Monday, 17 November 2014

One step closer. . .

One step closer is a track from Linkin Park's debut album Hybrid Theory.  I was only aware of a collaboration they had made with Jay Z but they also have a whole host of other singles that have brought them global success and fame.

I can't take this anymore
Saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
You'll find that out anyway

Just like before. . . 

Maybe it's safer not to know, not to say, not to do..... anything.
Even when people accuse you of always wanting to be in control, always wanting to do everything.  Since when did you want to do everything?  Didn't we all have a part to play?  Why did you have to pick up the slack each time?  Why did you have to drop everything to everybody else's everything?  See.... they don't see that part of it do they...... You'll find that out anyway Just like before. . . 

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break

I think people forget how well you hold yourself together.  That the very reason you choose not to argue every single point is that - you've seen that there was no point in the argument.  You realised very early on in your life that being right - didn't necessarily override working together with others, letting others grow, letting others lead, showing that you can share and be there to support someone.  Often people can mistake your silence for acquiescence and acceptance - but you know better.  It's never about who wins, it was always about - who gets a chance to have a go.  I guess you just weren't expecting to be labelled all the time and called up for it. Others perceive it as weakness, as a sign that you need to "let go" of issues.  But they don't really know.  Sadly they never will now - because you've shut them out.  You've been planning this systematic withdrawal for a while now and didn't even realise it until today. You can break too, you've just had so much practise keeping yourself together - despite the odds that were stacked against you.  I guess you just felt that you couldn't afford to be the needy and desperate individual that clung to others for hope.  You were Hope Personified.

I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again

It's a dreadful cycle isn't it.  The swirling emotions in your mind are barely heard above the din of your soundtrack of your life that plays particularly loud, every time you are pushed into a corner.  Even if you did disappear - where would you go?  They would always find a way to bring you back.  They need you too much, even when they don't like to admit it.  Could you really find bliss in ignorance?  Are you really better off not knowing.... anything?  You've talked yourself through different scenarios in so much detail - hoping to know if you could've changed what was said, changed what you did - but you know what?  It doesn't really matter.  It's definitely a cycle of history repeating.  It's the way you've always been.  It's the way they've always been.  Nothing seems to go away Over and over again. . .                                                                                                                                                        j
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. . . 

I hope that eventually one day, your voice will be heard and people will be prepared to listen.
That whoever you're talking to, will stop talking long enough to hear you.
When it's hard enough to get to that point because you can't stand talking to them - at least let them know this too.   Maybe it's time that they listened to you?  But we all know that in order for other people to hear you - you have to be prepared to share how you really feel about a situation (or multiple situations depending on the layers!).  But before you are prepared to share how you really feel - the other people need to be sure not to interject either or make comparisons.  It's all about you for a change.  How many times have you let things slide?  No more ..... ok?  You've let things slide enough times already to show that you are now exactly "where you begin so shut up when I'm talking to you. . .