Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Leave right now. . .

This blog post is an open letter dedicated to my past a.k.a. Mr. Past. . . 

I'm here just like I said
Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart is just the same
Why make it strong to break it once again?
And I'd love to say I do
Give everything to you
But I can never now be true
So I say. . . 

I don't know why you insist on showing up.  I didn't ask you to.  I thought we had sorted things out and we were moving forward.  But I think if you've come around again, there must be some sort of unfinished business that needs to be taken care of, or something else that needs to resolved.

I guess that's the luxury that you have over everyone don't you Mr. Past.  You show up unannounced, at the most inopportune times when everyone least expects it.  I guess it's hard for us to let bygones be bygones when you keep showing up in this way.  You've said yourself you can't be true, that's why I need to leave you behind where you belong.

I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me out
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now

I mean, if you can't give me everything then why insist on staying?  You can't do anything anyway because we're no longer in your time, we're in the now.  The thing about being in the now is that the actions we take will inform what our future looks like.  I guess spending time with you has lead me to today anyway. . .  gees I haven't thought about it that way before. . .

I'm here so please explain
Why you're opening a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful
Perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs, at least I'm spared the lows

Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm
To feel my spirit calm
So I say. . . 

Woah, hang on there.  I didn't open your healing wounds.  It's the other way around.
You being here is threatening to open some healing wounds that leaving you behind allowed me to do.  You're the one who owes me a lot Mr. Past.  You may be in my history, but your memory isn't long term (which is quite ironic, considering the past is your forte and all that).  How can you have forgotten the destruction you've caused?  Did you expect to show up and see me broken and still on the floor?

I've thought long and hard about you Mr. Past.  If you choose to stay and linger then there's some things that you need to face.  If you're here because you need me to give you some clarity in choosing the path forward, then that's totally cool.  But you need to know you don't belong here.  You don't belong in the now.  The only thing I'm prepared to offer you is the truth; which is more than what I can say for the lies that you perpetuated in the past.  I don't think it's your place to stay here, you've overstayed your welcome.

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back 
Like you say you're right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten twice shy
If I'm proud perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to lose you again. . . 

So thanks for stopping by Mr. Past.  Don't get me wrong, there have been some great times with you too.  But I think you have served your purpose at this time.  I won't forget you though.  You've taught me a lot about myself and the person that looks in the mirror.  I've become more confident in who I am and where I'm heading.  You can't hold me back though, because I don't belong in the past - but you do though, it's where you're meant to be.  So let me just say, thanks for loving me, even through all of the bad and the ugly too - because it made me strong.

I hope that you understand that you need to lose me again, because this is the closure that you need to have.  Thanks for the memories again Mr. Past.  If I ever need to visit you again, I can revisit those memories in my mind and I'll know that's where I'll find you.

I've got my smile back and I can't let you steal that away from me. . . so you better leave right now. . .