Monday, 30 November 2015

Thinking about tomorrow. . .

When you think about tomorrow what comes to mind?  Do you have negative or positive thoughts?  Do you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by all the things that you need to take care of that may not necessarily be of your own doing, but you might need to fix, or you can't seem to let go of the fact that other people should be helping you?  That you are able to share your load or burdens with others, but you just choose not to?  You don't want to be a burden to them too?  We either look forward to tomorrow or we dread what is to come.  I know what I would like to think (and more often than not I do think positively) but now and then something happens and you find yourself sitting in front of the negative side, because it is easier to wallow in self-pity and blame others.

When I think of all the stupid things I've done
Listen to my heart and know that I have come
Oh so very very far, and everyone makes mistakes
And I'm better on my own

You accept that you make mistakes just like everybody else, but I guess it's the size of the mistakes that sets us apart from our peers that is the true test - but that brings in notions of judgement that we try to avoid in our human interactions, when we constantly compare each other and wonder why things have been the way it has, why it continues to be and whether there will be any changes in our tomorrows - the tomorrow in your private bubbles of your worlds and in the shared tomorrow that we are all supposed to or ideally collectively contribute to - what does this all mean?  How are we able to make sense of all this and how do we know that it's supposed to start making sense?  Who decides that?  Who knows what sense it's supposed to be?

No more thoughts of you, no more talk of love
It's not that easy to forget the person that I was
Oh no, stand tall, on my feet, and try to feel alive
And think of all my worries, and push them all aside

You can quickly work yourself into a real state, trying to come to terms with the acceptance of your past and who you used to be; this could be because people are unwilling to let you forget what wrongdoings you did and continue to judge you on those actions or they actually don't know what your past life is about and are oblivious to it and would never begin to understand what burdens you carry.  Worry begets worry, just as continual thinking about negative situations, people and contexts cannot lead you to anything worth pursuing.  Are you able to easily push your worries aside?  How much experience do you have in being able to stand tall and feel alive when all you want to do is slink away somewhere and pretend that you didn't exist?

When it's cold outside, the summer nights have gone
And you've picked up your lonely life and the road is carrying on
There is nothing I can do to hurry back to you
Because my love it is no stranger, to finding someone new
Oh-oh. . . 

Thinking about tomorrow, you can choose to be resilient and work towards achieving your goals alongside people who truly care about you by forgetting other people who try to keep you clinging to them, or will rob you of your tomorrow.  Thinking about tomorrow, you can choose to decide how much brighter it will be, how each situation and interaction will pan out, what you will contribute to each situation and interaction so that they will have successful outcomes for all concerned.  Constantly trying new things and meeting new people are always going to be challenges that you shall face - whether these will be on your own or with someone new - is totally up to you.  Time to stop being so cynical I guess :-)

Share with you. . .

I'm a bit of a latecomer to the Nashville series but I've quickly learned to love this show.  I think it's more the music that speaks to me, particularly as the music sung by the cast members also helps to illustrate the drama that happens throughout the show.  It's the same process that drives Empire as well (but we'll talk about those songs from that show in future blog posts too).  This track is sung by Lennon and Maisey real life sisters who play Maddie and Daphne, daughters of Rayna James on Nashville.

I like the way I walk
I like to hear myself talk
I like the sound, of beating my own drum
One is so much better when it's two
I'd rather share with you

It can be hard to be confident in yourself.  You might need to dig deep within yourself to start thinking about how, despite your flaws, understanding that you're not perfect, but you are your own perfection and don't need to compare yourself to the world; in fact just be happy beating your own drum.  If you happen to connect with people who understand the rhythmic patterns you're beating on your drum, then those are the people that you should share your life with.

I like a girl's night out
I like to get lost inside a daydream
I like a game of solitaire
One can get so boring without two
I'd rather share with you

Who knows what the reasons are for being lost in a daydream.  The only thing you need to remember is that it's all about choices and what you decide with the options you create for yourself as well as the options that are available.  Being with someone else, to spend time with them means that you are able to halve any problems that arise, talk about things that need talking about to gain some clarity with ways forward.  People think that you only need to share about the good things in life, but they need to be tempered or balanced with the bad or sad or mad times too, otherwise you can't really be someone that would be the reason to be the two instead of the one.

I like being me
I like being free
One is so much better when it's two
I'd rather share with you
I'd rather share with you
I'd rather share with you. . . 

I hope that you can find people in your life who you are able to share with.
You don't necessarily need to be in a romantic or intimate relationship with them.
They can just be someone that you are happy to start learning how to share with, so that when you are ready for more intimate relationships - you're already familiar with what it means to share.  It's not about sharing with me, but sharing with you. . . 

Sunday, 29 November 2015

Have a little faith in me . . .

This blog post is dedicated to the memory of Tufou Faanana - gone too soon

I haven't blogged in a few days because I've been out of town staying on a marae for work, spending time with my Māori colleagues.  You often commented to me about the amount of travel I do for work and how lucky I was.  I had to tell you that it isn't really lucky in that sense, but rather more a necessity of the job as the head office is in Christchurch while I live in Auckland.  

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me

Yesterday I looked through some songs and came across this track when I heard it featured on an episode of Nashville sung by the characters Daphne Conrad and Luke Walker.  Today I found out that you had passed away, specific details not really clear to me at this stage, but I don't even need to know.  All I know is that you're gone and I'm in shock.  I had to call +Luisa Magasiva to confirm the news was true.  Tears are flowing as I write this because I managed to find the last conversation we had on Facebook Messenger.  We didn't know each other very well, but the few conversations we have had online, you shared with me some things about you that I didn't know about you, things you didn't reveal in conversations we had face to face at various church events that we would see each other.

And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me

You talked a lot about wanting to make a difference in the domestic violence area, and even talked to various organisations and other people who lead these campaigns to gain a greater understanding and insight into what is happening for Pasifika in these circles.  I admired that about you.  It was a huge shift from your initial thinking about what you had dreamed of doing.  I think now about how your loving arms would've helped so many Pasifika families if you had been able to fulfil your vision.

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

I guess it's hard to invite someone to have faith in you, when you don't have faith in yourself.  I think one of the greatest tragedies is to go through life without believing in yourself, because nobody has seen the potential in you, has never see the good in your eyes, heart and soul; when people aren't willing or just basically incapable of realising your earnest nature, your real desire to contribute to the world.  Why is it so hard to believe people when they have these secret dreams tucked away in their secret heart, because the world may not as receptive to what you hold in your mind's eye?

