Sunday, 12 April 2015

Don't let me be misunderstood. . .

This blog post is dedicated to the most confused person I know right now. . . 

Santa Esmeralda's 1977 remake of Nina Simone's Don't let me be misunderstood is the track for today.  This song has been featured on the Kill Bill soundtrack.  Various other artists have covered this song, including The Animals, Cyndi Lauper, Joe Cocker and John Legend.  The juxtaposition of the nature of the lyrics with the upbeat disco music is jarring.  But it suits the purpose of what I'm writing about today. . .

Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad
But, don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

I'm trying really hard to understand what you think you're doing,  Your mood swings have been equally hard to handle and I'm struggling to be supportive and come to terms with how you want to live your life and what you think you understand about yourself.  I've given you space to understand yourself, I know what it's like to feel confused about what your purpose is in life, and who to surround yourself with because I've been there myself.  The only difference is that I haven't taken people down with me in a blaze of glory like you have.

If I seem edgy
I want you to know
That I never meant to take it out on you
Life has its problems
And I got my share
And that's one thing I never meant to do
'Cause I love you

Nobody likes to be a punching bag.  There comes a point where your threshold for pain and this much disrespect is enough.  You don't feel any remorse anyway so how are you able to see the damage you have caused?  It is hard to believe you anymore.  I don't think I want to.  I don't trust you.  If at any point you do come back and try to tell me that you love me, it's going to be hard for me to believe you again.  You've become one of life's problems that I don't want to solve anymore.  It isn't my job.

Baby, don't you know I'm just human
And I've got thoughts like any other man
And sometimes I find myself, oh Lord, regretting
Some foolish thing, some foolish thing I've done

I think you're human,  I'm human.  But now you're trying to tell me that you're above the law, above everything that we hold dear, and all for what?  I don't know if you will ever know what foolish things you have done.  The only thing I worry about is that you won't know what foolish things you have done until it's too late.  I can't tell you any different.  It's like I have to let you go and experience what it is you think you need to do, because nobody can show you otherwise.

Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And sometimes it seems that, all I have to do is worry. . . 

I hope that you are happy with your choices.  I can't control what it is that you want to do.  I never wanted to control anything that you do.  I had been tasked with helping you, to support you in what you wanted to do, to grow your potential.  I don't want to worry about you either. So I won't.

I wish you all the best with your life journey. I pray that you find what you are looking for in this world.  That's all I will accept.  I don't want to misunderstand you.  But I think you've misunderstood me. . .