Monday, 5 October 2015

Better . . .

Take my shoulder back now
Your head's too heavy for me
Please don't come around here no more
'Cos I asked you to stop
And you wouldn't

Have you felt this way before?  When you've always been the shoulder for someone to lean on; anytime they were in some kind of personal crisis, you were the person that they turned to so that you could fix everything (that they had started to make a mess of themselves when you go to unravel the mess and make some sense of the nonsense!) but you start to realise for yourself (and your own sanity) that you have a limit to how much you can take, you have a limit to how much you can stand, bear, hold, carry and try to contain - when it isn't even your job, you know what I mean, like you're not legally required to do that as a job per se.

I would give anything to make you better
I would give anything to point you to free
I would give anything to help you realise

I would often be chastised for giving too much to people, giving too much of myself that you start to lose who you are, particularly when you start to lose where someone else begins and you end, the blurriness that comes when you become so ingrained in someone else's life that they come to count on you for so much.  Have you woven so much of yourself into the fabric of other people's lives - not in a destructive or intrusive kind of way, but because what you have - they want - for themselves because the love and light that you bring from within yourself - helps add love that promotes self-love within themselves, and develop their inner light that echoes the light that you shine on them too?

I loved you 'til it killed me
So my logic wouldn't hurt you
I know you might blame me anyway
Well I'm sorry, I'm so sorry

How much love and light can you give people though?  I often think about if you put out so much love and light, does is lessen the love that you hold in your own heart, does it dim your light that much more because you're giving it away?  I think that only happens if you think of giving as experiencing some sense of loss, but you shouldn't right?  How can you say sorry to someone who doesn't realise that you gave them all the love and light that they needed all along - but they didn't see it to appreciate it in all its fullness, in the fullness of time, where now you see that things have changed so much that you can't get it back to what things were like before.  Why do you ask?  Because nothing remains the same.  It's supposed to get better!

You're not helping yourself to me. . . 

I've tried all the things they told me
Trying to close up the wounds left open by you
And if I seem doubtful, distrusting. . . I am
You said you wouldn't do it again
You said you wouldn't do it again

I've talked in previous blog posts about when in certain situations you become a sucker for punishment or you allow yourself to get hurt in situations because you revert to some kind of victim mentality the same way that you wear your favourite accessories; it's force of habit (ha!  ironic I used the word force there).  I think you can probably look at the mirror and sing these words to yourself.  We can easily become our own worst enemies, unwittingly unravelling ourselves, sabotaging the progress that we have made to do anything that was ever worth doing for ourselves, because we're too busy trying to fix everyone else, and lose sight of ourselves.

You're not helping yourself
You're not helping yourself by hurting me

Anything just to try and help you see
You ain't helping yourself by hurting me
Time to let you go, time to let you see
You ain't helping yourself by hurting me. . . 

I hope that you stop hurting yourself.
I hope that you are able to disassociate yourself from the negative bonds that threaten to hold you back and stop you from being the best version of yourself - even if that means taking a long hard at yourself.

I hope that you know, you were always destined to be better.
So just be better. . ..