When your secret heart 
Cannot speak so easily
Come here darlin'
From a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

You had many secret desires in your heart.  Writing was one of them.  You had a great desire to write your own book but wanted to start off small with blogging.  In fact, you first messaged me saying how much you enjoyed reading my blog and you were curious about who I was writing about, whether it was about myself or someone else.  I think about the plans you had in place for your new year's resolutions and my heart sinks when I think about you not being able to bring them to fruition yourself in this world, but hopefully you will see others bring your dreams and secret desires to life for you.

And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you will see
I will catch, I will catch your fall baby 
Just have a little faith in me

You talked a lot about your family, how much you loved your parents and how much they made you laugh with your Dad in particular, always being so protective of you as a child and teaching you to be an independent woman, and then as you got older there was the constant questions about when you were going to get married because they were anxious to hold grandchildren in their arms.  We would laugh about those moments because I told you that my parents were adamant that I would never remarry, yet my own church people were insistent that I join the circle of married people again.  Luckily the feminist in you was always on hand to speak about what issues we should be trying to improve for ourselves, whether it be through providing better programmes to deal with victims of  domestic violence or entertaining the idea of female ministers within our denomination (yes, very deep conversations indeed).

Well I've been loving you for such a long time girl
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
'Cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough. . . 

I hope that you find peace Tufou.
I will miss your inquiring mind and your beautiful smile.
I will also miss hearing your voice, especially your singing voice.
You leave behind many broken hearts, probably more than you ever actually realised.
Thank you for reaching out to me that day and having that conversation.  It prompted me to reach back out to you and have a quick catch up just to follow up on what you were doing.
I will continue to write for you.  It was humbling to know that my words touched you.
I hope that you watch over your sisters and your parents.  You will never be replaced.

Manuia lou malaga Tufou.  Thanks for helping me to restore my faith in humanity :-)

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

I'm coming out. . .

I can't think of a more appropriate song to mark the 500th music blog post of ManuScript.
I have always been a huge fan of Diana Ross having grown up listening to her music and more importantly her involvement with Motown Records and the introduction of Michael Jackson and The Jackson 5 to the world of popular music - as their songs have stood the test of time, covered by many and sampled by more than we care to count.

I'm coming out, I'm coming
I'm coming out, 
I'm coming out, 
I'm. . .  coming . . . out

I'm coming out, I want the world to know, got to let it show
I'm coming out, I want the world to know, got to let it show

It can be hard to get to a specific point in your life, that turning point or pivot point where you become one with yourself, where you begin to truly understand and have the realisation about your true authentic self.  I think there is a process involved in this respect, because it is only when you are "right" with yourself, that you are able to confidently and unequivocally show your true self to the world.  When I think of this as a concept, it connects and resonates strongly with what I think you would like to leave the world once you have gone.  I'm a big believer of legacy and how you can lead the legacy that you leave behind, making the world better than when you first entered it.          

There's a new me coming out, and I just had to live
And I wanna give, I'm completely positive
I think this time around, I'm gonna do it
Like you never knew it, ooh I'll make it through

Are you living your best life right now?  I have mastered the art of positivity.  It has taken me probably about 7 years to do so and I haven't regretted any decisions I have made in this regard, because it's all about refusing to see failure within yourself as an option - that level of determination can only come from a high self belief that is unshakeable and unwavering - we're talking about a level of resilience here that exists, because you have been knocked down so many times but still able to bounce back, even when people have thought that you should've been completely wiped out.

The time has come for me, to break out of this shell
I have to shout that I am coming out

The only way to break out of a shell is to not be put in one in the first place.
But we all know that this is not possible, because shells start to form around ourselves when we are subjected to or experience terrible things in our lives that are meant to make us stronger and make us better individuals that contribute to better communities.
I've got to show the world, all that I want to be 
And all my abilities, there's so much more to be
Somehow I have to make them just understand
I got it well in hand, and oh how I've planned
I'm spreadin' love, there is no need to fear
And I just feel so good, everytime I hear. . . 

When you are expected to deal with things, when you are given roles and responsibilities that are afforded to you because you have shown the aptitude and vision for making things happen - then don't shirk your destiny.  Why else do you think that you were given your gifts and talents?  We also need to remember that if we feel that we have yet to realise our gifts and talents, that we must trust that these will be revealed to us all in good time.  Just trust yourself to know that it will be revealed and you will understand.

I continue to hope for you as I continue to hope for myself.
There is nothing greater for the human spirit than maintaining the hope that you feel will benefit not only our nations but future generations that embody the values that truly reflect why it's important to emphatically state I'm coming out. . . 

Can we talk. . .

Of all the Tevin Campbell songs, it is this track that I have the fondest memories and love the most.  I can have this song on repeat all night and I won't tire of it, mostly because I can't recall how many times I've heard this song; it has described so many situations that I've come across about my interactions with boys as a young girl who had romantic notions about love and interactions with men who taught me about the cynical side of love.

Last night I saw you, I saw you standing and I started, started pretending
That I knew you and you knew me too
And just like a woman you were too shy
But you weren't the only one cause so was I
And I dreamed of you ever since, now I built up my confidence
Girl next, next time you come your way, I know just what to say

There's something exciting that happens when you start to notice that someone has noticed you.  I remember as a girl you would often like someone back because you realised that they liked you - it was a childish reaction I reflect now in hindsight, to be "into" someone because they showed interest in you, rather than getting to know them for their own merits, who they are as a person.  It can be hard to make "the first move" especially if you are a shy person, and I think I gained confidence with the right people to be able to be bold as an adult, rather than as a teenager, only because I had the emotional maturity to be able to deal with rejection (should it ever happen) and I was lucky that I did not deal with rejection because my "hunches" always told me that the other party was totally into me.

Can we talk for a minute, girl I want to know your name
Can we talk for a minute, girl I want to know your name

If someone wants to talk to you, I hope they're brave enough to make it plainly obvious.  There's nothing worse than assuming things and then not having things be explicitly clear, so communication is key.

