwardly.  I guess it's just how we love. . . 

A little bit of love. . .

A little bit of love can go a long long way
But what you're thinking of
Should maybe start today, start today
Start today, start today oh yeah
You know it's not too late
No, it's not too late, no it's not too late
No, it's not too late, no it's not too late

I like this song because it features in one of my all time favourite movies Celeste and Jesse Forever.  There are some lovely songs on the movie soundtrack that I will most likely blog about at another time (the songs are that good).  The movie features Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg in the title roles. Have you thought about how much a little bit of love can do?  I guess it's hard to know how to give a little bit of love to others if you don't first show a little bit of love for yourself.  Easier said than done for others and for me, well it's a work in progress.  I guess when you've been conditioned to serve and put others before yourself, there is almost a sense of guilt in being able to do things that you would like to do for a change.  So it's not too late to start today :-)

Well I met a man today
Who cannot change his life
You know the caption of his ways
He blames all for his plight

I guess we've all been guilty of blaming others for predicaments that we find ourselves in, but when we start to retrace our steps and become open to accountability, it might take a while to accept our faults - but it's a necessary evil.  Can you think of reasons why you cannot change your life right now?  There might be duties, responsibilities or obligations that you must fulfill as you have people relying on you.  There might even be a chance that you're actually happy with your life and wouldn't change anything about it.  Kudos to you.  That probably makes you part of a small percentage of people worldwide who find joy in their lives, in spite of any tragedies that might come about - you just handle things better than others.

Well he just perceives them all
Giving life to flaws and he cannot hear his song
The melody of course start today, start today, start today
You know it's not too late
No, it's not too late, no it's not too late
Well, it's not too late, no it's not too late

I am very grateful to have people in my life who have no problem with telling me what I do wrong haha.  Depending on how much you can be real with someone, then you won't be able to benefit from truly hearing what the melody of your song is like.  I have said before that if I am the melody of the universe, then I need to surround myself with the right harmony.  In musical terms, there is no choice sometimes about what harmony is associated with the melody, because depending on the musical era, the harmony is organised quite neatly into keys that reflect the composer's musicality and skill in creation.  If you know that it's not too late, then why do you persist in delaying the opportunity to be who you were meant to be?  Are we afraid to show ourselves that little bit of love?

Everybody sing my little song now (Everybody sing my little song now)
Everybody sing my little song now, everybody sing yeah
A little bit of love can go a long long way
So what you're thinking of better start today
Start today, today oh, start today
Start today, start today yeah oh oh. . . 

Nobody will be able to sing your little song with you until they have arrived at the same conclusion or destination as you.  Nobody knows how long the long long way is either, so you must pack for the journey and collect the right people who will help you sing that little song.  But you know what makes for a really great singalong?  The fastest way for everyone to make that long long way a little less long, is to get on board your journey and sing the right harmony to your melody; you can just start today by showing them a little bit of love. . . 

Sunday, 14 August 2016

I know him so well. . .

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much for far too long

When things go wrong, especially in perfect situations because they are contexts that are familiar to you, they are familiar contexts that reveal your character, your strengths, places where you shine; there are always opportunities that present themselves where new learning is meant to happen.  People around me are going through some situations that are testing their faith in themselves, their abilities to be who they truly want to be and it is getting in the way of producing their best.  I believe that nothing lasts.  There is a beginning and an end point to everything and everyone.  I guess it depends on how we choose to address what we are confronted with, whether we choose to compromise or collaborate, to commit or convalesce because of these seemingly perfect situations.  Is it wrong to want things?  Is it wrong to hold on to these desires for a long time?

Looking back, I could have played it differently
Want to feel more moments, who can tell 
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know him well

Do you have regrets in your life?  Do you wish you had done things differently; said what needed to be said or done what needed to be done? It does take time to realise these things, missed opportunities or mislaid ones, but it's all part of learning how you operate, how you function, how you are able to make the connection from thought into action.  Most of the time people are afraid to put into words and say out loud what they think and feel for fear of rejection, being misunderstood or losing what you currently have.  What do you do when you want to feel more moments?  Do you let them wash over you or do you go out and make those moments happen?

Wasn't it good (oh so good)
Wasn't he fine
Isn't it mad
But in the end he needs more than me
More security
He needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well

Knowing when to give up on something or someone, knowing when you have come to the fork in the road and only one pathway is the clear way to go, may be painfully elusive to some and eerily transparent to others.  Do you think about how much impact you can have on someone's life?  Knowing that you can let go of someone because you have done all you can for them is like calling time of death on a relationship or friendship that you earnestly tried to save, you did the best you could, nobody could've bounced back from the trauma suffered by the patient and yourself.  

