Sunday, 31 January 2016

Young hearts run free. . .

Ladies, if you're married, did you cry often last year?
Marriages can be challenging to sustain and maintain when you are going through issues that you choose not to address and talk through.  Everyone knows that when the honeymoon is over, reality kicks in and daily mundane decisions need to be made - ranging from brands of products to buy for the household, down to what you're going to eat for dinner and where to go for entertainment, even whose families to spend time with over the holidays.

What's the sense in sharing
This one and only life
Endin' up just another lost and lonely wife
You'll count up the year
And they will be filled with tears

I haven't come across a song like this one that gives such great advice to women who find themselves in loveless marriages.  Well, at least it gives you food for thought, particularly as the institution of marriage now includes same-sex marriage.  But you know what, regardless of which genders are married to each other, the challenges remain the same.

Love only breaks up, to start over again
You'll get the babies, but you won't have your man
While he is busy loving every other woman that he can, uh-huh
Say I'm gonna leave a hundred times a day
It's easier said than done
When you just can't break away
(When you just can't break away)

That line really gets to me.  The third line - where he's busy loving every other woman that he can.
Why does it bother me?  Because I know men like this.  They have partners and children, but still choose to run about town having their egos stroked (as well as other body parts) by women who know they are married or are unaware of their marital status.

Oh, young hearts run free
Never be hung up
Hung up like my man and me
My man and me
Ooooh, young hearts, to yourself be true
Don't be no fool when love really don't love you
Don't love you

I've thought a lot about this verse.  It's great advice for young people to be true to themselves and to avoid what happens to people when they get married and she even talks about herself and her own man in the course of the song.  But this is the thing that love can do to people right?  It can make fools of them if they let it - especially when love doesn't love you back.

It's high time just one crack at life
Who wants to live, trouble and strife
My mind must be free
To learn all about me, uh-huh

What compels a woman to stay in a loveless marriage, where her husband no longer loves her while she loves him.  Unrequited love in a marriage seems silly doesn't it when you think about the fact that he must have loved her if he married her.  So when the wife knows about these affairs - she stays because of the children or she takes her vows seriously to forgive him enough to stay.  These may seem like simplistic reasons, but they are the main reasons that women I know choose to stay.  I guess when a married woman decides what she wants to be able to do for herself and her own happiness - she has to be strong enough to follow through with decisions that will ultimately lead to this happiness, even if it means going through some pain to get there.  Nobody says marriage is easy right?

I'm gonna love me, for the rest of my days
Encourage the babies every time they say
Self-preservation is what's really going on today
Say I'm gonna turn loose a thousand times a day
But how can I turn loose
When I just can't break away
(When I just can't break away)

Self preservation is important, but what is even more important is that you need to be able to love yourself for you, rather than relying on someone else to love you so much to make all of your problems disappear - nobody signs up for that kind of job.  Would you?  I wouldn't.  If you dare to sign on the dotted line of that marriage certificate, I hope that you find someone who will be able to love you for the rest of your days as much as you are willing to love yourself. . .