Thursday, 29 October 2015

Before you walk out of my life. . .

This track is a song request from +Anaru White 

When you are trying to salvage your relationship with your partner, there can be various reasons for why things get to that point.  This song has always been one of my favourite r'n'b jams and even more so considering Monica was so young herself when she recorded this song (what intense breakup could you experience at age 14?).  

Here we are face to face
With the memories that can't be erased
Although we need each other
Things have changed it's not the same

Needing each other isn't enough to keep a relationship together.  Why aren't things the same anymore?  Is it because you have grown apart, that everything else in your life has developed and new opportunities have arrived, but you haven't grown together with your partner?  I mean, you would have grown together over the years but it would've been because you have grown apart, rather than helping each other to grow in that reciprocal way.  This lack of mutual growth is a common problem in relationships, particularly in communication breakdown and soon enough blame, loathing, resentment and not being completely honest with each other reveals the cracks in an otherwise perfect relationship.

Sometimes it makes me wonder
Where I would be, if you hadn't discovered
Which I did, inside of me
I know there was something that we could compare

That's much of the beauty of being in a relationship right?  Getting to make connections by gaining some understanding - the similar things that you like and even the things that you don't share in common - because you start to develop an appreciation for difference.  When you aren't feeling good about something it can be evident to you when that person knows you well, because they will see things in you that will ensure will cheer you up again.  When we take stock of the things that we can compare - what do we do with them?  I know that for some people they use that information to either understand someone's weaknesses or their strengths.

Oh well I
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out my life

Have you been in relationships when the other person has been mature enough to want to make things right with you before things are well and truly over?  Those are the types of people that I like.  That they can look back on the happy memories and good times that they shared with you and know that one day in the not too distant future if you happen to meet again in a chance occurrence, you can be in the same room together, quite comfortably.

Remembering the good times
From a portrait hung on high
It's filled with so much colour
And the laughter we left behind
I made the choice and you couldn't decide
I made the choice, I was wrong you were right
Deep down inside, I apologise

When you make decisions that will threaten to alter the course of a relationship, where you have chosen to end it because it seems that it is the natural end, the natural demise, it followed the natural course of how things are supposed to go; then that's a true sign of growth that even you can't escape, deny or make excuses to avoid.  There's probably nothing more infuriating than dealing with indecisive people, especially if you are someone is able to make decisions easily and competently without too much hassle or drama.  People's indecision will usually stem from a lack of self-confidence because nobody has valued them or never been given space to explore opportunities to build said confidence.  Being able to apologise for something you've done is also a sign of maturity, growing in the self-accountability measures and standards that you hold for yourself is definitely the key to success in making hard decisions (in my humble opinion anyway).

Though I made plans with you
To always have time for you
(Before you walk out of my life)
I guess it's true, cannot live without you
Don't ever go away. . . 

I hope that in future relationships that you have, that you will be able to communicate clearly and be able to make hard decisions together.  I think it's important to use every single context that you find yourself in to practice making hard decisions.  I guess it's not so much the decision sometimes, but definitely the clarity of thought that is required to make any decision, let alone a difficult one.

I hope that the only thing that never goes away is respect for yourself and your dignity.
Guard that fiercely and protect it at all costs, because there are so many people out there that will want to make you feel small and minimise what you bring to any table.