I started to write you letters, but I wanted to be more clever
I wanted to get down and sweet talk you, hey baby
But just like a baby I could not talk
And I tried to come close but could not walk
And I think of it every night, how I just could not get it right
Oh if we, ever come close again, I know what I'll say then yeah

I don't speak for all women, but as much as we love clever men, there's no point in spending time trying to impress us with your cleverness when you aren't able to connect it with your heart for us.  So learn from those awkward moments of trying to impress us and just be yourself, but if you're naturally a shy person, you need to practise being more assertive and knowing yourself well enough to know what you want, so that you know what to say.  Sounds deceptively simple doesn't it?  But it isn't - and the reason is because people are overthinking rather than feeling.

Can we talk for a minute, girl I want to know your name
Can we talk for a minute, girl I want to know your name

I smile when I reminisce about the times when boys would try to get my attention as a teenager, come up with creative ways to tell you that they are interested in you.  Once they found out your name, they would come up with other ways to show you that they were interested in you - some childish things like stealing your equipment or being mean to you to mask their enamour of you.

Oh girl, one more chance with you again, I will not let it go
Oh please, give me just one more chance for love. . . 

So if you think that someone is trying to talk to you - give them a minute to rectify their ineffective previous attempt.  You might be pleasantly surprised that if you give them one more chance for love, that love might give one more chance to you :-)

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Dreams in my head. . .

If you read my blog posts religiously then you'll know that there's been a common theme around relationships and love (or whatever seems to pass for love these days!).  People have asked me (just quietly) if I am talking about specific individuals or generally just want to know if I'm talking about myself.  I guess it's a bit of both, but I seem to embroiled in many situations with very many different people who are all going through the various stages of what it means to be in a relationship and I find that fascinating.  I think it has to do with the closeness that can happen between two people and the secret world that you create for each other that doesn't seem to exist anywhere else and the fact that you can also comment on what's happening in the rest of the world and how it impacts on yours.

You may not remember me
I am the girl with the tear in her eye
And I never expected a call from you
But thinking about it now I guess I did
I guess I did

It's always good to hear from people that you least expect to hear from - regardless of whether you got in touch with them or they are someone from your past or someone that you don't even really know but they have taken the time to reach out to you - just connecting to people is a pretty cool thing to think about and explore however you like.  In social settings it can be pretty awkward when you come across someone that you've met before or locked eyes across a crowded room and you share a smile.  I've often found myself in situations where I've connected with someone because either they were upset over something, or I was going through something traumatic and they happened to be there.  Funny how situations pan themselves out in this way.

Cos I have all these dreams in my head
Of you and I waking in each other's arms
If only I could tell you how I feel
Then I wouldn't have to sit and think about losing you
But it's just a dream
I have in my head

A hopeless dreamer will never entertain the idea of converting their dreams into reality for numerous reasons - but the fear of rejection is number one.  It's probably easier to have these dreams in your head so that you can protect yourself from getting hurt but what kind of a life is that?  You must be willing to put yourself out there and experience relationships and love in all of its shapes and forms - and if that includes getting hurt, then there are lessons to be learned about loving and losing that love - it's part of being human and having that human experience.  Perfect love only exists in our dreams right?

The moon is up and I'm shaking my head
It's been another day of missing you
Of missing you
And on this island there's the two of us
Sinking in the sand with our desperate love
Our desperate love

Do you think about being stranded on a deserted island with the person you're missing?  Sinking in the sand with your desperate love sounds like you can't hope to control your surroundings or even the pull of nature on your desperate love either - is it because you are desperate to survive so that you can keep the love alive?

Cos I have all these dreams in my head
Of you and I waking in each other's arms
If only I could tell you how I feel
Then I wouldn't have to sit and think about losing you
But it's just a dream
I have in my head

I hope that we spend more time taking chances in life rather than keeping our dreams in our head.  Of course there are some dreams that are nice to keep there to sustain us and give us hope through difficult times, but I'm talking about the kind of dreams where you don't know what you're missing out on because you don't think you're good enough, not ready or have never seen yourself experiencing the kind of love that you don't need to dream about anymore, because it will materialise and manifest itself, if you only believe in yourself :-)

If you could see my heart is bleeding
I'll stay here now and wait for you to show. . . 

Caramel. . .

I love Suzanne Vega.  Her tone is sultry and dances around in my head as her smooth lyrical melodies are heightened by the harmonic accompaniment provided by the woodwind instruments, as well as the guitar chords and syncopated bass line, that explores its higher register as the song progresses.  The subtle rhythmic accompaniment is provided by the bongos and shakers while the ha

It won't do to dream of caramel
To think of cinnamon and long for you

It won't to stir a deep desire
To fan a hidden fire that could never burn true

In the video clip attached to this blog post, she describes the how the song is about wanting something sweet that you know you shouldn't have.  I guess this is the beauty of music where you can use language and metaphorical references to illustrate your intentions or sentiments.  Do you long for something or someone that you know you shouldn't have?  I smile when I think about how people will try to talk themselves out of life's supposed guilty pleasures.  I guess you don't want to do anything or entertain any ideas that you assume will not lead to anywhere in particular or stir a deep desire that can't be fulfilled.

I know your name, I know your skin
I know the way these things begin

But I don't know how to live with myself
What I'd forgive of myself if you don't go

Temptation is a very strong thing - either you resist it or you give in.  How strong is your resolve?  Are you good with self control?  Can you live with the guilt of doing what feels good for a change, for yourself, without having to use your head so much?  I mean, who benefits from you being sensible?  What does being sensible even mean?  I guess if the other party is lingering and doesn't want to go - it seems as if the ball is in your court so to speak and why should you need to suffer to forgive yourself when they are obviously hoping that you take them up on what they are offering so willingly.  It's a game you don't want to play - because you don't know who wins - you or your guilt.

So goodbye sweet appetite
No single bite could satisfy

I know your name, I know your skin
I know the way these things begin

That's the thing about having an appetite for something sweet - once you start indulging, you can't possibly stop because you wouldn't satisfied with just a small morsel.  I mean would you even want to live life this way with self control at your highest setting?  You would probably have to wait for someone to come along who you would be willing to let your self control slip or relax your self control around.  Sometimes the imagination for the sweetness is often more satisfying than the gamble on that small morsel - so maybe the dream will satisfy will be enough to sustain you than the insufficient reality.

