Thursday, 31 December 2015

Mercy, mercy me. . .

Woah ah, mercy mercy me
Ah things ain't what they used to be
Where did all the blue skies go?
Poison is the wind that blows from the north and south and east

We often lament that change happens, and climate change is a top priority on a global scale, but for some countries, it isn't high enough on the priority list because money or profit comes first.  Air pollution is at an all time high and I'm grateful to live in a place where we don't yet need to wear face masks to prevent toxins in the air from getting into our lungs but I can't help but wonder - how far off are we going to be?  I guess we have a lot to be thankful for in Aotearoa New Zealand where we have a political party whose founding principles were based on fighting for a cleaner nation with emphasis on environmental policies that would benefit future generations.  That being said, they have had much to contend with but I think without their willingness to bring these issues to the fore, it would not have forced other political parties to take a greater position on their own environmental policies.

Woo mercy, mercy me, mercy father
Ah things ain't what they used to be no, no
Oil wasted on the ocean and upon our seas, fish full of mercury

Oil spills still happen, and human error is often to blame for the countless spills over the generations, ruining our beaches and shorelines but more importantly the wildlife at sea who have happily existed for centuries without man's human error in transporting oil that we use or a certain oil company's horrendous oil spill a few years ago that cost millions gas tanks to clean up.

Ah oh mercy, mercy me
Ah things ain't what they used to be no, no
Radiation under the ground and in the sky
Animals and birds who live nearby are dying 

When we are testing radiation under ground and in the sky, it is with the intent to kill and to show power of one nation (or a league of nations) over another.  How do we talk ourselves into thinking this is ok?  When did we think that killing generations of people with radiation is acceptable, when did collateral damage in this way become something far removed from the humanity that we are trying to preserve?  The humanity that we say we are all trying to be a part of and share love with on a daily basis?

Oh mercy, mercy me
Ah things ain't what they used to be
What about this overcrowded land
How much more abuse from man can she stand?
Oh na na. . . 
My sweet Lord. . . no. . . 
My Lord. . . my sweet Lord. . . 

I hope that we can all contribute in some way to ensuring that we can make our own local environments better than when we entered into it.  What will we leave for future generations of our nations to enjoy?  What other wonders of the world will we hope to be able to maintain and sustain without the mighty hand of greed taking over our love of nature?  How much more abuse from man can she stand?  I don't know how much longer Mother Earth can take this from us.

Our human nature must remember to honour and respect nature.
Would you be able to sustain this level of abuse?
Only time will tell what is in store for Mother Earth and her inhabitants. . .

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

My love. . .

It's New Year's Eve here in Aotearoa and people are already starting to gear up to a big night with friends and family, out and about, or in and around the place so it's going to be quite hectic.  There's already been a few car crashes reported on the motorway (highway) because people are either already under the influence of alcohol or just speeding in a hurry to get intoxicated.

And when I go away
I know my heart can stay with my love
It's understood, it's in the hands of my love
And my love does it good

Paul's vocal in this song is well controlled and so smooth.  There's something about the texture of his voice in this song that is particularly tender.  New Year's Eve leans itself towards reflecting on a huge year that is almost behind you and a new one that is full of promise.  Have you been able to reconcile what your heart has been involved in last year with your love?  With other people?  There would have definitely been opportunities for learning that would have presented themselves.  If history keeps repeating, then the new year promises to be more of the same - unless you heed the lesson you are meant to learn.  I visited my love at the cemetery today.  I know my true heart lies in his hands.    

Wo wo wo wo, wo wo wo wo
My love does it good

And when the cupboard's bare
I'll still find somethin' there with my love
It's understood, it's everywhere with my love
And my love does it good

How do you cope when the cupboard is bare?  Do you rush to try and fill it up so that they can be full again?  Do you take your time filling it up with selected items that you painstakingly pore over in the supermarket?  Or do you not really care that your cupboard is bare?  It's a matter of perception isn't it?  That no matter what the daily mundane activities bring you - as long as you are everywhere with your love - nothing really matters.  Since my love has passed away, it feels like he actually is everywhere.  I don't think that I will be able to love quite the same again.  Funny what hindsight does to you; it makes everything much more clear, the lessons you've learned more vivid and it should forearm you with the tools to be able to see in the new year with greater confidence and anticipation of more good things to come.  

Oh, I love, oh, my love
Only my love holds the other key to me
Oh, my love, oh, my love
Only my love does it good to me

Wo wo wo wo, wo wo wo wo
My love does it good

Since my love has left, I have had to find other people to connect with and love.  Of course I'm not talking about a replacement (or replacements!) but more along the lines of my soul or spirit needing to connect with people so that my mind can continue to function; to have my soul fed and spirit shine amongst who allow it to "be".  Most of the time I have connected with people who haven't been able to give me things, but in actual fact, I have been able to give things to them.  I have had other friends who I have known for most of my adult life who have not been fans of this new venture of mine - loving people by connecting with them and I've met people in different situations and different contexts and I have learned so much.  I think this is what Loma has been able to teach me, this is what my love did quite good - he was able to connect and listen to people quite well.  Often he would tell me, "don't try to solve people's problems - just listen to them and they will be able to solve their own problems, you just need to sit quietly and listen".  Yes indeed - my love does it good. . . 

Don't ever ask me why
Lord, I never say goodbye to my love
It's understood, it's everywhere with my love
And my love, she does it good

Oh, my love, oh, my love

Only my love does it good to me

I know I will never really say goodbye to my love.
I have said goodbye to him physically, his flesh - but his spirit and soul visits me often I know, through music,  I think it was something he taught me to cherish when we were together so that it would be something that he would leave to me, to help me get on with my life without him.

This is the last blog post for 2015 - I hope that you continue to read my posts.
Thank you to all of you from around the world who read what I write.
I had never dreamed that people who live halfway across the world would be interested in reading my views on . . . well pretty much anything.

I hope that you find happiness in 2016.
I don't wish for anything else because you can wish for what you like.
All I know is that the greatest thing I can hope for you all is happiness - because I know we need that most in our lives.  When we know love, humility, kindness, courage - all of these lovely attributes and qualities will bring us true happiness.

