Tuesday, 29 September 2015

When doves cry. . .

This blog post is a song request by +Alex Hotere-Barnes 

I've had this song sitting in my drafts folder for a while now.  I don't know whether it's because it's Spring here in Aotearoa, but I've been doing some spring cleaning lately and decided I had better do the same for my writing.  It can be difficult to be motivated to do things, especially to tackle jobs that you have been putting off for some time and then you realise that you can't avoid not dealing with them, otherwise they never get done and no progress is made.  The same can be said when you don't deal with lack of communication in a relationship; when you stop relating to each other and the breakdown begins.

Dig if you will the picture
Of you and I engaged in a kiss
The sweat of your body covers me
Can you my darling
Can you picture this?

I recently re-watched an excerpt of a talk given by Kevin Smith (a.k.a. Silent Bob) that he gave at Kent State University.  An audience member asked about the documentary that he shot about Prince that would never see the light of the day.  What proceeded to unfold was the most hilarious take on what it was like to work for the artist.  People normally associate the artist with his raw sexuality and diminutive stature.  His musical genius knows no bounds, a wickedly talented song writer and musician; he is every bit the perfectionist that we associate with someone of his prolific nature.

Dream if you can a courtyard
An ocean of violets in bloom
Animals strike curious poses
They feel the heat
The heat between you and me

You see this all the time in movies - that electric chemistry between the two main characters.  Have you ever felt heat between yourself and someone else?  It's like the heat is so intense you can cut it like a knife.  There are probably some times where it's been more obvious and you would both act on that chemistry, other times you can tell it's there but you're reluctant to act on it because it might ruin a perfectly good friendship or you couldn't act on anything because the situation wouldn't allow for whatever reasons.

How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold? (so cold)
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold
Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied (she's never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry

It's contradictory doesn't it? When doves cry does it sound like human screams?  Does it sound like various stages of discontent and resentment that can easily ruin a relationship or a passionate love affair?  I think so, yes.  If doves are meant to symbolise creatures of peace, then when they are sad it does stand to reason that they would sound like they are wounded or in some kind of pain that we wouldn't normally associate them with.

Touch if you will my stomach
Feel how it trembles inside
You've got the butterflies all tied up
Don't make me chase you
Even doves have pride

It's pretty hard to make yourself completely vulnerable in this way right?  To put your heart on the line and get hurt so you would prefer not to do the chasing but instead maybe wait to be chased?  In matters of the heart, are you typically the pursuer or the pursued?  It's interesting to be able to do both when and if you need to.  Are you like a dove and have some pride that prevents you from doing the chasing?  When I think about chasing, it's because you've agreed to the rules of the game (any game that requires chasing as a component generally speaking) because you've agreed to play.  But just as in any game, you must be prepared to lose, as much as you are prepared to win.  

When doves cry
When doves cry
When doves cry. . . 

Take a bow. . .

This blog post is a song request by +Anaru White 

Oh, how about a round of applause, yeah
A standing ovation
Oh, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I haven't written about Rihanna before.  I had to check my records to see if I had and was quite surprised to see that I hadn't.  Her rise to fame has been legendary, being signed by Jay Z as a fresh faced 16 year old and bursting on the r'n'b/hip hop scene with her first single Pom de replay.  

You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out

Have you been in this situation before?  I love songs that tell stories in this way; the kinds of stories that seem to fit a chapter out of your own life.  You're either a cheater, been cheated on or know someone who fits into one of those two categories and haven't experienced being in any of those categories.  I must admit, I have to chuckle at the fourth line of the above verse - you're so ugly when you cry.  

Don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

How do you deal with a drama king or queen who behaves in this way?  Some would say it's really hard to stay faithful, some would say it's really easy - it depends on how much you love and respect the one you're with.  When people get caught in their web of lies, trying to hide the deceit from their loved ones, you have to keep track of all of the lies you've told to stay clean.  If you're prepared to lie, you best be good at it, otherwise things will start to unravel right before your eyes, like the music video suggests.

Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone)
You better hurry up
Before the sprinklers come on (come on)
Talking 'bout
Girl I love you, you're the one
This just looks like a re-run
Please what else is on (on)

People will try to say all of the right things that you want to hear in an effort to salvage the relationship, to hold onto it so tight that you can see the whites of their knuckles as they struggle to maintain that steely grip.  Would you stay with someone if they constantly cheated on you?  Everybody's situations are different and things can often not be as black and white as they appear to be.  It is very easy to have snap judgements and weigh in on other people's situations with your commentary (whether it was wanted or not).  I have seen enough drama in these types of relationships to know that this is definitely the substance of soap operas or these supposed dramas on TV.  Watching relationship crash and burn in this is very much like watching a re-run.  Sometimes you just need to change channels or switch the set off altogether.

Oh and the award for
The best lie goes to you (goes to you)
For making me believe (that you)
That you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech, oh 

I hope that you know what to do when you're in this type of situation.  I know some people would guard their heart so much so as not to put themselves in this type of situation in the first place - these very careful and meticulous people are not game enough to fall in love, as they would not risk getting hurt in this way.  I'm not saying that you should get hurt, but I think if love hurts you now and again, I would rather that it does because then you know how it feels, then you know how to be more resilient and then develop a level of discernment that teaches you what to expect for the kind of relationship that you do want.

Hard life lesson in love learned I suppose.
But it's over now. . . 

Monday, 28 September 2015

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. . .

I've written previous blog posts about David Bowie (see Space Oddity, As the world falls down, Modern love, The man who sold the world).  I must admit that I haven't been writing as frequently as I have been in this latter half of the year, because I realise that I write when I feel the most or when the inspiration hits me to write.  Apart from that, I've been a part of the rat race, nose to the grind working hard.  At times it doesn't feel like I'm working because I'm so passionate about what I do, but I guess when you're living your passion on a daily basis, that seems to be a reward in itself :-)

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
and every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

The perceptions of yourself by others may preoccupy a lot of your time.  This has nothing to do with (so I've learned) with the fact that you're self-conscious or shy, but I guess, particularly within your professional work space, it impacts on how you are able to get your actual work done.  Do people understand where you are coming from when you talk?  Do people see the real you in anything and everything that you do?  I guess that depends on how much you choose to reveal your 'true self' as well.  The last few lines of the first verse speak to me about how we can operate sometimes when we try to outsmart others, we run away from showing our true colours - so we become chameleons.  We can spend so much of our time being crazy and wild but not really address what's going inside of ourselves.  Do you know what's really going on for you?

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

We often sneer at the youth of today and think that they don't know what you know, which may probably be true.  But the thing that fascinates me about young people is their capacity they hold for knowing themselves.  I remember what I was like at that age, on the verge of finishing high school - but the only thing I was sure of at the time was going to college and completing my degree.  I thought I was going to complete my PhD degree at 24 but life got in the way or life revealed some pit stops along the way but now I'm currently on that pathway.  I now understand that when I thought that the days were floating through my eyes in the past, those were days that were supposed to happen so that I could be on the path that was always destined for me;  the changes that are meant to happen, do.  I accept that; not in a reluctant manner, but in the fullness of what it means to accept something that is a gift - with gratitude.

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace
I'm going through

As you go through changes in your own life, what do you find yourself being fascinated by?  I often think about why we can start to fixate or obsess about things and then neglect and abandon other things.  I think to some extent there is a push me-pull me effect where you let change happen to you and on a similar level, you grab change by the horns and grapple with it to suit your context.  This is of course in contrast with what the song talks about but I think it's interesting to note; wait for change or drive the change.

(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n' rollers
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch changes
Pretty soon now you're gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time. . . 

I hope that you become comfortable with facing the strange.
There should be nothing that frightens you or shocks you deeply enough (but if life does that to you, it's meant to happen so that you can learn from it).  Wisdom is supposed to seep in or become more entrenched in your world once you gain life experience as you age.  Do we need to trace time?  Do we need to mark time?  Regardless of how you choose to spend your time, turn and face the strange. . . 

