Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Can we talk. . .

Of all the Tevin Campbell songs, it is this track that I have the fondest memories and love the most.  I can have this song on repeat all night and I won't tire of it, mostly because I can't recall how many times I've heard this song; it has described so many situations that I've come across about my interactions with boys as a young girl who had romantic notions about love and interactions with men who taught me about the cynical side of love.

Last night I saw you, I saw you standing and I started, started pretending
That I knew you and you knew me too
And just like a woman you were too shy
But you weren't the only one cause so was I
And I dreamed of you ever since, now I built up my confidence
Girl next, next time you come your way, I know just what to say

There's something exciting that happens when you start to notice that someone has noticed you.  I remember as a girl you would often like someone back because you realised that they liked you - it was a childish reaction I reflect now in hindsight, to be "into" someone because they showed interest in you, rather than getting to know them for their own merits, who they are as a person.  It can be hard to make "the first move" especially if you are a shy person, and I think I gained confidence with the right people to be able to be bold as an adult, rather than as a teenager, only because I had the emotional maturity to be able to deal with rejection (should it ever happen) and I was lucky that I did not deal with rejection because my "hunches" always told me that the other party was totally into me.

Can we talk for a minute, girl I want to know your name
Can we talk for a minute, girl I want to know your name

If someone wants to talk to you, I hope they're brave enough to make it plainly obvious.  There's nothing worse than assuming things and then not having things be explicitly clear, so communication is key.

I started to write you letters, but I wanted to be more clever
I wanted to get down and sweet talk you, hey baby
But just like a baby I could not talk
And I tried to come close but could not walk
And I think of it every night, how I just could not get it right
Oh if we, ever come close again, I know what I'll say then yeah

I don't speak for all women, but as much as we love clever men, there's no point in spending time trying to impress us with your cleverness when you aren't able to connect it with your heart for us.  So learn from those awkward moments of trying to impress us and just be yourself, but if you're naturally a shy person, you need to practise being more assertive and knowing yourself well enough to know what you want, so that you know what to say.  Sounds deceptively simple doesn't it?  But it isn't - and the reason is because people are overthinking rather than feeling.

Can we talk for a minute, girl I want to know your name
Can we talk for a minute, girl I want to know your name

I smile when I reminisce about the times when boys would try to get my attention as a teenager, come up with creative ways to tell you that they are interested in you.  Once they found out your name, they would come up with other ways to show you that they were interested in you - some childish things like stealing your equipment or being mean to you to mask their enamour of you.

Oh girl, one more chance with you again, I will not let it go
Oh please, give me just one more chance for love. . . 

So if you think that someone is trying to talk to you - give them a minute to rectify their ineffective previous attempt.  You might be pleasantly surprised that if you give them one more chance for love, that love might give one more chance to you :-)