Saturday, 18 July 2015

Don't wake me up. . .

This blog post is dedicated to those who have never truly let go of themselves. . . 

I'm a huge fan of Lianne La Havas having blogged about her in previous posts (see Lost and Found, Unstoppable).  The opening of this song is one of my favourite introductions of all time.  I'm not sure if it's because the purity of unaccompanied vocals haunts me, coupled with the melody and the lyric content - it all seems like such a potent mix that leaves me a little bit breathless.

Don't wake me up
I am trying to find you
Oh, as I walk through
You're hiding in the corners of my mind

Never fear, I'll be close behind
My only love, I'll follow behind you
Won't go without you

I know your love weighs
Heavy on my heart
But you are my only counterpart

I love songs like this that you can get lost in.  I've probably listened to these first couple of verses on repeat so many times that I've lost count.  The second verse introduces the drones in the background that swells into the next verse when the piano finally enters.  To know someone who can be your counterpart means that you have found that one person who fits you completely.  They don't necessarily need to be someone who complements you in every way, but could even be someone who challenges everything that you've ever believed, and makes you want to punch them in the face (in a playful kind of way of course!).  The even more exciting part - they don't even need to be your soulmate or who you are with.  They can be someone you least expected to connect with.  Scary.

I made mistakes
But they're safely behind me
Now I can run free
The only true love I have ever known
Into yours, my life has been thrown
Still, I only think so
It's just the beginning
Sing when you're willing

There's something exhilarating that comes with being completely reckless and loving in whatever and whichever way with such abandon.  I bet it's the kind of freedom and fluidity that sadly most people will never experience because we're too hung up on what we think we should be doing, rather than exploring what we are feeling.  I think it is only when you come across someone who is on the same path of self- discovery as you, that you are able to fully realise your potential in this area and explore, navigate and venture out into the unknown with someone who will make that journey safe to embark on,

They say some things
Are better left unsaid
But I'd take my life
To stay in your bed

There are things that you would choose not to disclose.  Those types of non-conversation have always fascinated me.  It's definitely feeling the elephant in the room. but choosing not to acknowledge it, choosing to wait and see if someone else can be brave and bring up the subject.  It's those types of non-conversations that I find incredibly exciting because it's almost like you game of cat and mouse, or a well played strategic game of chess - depending on where your opponent moves, you can countermove.

When people are persistent and insistent, try to manipulate you in a sense to get what they want, do you cave under pressure?  I don't think I would give over everything in an attempt to keep someone.  I think that someone shouldn't force you to do that to yourself, it's almost like a twisted form of self-flagellation in a sense because you're willing to harm yourself and take such drastic measures just to keep them.  Depending on which side of the fence that you sit on, you can see this as being a highly romantic and passionate gesture or something that requires you to have psychiatric help and support.

Will I know
Why I lost control
Of my heart and soul
Because I know you
I can reach through

I hope you just lose control, and lose it spectacularly.
Rational thought and rational compartmentalisation of your feelings don't belong in the realm of love or anything to do with matters of the heart.  In fact. heart and head have never been a great combination in that respect.

I hope that you lost control with as many connections of people as possible.
Why do I say this?  Because it's the only way for you to learn and test how tough your heart can be when it needs to be.  I mean, how else are you going to develop resilience in your life without throwing your heart all over the room, testing its elasticity, stretching it to its limits and then putting it back on the shelf when you're done.

I don't need to know why I've lost control in the past, or even if I continue to do so.
I'm just grateful that I have something to lose, because it means that I can regain that with the right one. . . don't wake me up, I'm trying to find you, as I walk through. . .