But I don't know how to live with myself
What I'd forgive of myself if you don't go

It won't do to dream of caramel
To think of cinnamon and long for you

There is no right or wrong answer here.  I think if you just choose whatever works for you and be prepared to change your mind often, because it's totally ok to do whatever you like or desire; you don't need to justify yourself to anybody, you don't need to have an elaborate or convincing rationale.  I think if you come across someone who makes you think with your sweet tooth - why not indulge?  Who knows, there might not need to be any reason to forgive yourself because they probably long for you as much as you long for them.  But in any case, at the end of the day - it's not about thinking, it's about feeling.  So keep dreaming of caramel and thinking of cinnamon, if it means that longing or pining for someone is almost as sweet as indulging your sweet tooth; only you know what tastes good for you :-)

Sunday, 22 November 2015

How do you keep the music playing? . . .

How do you keep the music playing?  How do you make it last?
How do you keep the song from fading too fast?
How do you lose yourself to someone and never lose your way?
How do you not run out of new things to say?

These are questions we often ask ourselves when we are at a crossroads in a relationship.  Have you been there?  It is difficult to make decisions based on what is best for you, best for your partner because deep down you still care for him/her, and if you have children together, you think about what the ramifications will be for the potential split.  I have always loved this song because it speaks to me about music being love and making it last, that the song is the relationship and how it is showcased within it but still remembering to be mindful of what makes up that song - what elements do you bring to the song?  Are you the melody - strong and clear, leading the relationship and ensuring that you develop and grow in your variations?  Or are you the rhythm - sometimes syncopated, sometimes in time with the melody and ensuring that he/she has time to breathe, slow down and pick up the pace depending on how your relationship needs to go?

And since you know you're always changing, how can it be the same?
And tell me how year after year, you're sure your heart won't fall apart
Each time you hear his name?

Why should your heart fall apart?  Does his name tell you that your eyes no longer light up when you hear it, just as they don't when he enters a room?  How can your relationship remain the same when you are always changing, not because you want to change, but because change is inevitable like the lightning that accompanies thunder or the rain that accompanies clouds - it cannot be stopped.  So what do you do?

I know the way I feel for you is now or never
The more I love, the more that I'm afraid
That in your eyes, I may not see forever, forever

There is a danger in loving someone more than they love you, or having someone love you more than you love them.  Why do either of these things make us afraid?  I often think that relationships do not allow us to be truly free to explore feelings in ways that are taught to us as children, like the way we are meant to colour pictures inside the lines, such rules that dictate what we should be doing, rather than how our heart truly guides us in making difficult and tough decisions; but only if we are brave enough to hear it.  If eyes are the mirror to the soul, a reflection of the soul, then there is a possibility that you may not see forever, but only see it fade in the distance of your mind's eye.

If we can be the best of lovers, yet be the best of friends
If we can try with every day to make it better as it grows
With any luck, then I suppose
The music never ends

How can you try everyday?  Do you need to create some kind of plan that will allow you to truly address your mutual issues that block you from being in the relationship of your dreams?  I have often see people grow apart, rather than grow together and just like the tomato plants I remember from a friend's garden in my childhood days, I often marvelled at how the tomatoes, even though they were planted at the same time, would grow at different heights - they were never really the same height.  There would be pieces of string that were used to hold up those that grew too fast and outgrew it's other counterparts in the same position.

I know (how do you keep the music playing)
The way I feel for you is now or never (how do you make it last)
The more I love the more that I'm afraid
(how do you keep the song from fading)
That in your eyes I may not see forever
(keep the song from fading)

The way in which this section of the song plays out with the dovetailing is symbolic to me of what happens in relationships - when two people are so intent on speaking their truths but do not listen to each other.  In a weird kind of way in this song, the dovetailing works because you hear the harmonic effects of the two melodies skilfully being woven together, before arriving at the final word of forever, albeit somewhat wistfully.

If we can be the best of lovers, yet be the best of friends
If we can try with every day to make it better as it grows
With any luck, then I suppose
The music never ends. . . 

With effort and luck, the song suggests that maybe love will never end.
What do you think?
Can you be the best of lovers and be the best of friends?
Can you try each day to make it better as it grows?
What do you want?
And then there are those of us who are too afraid to even be in relationships.
To each their own, but for me, regardless of where you stand on love, I hope that you keep the music playing, in your own way :-)

When was the last time music made you cry?. . .

James Ingram represents for me one of the last of the great r'n'b artists who painted stories of heartbreak, heartache and star crossed lovers in his music.  This particular track is no exception.  I have long been an admirer of his work, after I was introduced to it as an impressionable young college student by a friend who shared his love of the man and his music.  It was fascinating to me at the time because the friend was often seen publicly as someone who was very different from what I saw privately.  It was this friendship that taught me a lot about how we choose to conduct ourselves and how we want to be perceived as opposed to being our true authentic selves behind closed doors.

Over there by yourself, lost like there's no one else 
When did the love ever start separating, untying hearts that are breaking
I can remember the first time, darling you let your feelings show
And we laughed and we cried, oh we tried weaving ourselves into one life, 
Our life, I've been wondering

When you have that breaking point in a relationship, it doesn't mean that a break down in the relationship is imminent - in fact it means that there is something that is meant to happen; that this disruptive force and rubbing up against each other that causes this friction is meant to reveal the truth that lies beneath.  Why do we find ourselves trying to blend so much into other people's lives as we weave in this way?  Is this because we are expected to be this way as we've been taught no other so we don't know any better?

How long has it been since you've had a friend?
Where is the love we, we used to share? 
Oh woah and I wanna know
When was the last time music made you cry?

That's the funny thing about past relationships, rather than leaving them in the past, we try to hold on and hope for the best that new life evolves out of them, even when we reluctantly realise that once it's dead, it's dead.  When was the last time music made you cry?  I don't know about you, but for me it's more like when doesn't music make you cry?  There will be songs that you hear that will speak to your soul and transport you and your feelings to that moment in time where that song was playing in the background during a significant memory with someone, or the lyrics or how the song sounds pulls at your heartstrings in ways that you wish it doesn't, but it does.  It's called being true to yourself and being willing to accept that whatever happens, you are still able to take some semblance of control should you wish it.

Where is that old silver lining?  
Who stopped the sun from shining?
In our own little world we just hold on
Hiding from all real emotion

It's the hardest thing in the world to be able to show real emotion.  There is the danger of thinking that if you reveal real emotion to someone else, that they will take that real emotion and stomp all over it and slap it back in your face, but I guess that's the chance you have to take if you are willing to see that silver lining or see the shining sun again.  What are you holding onto exactly?  Are you able to keep the grip tightly to your little world?  Is your world little because you refuse to see what's around you in the wider world?