Sunday, 27 September 2015

Love's in need of love today. . .

Good morn or evening friends
Here's your friendly announcer
I have serious news to pass onto everybody
What I'm about to say
Could mean the world's disaster
Could change your joy and laughter into tears and pain. . . 

It is very easy to hate rather than love.
It's the same as saying it's easier to be bad rather than good.
Being good means different things to different people, but overall we generally (and this is a generalisation here too ha!) think that being good means that we don't hurt others and possibly put others before ourselves, to be selfless in some shape or form and giving love to your fellow man in some gracious way.

It's that 
Love's in need of love today
Don't delay
Send yours in right away
Hate's goin' round
Breaking many hearts
Stop it please
Before it's gone too far. . .

This particular version of the song with Take 6 shows a fantastic arrangement of the vocal harmonies.  I think about the heart breaking sentiment of the song, that even love needs love.  Is this because even love is often left without a love of its own to feel loved in return?  Or could it be because when we say we do things in the name of love, it actually isn't love, but is everything else that isn't love?  Why do you think we do this to ourselves, to others?  Is it intentional or purely by accident?  I don't think people intentionally break hearts if they can help, but it can be the price that you pay for loving someone who doesn't love you back or has no idea how much they mean to you.

The force of evil plans
To make you its possession
And it will if we let it
Destroy everybody
We all must take
Precautionary measures
If love and peace you treasure
Then you'll hear me say

Whether you choose to take precautionary measures, whether for yourself or for people that you are meant to stand up for and protect - I hope that you are able to step outside of yourself and see how much you have an impact on the world around you, because let's face it - the world would be a very different place without you in it, interacting with it in a way that shows how much you can embody love and give love in its purest form, without any illusions or hidden meanings.

Just give the world LOVE. . . 

Friday, 25 September 2015

Never felt this way. . .

Sometimes we work so hard and address so much of the other things in life that demand our time and attention that we forget about other things and people in our life that make us feel good.  This blog post isn't about anybody in particular.  It's the feelings that I'm interested in exploring because they help to remind me about the times when I have felt these feelings and how much I cherished learning about how to feel this way and have someone feel this way about me.

There will never come a day
You will ever hear me say
That I want and need to be without you
I want to give my all
Baby just hold me
Simply control me
'Cuz your arms they keep away the lonelies

As much as women are strong and decisive in their everyday lives, particularly when they are making decisions that impact the lives of many people, there comes a time when they would just like to be weak and vulnerable with someone who they trust.  It's the type of control that you are willing to give over because you spend so much of your time controlling everything else (as much as you possibly can) in your own life.  This first verse encapsulates part of this sentiment from the singer's perspective.  Do you remember when someone whispered to you that you helped to keep them away from the lonelies too?  I bet you're either reminiscing about it in your own head right now or you're thinking that you have yet to hear that.  I have felt both at different times in my life, but I think the latter can fill you with a sense of hope about one day, someone will whisper that to you when you least expect it.

When I look into your eyes
Then I realise
That all I need is you in my life 
All I need is you in my life
'Cuz I've never felt this way about lovin'
Never felt so good
Never felt this way about lovin'
It feels so good

If you're a follower of my blog posts or you read them regularly enough, you'll know that I'm a huge fan of the piano, the touch that is required when you're expressing melodies, rhythms and harmonies that the piano can sing through the touch of fingers.  The way that Brian McKnight plays this particular track in my opinion is one of the sexiest songs I've heard played on the piano.  Something about the way he plays the motifs, the types of chords that he uses.  Alicia Keys has played an interlude version of this song on one of her albums and she has put her own spin on her arrangement.

How it takes my breath
starts a pounding in my chest
makes me weak when I think about you
Makes me wanna give my all
Life wouldn't mean a thing
Not a happy song to sing
Just emptiness if I had to live without you

It has always fascinated me how when you are near someone that you love that your body plays up physiologically; it reacts with heart palpitations that comes about when there is stress placed on your heart.  You would normally associate this with being unwell or something breaking down in your body that is affecting how your heart beats within your body - but we never think about how our emotions can affect us in the same way.  I don't know why that fascinates me, it just does.  I don't know if it's because I can't see or taste feelings as much as I can hear or touch them in some way.