So I leave you in the last day of 2015 here in Aotearoa, with my love. . . 

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo . . . 

(Just like) starting over. . .

This song for me defines a man's attempt to rekindle, revive or reignite the love that has somehow waned, trying to recapture the initial spark of a romance.  There are many contributing factors that can affect how a relationship pans out - the normal daily pressures of living together, of raising children, having to make adult decisions in an adult world that doesn't take kindly to flights of fancy and keeps you or forbids you from wandering around in strawberry fields or chasing a sky full of diamonds or reminiscing down Penny Lane.

Our life together is so precious - together
We have grown - we have grown
Although our love is still special
Let's take our chance and fly somewhere alone

It's always important to be able to take yourself away with your dearly beloved and focus on the both of you again.  You take it for granted once you get into the daily grind of being parents, of working hard in your respective careers and surrounding yourself with family and friends that demand your time - constantly.  So you need to counter the busy-ness that is imposed on you from others and take stock of what's important in your lives - each other.  I mean think about it, your lives wouldn't be what it is without the two of you being together - so make sure to take some time out for yourselves.  It's important, it's a priority and it's ok to do that - on a weekly basis - factor it in, because trust me, nobody else is going to do it for you.

It's been so long since we took the time
No one's to blame, I know time flies so quickly
But when I see you darling, It's like we both are falling in love again
It'll be just like starting over - starting over

I love the 1950s feel that kicks in during the second verse.  The vamping in the piano, the dotted quaver - quaver pattern in the bassline, coupled with the background vocals that act as an interweaving countermelody or a lovely response to John's call each time he sings a line all work together cohesively.  When you look at your darling - do you feel like you are falling in love again?  If not, find the time to fall in love again - make things happen

Everyday we used to make it love
Why can't we be making love nice and easy
It's time to spread our wings and fly
Don't let another day go by my love
It'll be just like starting over - starting over

If you're worried about whether there is enough time in your schedule, it's easy to clear.  You might think it isn't - but believe it's not.  I think back and reminisce about the times I have rearranged times, reworked my schedule to be with my love's light, it was never a wasted opportunity.  It was worthwhile and helped to keep the love alive; it reminded me about why we fell in love in the first place.  Why wouldn't you want that feeling back?  If you haven't felt it before - I think it's time to spread your wings and fly, throw caution to the wind and just roll with it.  It's the only way you're going to learn about how crazy you are when you let love help you to start over.

Why don't we take off alone
Take a trip somewhere far, far away
We'll be together all alone again
Like we used to in the early days
Well, well, well darling. . . 

I hope that you find your starting over time happening sometime soon.
I hope that your life will lead you to that special someone who will revitalise your outlook on love and help you to understand what being in love is all apart.  I guess it's time for you to trust your instincts and if you don't know what your instincts are like when you are in love - now is as good a time as any to start learning.  Wouldn't you want to be able to reflect on this blog post later and think - I know what she meant now about the early days, about falling in love all over again - but I don't think you're realise it, until you're in the thick of it.

I'm looking forward to that day when it arrives.
When that day arrives you'll be able to say we have grown. . . we have grown. . . 

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Within you without you. . .

We were talking about the space between us all
And the people who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth, then it's far too late, when they pass away

In the dying days of 2015, we reflect on the year that was.
Have you talked with a lot of people about the spaces between you and them, you and others in the outside world?  Do you acknowledge and accept what those spaces are between us all?  Can you feel those spaces?

Have you talked to people who hide behind walls of illusion?  There have also been quite a few people who I knew that have passed away as well.  It makes you think about how unpredictable life is and how much we can spend time behind our own walls of illusion.  It is hard to separate reality from the what goes on in our minds, to reconcile our public selves with our private selves and I think that the sooner we can get to align these selves together, the happier we will be.  Why do we spend so much time crafting these walls anyway? I mean, wouldn't you want to be able to have lived your fullest life before you pass away?  I guess it depends on how you see things - whether you can live out your happiness in the world without it being misconstrued as cockiness or arrogance.  There is a genuine state of happiness that you can achieve, but it has to come from within you without you . . .

We were talking about the love we all could share
When we find it, to try our best to hold it there with our love
With our love, we could save the world, if they only knew

Being able to share your love with humanity is a tough thing to be able to accomplish let alone conceive. People are naturally suspicious and will question your motives because they can't see themselves being able to share love so freely, in fact that they will probably not think you are being genuine and think they are looking at your wall of illusion.  I think what I have learned in my life so far, is that I don't need to spend convincing people what I'm doing and why I do what I do - if they don't understand what I'm doing, then they are clearly not mean to know or lack the capacity or capability to understand - so they are not part of movement, they aren't part of my ManuMission.

Try to realise it's all within yourself
No one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very very small
And life flows on within you and without you

Seeing where you fit in the bigger scheme of thing is a humbling experience.  Some people can see the bigger picture quite easily, or they interrogate the hell out of the bigger picture until they understand what each part of the bigger picture is called and they feel comfortable with it because they have labelled every specific part - or you might be an individual that only needs to know what your little function is so that you understand how you contribute to the bigger picture.  Life carries on within us, it carries on without us.  I guess we need to figure out while we are still on earth, what we can contribute to life from within us, so that life can carry on without us.  Sounds simple doesn't it?

We were talking about the love that's gone so cold
And the people who gain the world and lose their soul
They don't know, they can't see, are you one of them?

I worry about becoming one of these people.  I have experienced this on so many levels growing up.  Looking to people as role models and seeing them as exemplars of the type of person that I wanted to be and finding out later that they did so much to gain those positions in the world and lost their souls in the process.  I often questioned - is this what I need to do to gain my own position in the world?  Would I need to stand on other people to get what I needed?  I am adamant that no, I don't need to do that.  There is plenty of success for everyone.  We should not begrudge the success that others - but rather, be grateful for what we have and continue to work for what we want and achieve the goals that we want to achieve.  I believe that people who have lost their souls in this way will not know they have lost them, because they can't see it or notice it is missing; all their eyes can behold is the power and material trappings that they think success is all about.