I don't say that the fault isn't mine
I could have said more but sometimes
It's not easy to make what's unspoken
Heard by a heart that's not open
Woman I've been waiting

That's the thing about love right; our hearts can't talk to each other when someone's heart isn't open to hear what another heart is saying.  It sounds so simple, yet so hard to do.  Do you realise that you've let someone wait for you?  How long do you leave it before it becomes an issue?  I guess until you experience real heartache in this sense, then you won't know what it means to try and pick yourself up after it and add another layer to toughen yourself, to shield against such heartache again.  If he's waiting, are you going to put him out of his misery and at least give him a decision?

Darlin', tell me what you need, trust me, I'll be right there

When was the last time music made you cry

Oooh oh oh baby anybody who has a heart can feel the music. . . 

I hope that you will make a decision that suits you, that helps you to understand how you want to live your life and bearing in mind too; that it doesn't necessarily mean that you need to rely on someone else for what you need in your life, but the option is there, especially if her's offering to be right there.  If he's asking when was the last time music made you cry, you must also ask some other related questions such as:
1) Why is it important for you to know when the last time was?
2) Are you asking me when was the last time so that you can check whether it was "our song"? Or
3) How do you feel about me getting emotional over music that makes you cry?

Just know that even when music makes you cry, music can also help dry those tears and make you realise that all hearts can feel music; you just need to consider whose hearts you choose to talk to and whose hearts you choose to cry with, especially when that music makes you cry. . .

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Thank you. . .

This track is a song request by +Anaru White 

I first came across Dido and her epic songwriting with her brother Roland Armstrong when I was a vocal tutor at a contemporary music studio many many moons ago when I was studying at university.  I loved her soft, smooth tone that seemed to gloss over her haunting melodies. Although she released this single, its popularity entered the stratosphere once it was sampled in Eminem's Stan as the hook the chorus.  The sentiment of the chorus in its sample showing the irony of the title character not having the best day at all but in fact, became thwarted at every turn in his attempt to be closer to the real Slim Shady.

My tea's gone cold and I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

We can often start our day feeling as dreary as the weather outside, that is even mirrored in the coldness of the tea we've made for ourselves.  Do you have someone's picture to put on your wall?  Is there someone in your life that helps you get through your day, makes your day less dreary and cold just by looking at their face or remembering something that they've said?

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell to pay, I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad, it's not so bad

It is very easy for us to let life get on top of us.  It only takes one small thing that annoys you that can quickly snowball out of control to cause a landslide when you least expect it, because you haven't addressed it or acknowledged the end of that small thing - before you wipe the slate clean and choose to have a good day.  I guess we must be grateful for people who call us when we start to feel like our day is going downhill and they remind us to smile once in a while.

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is giving me the best day of my life

Do you have people who in spite of everything going on in your life that seems to be wrong, they represent everything that could go right, so you keep these people close to you, because you know they are the best people to be able to give you that best day in your life.  I've often talked about just being with someone and not necessarily having to do anything - just being with them is enough.

Push the door I'm home at last, and I'm soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me and 

I hope that you have people in your life who know exactly what you need, when you need it - and even if they don't - they know to ask or sense when you might need something - just by sending you a picture, a text message, well timed phone call until of course you come face to face with them again.  If you're too scared to venture into the possibility of having someone new in your life, entertaining the possibility of sharing your life with someone new, don't worry about it - just enjoy making contact with people and practise having those conversations because you never know, you could be underestimating yourself.

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is giving me the best day of my life. . .

Thank you for giving me so many of the best days of my life that I honestly can't recall.  There will be many people who will be happy to give you the best day of your life - so why not let them try?  You will never know how much you will want to be with them, because they will most likely want to be with you, just as much, and you don't even know :-)

There must be an angel (playing with my heart). . .

No one on earth could feel like this
I'm thrown and overthrown with bliss
There must be an angel
Playing with my heart

When you feel like you've been overthrown with bliss, it's a feeling that you can't put into words.  But what I can tell you is that when you feel bliss, it's a feeling that you definitely think must be out of this world.  Have you experienced moments like this in your life?  I can remember every single moment of bliss that I've had in my life, because they have been euphoric moments where I have achieved phenomenal happiness to a level where my face has hurt from constant smiling, where I've felt like my heart was about to burst because it was full of so much joy and elation that my mind couldn't cope with or explain.

I walk into an empty room
And suddenly my heart goes "boom"!
It's an orchestra of angels
And they're playing with my heart

Has this happened to you?  It hits me often when I find myself alone in a huge empty space, like when I'm in church before everyone else and I'm about to set up the piano before a rehearsal or before a service and I can hear music, or when I'm in an empty seminar room or lecture space before giving a presentation about Pasifika education or whatever I'm called upon to speak about - it's like I can anticipate how good the service or session will go because I can hear that orchestra of angels.  I must sound pretty weird right?

And when I think that I'm alone
It seems there's more of us at home
It's a multitude of angels
And they're playing with my heart

I guess everyone is different with the things or people that "speak" to them when they least expect it to happen.  I think you need to be open to the environment you're in and listen to how you are placed within that environment; the way in which you interact with that empty room before it starts to fill up with other people.  It's something that I'm always conscious of before I am joined again by humanity and the moment disappears.

I must be hallucinating
Watching angels celebrating
Could this be reactivating
All my senses dislocating?

I actually don't think it's your senses dislocating at all.  If anything, your senses are finally more in tune than you know and you are coming more in touch with your divine self, you know, that higher conscious level of yourself that is supposed to be able to guide you to where you need to be and acknowledging that your moral compass is in play.  What direction do you think those "hallucinations" are taking you?  What was being reactivated in you?

This must be a strange deception
By celestial intervention
Leavin' me the recollection
Of your heavenly connection. . . . 

Harmonica solo

The bridge shows everything in play at once with the layers of background vocals that includes the choir, Annie's harmony as well as the accompaniment.  The harmonica solo played by the legendary Stevie Wonder just adds another beautiful dimension to the song.  The music video shows a little angel pretending to play the harmonica and I wonder how much more epic the video would've been to have the master himself play his own harmonica solo. . .

Must be talking to an angel

Must be talking to an angel
Must be talking to an angel  x3

I hope that you keep your ears and heart open so that you keep talking to an angel.  I don't think there's anything more uplifting than feeling that bliss and knowing that in some cases in your life when you need celestial intervention, that it in fact happens.  Enjoy talking to angels, because those heavenly connections that you are feeling are definitely not feelings that are of this earth.  I imagine that this is what true happiness and true bliss feels like.  Why wouldn't you talk to an angel right?