'Cuz I've never felt this way about lovin'
Never felt so good
Never felt this way about lovin'
It feels so good. . . 

I hope that you get to experience this feeling sometime in your lifetime - where you have never felt this way about lovin' anybody who made you feel it was earthly possible to love this way; whatever this way looks like.

I hope that if you are already in a relationship where you are experiencing this feeling, that it makes you smile as much as it does for me.  It's important to see and feel love in your life and to see it around me through my friends and family, but even more so in strangers that I see on my travels, it's a pretty cool feeling to see.  It gives me hope that humans can love others so deeply :-)

Saturday, 19 September 2015

Only to be. . .

This blog post is dedicated to you, if only to be; to only be you :-)

It can be really easy to doubt yourself, particularly when people around you expect you to do something that just doesn't sit right with you, but often you fall outside the paths of the tried and true, the safe bets, what we are taught to become and aspire to be, according to society's norms.  I guess it's having the courage to follow the path less travelled, and immediately Robert Frost springs to mind with his The Road Not Taken, a poem that I often come back to now and then when I find myself at a crossroads in life.

Only to be, I live in expectancy
No wonder it feels like this wasn't meant for me
Though my mind is so confined
That there ain't no point in reasoning
Now that it's clear to see
It was all in front of me
And I'm right where I'm supposed to be

You may often think that things can be overwhelming, you're unsure of what to think and learn in any given situation but sometimes I think you just don't need to analyse it so much in that way.  Instead, rather than confining your mind in this way, you should actually embrace the chaos and marvel at what it does to you.  I guess it has something to do with how you approach what life has to throw at you.  I think you don't have to necessarily stop what you're doing, but definitely a significant pause might be something to consider.  You can spend so much time looking too far ahead, but fail to see what lies in front of your very eyes.  Trust that you are in the place that needs you not to stop at, but definitely to pause and drink in your surroundings, get a sense of what is all around you.

Yeah yea, I'll live just turning pages
Yeah well I know that it's worth the ride
Ain't it good to be alive?

I think one day when we're old and grey, you'll be able to look back fondly on your photo album and turn the pages of your life, reflecting on the kind of life that you lead.  I definitely wouldn't want to wait till someone assembled some kind of slideshow presentation that showed your life's achievements and what you valued over the years, but having the sense to know when to be grateful about things that you would normally take for granted and just enjoy the ride - especially if you feel like your life is taking you on a train to nowhere, don't miss the sights that you can see out your window as the train eventually winds it way to your destination.

So what will it be?
My dreams are my company
To lose what is me
I follow the path I see
My mind is so confined
That I don't even know where to begin
But it took me so long to find
That I can leave it all behind
Cause I don't got everything I'd ever need

For some people, their dreams are their only company.  Their dreams are the only link to their destiny, what they not only hope to achieve but also tangible evidence of the success that they always felt within their bones that other people couldn't see.  Sometimes you don't need to have everything that you need, especially right now, because it will come to you in due course; everything is on its way to where it needs to go at exactly when it is needed - just trust that process, have faith in that and keep on keeping on.  It's something that nobody can fix for you or help you through - you must see this in your mind's eye, believe it and be convinced that you will never lose what is you.

Cause only to be
Was all that you've got from me
You told me it's real
And nothing comes easily
Cause that was the truth, I was losing all my youth
To a world that's fit for someone else . . . 

I hope that you never doubt what it was real within you, that realness that emanates from a place of strength and wonder that only you hold.  I think we can very quickly forget about these types of moments in our lives so we must never forget how we can go about our days, how we spend our days, creating memories with people worth remembering, doing the things we love, striving for our passions and dreams that keep us company, particularly when we can think they keep us from what's important; when in actual the most important thing of all is only to be. . . 

Thursday, 17 September 2015

I Am Changing. . .