When you've seen beyond yourself then you may find
Peace of mind is waiting there 
And the time will come when you see we're all one
And life flows on within you and without you. . . 

I hope that you will be able to surround yourself with people who will be able to resonate with you in your space, to know that they must be able to contribute to your peace of mind by seeking their own peace of mind.

Until you achieve the peace of mind that you seek, I hope that you allow life to flow on within you and without you. . . 

Monday, 28 December 2015

With a little help from my friends. . .

What would you do if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key

If you're a good singer or you're just plain good at something, how do you treat others who aren't so good at singing or something else that you're good at?  To be a supportive friend means that you can balance the "tell it like it is" with also being encouraging, because let's face it - you don't want to enable bad behaviours or give false hope, but you also want to be able to give constructive criticism or try to refer your friend to other people who could help them out.  I've been reflecting a lot these past few days as we draw to the end of 2015, and I don't think I have let any of my friends down.  I think I've let myself down a few times investing time and energy into people who I thought were my friends but quickly disappeared from view once they got what they wanted, and you know what - that's perfectly ok.  Because it tells me that I was able to help them with what they needed, what they wanted - I just hope that I can get help from people as instantly as I give it when I need it the most.

What do I do when my love is away
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)

What does it mean to be on your own these days anyway?  With technology playing such a huge part in our lives, it seems much easier to connect with people more than ever - there's so many social media platforms that you can engage in, so many forums and websites to follow - the choices are endless for you to go ahead and search for things and people who have similar interests to you.

But at the end of the day, when you go to switch all of the technology off - or recharge it as the case may be, are you sad?  Why do you think you feel sad as opposed to being happy?  When did we lose the happiness in our lives?

(Would you believe in a love at first sight)
Yes I'm certain it happens all the time
(What do you see when you turn out the light?)
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Do you believe in love at first sight?  Love at first sight for yourself?  You can probably recall the first time you saw someone that would've made your heart skip a beat or made you gasp a little, because of the intensity of their stare when you locked eyes together or you weren't expecting that little frisson of excitement to ignite between you two.  Do you act on those little moments?  Do you take steps to make sure that the excitement plays out in a conversation?  I think you will have had countless moments like those ones and never acted on them.  So if it happens all the time, and it happens to you - why didn't you make more of it?  When you go home to turn out the lights, what is yours that you see?  Are we happy with what we see in the dark?  Why can't you tell me?  How do you know it's yours?

Do you need anybody?
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love

Everybody needs somebody to love - whether they know it or not, whether they acknowledge or accept or not, whether they want to talk about it or not.  We also need to remember that love comes in all types as I've stated in previous blog posts - because much is said about romantic and passionate love - the thing of fairytales and dramatic novels - but not much is said about the kind of love that isn't easily defined.  I'm talking about the type of love that hovers in unknown places, I mean it could even hover in the dark when you turn out the lights, so that's why you won't tell me - because you don't know how to identify what love you are seeing.

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends. . . . 

I hope that you get by with a little help from your friends.  I am grateful and thankful for all of the friends that I have in my life who make my life what it is - an interesting and exciting source of inspiration for me in all that I do, friends who are there for me through the storms and the moments when I would rather be alone, but they just know how to "be" around me.  Thank you for giving me the little help that I needed, whenever I needed it.

I hope you never forget the ones who gave you a little help when you wanted it the most :-)

Sunday, 27 December 2015

Woman. . .

I've blogged about John Lennon in previous blog posts (see Let it be, Imagine and Gimme the truth).  I have long admired his song writing skills and clever use of lyrics with equally haunting melodies to match.  I think what I love most about his lyrics is how he is able to say things in such a clever way; there's something about smart lyrics that get me every time and this track is no exception.

Woman I can hardly express
My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness
After all I'm forever in your debt
And woman I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness
For showing me the meaning of success
Oooh, well, well
Oooh, well, well

They say that behind every great man, there's an even greater woman.  I guess for the most part we have seen this play out in the American political arena with former president Bill Clinton and current president Barack Obama with strong women who have played a part in driving their men to be successful.  Are you that woman for someone at the moment?  It can be a difficult task to motivate someone who is unwilling to be ambitious - I don't mean like ambitious where you need to walk all over other people to get what you want, I'm just talking about having some goals and working towards achieving them.  There's also probably nothing worse than standing by your man and watching attain high levels of success only to then watch him either forget to thank you for all you've done for him or he conveniently replaces you with someone else to reap the benefits of his toil.  Ladies, all I can say here, is be very careful about who you choose to invest your time and energy in.

Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man
Please remember my life is in your hands
And woman hold me close to your heart
However distant don't keep us apart
After all it is written in the stars
Oooh, well, well
Oooh, well, well

There is a little child inside every man, one that needs to be nurtured and developed so that they understand how to be a man and become fathers themselves of real little children when the time comes.  Often men need reassuring that they will always be close to your heart even if there is geographic distance, and that's quite a normal thing to have to do, give someone reassurance, so when you can, offer this reassurance, but it also pays to be clear as well - about whatever other important messages you need to share.  I often think people that want to stay close to your heart, they will most likely try to be in touch as often as they can, to ensure that you maintain that closeness with conversation.

Woman please let me explain
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
So let me tell you again and again and again
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever
I love you (yeah, yeah). . . 

When you have been wronged, it is important to accept the apology when it is offered and moved on.  Whether you choose to move on by accepting the apology and resuming the relationship or ending it - is totally up to you.  When you resume something after something has happened, it is important to establish new boundaries about how to proceed so that you not only avoid setting yourself up from being hurt again, but more importantly so that he knows, that he should have learned the lesson of causing you sorrow or pain, but not heading down that pathway again - otherwise what's the point of resuming the relationship?

I hope that you find your now and forever.
I am pretty sure that is there is a "now and forever" for everybody; sometimes they don't come necessarily as the one and the same person.

And woman I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness

For showing me the meaning of success. . .

