Saturday, 30 January 2016

Why. . .

I've been in love with the music of the great Annie Lennox from an early age.  I admired her aloofness in music videos, juxtaposed with her stage presence in live concerts, her collaborations with other music artists (her performance with David Bowie of Under Pressure is one of my favourites).  Today's blog post focuses on her single Why.

How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things that I've done
But when I start to try and tell you
That's when you have to tell me
Hey. . . this kind of trouble's only just begun 
I tell myself too many times
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That's why it hurts so much to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me
Why. . . . 
Why. . . .

Trying to understand how to be in a relationship is always challenging.  You try to be honest and keep everything above board, giving away as much information to the other person insomuch as you are comfortable with sharing.  We often forget how trust between people can be built through words and how words can contribute to feelings, because we can only share as much as we are willing to part with, about ourselves.  The danger in cultivating bad relationships is when you use words to break that trust to release yourself from what you no longer want, or even if you're scared to be in a relationship, so you self sabotage to get some breathing space.  Do you know when to keep your big mouth shut?

I may be mad, I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking
And I've heard it said too many times
That you'd be better off
Besides, why can't you see this boat is sinking
(this boat is sinking, this boat is sinking)
Let's go down to the water's edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out, turning inside out
Tell me why. . .. tell me why. . . 

When we learn to keep our mouths shut, we learn to listen to the other person and just appreciate who they are.  Do you believe that things are better off left unsaid?  Do you think that the other person thinks they would be better off without you?  These doubts that you entertain in your mind, I'm not sure whether you would try to sort things out for yourself in terms of how you would choose to process them.  People can often talk to other friends for advice, to vent.  I think we just need to look more in the mirror and ask ourselves what we're doing or not doing in relationships.

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel

I hope that you learn more about yourself and how you see yourself in a relationship.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no relationship expert.  But what I can share with you is that whatever relationship I've ever been in and any future ones (because let's face it, I will meet new people all the time), I will be able to articulate with these people how I feel, so that there will be no guess work required to decipher what it is I am feeling, how they make me feel and what we would be feeling together.  Being able to pin down your feelings and letting a significant other know how you feel can be scary, of course it is, because you're pouring out your soul to someone else.  

Do you know how I feel?
'Cause I don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
I don't think you know what I feel

You don't know what I feel. . . 

So start practising being real with yourself in the mirror, so that when you come across someone who you finally recognise and realise as someone who deserves to know how you really feel, only then can you start to have a real relationship with real feelings. . .