Look at me. . . look. . . at me. . . 

Do you often get a chance to really ask people to look at you and see how you really are?
I think the most fun thing is when you look at yourself and start to really see yourself for the first time; especially when other people mention things to you about changes that you can't see in yourself.  Physical changes of outward appearances are always the easiest to spot.  But I think it's the changes that come from within that are the best changes of all; the changes that you feel and that only you can see.

I am changing, trying every way I can
I am changing, I'll be better than I am
I'm trying to find a way to understand
But I need you, I need you, I need a hand

When you try to convince people about how you have changed for the better, to improve your position, what you were, particularly when you let people down, when you were given so much hope and so many people believed in you but you chose to take them all for granted and abuse them; you constantly seek ways to prove that can earn their trust, faith and hope in you again.

I am changing, seeing everything so clear

I am changing, I'm gonna start right now right here
I'm hoping to work it out, and I know that I can
But I need you, I need a hand

It is a hard lesson to learn when we feel that we don't need a support crew with us, when we think that we can achieve everything without people to act as a sounding board, without listening to good people who tell us what we need to hear rather than what we want to hear.  Having the sense to step out of yourself for a bit so you can take a closer look at yourself is a difficult thing to do, but it is absolutely necessary.  I think the more you are able to truly reflect on what you see in the mirror, think critically about what you say, think and feel that can have an impact on others - how you choose to give to others - that's what life is all about.  I spoke to a friend about what our purpose is in life just this week, and we talked about the fact that living is all about giving.  You can't truly live if you don't give, if you won't give - and that includes giving someone a hand when they ask for it.

All of my life I've been a fool
Who said I could do it all alone
How many good friends have I already lost?
And how many dark nights have I known?
Walking down that wrong road
There was nothing that I could find
All of those years of darkness
Can make a person blind
But now I can see. . . 

I'd like to think that I've kept the people that I need in my life that I absolutely need and want to be in there.  I have definitely cut people along the way so I totally understand the concept of having good friends so I've been careful not to lose - in fact, I have kept them as close as ever.  The only other good friends I have truly lost have been because they have departed this life and I couldn't control that, nobody can.  Man, how many dark nights have you known?  I seem to attract people in my life who have suffered some serious trauma or some life changing experiences that have forever left imprints of something that never completely goes away.  Does that mean that we spend our lives surrounding ourselves with other kindred spirits and other equally damaged people so that we can heal each other?  I sometimes think it's just that we find ourselves getting close to people not knowing that our souls talk to each other, that without us knowing, we reach out and touch each other.

I am changing, trying every way I can
I am changing, I'll be better than I am
But I need a friend, to help me start all over again

Do you constantly press the reset button in your life?  I think there's no limit to the number of resets that you can have.  The important thing is that you have good people to surround yourself with to ensure that you are able to start all over again.

Oh that would be just be fine
I know it's going to work out this time
Because this time I am, this time I am. . . 

I am changing, I'm getting my life together
I am changing, yes I know how
I'm gonna start again, I'm gonna leave my past behind
I'll change my life, I'll make a vow and
Nothing's gonna stop me now. . . 

I hope that you embrace the changes that you are going through.
I hope that even if you don't start to recognise the changes and struggle to understand why you're going through them - just embrace them still and trust that in time, it will be revealed to you.

The worst person that can stop you is yourself.
Just remember that every time you rise in the morning to greet the new day, you are always changing and you are never the same as when you went to sleep.  That's a scary thought for most, but for me; it's a promise of a better tomorrow and the comfort that I have a chance to be better than I ever was :-)

Saturday, 12 September 2015

Strong. . .

When you peel back the layers of someone's personality you might be surprised to find out what lies beneath the surface.  We are different people in different contexts and as much as we try to disassociate ourselves from the expectations and obligations of what it means to live in this world; there is always the need to consider how your actions impacts on other people.

