Saturday, 23 July 2016

Feel. . .

Come and hold my hand, I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand, this role I've been given
I sit and talk to God, and He just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language, I don't understand

I sometimes wonder whether I am amongst living people or surrounded by people who understand what it means to live.  I imagine that those who lose their lives and never wanted to, either through illness or tragic unforeseen circumstances not of their own volition, seem to pine for opportunities to come back and live their lives again, while the actual living people don't really make the most of their lives, or appreciate what is on offer, explore the limits of their endurance and stamina.  Do we have big plans that seem to take us away from where we are meant to be or block us from seeing the realities we suddenly become oblivious to?  When your head starts speaking a language you don't understand, then you should be aware that you being spoken to rather than initiating that dialogue in your head on your own.  You are being given a role.  Do you know what role you have ascribed to play in this world?  How do you know what role you're meant to play?

I just wanna feel real love, feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't wanna die but I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love I'm preparing to leave her

The chorus shows us the classic push and pull that exists in our lives but more importantly within our very own beings.  We are in constant conflict and turmoil within our hearts, minds and bodies.  We think we know exactly what's going on but then stand face to face with something or someone that may cause us to question everything we've ever been taught, everything we've come to believe in, because truth slowly becomes uncovered.

Scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming

Do you know where you're running to?  Is there anybody running alongside you?  You might already know that you are on your way to your destination because you've set little checkpoints to reach those milestones.  Being able to project or visualise where you are running to is important.  I think the older I get, I don't focus so much anymore on where or who I'm running towards, but it's more about the motion of going forward, making progress.  My brother said something to me today - no pain, no progress, and I absolutely believe that.  Anything in life that I ever valued and thought was worth having, it hasn't come easily.  There have been obstacles to overcome, people to convince, places to suffer through until I knew that I had arrived.  

I just wanna feel real love, feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel real love and love ever after
I cannot get enough

Once things have become revealed to us, we understand why there seems to be a sense of urgency in one's life, why there seems to be too much life running in your veins, because everyone around thinks your life is so busy and how can you possibly do all of the the things that you are doing.  They don't need to understand you.  They just need to sit back and watch what freedom looks like in action.

I just wanna feel real love, feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life running through my veins
To go to waste
I just wanna feel real love and love ever after
There's a hole in my soul, you can see it in my face
It's a real big place

The real love that you might be craving might not necessarily come from those in your circle right now.  The real love that you deserve might actually come from people that you have yet to meet.  The real love might also have been present in your past, given to you by people who are no longer of this earthly realm, but are in fact watching you from a distance, watching you from afar, because they might be the holes in your soul that were taken when they departed this world.  That familiar ache that you feel and can sometimes flicker on your face from time to time; you try your best to disguise and keep it submerged because people would normally see those as signs of weakness.  

Come and hold my hand I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand this role I've been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand. . . 

I hope that whatever you are going through in your own life, that there are people around you that know how to live the most out of their lives.  We can all too easily find ourselves trapped in friendships, relationships and connections that cause drain rather than gain, because we think that is what we are meant to do, to put up with things and people because it is the nice or decent thing to do.  I disagree with that sentiment, especially if you are in a space where you have stretched yourself so much that you seem to outgrow those around you and your vision and hearing has allowed you to see and hear things more clearly.  This doesn't mean that you are better than others, but rather that you have become a better you.  You may not understand this tole that you have been given, but just because nobody else around you understands you, doesn't mean your rate of change or progress is wrong.  It's just means that it's ok not to know everything, even if you're not sure if you understand. . .