Noone in your life is with you constantly
Noone is completely on your side
And though I moved my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide

These things come to pass when you are faced with them when you least expect.  You realise that people are not with you constantly in your life when they leave.  You realise that people are not completely on your side when they change to another side.  Have you moved your world to be with someone?  It requires some risk on your part because you don't know if things will work out.  You might not even be worried about consequences or ramifications of the move, because all you want to do is merge your worlds together, or just be in his.  I think about Gladys Knight and her wanting to live in his world than live without him in hers.  If there is a gap that is too wide, the things that could fill that gap would the words unspoken or the deeds undone, because even though a gap exists and might seem too wide, blind faith will minimise the scale and make everything seem effortless.

Looking back I could have played it differently 
Learned about the man before I fell
But I was ever so much younger then
Now at least I know I know him well

The thing about youth, you don't realise you've lost it or moved past it until you've moved through it.  Things that you thought were quite acceptable may now disagree with your adult sense of sensibility.   Do you laugh when you think about what you were like when you were younger?  The things that you did and thought because you were inexperienced in how you wanted to be in the world. It goes without saying that this is part of the learning that we progress through. When you think about how much you know someone (or think you know someone), they are either attributes that we can accept because we grow to respect them.

Didn't I know 
How would it go from the start if I knew
Why am I falling apart

It is extremely natural to fall apart when we try to so hard to keep ourselves together.  Sometimes we do need to fall apart and not wonder why, because that doesn't help us to fall apart easily, in order to rebuild ourselves. Knowing how things will pan out can be a bit boring. When you are faced with obstacles and overcome them, especially if they are not part of your plan, helps you to understand resilience and gain some clarity about how you respond to things rather than react.

Wasn't it good (oh so good)
Wasn't he fine (oh so fine)
Isn't it madness, he won't be mine
But in the end he needs more than me
More security
He needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well

I hope that we continue to find ways to know each other well.  Sometimes I think that when we think ourselves the most, that we come across people who can help to unpack the realness that lies within ourselves.  What fantasy and freedom do you hold within you?  It's important to have dreams and think about how they become reality.  Sometimes we are too scared to transition our dreams into reality because we don't think we're worthy enough of making them happen, or we doubt ourselves or doubt others.  I hope we know when we can let each other go from time to time as well, because how else will we know when we no longer need each other, but instead, know yourself completely.

It took time to understand him
I know him so well. . . 

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Wicked game . . .

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

Do you sometimes get sick of saving people?  You might be inclined to save someone all the time, because that becomes your function in their life.  They will come to rely on you for everything.  What desires do they have that make them do foolish things that require to bail them out every time they fall?  When all dreamers do is dream and give little regard to what their dreams do for you (as the dreams may ironically not even feature you), it might not even be their fault.  Maybe they're just built to be that way, just as you're built to be the strong one.  I guess people will assume things about you, unless something happens beyond anyone's control and the reality kicks in, bringing with it truth that you can't deal with or can't face without admitting more truths that expose your true feelings.

No, I don't want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
With you, with you (this girl is only gonna break your heart)

There is a danger in falling for someone in case you get hurt.  How many times have you come across people like that?  Would you go through life protecting your heart so nobody can break it?  It's hard to say that life has no guarantees of anything, because you don't want to believe that.  Everyone wants reassurances that if they play their cards right, that they come out unscathed, unharmed, untouchable.  But that's the point of falling in love right?  There are risks involved, there are chances to be taken and you can't control how the situation will play out, other than what you are prepared to put in or take away.

What a wicked game you play to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

Have you ever strung anybody along in this way?  Have you ever been the one to suffer in this way?  The fact that you don't understand what has happened until it's too late is a complete understatement.  There is a sense of established trust where you can give yourself over and hope that you are treated with respect; but of course you get weary.  You start to get paranoid and think about whether you stumble along quite gingerly, unwilling to let people think that you have been traumatised by love, refusing to be lead by the heart, by someone caring deeply for you. So how do you reconcile your feelings about this?  Can something be done?  Are you quite content to suffer in silence?  We play these wicked games because we focus on the wrong things in love - power, control and pride.  When those things become the foci or foundation for love - everybody loses, no winner takes it all.