Something I often think about but let go as more pressing priorities take shape.
Something you could think about now too as we head into the final days of 2015.

Friday, 25 December 2015

I'll follow the sun. . .

How are you with goodbyes?  There may not be many opportunities for you to say goodbye to someone for whatever reason - whether you drifted apart, circumstances were beyond your control or you just lost contact and didn't get to say goodbye and you're left wondering how the other person is.  Goodbyes are normally tied in with sentimentality and prompts you to reflect on your time together, what you learned from each other - explicitly or implicitly - and then you start thinking about the types of memories you had - happy, sad, good, bad that were all wrapped up in all different types of times that are made up of moments, as small and minute as a look or a gesture to a grand event or adventure that provides a secret language no one else understands.

One day you'll look to see I've gone
For tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun
Someday you'll know I was the one
But tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun

Our approach to learning from each other is much like the approach taken to the vocals in this song. We can sing the first line together in unison in the first and third lines, trying things out to see if you can carry the melody on your own in the second and fourth lines.  The beginning of a connection or interaction is spent looking for common ground, listening to each other to see how you can solidify the boundaries within which you will develop your circle of trust.  I am grateful and appreciative of being the one who has helped you understand more about yourself and what you needed to know to live your best life, to realise your potential has no limit.  There's no going back from here, so stop looking to the negativity in your past, but acknowledge and accept it for what it is and move onwards and upwards.

And now the time has come
And so my love I must go
And though I lose a friend
In the end you will know, oooh

Once you have gained the confidence to carry the melody on your own, I can branch off and start harmonising; as the red colour suggests in this verse.  Of course I can only branch out into exploring the harmony part if you are able to stick to your guns and not be put off by hearing another vocal part a third lower than you.  As for the lyrics, even though they seem self explanatory, it cannot be stressed enough that all things come to an end - whether we want them to or not; whether things die of natural causes or you might need to perform some kind of sacred ritual that requires honour to be held above all else (with a good measure of integrity to be sure).  There is a sense here that you will not understand now, but that in time, once we have come to terms with making our own ways into the world, when the connection or friendship must end, you will be better for it and know why.  It is not easy of course to lose friendships, but we must be resilient enough to rebuild and reestablish new pathways in life.

One day you'll find that I have gone
But tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun

Yea, tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun

And now the time has come
And so my love I must go
And though I lose a friend
In the end you will know, oooh

There is simplicity in beauty and there is that winning formula in this song where the lyrics and music are repeated with a sliver of a guitar interlude thrown in for good measure, to break the vocal  emphasis in this song.  But I guess it's the harmony of John Lennon to Paul McCartney's melody that makes the song what it is, complemented by the unison pairing in the first verse.  I guess we shouldn't look at it as losing a friend either, but more the ending of a friendship's close connection because there will be other friends that will take priority because you will need to learn more from them and put into practice what we have shared.

One day you'll find that I have gone
But tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun

I hope that when it is time to part ways that you will understand, that I understand, that we both understand - everything is realised in the fullness of time.  You'll find that I'm gone because you will think that you want me here with you, when you actually no longer need me.

Life places people in your path that you attract because you need them there, you have manifested them there, to assist you in your journey to realise your destiny.  So even though it may seem to you like it's raining if I'm no longer there, just know that I'll always be cheering from the sidelines.

I may still even be that voice in your head that you might still listen to - proud that you will follow your own sun, just I have followed my own sun :-)

Thursday, 24 December 2015

Across the universe. . .

This blog post is dedicated to +M.L Sesega 

You asked me if I listened to The Beatles much and I said yes.
I have listened to their music on and off over the years, learning how to play their well known tracks here and there, singing their songs in primary school/elementary school choirs (it was obvious that the choir leader was a huge Beatles fan) and learning how to play them in keyboard lessons during the beginning of high school as an introduction into learning about composition was an interesting exercise in itself.

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva OM

You write songs probably as much as I write blog posts, furiously but always binning things saying they're not good enough, whereas I would just keep them as drafts until something speaks in me to finish them, either divine intervention or I apply myself I guess.  There is no such thing as a wasted refrain or useless lyrics - they're just in some kind of infantile stage that is underdeveloped and all that's required is time and space to allow it to form into something recognisable and ready to be released across the universe.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe

I haven't seen the movie Across the universe yet.  I know you've been hounding me to see it and I will.  When I think about images of broken light, it makes me wonder if I am meant to fix these lights so that they shine brighter, because I think those million eyes are pairs of eyes that are looking to me for help in that sense, to help them be complete and full in their light again, so that they can continue to shine in their own corners of the universe.  I have often heard the rattling of empty letterboxes when the wind has been in them, shaking the inside of the letterbox about as if to search for letters or packages that it sense is on the way but hasn't quite yet arrived.  I wonder if we are aware of how much we can sense things making their way across the universe to us, if we only applied ourselves. . . 

Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my ears
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on, across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

I think what I've learned the most about myself this year is to not be judgemental.
The challenge lies in not being swift to focus on people's weaknesses (that's just too easy) and their transgressions (because I can't judge, nobody can), so looking for the good in everyone, developing that Pollyanna syndrome has been helpful because I think as I grow older, I am growing more compassionate.  I guess it's a calling from the universe then, that there is an undying love that calls to me, to share this deep love I have for love, to share it with others and get them to be more in touch with how love manifests itself as happiness for themselves.  

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

I hope the only thing that needs to change in your world is what needs to change.
I hope that negative things don't threaten to change your world but if it does, that there will be lessons that you learn in order to see the million suns that need to shine around you :-)

Jai Guru Deva. . . 

Here comes the sun. . .