Excuse me for a while
While I'm wide-eyed
And I'm so down, caught in the middle
I've excused you for a while
While I'm wide-eyed
And I'm so damn caught in the middle

Because try as we might, if we even believe that we are not connected to people in some shape or form. because we might choose to live a hermit existence or limit our social circle - you cannot deny that we are all inextricably linked.  But I guess even with all of the linkages and connections, I am always going to be fascinated by the reality of how we choose to display ourselves to the world and whether the world is prepared to understand what we have to show - in all of its unedited, unfiltered reality.

Excuse me for a while
Turn a blind eye
With a stare caught right in the middle
Have you ever wondered for a while
I have a feeling deep down
You're caught in the middle?

I think about being caught in the middle - between two opposing worlds, between two opposing trains of thought, between two opposing forces that even threaten to consume and keep me in this 'not so strong' place.  I think it is important to acknowledge when you feel caught in the middle and figure out what it really looks like being caught in the middle.  Do you recognise yourself while you're caught there?  Have you been here before?  What lead you here?  Were you able to get yourself out of being caught in the middle before?  What is diffferent this time?  Why do you keep getting caught in the middle?

Excuse me for a while
While I'm wide-eyed
And I'm so down, caught in the middle
Have you ever wondered for a while
I have a feeling deep down
You're caught in the middle?

Are you able to find other people that you can be 'not so strong' with?  I think it's important to have a balance of these groups of people.  You need to surround yourself with people who understand you, who are willing to listen to what you have to say and can give you the time to articulate what you are feeling.  Making plans to be able to get yourself out of the middle of a sticky situation will take time so you must give yourself the time and energy to be able to work through it.

There are a variety of options too about being able to move out of being caught in the middle; you can either choose one of the two things that you are caught between,
A) first thing
B) second thing
C) compromise and find a way to include both or
D) not choose one of those things at all and opt for something completely different., just walk away.

And a lion, a lion roars would you not listen?
If a child, a child cries would you not forgive them?

Giving yourself the opportunity to truly reflect and take steps forward to being who you want to be and need to be means that you have to be real with yourself.  Can the people that you surround yourself with really how your lion roars and your child-like cries?  You sound like you need people to listen to you, people to be able to forgive you.

Yeah, I might seem so strong
Yeah, I might speak so long
I've never been so wrong
Yeah, I might seem so strong
Yeah, I might speak so long
I've never been so wrong. . . 

I know who I can be weak with. I know who I can be strong with.
IIt's never about being wrong. it's about being right within yourself.
Acknowledge when you are wrong, then start moving to make things right.

I hope for inner strength for you, for me, for all who need it - whether they want it or need it :-)

Too beautiful for words. . .

This blog post is dedicated to all the "Celies" I know who are too beautiful for words :-)

I remember falling in love with The Color Purple as a child, reading it over and over.  When it was made into a film, I would try to watch it as often as I could.  I was transfixed by reading about Celie try to understand her self-worth and I think Alice Walker captured the challenges of the period in such a captivating way.  I hadn't realised that there was a Broadway musical also made of the novel, but when I heard this song, I knew it would be added to my collection of songs that would constantly be on repeat.  

I've always been the kind of gal
That had a lot to say
I says the things that's on my mind
Too dumb to shy away
But you hush my mouth and still me
With a song I've never heard
I guess that means that you are just
Too beautiful for words

We always have a loud confident friend that we wished we could be more like, that we would hope that their bolshiness and pluckiness would rub off in some way when we needed it the most.  I truly believe in that balance and the complementary nature that women can provide for each other - we can balance each other with our contrasting qualities.  We only realise this when we find ourselves gravitating towards people who complete us in ways that we either know or don't know is missing from our own personalities.

I've seen this life from high and low
And all that's in between
I've danced with dukes, crooned with counts
Been courted like a queen
But when I see what's in your heart
All the rest is blurred
The grace you bring into this world's
Too beautiful for words

Think about all of the people that you will meet in your life.  There will be various dukes and counts.  You will be easily swayed and charmed by people that you think will be in your life for a lifetime, but you know that will never be the case.  You probably even recognise that niggling thought at the time but choose not to entertain it - I mean who would?  You want to enjoy the ride as long as you can before you get booted off.  But the thing that fascinates me that most - is when you come across someone, a certain person that you least expect - to show you just how much life is better, how much more beauty they bring into the world by being that quiet unassuming self.  It's normally the quiet person who thinks the least about themselves - but you can see all of the wonder and splendour, you can see all of the colours that make them stand out in a crowd, even when they think that they would assume they are part of that faceless and nameless mass.  