Friday, 20 November 2015

Landslide. . .

This track is originally by Fleetwood Mac via Stevie Nicks.  This blog post features the cover version from The Dixie Chicks but it has also been covered by The Smashing Pumpkins.  I think I like the harmonies that permeate the featured version as well as the banjos and steel guitar that helps to fill out the song, especially within the instrumental interludes between the verses.

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down

Is it hard for you to see yourself in what you do, where you are and who you're with?  Sometimes it can't be possible to see yourself within the contexts that you roll in, but I guess that's all part of the learning that you come to discover about yourself, because I truly believe that it is in the company of others, more so than the observation of others, that you learn the most about yourself.  I often think - when you look at the reflection of yourself somewhere - are you surprised by what you see or do you think - I fully expected to see that there?

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Do you ask yourself how you can navigate your way through the landslide?  What does the child within your heart say?  When will you know that it is time to rise above?  How do the changing ocean tides affect how you sail through them?  Are you equipped for sailing through those changes?  As the seasons in your life changes - are you also prepared for those changes too?

Well I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older 
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older

Change is a scary thing.  I have friends that are going through a lot of changes, major changes in their lives at the moment, but for me change can be as subtle as the small changes that you make when you wake up each day and decide how your day will be, what you intend to achieve and how you will contribute to the lives of others who intertwine with yours.  I don't know about you but when I look at my friends' children and see how much they have grown, it does make me think about not my own mortality per se, but definitely how much older I am getting, but I'm ok with that.  I then think about - if I am getting older (which is of course true for everybody), how does what I have learned as I age going to benefit other people?  What will my age bring me?  Who have you built your life around?

So, take this love and take it down
Yeah, and if you climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down 
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, maybe
Well, maybe
Well, maybe the landslide will bring you down

Will you let the landslide bring you down?  I don't know if you see a landslide being a negative or positive thing - all I know is that a landslide is an inevitable thing.  So if a landslide occurs in your life and they will, because it is all part of nature and things react with other and cause events and occurrences to happen as part of nature - then will you have a natural response or contrived response to it?  All I know is that once the dust has settled (literally, after a landslide!) then expect to start thinking about how the landslide has made you feel - did it actually bring you down, or help you to see something that the landslide uncovered in what was left behind?

I hope you know what to do when landslides come your way - and even when you don't, it's all part of what you need to learn about not only how to survive them, but move on from them and appreciate what has emerged in your life :-)

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

She. . .

I remember going to see Notting Hill when it was released.  I think I was on a date at the time and I remember thinking that this song was a beautiful video montage of the different things that happen in a relationship, during the course of a relationship, particularly when there were a few twists and turns before this segment appears in the film.  It is very much like that in real life with real-ationships that I see my friends going through (or not, because some are not in relationships, because they don't know if they want to be).

May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

I think what strikes me most about this song is the many ways in which you can see someone - the dualities of what and who they are, the more you spend time with them and the more you start to fall deeper in love I guess, when you get to know them in all of their richness and depth.  What price do you have to pay for such a treasure?  Did you have to change much of yourself in order for her to be with you?  How will you be able to recognise the different things that she is - complete with all of the seasons that she represents?  All four seasons in one day it seems.

May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

I think I've said this in previous blog posts but there is always the tendency for people to not be really real with each other, let alone themselves, because they're too busy trying to live up to people's assumptions or expectations of them.  Is she a mirror of your dreams?  I think it's healthy sometimes to not really know, to not be able to pin down exactly what is, as opposed to what appears to be or what seems.  Why should she have a shell anyway?  Most of the time it is to protect herself from the possibility that you might hurt her, so it will be easier for her to retreat within her shell, should the need arise.  I often think what it would be like for you to consider joining her in her shell so that you can see what she has to go through to increase your understanding and improve your perspective.

Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

A significant or pivotal point in the film is when Julia Roberts' character lays down her feelings on the line to Hugh Grant's character, but instead of accepting her declaration, he rebuffs her and chaos ensues.  Do you think know someone well enough to know the many facets of her personality, character and states of mind?  We can torture ourselves with shadows of our past, especially when it has been love lost or things that could have been but never were; because you didn't think about what else you could have tried, could have been more proactive and could have explored other options that you always deny yourself.  If love cannot hope to last, why should we love at all?  I say love in spite of it, because we cannot guarantee longevity, only that at some point love ends, so enjoy the time it chooses to live with us, rather than without us.

May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one who'll care for through the rough and ready years
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

How will you draw meaning of your life when you put so much of it all on her?  For all the things that she is, you must also remember that you have a responsibility and obligation to live up to what she would like from you - have you thought about that?  I look at my friends who are going through relationship problems at the moment - in varying degrees of decline or denial and I am often a listening ear to their challenges.  All of a sudden, things become too hard to deal with and it's easier to dissolve a partnership rather than resolve it.

She, oh she. . . 

I think she will appreciate you for standing by her through her toughest times but more so if you are willing to be weak with her.  I think sometimes we forget that as much as we espouse our love for our spouses, we forget what that really means when our wedding vows are put to the test.  I said to someone yesterday that I would love nothing more than to see people happy, to be happy in their relationships with their significant loved ones because it's an intimacy that affords its own world and space that people outside it can't hope to fathom.

I hope that you will cherish her.
If you have yet to find her, I hope that you find her fast enough.
I hope that where she goes, that there you will be :-)

Walk and talk like angels. . .

You walk like the angels talk
Where are you from
You want to walk and talk like angels 
Tell me then some

Have you ever met someone who is like this?  They seem to embody angelic behaviours that you would have heard about in bible stories or even fictitious tales of angels, fairies and other mythical and mystical creatures that we can't see but kind of sense walk alongside us or watch over us.

With a room by the sea
And a voice in the sand
Telling me your truth
And telling me your view
In how you see the world
Spinning, spinning round
And what is love and what is death
The fears you have to put to rest
And so you walk
Like angels talk

Are you interested in listening to people's stories?  I think it's a skill that you learn to master over time, but only if you're truly willing to learn about others.  I think it's very easy to get caught up with people who are very self-centred and focus only on themselves and compete with others, walk around with a sense of entitlement or arrogance, even ignorance, about the world at large.  How do you see the world?  IT must be really hard to see the world through the eyes of angels - to try and see the good in humanity and the desire to help everyone - regardless of whether they would choose to cause your harm or not - because despite if someone was wanting to kill you based on any beliefs you held, but didn't know you as a person - is this how we see each other?  What is your truth?  What is your view?  I think we can be guilty of just telling our own stories and truths - but not taking the time to listen to others.