I write as much as I can on this blog, when I can.  Sometimes it might take a while to get inspired to write something, but other times I write the blog posts from beginning to end in one sitting because the music speaks to me, the song fits something that I've been thinking about for a while and it just seems to flow out onto the page.  I can say that one of the key reasons for setting up this blog has been to help me write at will, to write on cue, because I'm in the process of completing my PhD in Education and I figured that one way to help me with the flow of my writing, was to write and process my thoughts through my love of music.  What I didn't count on was that I can now write so fluently when it comes to this blog that I need to make a more concerted effort to transfer this fluency to my academic writing.  It's that age old problem of writing for passion and writing for purpose - the audiences are different too but it's almost like I need to trick my mind into thinking that my passion and the purpose are the same.  Of course it totally is the same thing on so many levels, but I need to make it more ingrained I guess, more embedded and entrenched in what I do when I write; adopt a more systematic way of writing.  If I can write about my feelings in this way, can I write my thesis in this way?  Well, it's worth a shot - I just need to back it up with references :-)

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

As we near the end of the year, I'm taking stock of things to be grateful for and taken a closer look at this blog.  I have noticed this month that I have an increasing readership in Slovakia (I don't know anybody personally in Slovakia but hi to you if you're reading!).  The top five countries that have read my blog since I started this blog in November 2013 are the United States, New Zealand (Aotearoa), Australia, France and Germany.  I am curious sometimes about why people read what I write.  Nobody really comments on the blog posts so it's hard to get some feedback but people seem to retweet when I post on Twitter and other social media sites.  I can say that this blog has helped me to see through a long cold lonely winter as at times since my husband died in May 2013, I have felt like I have had to rediscover myself all over again, get to know what it means to be a woman again in the world.  It has definitely felt like years since I've been here in this place where I can stand with the sun in my face.

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

Now when I look at people, I notice their facial expressions a little bit more.  I pay attention to what I can see in their eyes, how they speak, how they sound when they speak, their hand gestures, their smiles.  You can tell a lot about people from their smiles, especially when they haven't smiled much in the years that you have known them so you start to notice that their face looks entirely different when they smile and laugh.  I think that's part of the reason why I enjoy making people smile or laugh - I think they look more beautiful when I can see the smile has reached their eyes too.  I often chuckle to myself, because for a person with relatively bad vision, I have greater insight that connects to my intuition.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun 
And I say it's alright

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Too often we can question when good things come to us, when good things happen, when good people enter our lives, I mean we even question ourselves about whether we are good people too.  We need to understand that we don't need to question this - because we attract good things and good people if we feel good about who we are and the good things that we want to put out into the world.  It sounds simple doesn't it?  We must remember to bask in the sun when it comes, enjoy the warmth that it brings and harness its power to let us grow and develop into ways we never dreamed possible because we have no limits to our potential.  We need to remember that it's alright when good things come, when good people come - it's alright.

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear

I hope that you won't be afraid of the sun when it comes.  We fear too much of the extreme, that we will get sunburnt if we expose ourselves too much to the sun or suffer the fate of Icarus and have our wings melt off because we don't heed our father's warning and fly to close to the sun because we've lulled ourselves into a false sense of security.  All I'm saying is that it's alright to greet the sun, embrace it and celebrate your strengths, your achievements and know that there are other good things and good people who will come into your life and help keep the rest of your days in your lifetime - as sunny as you want them to be.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun 

And I say it's alright

I've written this one just for you - from beginning to end - in one sitting.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun 

And I say it's alright. . . 

If I needed someone. . .

When you have a strong connection with someone, 
you will tend to think along the same wavelength.

I was alerted to the fact that The Beatles and their beautiful music has just become available on Spotify and I will probably be blogging about a few of their masterpieces for at least a couple of months, so bear with me while I explore some of great songs that have found some resonance with me.  I had seen the notification for this before I was even alerted to it, but it is nice when planets align and all that, particularly when great minds think alike :-)

If I needed someone to love
You're the one that I'd be thinking of
If I needed someone

There haven't been many people that I've needed over the years, a symptom I think of someone who always seems to be relied upon on by others and I have to a large extent been quite self sufficient in that way, even when I am in large groups of people, I can adapt and be a team player because my training has lent myself towards a life of service that I can't deny, nor hope to ignore; these are strengths and skills that are rarely taught in modern society, so I value having a cultural heritage that cultivates this and allows me the opportunities to transfer them into other key areas of my life.

If I had some more time to spend
Then I guess I'd be with you my friend
If I needed someone

I guess it's a reassuring thing to know if you have someone if you needed someone, to spend time with.  There are always people that want to "use" your time, but don't want to "spend" time with you, because that involves them giving up their own time, by giving it to you.  This is what is meant by time being precious, that you should spend more of it, if you have the time, with the one you needed, should you need to.  This verse makes me smile in the sense that it denotes a preference for who you spend time with and if you had more time to spend, who you would spend the time with.  This begs the question of - would you then spend more time, if you had it, with the right people?  That's a simple enough question, and if the answer is - well I don't do that right now as it is - then that means you need to start cutting off the wrong people in your life.  

Had you come some other day
Then it might not have been like this
But you see now I'm too much in love

I have discovered getting to know you, that I have confirmed what Loma used to say about me all the time.  He used to talk a lot about me being in love with the idea of love.  I'm a firm believer of the fact that certain people are drawn into your life because you either attract them or there is some type of lesson that needs to be learned from those individuals - and there's the funny thing about the lessons - they might teach you those lessons explicitly or they are taught to you implicitly and you have to apply some inference there.  I am in love with the idea of love, because I can feel that love is the strongest and most profound of that of the human points of expression that even though we think we know what it means, we are hard pressed to know how we feel what it means.  We never surrender ourselves or give ourselves to love in that sense - the process through which we can learn ourselves the best, by seeing how we are able to connect and interact with people through the various shades of love - ranging from platonic to romantic, heck even demonic - because you never know how deep the extremes can be until you're right in the thick of it.

Carve your number on my wall
And maybe you will get a call from me
If I needed someone
Ah. . ah. . ah. . ah. . . 

Thanks for being someone that I can call when I need help with something, when I need to have a sounding board.  I know that you can do the same with me and call me if you need someone too.  Those are the reciprocal things that we do for each other and there are lessons learned on both sides.

It's important to have someone that you can call and it doesn't matter how trivial or how earth shattering a dilemma or drama may be - there is nothing that can't be solved without a well planned approach or game plan that sets things into motion.  

