Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Under the table. . .

I've been having conversations with lots of people around about love lately.
I've mentioned unrequited love before in many previous blog posts, and I've also explored ideas around being afraid to venture into love, being afraid to fall in love, because people are afraid to feel.  This song speaks to me about moments in one's life where there is a mismatch of feelings, that imbalance that occurs when you can't contain how your love can overflow, whereas you can be faced with someone who seems incapable of love, but in reality, may be out of practice, never really loved anyone before, or they've been burned when they tried to venture out in that battlefield of love.

It already started
I tried to stop it but I already know
You are something I should do without
But I won't
Under the table
Just keep wishing I'll come out but I don't
You are something I should do without
But I won't

Why do we find ourselves drawn to unsuitable people?  Is it because we think we can change them or that there is more to them than meets the eye, which is probably more pronounced or obvious when you are the complete opposite in nature to them.  That complete opposite in nature business then leans itself or gives weight to the old adage of "opposites attract".  But what do opposites actually attract?  Heartache?  Moments of madness?  Questioning our own sanity and the lengths that we go to in the name of love to achieve our own ends, because the means that we follow through on may abuse what love is supposed to be and taint, forever ruin, what love is supposed to be in one's life - a mutual understanding of faith and trust in each other, a genuine desire and healthy respect for each other and knowing that each time, you are always just there for each other, not there for self, but for each other.

Please tell me that this could be easy
I'm tired of waiting for permission to love
Heartbreak is your game, but I'm learning
My heart could be yours, won't make it your home

I guess it can be a difficult or challenging thing when someone isn't prepared to accept your love, will not allow you to love them because they are probably just as afraid to be loved inasmuch as you're so confident to love.  I find that quite ironic in a way, when you're ready to love someone, but they aren't prepared to be loved because they don't know what that feels like, because maybe deep down inside, they can't understand how you could possibly love them when they are struggling to find things to love about themselves.

I'm already falling
I couldn't help it, didn't think of the risks
I got a problem, a problem when I look in your eyes
You're mine and you know it
I'd still do it even if we were cursed
Won't you be my problem it's okay with me if it hurts. . . 

This final verse reminds me of the trailer that I watched for Crossbreed the latest installment in the Twilight series.  That intense feeling of being drawn to each other and even though you know it's a train wreck, a car crash, a plane crash, a bomb waiting to go off - you can't help how you feel.  That fascinates me - the feeling of not being able to actually control your feelings.  That would be a huge adrenalin rush.  I had the opportunity one year, I think it was the year that Twilight the book was released, and Barack Obama had re-released his memoir Dreams from my father.  I had a choice to make between the two books - and I decided to purchase the Obama memoir.

Sometimes you need to break away from something intense like this because at the end of the day you really need to get our from under the table. . .