With a smile in the sun
And a face in the sand
Sitting on a swing
Unfolding bits of string
The face is innocence
But the words are something more
It's in the voice
It's in the sound
It's in the way the world is round
And so we walk
Like angels talk

I like the way the piano motif weaves with the bass motif in this verse.  I get a sense that if we listen hard enough we can hear angels talk to us all the time.  So does that mean if we listen hard enough, what they say might influence how we walk and the choices we make through their guidance?  Angels must talk to me all the time then because sometimes I think there are thoughts that I don't know where they appear from because they don't conform to the context that I'm in.  Being in tune with your surroundings I believe, means that you will be able to hear things more clearly, even the voices of angels.  I was told once that it's so hard to be good in the world, but very easy to be bad.  When I think about bits of string unfolding. I think about the Fates stretching out my string of life and holding it in their hands, holders of destiny and life if you are that way inclined.

You want to walk and talk like the angels talk
This I hear
You want to walk and talk like the angels
Tell me then dear
You see it's easy running angels down
And I can't help but shelter from the sound

Stay away from negative people who try to deter you from your path.  I think it's important that you listen to what's going on around you but use that as a basis to make judgement about yourself.  When we have strong intentions to do things - just do them.  I think as we age we should be striving for a sense of maturity about one's self that helps us to become the best of ourselves.  Do you spend time running angels down?  There are probably so many angels that walk amongst us that we're not aware how much we actually rely on them.  

It's that small girl
Down by the sea
Found the angel in me
The words are such 
I'll always recall
As they faded into day . . . 

I hope that however you choose to walk that we prepare our minds, hearts and ears to hear those angels talk.  I can pretty much pinpoint when I've heard angels talk and I've chosen to either walk in their direction or walk where they have guided me to go, because I trusted in something bigger than me, something of a higher purpose that made me think that if angels can see the angel within me, then I must be walking their talk right?  Our innocence and fragility of childhood cannot be recaptured, but we can remember how we were as children and think about taking the best of those days into our adulthood.  Who else will find the angel in you?

Sunday, 15 November 2015

Teach your children. . .

You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself because the past is just a goodbye

What code do you live by?  Everyone travels throughout their day, with a code that they live by and it makes me think about a code that you can live by.  Does the code allow you to be yourself or is it more to do with you having to carry out duty and obligation because it is what is expected of you?  It is hard to keep the past in the past and see it as something that you have bid goodbye, particularly when decisions in the past (poor decisions for that matter), currently haunt your present and you are expected to deal with all manner of ramifications, consequences and dilemmas associated with those poor decisions - which aren't even yours to own I might add. . .

Teach your children well, their father's hell did slowly go by
And feed them on their dreams, the one they fix, the one you'll know by

What have your parents taught you?  Has the hell that your father gone through come to repay you a visit too, created your own version of hell from your father?  Or has it slowly gone by already?  I think it's often hard for parents to feed their children on dreams when they have had little opportunity to dream for themselves, so how can they possibly know what it feels like to have dreams fulfilled or explored their own imaginations?  I think as parents start to get to know their own children and their own skills, gifts and talents rise to the surface, they will begin to encourage the pursuit of dreams and the pursuit of happiness.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry, 
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you

Sometimes parents don't know how much you go through to deliver them what they want and what they expect of you.  How many times have you put yourself out there, exposed your weaknesses (which aren't your own I might add) but are those of others who are associated to you but they become your weaknesses and your burdens because you're the strong one that people keep running to, you are Hope personified. Your parents will look at you and marvel and never question how you managed to create miracles, but they will believe that their prayers combined with their utter and complete faith in you has lead you to the desired outcomes when you were never really sure if the outcomes would be how you hoped them to be.

And you, of the tender years can't know the fears that your elders grew by
And so please help them with your youth, they seek the truth before they can die

I look at my parents and think about how much I would love to have conversations with their younger selves and find out what life was really like for them when they first migrated to this country.  To arrive in Aotearoa New Zealand with little to no English, no understanding of what it meant to live in a cold country (in comparison to the tropical climate of Samoa) and then be able to learn alongside them about the values they brought with them here; these are the treasures that I fostered and nurtured in my heart, these are the gifts and true treasures that I will hope to pass on to my extended families and others who would like to learn about what it means to be Samoan and what we value as a people.

Teach your parents well, their children's hell will slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix, the one they you'll know by

There will come points in your life when you will be sick of fixing things, when you are sick of fixing other people's broken dreams because they don't understand what else they need to do or don't take responsibility for their actions.  I mean, just because you're good at fixing stuff, it doesn't mean that you want to make a career out of it right?

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, they would cry
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you. . . 

I hope that whatever troubles you face in your life that your parents know that you love them, that your children know that you love them.  I think it's perfectly normal to spend time looking at your loved ones and sighing, sometimes words are inadequate, so just a glance, raised eyebrow or a well-timed sigh will just be enough.  I'm starting to do that with my friends now anyway.  It's just enough :-)

Saturday, 14 November 2015

Stay in touch. . .

I've been keeping in touch with as many people as possible.  It can be a difficult task and quite challenging because you are seen as a source of comfort or relied upon in lots of different situations.  I've been reflecting on the recent events in Paris and I thought about 9/11 in New York as well.  I'm a conspiracy theorist at the worst of times, so I think about London and Milan - other fashion capitals of the world and how fashion could easily be seen as capitalism in its finest display, something the terrorists despise that reflect the West and the irony of the West associating Muslim states of dress with all terrorists, shows more than just gross understanding on both sides.  How did we start to lose touch?  How did the world become so fractured?  Can we ever get back on the path of staying in touch in meaningful ways?  Will we expect to see further terrorist attacks in London and Milan?

