Friday, 27 March 2015

Part of the plan. . .

I have these moments
All steady and strong
I'm feeling so holy and humble
The next thing I know
I'm all worried and weak
And I feel myself
Starting to crumble

You think about interactions and situations that you are in.  I have been accused of being an over thinker - but that particular skill hasn't failed me yet in life, carefully considering courses of action that I take. fused together with the right amount of risk.  This track part of the plan by Dan Fogelberg reminds me to step back from life sometimes, because you can often be so engrossed and embroiled in the situations, but don't think about how you are actually acting in them.  I analyse motivations and reasons for engagement and movement.  It can be a time consuming process. but a necessary one to understand yourself and seeing what you do from other people's perspectives.  The next step for me - is confronting them head on with my self-assessment.  I could take a couple of pathways - either join them on the accusation bandwagon or give them reassurance that in spite of it all, I will still be there for support.

The meanings get lost
And the teachings get tossed 
And you don't what you're
Going to do next
You wait for the sun
But it never quite comes
Some kind of message comes
Through to you
Some kind of message comes through

Sometimes things can spiral out of control, emotions get high very quickly and rather than escalate and raise the emotional climate to the point of no return - letting go is the easiest option to take.  You can often go through the "I don't know what to do next" phase.  I call this 'taking stock' of the situation.  Why do people act the way they do?  Why am I acting in this way - am I actually acting or reacting?  It can be extremely hard to stay calm in flagrantly toxic conversations - so the best thing is to end them quickly with your dignity intact and walk away.  I don't know about you - but I think words are extremely powerful.  If you're the type of person that doesn't think about what they in arguments and just says what comes to the top of their mind - then we're going to have a problem.  The frustration creeps in when we're trying to get to the bottom of an issue and all we find are accusations, assumptions and excuses.  If we took the time to peel back the issues - we would actually learn more about ourselves and our ways of communicating but more importantly, we can completely real and start the journey of writing the pages of life together, from the same pages and not sounding like completely twisted subplots that try to weave together and create a ridiculous story that makes no sense.  It's the 'making sense' part that's important.  Do you get me?

Your conscience awakes
And you see your mistakes
And you wish someone
Would buy your confessions
The days miss their mark
And the night gets so dark
And some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message shoots through. . . 

It can be hard to admit to making mistakes.   There are genuine mistakes that are caused by the innocent 'not knowing' what to do or how to be in a situation.  There are mistakes that are made when risk is involved and decisions need to be made because you need to take a punt and make the call.  Then there are the calculated mistakes that are, but they're not really mistakes - they're more like strategic moves that are clothed as mistakes and actually part of a bigger plan of action that are deigned to cause harm.  Those types of 'mistakes' are usually wrapped up in almost Machiavellian proportions.  Knowing about these 'shades of mistakes' is a necessary part of being able to understand what went wrong and choosing to solve and resolve issues.  Sometimes I think man. . . save the tissues for those issues. . .

And it says to you. . . 

Love when you can

Cry when you have to
Be who you must
That's a part of the plan
Await your arrival
With simple survival
And one day we'll all understand
One day we'll all understand
One day we'll all understand. . . 

I hope that I will always be open to receiving messages and what they mean for me.
I hope that I never stop learning how to be the best of me during those dark, transitional times.
I say dark because it's about putting faith in myself and putting out the feelers in the darkness and relying on my sense of touch and sense of direction to know where I'm going, am I going in the right direction?  How will I know when I've reached my destination?  Do I even get me?  

Be who you must
That's a part of the plan.
One day we'll all understand. . . .