But most of all, it's just good to be myself, if I needed someone to be real with :-)

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

When you know. . .

This blog post is for those who need to learn to trust their intuition more. . . 

One of my all-time favourite movies is Serendipity (2001) starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.  I've only watched it this year and I think I blogged about another track from the movie soundtrack.  There is an interesting rendition of the Bob Marley classic Waiting in vain by Annie Lennox that is worth a listen.  I guess because the recent blog posts have all been about relationships, that I also draw inspiration from one of the most romantic movies that I love.  Happy chance coincidences and meetings make up the majority of this film, and make me think about those same serendipitous moments in my own life.  

When you know that you know who you love, you can't deny it
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know

When you find the one, it might help to know if he thinks he's the one too, and that he thinks you're his one too.  There's nothing worse than making assumptions, everyone is on the wrong page, in fact, they are in completely different books and mayhem ensues.  How much do you trust yourself in these types of situations?  Do know what you know, that you think you know what you know?  You can question whether you think you love someone - but everyone knows there is a distinct difference between loving someone and being in love with someone - you can't get the two twisted.  Accepting that you love someone or you are in love with someone - this first step is something that you must be able to acknowledge for yourself.  After this acceptance stage - then address the next stage - panic.  What are you meant to do know?  How do you know that the next few actions that you put in place will be the right ones?  That's exactly the point; you know and you know that you know - so what are you prepared to know and what are you prepared to do from this knowing that's been carrying on?

When you feel in your skin, your bones, and the hollows of your heart
There's no way you can wait till tomorrow
When there isn't any doubt about it once you come this close
Cos you know and you know that you know

It must be excruciating to have to wait, especially if you can feel it in all parts of your body, where practically everything is screaming out for you to take notice - that there is no denying your feelings in that sense.  I guess it just really depends on how you want to proceed with your feelings - do you want to pursue this and make something happen or will you ignore all of the signs that point to everything that you feel because it's too close for comfort and you can't handle it?

You can feel love surround you like the sky round the moon
This is how love has found you, now you know what to do

If you know what you need to do, just trust that your intuition will steer you on the path.  Even if the other person puts you through the wringer, doesn't reciprocate or does reciprocate but makes you work for it - this is what love is supposed to be, what love is supposed to do, because like the sky is around the moon - love can seem like such a vast and expansive canvas of a sky while you remain like a constant moon that shows how love affects you in the different phases of growth while in love.

When you know that you know who you need, you can't deny it
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know

I hope that when you find the one, that you trust your intuition to move you to take action.
When you know or come to the realisation about the affairs of your heart and what you need to do, the state of where you are with your feelings, when you fully succumb to your feelings and allow them to be at the centre of your life for a change, that's when you know.  When you surrender yourself to the joy, sorrows, fears and surprises that love brings, then you know that the adventures can begin.  Acknowledging this openly, and having it sit right within your mind, can only happen if you feel it first within you heart.  So if your intuition leads you there, accept it and stop resisting.

And it's time you come in from the cold
Haaaa. . . 
And you know that you know . . . 

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Will you still love me tomorrow. . .

This blog post is dedicated to my anonymous friend who requested this track ;-)

There have been many cover versions of this song by The Shirelles, one notable cover by Amy Winehouse but I prefer the original because I'm partial to vocal harmonies but I also like the faster tempo in the original which means you can dance along to it even though the song lyrics sing about an apprehensive woman who might possibly regret having given up her "goodies" to her lover.  

Tonight you're mine completely 
You give your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow?

Isn't this the question on every woman's lips?  Whether she made the right choice to give herself to someone because she thought if she didn't, he might not be interested in her again and make any sort of future plans to meet up with her again?  Where did we get this from?  Where did we start to believe this?  Because of how we let men treat us in the past?  This is something we need to remember ladies - we teach people how we want to be treated, and that includes men who may lust after you and say all of the right things for right now, but has no intention to make good on anything else once that love light in their eyes has faded with the morning light from outside.

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

I wonder how guys feel sometimes when women ask them such questions.  How truthful are you?  Do you tell her it's going to last and it's precious or it will only last until the sun comes up in the morning?  If we are taught to believe that moments are meant to be enjoyed and to be truly present in them, then we wouldn't worry about such things, but if we have been taught to believe in the romantic notions of the magic in those sighs - what can a girl do to protect herself from the inevitable heartbreak that will face her in the morning?

Tonight with words unspoken 
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning star?

I'm not saying that you should allow yourself to get hurt, but how else are you meant to build your resilience and strengthen your own heart in the process?  I mean the heart is a muscle that needs to be exercised so that it can bounce back from any disappointments that it will encounter in its lifetime - and there will be many disappointments until we find places that will treasure it or find pleasure in it as well.  I smile to myself as I think that he is the night and you are the morning star - because he likes to stay around in the darkness while you want to bring him out into the light.  Is it so hard to transition between time and space in this way?  I guess it depends on whether he wants to be able to meet you halfway, to follow your lead since you seem more confident and more sure of your heart than he is.

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Well girl, all I can tell you is that, you have to be patient and possibly kiss a whole lot of frogs before you get to your Prince Charming, and that might not necessarily be a bad thing.  It can be fun to kiss frogs, you get to laugh at yourself kissing them and who knows, some of those frogs might surprise you.  One thing we all know about love is that we can never be sure of it - no love is ever the same and no love is ever going to behave the way we want it to - it's not meant to be that way either.  The only thing that we know for sure about love, is that whatever it looks like, regardless of whether we can count on it or not - we will always wonder, will you still love me tomorrow.

So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

You say you won't ask again, but you always ask it, every time.
But you know what the cool thing will be; one day you won't need to ask this question anymore.
Because you will meet someone who will not only love you tomorrow, you will wake up to him every morning.  I truly believe that.

So don't forget to invite me to the wedding; I don't know when it will happen, but mark my words, it will, and I'm never wrong about my predictions either.  Just ask all my married friends :-)

Take good care of my heart. . .