And I wanna fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
No, I wanna fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart with you)

So ultimately there are decisions to be made.  They will be tough ones.  So we need to think very carefully about which direction we are going to take - do we want to fall in love, or do we not?  The fear of having your heart broken is a very real fear, especially if someone has already played a wicked game with you in previous relationships or connections.  We want to be able to believe that we can trust another person to not break our hearts.  If they have a proven track record of loving others with equal parts passion and care, then what fear would you have of them breaking your heart?  It never crosses our minds until it happens, until the disconnection becomes more apparent and the train wreck unfolds and appears imminent.

This world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange but desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you 

I hope that you know yourself a bit more, having learned from previous relationships or connections.  We often think that we have mastered our feelings and we absolutely know how we are going to be with others in intimate situations.  In actual fact, we don't know, because we tend to think with our heads rather than our hearts.  Sometimes the desires that we have don't spring from our hearts but from other places that need instant gratification or release.  Those things come to pass and all you will be left with are memories.  We never dream of meeting somebody that we never forget, and we never dream of losing somebody that we never forget.  I guess this is what they mean when they say nobody loves no one. . . 

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

Listening for the weather. . .

So I'm listening for the weather to predict the coming day
Leave all thought of expectation to the weather man
No it doesn't really matter what it is he has to say
'Cause tomorrow keeps on blowing in from somewhere

Despite what happens today, things will always look different in the morning.  They may not necessarily be different good or different bad - just plain different.  This verse serves as a reminder that we may tend to rely on the weather to tell us what the day will bring, to rely on things we can't control to see what kind of day we will have.  Would you throw caution to the winds?  Would you welcome rain or shine, snow or even sleet?  We should be thinking about the fact that it doesn't matter what the weather is like, we will be able to sort out and decipher whatever obstacles comes our way.

All the people that I know in the apartments down below
Busy with their starring roles in their own tragedies

I'm a bit of a people watcher so I would totally notice something like that - knowing people around me who take centre stage in their own tragedies of their own lives.  I often wonder what lies behind people's smiles where they can often try to hide their private pain in a public domain.  I often think about when someone asks you how you are and what's life like - you rarely ever expect them to disclose their most innermost private secrets, like they go ahead and just dump everything on the table in front of you like a busy woman trying to get through security control or customs and you empty the entire contents of your handbag to find out what's made the detector go off.

Sunlight sends you on your way
And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday
Never be afraid of change
I'll call you on the phone
I hate to leave you on your own
But I'm coming home today

Are you afraid of change?  I don't think you should be afraid of it.  I think when we are afraid of the unknown, we set ourselves up for a life that is less fulfilling and a life less lived.  I have never been one to shirk a challenge because the learning that accompanies it is meant to make me a better person for others, not necessarily for myself.  I have been putting some time and energy recently into people who need me, or my skills, or just an ear.  I have often been asked whether this is productive use of my time, but I counter that with the knowledge that time is nothing but a man-made construct that is meant to enslave us, to make us thing that we have lack of time, that we are running out of time, that we don't have time to live - so we worry so much being without time - rather than spending that time - now.

And this busy inner city 
Has got nothing much to say
And I know how much you're hanging around the letterbox
And I'm sure that as I'm writing
You'll be somewhere on your way
In the supermarket checkout or the restaurant

It is natural to miss people and wonder what they are up to when you are not physically with them.  You will most likely think about what you would be doing together if you were physically together.  We probably don't linger around the letterbox that much these days, but maybe we hang around our text message inbox or our email inbox - waiting for someone to send us a message to let us know that they are thinking of us, as much as you are thinking of them.  It's natural.  It's human nature.  It's human emotion.  Being able to picture where you, makes it easy for people to picture you in their mind's eye and imagine themselves with you so that they will miss you a little less.

I've been doing what I'm told
I've been busy growing old
And the days are getting cold but that's alright with me

Are you sick sometimes of doing what you're told?  Why do we even listen to people who tell us stuff anymore?  Haven't we moved past that old adage of - we need to do what we are told?  What if the people who are telling us stuff can't be trusted?  Is the fact that you persist in listening to silly people. become the reason as to why you seem to be aging faster than your natural progression to grow old?  I don't mind the cold as much.  I think there's something to be said about the fact that if you can feel the cold, then you must be alive.  The point is - if you can feel the cold and you're alive - are you living?  

Sunlight sends you on your way
And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday
Never be afraid of change. . . 

