Sunday, 6 September 2015

Feelin' the same way. . .

This blog post is dedicated to a friend in need who is a friend in deeds :-)

I've always loved this song.  It's another track from Norah Jones, also from her debut album that features Painter Song discussed in the previous blog post.  This song came to mind when I saw you last week.  We hadn't seen each other in a while but every time we meet up, it's always fun and I love just being myself around you and talking and thinking,  There aren't many people I can do that with so it's always cool when I get to that with like minds.

The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can't hide beneath my sheets
I've read the words before so I know
The time has come for me again

Do you feel like this sometimes?  I think it's to do with expectations but more importantly people's expectations of you.  I think there is a danger in placing too much self-expectations on yourself too.  I think about how one can sometimes feel the pressure to be a 'certain way' around others because of the perception that they hold about you, because maybe you weren't yourself in the first place?  It's the constant "showtime" that does my head in sometimes, always on show but I guess you could call that business mode and people come to expect that from you because you can pull it off, you're pretty damn good at it so they want to see more of it.

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
I'm feeling the same way all over again
Singing the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

What same lines do you sing all over again?  I think the older that I get I probably have less tolerance for having to sing those same lines, although, I guess you could sing the same lines of a favourite song if you wished, that can be fun too right?  I don't know if you would have to pretend, especially if you didn't want to because you had to respect someone else's space that they have agreed to be in with you so you would have to pretend to agree to that, especially if you didn't want to make things awkward, lose their friendship or you knew there was no way of things progressing any further than what it currently is.  It's definitely a lesson learned and albeit a painful one at that - life will be littered with many painful lessons to endure that will help to strengthen you.

Another day that I can't find my head
My feet don't look like they're my own
I'll try to find the floor below to stand
And I hope I reach it once again

The cool thing knowing that you don't quite feel yourself is that you at least know yourself well enough to know the difference.  I sometimes think it's a good thing to not recognise yourself, because it means that you are slowly changing, or that you have changed but didn't really notice.  Finding something solid to stand on or lean on, we can often associate with objects, but we can think about people in the same way - not standing on them of course, but at least being able to stand next to them and lean on them when the need arises.

So many times I wonder where I've gone 
And how I've found my way back in
I look around a while for something lost
Maybe I'll find it in the end 

I laugh at myself sometimes, because I know the thing I've lost most of the time is my mind.
It's the forgetting to think about where I am and how I should behave, specifically in that particular context, all of the rules that you have to understand to play, the rules of engagement.

I guess we need to remember it's ok to feel a little lost sometimes because it's where we can gain our greatest clarity.  We just need to remember to breathe, meditate, collect our thoughts and think about a way ahead.  You just need to know too, that you are never alone in this :-)

And I'm feeling the same way . . .