I've been thinking a lot lately about what we need to do when we do self-reflection.
I can't help but wonder sometimes about the intricacies of human interaction, particularly when high expectations are placed on you to deliver something (or yourself if you're not too careful, mind that silver platter) and the consequences of meeting those expectations, exceeding those expectations, but you end up being disregarded, disassociated, ignored and even slightly disturbed, because you had unwittingly disturbed someone's comfort levels.
Baby all the lights are turned on you
Now you're in the center of the stage
Ev'rything revolves on what you do
Ah, you are in your prime
You've come of age
And you can always have your way somehow
Cause ev'rybody loves you now
When you start to establish a reputation as someone who is heavily relied upon because you're a "fixer", someone who is extremely flexible (in mind and body ha!) because you're the water in every situation - fluid, quick, soothing, able to make things more malleable - it can be a draining exercise. When I think about my life and how often I can get tired of responsibilities, of those high expectations, I must remember to be grateful. I may try to dissuade people from making me the centre of attention, but I can't deny what I am, what I do and how others need me - to be who am I am and to do what I do. It's a way of life, it's my destiny, it's my service to others and even when you sacrifice your time and energy to complete someone - because they want me to fix their broken vessels, I need to ensure that I remain intact for myself.
You can walk away from your mistakes
You can turn your back on what you do
Just a little smile is all it takes
And you can have your cake and eat it too
Loneliness will get to you somehow
But ev'rybody loves you now
My nephew lost his mother a few months to cancer. He recently turned 21 years old and he looks to me as a mother figure in his life. It has been a difficult transition to go from being a widow to what seems like a solo mother with a young adult as a dependent, but the whole process has taught me more about myself in the past few months than any academic qualification has ever done for me.
I'm learning to value and prize my resilience. I realise that I can have my cake it too. And if I feel like it, I might want to have some cupcakes or some macarons instead of cake - smaller, easier to consume and much more interesting to eat. . .
All the people want to know your name
Soon there will be lines outside your door
Feelings do not matter in your game
'Cause nothing's gonna touch you anymore
So your life is only living somehow
And ev'rybody loves you now
My friends are all experiencing different situations in their journeys in life and it's been fantastic to see and hear what choices they are making, how they are choosing to live and who they are choosing to spend their time with. It might cheesy to you, especially if you're a cynic, but I really enjoy getting a sense for how people tick, how people see themselves, but mostly how people feel, because as much as people try to hide that feelings don't matter in their game - they know full well that it does. They just don't want to be vulnerable and get hurt easily. Sometimes there's not enough band aids or healing ointment to make things better as fast as people want them to be.
Close your eyes when you don't want to see
And stay at home when you don't want to go
Only speak to those who will agree
Yeah, and close your mind when you don't want to know
You have lost your innocence somehow
But ev'rybody loves you now
I hope that you work on not avoiding difficult conversations and only want to be around people that agree with you all the time. It actually helps to connect quite strongly with someone who disagrees with you - especially if they have appointed themselves as this figure in your life. I have found that when you come across somebody who has volunteered to be "your person" in this sense, that you can start to have some growth that can be transferred into other areas of your life. But then again, it could be another secret underlying affirmation from "your person" that ev'rybody loves you now. . .