You hide your head under your wing
Just like a little bird
Oh don't you know you're beautiful
Too beautiful for words

If you ever doubt your own self-worth, if you are important to those around you - just remember that you are.  I smile when I think about how my blog is full of words and lyrics - particularly on this homepage, yet this song talks about being too beautiful for words.  It reminds me then that sometimes just looking upon the faces of those who inspire youl to acknowledge the beauty that they bring into our lives.

I know some people think that I provide that for them; that I am able to share what is in my heart, to provide calm and stillness that they need in order to reflect about their destiny.

I know there are some people that provide that for me; that I am able to think about what my purpose is, my ManuMission (search for this blog post if you haven't read it already and you'll understand what I'm talking about).  I think about all of the "Celies" in my life - male, female and transgender.  I am grateful for all of you :-)

Oh Celie, you're too beautiful for words. . . 

Sunday, 6 September 2015

Feelin' the same way. . .

This blog post is dedicated to a friend in need who is a friend in deeds :-)

I've always loved this song.  It's another track from Norah Jones, also from her debut album that features Painter Song discussed in the previous blog post.  This song came to mind when I saw you last week.  We hadn't seen each other in a while but every time we meet up, it's always fun and I love just being myself around you and talking and thinking,  There aren't many people I can do that with so it's always cool when I get to that with like minds.

The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can't hide beneath my sheets
I've read the words before so I know
The time has come for me again

Do you feel like this sometimes?  I think it's to do with expectations but more importantly people's expectations of you.  I think there is a danger in placing too much self-expectations on yourself too.  I think about how one can sometimes feel the pressure to be a 'certain way' around others because of the perception that they hold about you, because maybe you weren't yourself in the first place?  It's the constant "showtime" that does my head in sometimes, always on show but I guess you could call that business mode and people come to expect that from you because you can pull it off, you're pretty damn good at it so they want to see more of it.

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
I'm feeling the same way all over again
Singing the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

What same lines do you sing all over again?  I think the older that I get I probably have less tolerance for having to sing those same lines, although, I guess you could sing the same lines of a favourite song if you wished, that can be fun too right?  I don't know if you would have to pretend, especially if you didn't want to because you had to respect someone else's space that they have agreed to be in with you so you would have to pretend to agree to that, especially if you didn't want to make things awkward, lose their friendship or you knew there was no way of things progressing any further than what it currently is.  It's definitely a lesson learned and albeit a painful one at that - life will be littered with many painful lessons to endure that will help to strengthen you.

Another day that I can't find my head
My feet don't look like they're my own
I'll try to find the floor below to stand
And I hope I reach it once again

The cool thing knowing that you don't quite feel yourself is that you at least know yourself well enough to know the difference.  I sometimes think it's a good thing to not recognise yourself, because it means that you are slowly changing, or that you have changed but didn't really notice.  Finding something solid to stand on or lean on, we can often associate with objects, but we can think about people in the same way - not standing on them of course, but at least being able to stand next to them and lean on them when the need arises.

So many times I wonder where I've gone 
And how I've found my way back in
I look around a while for something lost
Maybe I'll find it in the end 

I laugh at myself sometimes, because I know the thing I've lost most of the time is my mind.
It's the forgetting to think about where I am and how I should behave, specifically in that particular context, all of the rules that you have to understand to play, the rules of engagement.

I guess we need to remember it's ok to feel a little lost sometimes because it's where we can gain our greatest clarity.  We just need to remember to breathe, meditate, collect our thoughts and think about a way ahead.  You just need to know too, that you are never alone in this :-)

And I'm feeling the same way . . .