This is really something
People will be envious
But our roles aren't clear
So we mustn't rush
Still, we're burning brightly
Clinging like fire to fuel
I'm grinning like a fool
Stay in touch
We should stay in touch
Oh! Stay in touch
In touch

Even though it might seem like life is going so fast these days, because things are built to be better, faster and stronger (much like how we would like our humanity within ourselves and expectations of others I guess - to be better, faster and stronger too); but we must remember to go at our own pace.  Do you find yourself grinning like a fool more often?  I think in general, people can be too serious sometimes, they've stopped laughing at themselves and take offence too easily.  This is something that I'm working on within myself and I've found inner peace a lot more quickly than I have previously which is great - having the patience to listen extremely carefully to what someone is saying and seeing whether what they're saying actually matches their actions as well.

Part of this is permanent
Part of this is passing
So we must be loyal and wary
Not to give away too much
'Til we build a firm foundation
And empty out old habits
Old habits
Stay in touch
We should stay in touch
Oh! Stay in touch
In touch

Can you tell the difference between what is permanent and what is passing?  Are you able to discern between permanent and passing people in your life?  It can be hard to constrain yourself from giving away too much because it's just in your nature to help others and not worry too much about putting yourself out, it's just the way you're built.  What old habits do you hold onto that threatens to stop you progressing, that threaten to completely take over the progress you have made?  I smile when I think about using that phrase quite flippantly - "we should stay in touch".  I mean, how many of you actually do stay in touch, even after you've said that aloud to whoever you were talking to?

During times like these
The wise or influential
They can bear the imperfections
They can keep the honey
No doubt about it
No doubt that's essential
No doubt that's always been a tricky one for me

Being able to juggle the flawed with the sweet is a tricky thing to manage.  How do you take the good with the bad?  Are you quite skilled in doing that?  Do you count yourself as part of the wise and influential?  How many more times like these will we expect to have?  Will we be able to teach ourselves and model what we know to be essential to the rest of humanity about how we want to live?  What do the wise and influential make of it all?  I mean, you need to remember too that sometimes the wise and influential - aren't necessarily the same people - because not all wise people are influential and not all influential people are wise. . .

So, we should just surrender
Let fate and duty shape us
Let light hearts remake us
Let the worries hush
In the middle of this continent 
In the middle of our time on Earth
We receive one another
Stay in touch
We should stay in touch
Oh! Stay in touch
In touch

The greatest hope that I can have for humanity is to receive one another.
Fate and duty will shape us, but we can't let that define us wholly as people - particularly duty.
We are still people with ideas, imagination, creativity, passion and brilliance (whether we know it or not).  We can't afford to let the negative voices and negative people surface and pretend to be speaking for the majority who seek to quash any claims about what you do on a daily basis, because that's just how you live, that's just how you roll.  I bet you will find, once the dust settles, that the worries will  hush soon enough :-)

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Love alone. . .

Nobody likes to be alone
when you fall down and life gets hard
Oh but it's easier to be alone
To know love and feel it gone

I can fully understand why you would want to be alone. because it may seem easier.
Being hurt is hard to process, I mean it's not an enjoyable feeling so why would you put yourself through the heartache and pain.  I don't generally think that most people would enjoy the self-denial of pain to the extreme of a masochist either, but there is (in my opinion) a sense of learning about yourself by going through the pain, especially when it's inflicted by others, intentionally or unintentionally.  Have you ever known love and then felt it the most (or the absence of it) when it's gone?

Mmm, mmm

All my friends have been telling me

Telling me that you're no good
And babe I'm starting to believe
Cause the more I love, the more you leave me alone

Friends tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.
Of course they don't know what you feel when you are with someone who makes you feel.  I guess it's not because they force you to feel, but because you have allowed them to enter some small part of your heart, that you have allowed to touch it and grab hold of it, claiming some small piece of your heart so that when you see their face again, it's hard to not deny them that opportunity to occupy it and get comfortable in it.  Of course when the imbalance occurs - when you start to love them more than they love you - then they will start to feel suffocated and want to get away from you, as far and as quickly as possible.  What is this you think?  Some kind of warped sense of reverse psychology - where if you tell someone that you love them, then they automatically push you away?  I guess it depends on whether you allow yourself to be pushed away.

Mmm, mmm

I've been waiting all my life
For somebody to rescue me
Oh but this path that I choose to take
is walked alone more easily
Do I keep on moving on?
Giving up and letting go of love?

You will probably find yourself coming across different and varied pathways for love.  There will be opportunities to explore in so many contexts and in so many ways that make you question more about yourself than the other people you become involved in.  I mean, do you even need to be rescued?  I think you will find that most of the time, you've been the one doing all the rescuing, but you never realised it until you've finished rescuing the other party.  I'm not a fan of waiting all your life for someone either, because it tells me that you're putting your life on hold, missing out on learning about those opportunities to love when it comes your way because you're holding out for an ideal that may never come.  Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying you should settle either, I guess all I'm saying is that you need to keep moving on and you need to be able to give up and let go of love when you need to - for your own sake.

Now love is a simple thing
Or when it's right it should be
Oh but I have yet to find 
the real thing, the simple kind

Has love ever been easy for you?  Has it ever been a simple thing?  I'm starting to believe that the greatest love stories of our time - both fictional and non-fictional are all fundamentally flawed because they are all strewn with drama and complications that negate love being simple.  What type of kindness are you expecting to find?  I imagine it is the unconditional kindness that is rare like some gem that is hard to mine, I mean the irony is that if it was so simple, then wouldn't it be easy for everyone to have the real thing?

I just keep on singing my song, dreaming my dreams and walking alone 
Until the right one comes, who can sing along
Can sing along
Who can sing along to my song

I automatically think about Happy Feet and the way in which the penguins try to match each other's heart song throughout the movie.  I think I have come across a few people who sing along to my heart songs when I have needed someone to respond to me.  A crazy thing happens too; I find that I have different heart songs for different people and it makes me question how I can connect with so many different people on so many different levels.  I think when you truly and deeply connect with someone, it is very easy to sing along to each other's songs, until you find a common song that becomes our song.  How many songs do you sing along to?  What types of songs are they?  Does there even need to be a right one, but more about the right fit?  Because the right fit happens with the right people at the right times - often beyond your control, often against your will, and most often with your heart for sure.


Nobody likes to be alone

When you fall down and life gets hard. . . 

I hope that when you are alone that you learn from it.  I hope that the solitude that greets you there doesn't necessarily make you question whether you will be alone for the rest of your life, but I would rather encourage you to enjoy the pain and heartache of being alone so that once you come across love again, rather than giving up and letting go, you give in and let love in :-)