When you finally feel like your heart is in a safe enough state to be given to someone else, at least to hold onto for a bit because you've started to trust them with it - that's a good step in the right direction.  You can't of course guarantee that you won't get hurt in the process, because that's the chance you take playing this game of love - you must be prepared to get hurt by fully immersing yourself by handing your heart over to someone.  You run the risk of having your heart trampled, pushed and pulled in so many directions, but only if you allow that person to take control and abuse your heart.  I think sometimes we forget that - we can give our hearts to someone for safe keeping, but we should be smart enough to know - at the first sign of abuse, we can take it back.  It's our right to do what we can to preserve and protect our hearts.  We only have one heart - so we must be careful.

Time can pass so slowly, when you feel so all alone
Love can strike like lightning when you find your heart a home
I've seen it in the movies, read about it in a book
I never thought I'd feel it, but your touch was all it took

It sounds like a cliche, that you find love when you aren't looking.  I'm a firm believer in love striking like lightning, because I've experienced it on so many different levels.  Where does your heart call home?  Movies and books have a lot to answer for - the romantic notions of love that articulate the depths of feelings that we don't often associate with real life scenarios and situations; but trust me, these things can and do happen with the right people, so we just need to make sure that when we allow ourselves to feel, that we just feel it and run with it, and enjoy our moments with people who want to connect with us.

Take good care of my heart, take good care of my heart
Baby you're the first to take it, you're the only one who can break it
I love you more than I should, but it keeps me feeling so good
I've waited for your love forever
You're the one to take good care of my heart

Have you broken any hearts lately?  Have you broken any hearts in your past?  I find it strange that people that I have loved have had heart problems (literally) and I often think it is symptomatic of the heart pain and heart pangs that they have also suffered in this world.  I've been a heartbreaker.  I used to live by a mantra of hurt or get hurt and it was the safest way to live life, by making sure that you survived any serious love situations relatively unscathed because you kicked into self preservation; you learned this the hard way.

Come and make your magic, till you have me hypnotised
If we get any closer, I'll be drowning in your eyes
You're the one I needed the most, when my love was on the line
I'm so glad you gave me yours, when I gave you mine

We are often afraid to give our hearts to people because we are afraid that they won't know what to do with it; so we wait for them to give us their hearts first so that we can reciprocate and give ours in return.  Have you drowned in someone's eyes before?  It can be really hard to get out of those eyes, probably because when I think of drowning, I think you're dead floating in the water somewhere, rather than being able to swim to safety.  What line was your love on?  Have you ever laid down your love on the line sometime?  It can be disconcerting to lay your love down on the line and then have to slowly pick it back up because there was no need to lay it down.  We can sometimes misconstrue the signals we receive so we need to teach ourselves how to read the signs carefully, and if in doubt we need to speak up and be clear about what those signs are to avoid further pain and unnecessary drama.

Take good care of my heart, take good care of my heart
Baby you're the first to take it, you're the only one who can break it
I love you more than I should, but it keeps me feeling so good
I've waited for your love forever
You're the one to take good care of my heart. . . 

I hope that someone gives you their heart soon, so that you can give them yours.
I hope that you know what it feels like to have someone love you more than they should, well actually, it would be nice if you knew how that felt too, because you need to learn what it feels like to be in that position - to love someone more and panic about it a little.  If you know that the love you are feeling is one that you have waited for your whole life, then you know you've done the right thing - thrown yourself into the feelings that you have denied yourself in the past.  But until you can entrust someone else with taking care of your heart, learn how to take good care of it yourself. . .

Monday, 21 December 2015

Next lifetime. . .

Has this happened to you?  You will have come across people in your life who you can't be with for a variety of reasons, that may include the following:
1) you're already with someone so you can't be with them
2) they're already with someone so you can't be with them
3) you almost had something, but it was too hard to make it work
4) timing is all wrong, just missed the boat.

Now what am I supposed to do
When I want you in my world
How can I want you for myself
When I'm already someone's girl?

We stay with who we are with because we have made promises and decisions that dictate that we do the right things for those we love, but I guess that's a matter of perception right?  When we made vows and commitments to people, we made promises to be there and to be present for them, it's not a dictatorship, we aren't forced to do anything that we didn't sign on the dotted line for.  We then learn to push aside our newly found desires because they are recent, more fresh and seem more exciting from what we perceive to be the mundane.

First time that I saw you boy
It was a warm and sunny day
All I know is I wanted you
I really hoped you looked my way
Then you smiled at me
So warm and sweet
I could not speak
You make me feel like a little bitty girl
What you do to me

It's probably one of the most alluring feelings about being involved in an interaction in this way - the butterflies in your stomach, that chemistry where sparks fly and you think that you might self combust if you indulge in those feelings.  You could peg it down to being warmer weather and especially warm and sunny days being a perfect breeding ground for potential relationships and complications to arise.  Does the fact that it seems warm and sweet mean that it has you enveloped in "new feels" that you didn't anticipate on being subjected to or receiving?

I guess I'll see you next lifetime
No hard feelings
I guess I'll see you next lifetime
I'm gonna be there

I think it's completely healthy to recognise attraction to other people and identify when sparks fly, so that you know how to manage it.  I think what people struggle with is that, just because these things are there - it doesn't necessarily mean that you need to act on it.  Sure, some people will, but it is all totally dependent on how you can do some risk management on your part to assess the situation and then act accordingly on your part.  Intention, thinking the thoughts and then acting on them, leads to the manifestation of those intentions.

Your energy
Feels so damn good to me
It picks me up don't wanna come down
You got me spinning me all round
I need to know
I've got somebody
You're beautiful
But still it ain't that type of party

So it begs the question - what type of party would you be interested in?
I have always been a strong advocate for cultivating and fostering your own happiness and not relying on someone else to give you happiness.  When we start relying on others to make us happy, it means that we are fundamentally ignoring our own power to be able to manifest happiness for ourselves.  Sometimes I think we need to be mindful about the ability for people to hurt us as much as we expect them to give us happiness too - we can't only accept the good that people bring, but the bad as well - it's all part of the learning that we must have with each other in our human interactions, in our bonding and getting to know each other.