I hope that even when your days seem bleak, dark and cold, there are some good people who genuinely care about you and will be there for you, whenever you need, for whatever you need.  I hope that you don't forget those people who have got you to where you are, who were there for you when everyone else had given up hope.  I hope that those restless thoughts will cease to exist in your world, because truth be told, if you are constantly thinking these restless thoughts, then think about things that will bring about more rest, and less stress.  But above all of this, one thing you cannot ever forget, just when you think that you have come to understand something or someone to the fullest extent of what you think makes sense to you, something or someone comes along to blow it all out of the water.  Don't be too complacent with what has always be done, because by the time you figure out what you were meant to do, it might be too late.  There is nothing to fear anymore in this world, in fact, above all else, just never be afraid of change. . . 

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Got my girl for life. . .

Got my girl for life right by my side
Ain't gonna waste my time
Looking left, looking right
Straight ahead I see my girl looks tight

Has anybody made you feel like you were their girl for life?  Have you made a girl feel that way?
If you have the chance to be with someone who makes you feel that way, then hold onto them.  Everyone understands on some level how important fidelity and loyalty is, but it comes down to how we choose to exercise this in our different contexts.  When a man commits himself to you, he won't look at other women but keep his focus and gaze steady on you because of the woman that you are.

You're the girl of my dreams
(and the feeling's just beginning)
Everything that a man would need
(only you can pick and do it for me)
You know I'm so blessed to be with a girl
Who can understand the way I feel
(you know they're sweeter than sweet)

Feelings are always a tricky thing to talk about.  Not talking about can cause feelings not to be aired out or given a good run around the track to know how it performs under pressure or whether you can exchange or pass on the baton to someone else if need be.  When we do too much with our feelings, we can become emotionally draining on others around us, and end up being like "those ones" who like to feature in every single track event (which I wouldn't normally advise unless you had the stamina for everything, I mean no need to over exert yourself unless you're prepared to comfortably win them all).  But who wants to win all the track events right?  If we are everything that someone needs, that

Got my girl for life right by my side
Ain't gonna waste my time
Looking left, looking right
Straight ahead I see my girl looks tight

Time is never wasted when you know exactly what you value in someone and know how to connect with someone over those values.  We may often be distracted by what comes our way, looking left, looking right (that's right as in the direction, not right as in - that's the right one), but we won't recognise them for distractions until we learn to gauge our patterns of behaviour and what we keep attracting.  Conversations will for the most part, never spill into relationships unless more deeper and meaningful connections are made that go beyond the physical; it's the connection of heart, mind and soul that will supersede and transcend the physical.

See me through my ups and downs
(only you can make me smile when I'm down)
I love the feeling when you're around
(I would never take for granted now)
How I'm so blessed to be with a girl
Who can understand the way I feel 
(you know this feeling is real)

If you are lucky enough to have people that you like spending time with, and who make you feel good about being yourself, then it's safe to say that these people are worth staying in touch with.  If you are able to make someone smile and make them happy because their happiness is important to you and they mean a lot to you - then freely give that gift.  I have always been really appreciative of people who have done things for me because they know that I would like it and be grateful for their thoughtfulness.  Being though of in this way and making an effort to never take anyone for granted, is a special thing that you can do for someone else.  Count your blessing and recognise who has you in their life right now, who wants to be in your life, because who know what life brings our way.

Got my girl for life right by my side
Ain't gonna waste my time
Looking left, looking right
Straight ahead I see my girl looks tight

I reflect on the many situations I have found myself in where I have been in relationships where people claimed to have me for life, but it never really felt so.  As much as they would talk a big game, I always knew that there would be a time limit to the relationship, I knew that things would shortly come to an end, because something would precipitate or necessitate the end of the relationship.  I recognise now that it was because I felt that I had done all I could to speak life into those men and stand by them as much as I could - before realising that they would not be motivated enough to do things for themselves that didn't rely on me propping them up all the time.  A woman can only be as strong as the man who is able to pull his own weight alongside her ambitions.

Heaven is the greatest feeling ever
(Having you close, right next to me,  feels so good)
(No matter the weather, our love will last forever)
For eternity, share a lifetime of memories. . . 

As I head into this week I will be remembering Loma.  Thursday 11th August will mark another wedding anniversary without him, but I won't be sad.  I have so many memories of his love for me and how much I appreciated all of the things he taught me.  Loma taught me what vulnerability means, what exposing yourself and being completely honest in such a way that you're willing to throw your pride away because you need someone to know how you feel was of the utmost importance.  He was always a strong believer in "don't tell me you love me, show me."

I feel blessed that I was his girl for his life while he was here.
I will definitely be sharing a lifetime of memories with him in my dreams and hoping that he knows that wherever life may take me, or whoever life decides to position in my path, that he will always be able to say that with me - when I was his wife, I was his girl for life. . .