Friday, 21 August 2015

Close to me . . .

Conversation series: 2nd conversation with a dear friend. . . .

Even though this album was released some time ago, I didn't really get into it until I hit college.  There was something about the instrumentation in this song that spoke to me and my newfound university friends at the time; we always used to play this song on the jukebox in the lower cafeteria.  I don't know why I thought of this song when I thought of you, but yeah, when I heard this song again today, I thought about you, and I thought it helped to articulate some of the things I see about you, see in you, see from you. . . 

I've waited hours for this
I've made myself so sick 
I wish I'd stayed asleep today
I never thought this day would end
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me

Have you felt like this before?  That kind of nervous anticipation that comes when you are placed with a huge amount of responsibility?  You've never been one to have the desire to lead - in fact you're the complete opposite.  You're quite happy to take a back seat and let others shine if that's what they want to do.  We talk about that a lot; the fact that you choose not to shine when in fact, sometimes I think you should, because people don't see that often from you.  You shrug it off and think nah, not my style; but how else can your trumpet be heard above the din if you don't take it upon yourself to blow it every once in a while?

Just try to see in the dark
Just try to make it work
To feel the fear before you're here
I make the shapes come much too close
I pull my eyes out
Hold my breath
And wait until I shake

It can be difficult trying to navigate through your own life path on your own, without the right people to listen to what you're going through, to listen to your ideas about yourself, how you see things, how you experience things in life and what you find important.  There can be a tendency to try and be strong and not show your vulnerability to someone, especially to people that you don't trust or don't care to share things with because they are quite happy to pass on said information to anyone with ears.  But you're a step ahead of those types of people and choose to disassociate yourself from them by not really engaging with them anyway.  That's probably one of the greatest lessons you've taught me dear friend - that I don't need to be around people that I don't want to be.  I don't think you feel the fear before I get to where you are anymore.  As your friend, that makes me smile, because it tells me that you are happy with who you are and who you want to be - irrespective of whether the world understands you or not. .  .    

But if I had your faith
Then I could make it safe and clean
If only I was sure
That my head on the door was a dream 

Shifting your mindset to one of positivity and believing in yourself a little more (heck, a lot more) has made all the difference in not only how you perceive yourself, but also how the world is finally seeing you.  It's not about whether we want the world to accept us or not, it's more about that because we are so comfortable being who we are - that the world has no choice but to accept us - and I think that's a pretty powerful position to be in.

But if I had your face
Then I could make it safe and clean
If only I was sure
That my head on the door was a dream 

I hope that you see that you don't need to doubt yourself and revert back to negative views of yourself, because I surely don't.  You can call it the Pollyanna complex but choosing to see the good in others, rather than the bad can be entirely possible.  I mean if we spent most of our time judging people on all of their past mistakes (and we're not slotting heinous crimes into that category!) but I guess what I'm saying is that everybody has unlocked potential that is waiting to be surfaced, waiting to be explored.  All I'm saying is that having you close to me gives me the opportunity to watch you become more of the man that you want to be.  Thanks for showing me :-)