I guess I'll see you next lifetime
You know I want to stay around
I guess I'll see you next lifetime
I'm so confused now. . . 

I can already see what we would be doing and what kind of life it would be.  
I guess it wouldn't hurt to still stay connected and just enjoy what it is, for what it is.
I hope that I see you next lifetime, in fact I know I will.
It may seem confusing for now, but it will all be clearer next lifetime. . . 

Sunday, 20 December 2015

My kind of girl. . .

I don't know whether it's because it's nearing the end of the year and you naturally reflect on the year that was, or it's because the insomnia is kicking in again and I can't go to sleep until I've emptied my mind of these latest musings.  If you've followed my blog posts over the past few months - there is an increasing number about relationships, love, friendships and just human interactions and connections.

When I was younger, I never went too far
Held my feelings and never even wanted to start
So when I met you, I didn't know
What you were gonna do with my heart

I didn't really know what to do with people's hearts, so I didn't really think about it, particularly with the hearts of those who gave them to me.  It seems like a huge responsibility doesn't it, to be entrusted with someone's heart and to think very carefully about how you can look after it, that is, if you accept the heart of course.  I guess a sure fire way of knowing what to do with someone's heart is to kind of get to know your own heart first of course, before you can think about how you can handle someone else's.  Sounds simple doesn't it, but extremely hard to do without the necessary skills and gentle dexterity required.

When you talk (I cling on every word you say)
When you move (just like a breeze on a summer day)
When you smile (the sky turns from grey to blue, that's what you do)

You don't notice that people cling on every word you say until they recall everything that you say, for the pure fact that every single utterance escaped your lips - and besides, this is usually a sign that someone is really into you too, when they can remember what you've said (and it's usually bad form on your part if you can't remember what they remember, or you can't recall what they've said in reciprocity).  Wouldn't it be great to have the power to change the sky in that way instantly with a smile?  You would control the clouds and push them aside so that sun can reveal clear blue skies.

And you're the kind of girl I think of
You're the kind of girl I dream about
My heart is telling me that I need you in my world (in my world)
'Cause you my kind of lady (you're my kind of girl)

How do you know that you're the kind of girl he thinks of?  Does he tell you?  It's interesting to me when these lines drop in a conversation - when people talk about the pieces of you that they like and admire, that they want and need in their world because they can't imagine their world without those pieces of you in it.  I wonder how they know that their heart is telling them that when I don't even know what my heart says about it all.  Doesn't my heart get a say in this?  Probably not, but that's ok I guess.  Sometimes hearts aren't meant to speak, just feel its way through a situation and let it recognise where its place when it comes into contact with other hearts.

When I'm not with you wherever you are
Baby I'm counting down the moments 'til I'm back in your arms
All I want is to have you here with me
Every night and every day

Does your heart leap in anticipation or skip a beat when he says he's looking forward to seeing you or spending time with you?  Depending on how you see things, you could be forgiven for thinking that someone is being really needy with your time, or you can be content to feel needed by someone because holding you makes them feel that their days or nights are complete.

Baby girl I need you here by my side 
And if you're there everything will be alright
'Cause this is the time for us baby, baby be mine. . . 

If you're in a relationship, I hope that he tells you that he needs you by his side, that he can't do life on his own because he needs you in his world to complete it.  If you're not really in a relationship but getting to know someone, I hope that you let the other person know how you are defining how things will proceed.  If you're not in a relationship, I hope that you are happy being with yourself and make sure that you are sufficiently and adequately providing yourself with much needed relaxation and reflection on being your own girl, before you become someone else's kind of girl. . . 

Saturday, 19 December 2015

Last Christmas. . .

This blog post is dedicated to people who don't necessarily have fond memories of Christmas. . . 

When Christmas rolls around does it bring memories that are bitter sweet or full of heartache, even heartbreak?  You watch people busily rush around looking at shop windows, looking through various items that shop vendors are peddling and all of the pain comes flooding back to you about your love that was either lost or betrayed.  Does it get easier as each year passes or do you still find that it is quite raw?   I hope that by the time you finish this blog post, that you can make a start to pushing past the pain and focus on what you have in your life right now so that you can relish the happiness that you do have :-)

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

You gave your heart thinking the love was reciprocated, but no it wasn't to be.  So rather than focus on what you've lost, step back a bit further to get the bigger picture - they actually did you a favour.  I'm not saying that you were meant to get hurt, but in fact, you are meant to learn about pain so that you know how to build strength within yourself to withstand further pain, future pain.

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognise me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

It's torture isn't it, absolute torture, yet you still put yourself through it.  Are you some kind of sucker for punishment or something?  Do you think your ex will recognise you (well probably) but I don't think they'll be taking a second glance at you anytime soon - there's a reason why they're our ex's right - they're no longer in the picture.  So why hold on and subject yourself to more pain and humiliation?  Didn't get enough of it the first time around?  Are you hoping that time and distance has worked its magic and things are different?  Better?

I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you"I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

The price you pay for opening your heart is normally not pain or humiliation.  I'm not saying that you won't be able to experience anymore pain or humiliation because that would be a lie, but what I am saying is that you should be able to learn great lessons from these experiences to better love yourself, so that you know how you want to be loved by others.  You want people to love for you the cake that you bring, not the crumbs that they throw back at you.

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore him apart
Maybe next year
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
Special, someone, someone
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special

There is potential for people to treat experiences in love with disdain and with the intention (or unintentionally sometimes) to hurt, dominate or have power over the other person.  That sounds pretty 50 shades of grey you might think, but I'm talking here about when you allow someone the power to ruin your Christmas and all future Christmases based on what you went through with them - is this fair to you?  Why would you do that to yourself? You deserve happiness so don't deny yourself opportunities to give your heart to others who will be able to treat you with the respect you should be getting.

Who'll give me something in return
I'll give it to someone, hold my heart and watch it burn

I hope that you put last Christmas in a bubble and blow it away.  Look forward to this Christmas next week and look forward to making some new memories and giving your heart freely and with gusto to people that you can trust to hold your heart :-)