Tuesday, 17 November 2015

She. . .

I remember going to see Notting Hill when it was released.  I think I was on a date at the time and I remember thinking that this song was a beautiful video montage of the different things that happen in a relationship, during the course of a relationship, particularly when there were a few twists and turns before this segment appears in the film.  It is very much like that in real life with real-ationships that I see my friends going through (or not, because some are not in relationships, because they don't know if they want to be).

May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

I think what strikes me most about this song is the many ways in which you can see someone - the dualities of what and who they are, the more you spend time with them and the more you start to fall deeper in love I guess, when you get to know them in all of their richness and depth.  What price do you have to pay for such a treasure?  Did you have to change much of yourself in order for her to be with you?  How will you be able to recognise the different things that she is - complete with all of the seasons that she represents?  All four seasons in one day it seems.

May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

I think I've said this in previous blog posts but there is always the tendency for people to not be really real with each other, let alone themselves, because they're too busy trying to live up to people's assumptions or expectations of them.  Is she a mirror of your dreams?  I think it's healthy sometimes to not really know, to not be able to pin down exactly what is, as opposed to what appears to be or what seems.  Why should she have a shell anyway?  Most of the time it is to protect herself from the possibility that you might hurt her, so it will be easier for her to retreat within her shell, should the need arise.  I often think what it would be like for you to consider joining her in her shell so that you can see what she has to go through to increase your understanding and improve your perspective.

Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

A significant or pivotal point in the film is when Julia Roberts' character lays down her feelings on the line to Hugh Grant's character, but instead of accepting her declaration, he rebuffs her and chaos ensues.  Do you think know someone well enough to know the many facets of her personality, character and states of mind?  We can torture ourselves with shadows of our past, especially when it has been love lost or things that could have been but never were; because you didn't think about what else you could have tried, could have been more proactive and could have explored other options that you always deny yourself.  If love cannot hope to last, why should we love at all?  I say love in spite of it, because we cannot guarantee longevity, only that at some point love ends, so enjoy the time it chooses to live with us, rather than without us.

May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one who'll care for through the rough and ready years
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

How will you draw meaning of your life when you put so much of it all on her?  For all the things that she is, you must also remember that you have a responsibility and obligation to live up to what she would like from you - have you thought about that?  I look at my friends who are going through relationship problems at the moment - in varying degrees of decline or denial and I am often a listening ear to their challenges.  All of a sudden, things become too hard to deal with and it's easier to dissolve a partnership rather than resolve it.

She, oh she. . . 

I think she will appreciate you for standing by her through her toughest times but more so if you are willing to be weak with her.  I think sometimes we forget that as much as we espouse our love for our spouses, we forget what that really means when our wedding vows are put to the test.  I said to someone yesterday that I would love nothing more than to see people happy, to be happy in their relationships with their significant loved ones because it's an intimacy that affords its own world and space that people outside it can't hope to fathom.

I hope that you will cherish her.
If you have yet to find her, I hope that you find her fast enough.
I hope that where she goes, that there you will be :-)