Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Good friend. .

If there's something I need I don't already have
I know I'll get it from a good friend

This will be my last blog post until next week.  I'm off to Samoa for a week for family reasons and I will be off the grid - and totally looking forward to it in some respects; no technology and making the most of face to face conversations and spending quality time with family and friends.

I ran into an old friend when I finished checking in for today's flight.
It's funny because my late husband's dying wish was for me to stay away from her.
I've kept to my end of accepting and honouring his wish.
Today was the first time I had really seen her since his burial.
I can't explain how I felt because I didn't really feel anything.
I mean I didn't feel any ill will to her or anything like that - so I guess I was just surprised to see her.
The funny thing was I saw her husband first and for a split second I wondered if I should say hi to him or not.  I remembered that Loma was friends with him and supported him, even though he was never really a good friend to him.  As a couple, we had both decided that their betrayal of our collective friendship was justified - at the time of the rumour, they had spread it around our social circles that we were divorced, but we were very much married.

Granted people who knew Loma and I as a couple, will know who I'm referring to.
I'm not apologising for talking about it here - this is my space, this is my forum and happy place.
I've made peace with her in my mind, I don't need to have her friendship.  I'm cool doing me :-)

I know there is a mountain
I know there is a climb
I thought about the danger
The darkness of the night
But soon as I get weary
Soon as I close my eyes
You're there to lift the burden from my mind

When my husband passed away, it took every ounce of strength for me to contain myself when I saw this couple at his funeral.  I understood they wanted to pay their respects, but I thought seethingly to myself, why pay your respects to him now when he's dead - when you disrespected him when he was alive?  It has taken me a while to get over the betrayal - I call it betrayal because despite what other horrible things she subjected to me growing up with her in high school and subsequently in college - I remained loyal.  I think because of her - she has single handedly made me quite wary of people and who I choose to call my friends.  She ruined that for me, but I am slowly healing and I am meeting more and more people who value my friendship and understand how important trust is to me.  I am thankful and grateful for this change, having a positive mindset and living my best life.

I know I've been impatient, 
I've know I've been upset
I know I've felt the pressure, 
Lookin' for happiness
Soon as I lose my head
You're there to lift my burden again

I gave her my cellphone and address but I don't know whether she will be in touch.
She was the type of friend who forever took from me while I gave her everything, because in my blinded sense of loyalty - I honestly believed I was being a good friend to her.

It wasn't until I was no longer friends with her that my different circles of friends revealed their true feelings about her and how they didn't like the way she treated me and how she used me.  For your information, if you want to be a good friend to someone, and you know that they surround themselves with people who take advantage of them - have the courtesy to express your feelings.

I can honestly say now, I don't hate the poor girl anymore.
She was always a little envious of my confidence and being able to socialise with anybody and everybody.  She never understood that I never competed with her - I was just doing me.  I don't know if she has matured though, but I won't be repeating history and giving her free rein of my emotional stability anymore.  I will at least honour myself in that sense and maintain my dignity and self respect.

If there's something I need I don't already have
I know I'll get it from a good friend. . . 

Thank you to my friends - all my good friends - you are all always there for me and I never doubt what I need thanks to your friendship, loyalty and trust.

Go forth people into a new year and just treat everyone with love and respect.
That's all you'll get from me - your good friend. . .